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flinching - 3/14/2007 9:23:17 AM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline 		something that has started happening more for me. its totally embarrassing and i dont know why its happening NOW after almost a year of slapping all over the body. i can assume its a reflex from a previous abusive relationship, but how can i get over it?

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RE: flinching - 3/14/2007 9:26:18 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		i think if it was a reflex from a previous abusive relationship it would have been present from the get go. Maybe something your dom did, unconsciously or consciously - only you know just went over some physical tolerance your body has. Flinching would be a normal reaction to an overload. It's not something you can control easily, takes a lot of concentration. 

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RE: flinching - 3/14/2007 9:32:08 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		fliching is perfectly natural. i'm sure with a lot of focus, conditioning from your Dominant, and concentration as velvetears mentioned, that it could be overcome, but my question would be, why bother? unless of course it's something that bothers/disturbs your Master...but otherwise, what's the harm in it?

in the first months or so after being with my Master, i never flinched when he hit me. most likely because i didn't see/sense it coming. however as time went on i started involuntarily flinching and shrinking back slightly. now even if he raises his hand to stroke my hair, i flinch. He thinks it's cute, lol. but i think it's a natural reflex to flinch somewhat when you're used to being hit.

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RE: flinching - 3/14/2007 9:33:44 AM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

fliching is perfectly natural. i'm sure with a lot of focus, conditioning from your Dominant, and concentration as velvetears mentioned, that it could be overcome, but my question would be, why bother? unless of course it's something that bothers/disturbs your Master...but otherwise, what's the harm in it?

in the first months or so after being with my Master, i never flinched when he hit me. most likely because i didn't see/sense it coming. however as time went on i started involuntarily flinching and shrinking back slightly. now even if he raises his hand to stroke my hair, i flinch. He thinks it's cute, lol. but i think it's a natural reflex to flinch somewhat when you're used to being hit.

but it doesnt bother you? i am terribly embarrassed, like it implies i dont trust His judgment or that it is *too much* when, usually it isnt

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RE: flinching - 3/14/2007 9:34:17 AM   
Dnomyar


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Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		If your body is reacting then it is trying to tell you something. Could be your mental makeup is changing and wont tollerate it any more.

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RE: flinching - 3/14/2007 9:39:50 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous


quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

fliching is perfectly natural. i'm sure with a lot of focus, conditioning from your Dominant, and concentration as velvetears mentioned, that it could be overcome, but my question would be, why bother? unless of course it's something that bothers/disturbs your Master...but otherwise, what's the harm in it?

in the first months or so after being with my Master, i never flinched when he hit me. most likely because i didn't see/sense it coming. however as time went on i started involuntarily flinching and shrinking back slightly. now even if he raises his hand to stroke my hair, i flinch. He thinks it's cute, lol. but i think it's a natural reflex to flinch somewhat when you're used to being hit.

but it doesnt bother you? i am terribly embarrassed, like it implies i dont trust His judgment or that it is *too much* when, usually it isnt


In my humble opinion, there is trying to be too hard. That's like fussing at yourself because you blinked when his hand was close to your eyes. It's an involuntary bodily reaction designed to protect yourself. Yes you can train yourself out of it, but it's going to time and effort. Unless it bothers him, put that time and effort somewhere else. Like making cookies or whatever tasty treat he likes best.

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RE: flinching - 3/14/2007 9:45:26 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Status: offline 		That's like suggesting when the pupil in your eye contracts because your master shines a light into it, it somehow means your eye doesn't trust your master.

Your body has innate responses to things.  It means your brain and nervous system is working as it is supposed to work. 

I understand that you have this feeling, but I think you should laugh at yourself over it and move on.

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RE: flinching - 3/14/2007 9:51:57 AM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		I flinch like mad.  I HATE it.  All Master has to do to get me to flinch is put his teeth near me and then open his mouth and wala he gets a whole body flinch.  Like i said, i literally hate it.  The only way i can control it is to tighten up my whole body and in a way "brace".  (edited to add - this doesnt always work) ::sigh::  i wish i could obsolete it from myself, but i cant. 

Luckily, Master finds it pretty amusing.  He enjoys holding me down and causing the reaction.  It can be amusing and as long as he gets a laugh out of it, its not really a problem.  It does get better.  When Master first started with things like this, not only would i flinch but i would block.  (Imagine Master's mouth near a body part, him opening wide, me flinching and a body part coming in contact with his face/head)  Nooooooot pleasant. 

Dont be embarressed about it, although i do understand the frustration.  I hate the fact that it is so hard to control myself.  That, out of control reflex drives me nuts.  Yet, its apart of who i am.  Master understands that any sudden movement towards me creates a reaction and he tends to enjoy it.  All it is really, is a hard wiring problem.  That and most likely too many things coming to fast towards you resulting in pain. 

< Message edited by Devilslilsister -- 3/14/2007 9:52:40 AM >

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RE: flinching - 3/14/2007 10:22:23 AM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
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From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

something that has started happening more for me. its totally embarrassing and i dont know why its happening NOW after almost a year of slapping all over the body. i can assume its a reflex from a previous abusive relationship, but how can i get over it?


