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RE: flinching - 3/14/2007 12:30:27 PM

mixielicous

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Not to meld things you haven't posted here together,

oh you and your ultimate upper hand, you get to read the *secret thoughts* in my LJ lol

it just makes for better advice in the end, but still! you melder you!

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RE: flinching - 3/14/2007 4:08:12 PM

BlackWomanSubNJ

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If your Master hasn't said anything about it, then I would wager that He likes the reaction.

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RE: flinching - 3/16/2007 10:53:01 AM

ElektraUkM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Not to meld things you haven't posted here together, but perhaps if he took the time to do long slow scenes, really give you a good build up, your body and mind would relax into the sensation and not be so unhabituated to it which leads to the flinching. You've got a few patches of frustration between you guys right now with a chunk of change in your life- it makes sense for your to begin regressing to previous unstable relationship behaviors.

If he really wants you to stop the flinching, he needs to work on it with you and train your body to do what he wants over time.

Not having read many threads here for a long time... this was my gut feeling on what was happening. Some other changes and frustrations. I think that's what's led to my flinching in the past too.

And like junecleaver said, for me, it started to happen more when we were wondering how s&m fitted into our relationship. In fact, it was during a time when s&m really had to go on the back burner for a while because of other difficulties.

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RE: flinching - 3/16/2007 11:01:29 AM

domiguy

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I think most are totally ok with the flinching...and what if your sub stopped flinching?...it's almost like saying, "is that all you've got? If you do or don't flinch no biggie....