Flinching is completely normal.  I still flinch sometimes when my owners hand gets near my face and its not because I don't want a slap in the face, its just some conditioned reaction that I think subconciously happens with the body.

C~


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RE: flinching - 3/14/2007 10:34:19 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Does your Master dislike it?

Master Fire


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RE: flinching - 3/14/2007 10:37:57 AM   
ElektraUkM


Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline 		Has anything else changed in your relationship..? Or even outside it, in some other way..?

Sometimes I flinch, but really not usually. I think it depends on my mood... but it rarely happens so I haven't really looked at it at all, just noticed that I do it sometimes.

Maybe something has knocked your confidence in some way (not even within the relationship) or you're on edge a little more than usual for some reason. And somehow it's become more habitual to flinch now than you did before..?

If so, maybe relaxation and regaining a little trust (from taking things slower or backing off from face-slapping for a short time) might sort it out.

Some ideas, anyway. Good luck.


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RE: flinching - 3/14/2007 10:55:00 AM   
theMadWelder


Posts: 52
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline 		For no good reason a man that has fired tens of thousands of rounds at the trap range will develop a flinch. They do several little things like a release trigger to stop the flinch.

When we train a dog for competition the dog must be under very strick control. I go to great lengths to avoid the flinch from a dog.
Consistentency and confidence will help in training to avoid the flinch.
If a dom is trying to create the flinch well...that is something else.
Maybe something I typed here will help.

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RE: flinching - 3/14/2007 11:28:21 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Totally off topic: Nice hammer toss form! Did you win?

Master Fire


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RE: flinching - 3/14/2007 11:30:08 AM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline 		He doesnt openly dislike it, but after 2 0r 3 tries, who doesnt get annoyed?

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RE: flinching - 3/14/2007 11:44:42 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Tries of what?  To get you to stop flinching? 

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RE: flinching - 3/14/2007 11:49:25 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

He doesnt openly dislike it, but after 2 0r 3 tries, who doesnt get annoyed?


Honestly, it depends. As some other have said, their Master enjoys it. So, fall back on: Have you asked your Master about it to find out if it really annoys him or not? Doesn't help YOU feel better about it right away, but gives you a place to start.

Master Fire


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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

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RE: flinching - 3/14/2007 11:51:23 AM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		I had something similar happen.  Except my Dominant outright dislikes it, but understands.  After a night of being slapped around, my body doesn't just switch to 'Oh okay, he just wants to play with my hair now.'  When he reaches to touch me gently, I still flinch.  I think it makes him feel like my body language is saying 'You abused me.  I don't trust you.'  Especially since we are both still feeling out how s&m fits into our relationship. I think that with focus you can train yourself not to move.  Maybe doing some painplay and being ordered to stay still would help too?  If I concentrate really hard, I can stop that natural reaction most of the time.

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RE: flinching - 3/14/2007 11:54:07 AM   
SingleRarity


Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

He doesnt openly dislike it, but after 2 0r 3 tries, who doesnt get annoyed?


Personally, I like making my partners flinch. You may want to ask him if he dislikes it, as it's possible he is actually enjoying it.

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RE: flinching - 3/14/2007 12:08:32 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous
He doesnt openly dislike it, but after 2 0r 3 tries, who doesnt get annoyed?

Not to meld things you haven't posted here together, but perhaps if he took the time to do long slow scenes, really give you a good build up, your body and mind would relax into the sensation and not be so unhabituated to it which leads to the flinching.  You've got a few patches of frustration between you guys right now with a chunk of change in your life- it makes sense for your to begin regressing to previous unstable relationship behaviors.

If he really wants you to stop the flinching, he needs to work on it with you and train your body to do what he wants over time.  Since it's his behavior causing it, he can go a LONG way towards helping shape the reaction you have and can make this a way for you two to become closer together, rather than making you even more frustrated and disappointed.

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RE: flinching - 3/14/2007 12:27:16 PM   
mixielicous


Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Tries of what? To get you to stop flinching?

yes, when i flinch He pauses, rewinds, and tries again, and again, and again - until i am not flinching because if He tries hitting my while i am pulling away, well He gets me ear, or my jaw, or [ouch] my lip & lip ring.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam


Honestly, it depends. As some other have said, their Master enjoys it. So, fall back on: Have you asked your Master about it to find out if it really annoys him or not? Doesn't help YOU feel better about it right away, but gives you a place to start.

Master Fire



i am assuming [yes i know what assumption makes ] from the above described scenario, that in addition to my safety in mind, the re trying will annoy, but like you said i have never outright asked Him

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

If he really wants you to stop the flinching, he needs to work on it with you and train your body to do what he wants over time. Since it's his behavior causing it, he can go a LONG way towards helping shape the reaction you have and can make this a way for you two to become closer together, rather than making you even more frustrated and disappointed.


yes again, when He tries to slap me when i am flinching we usually have to *stop, breath out, relax* it helps to close my eyes and not know when its coming too LOL


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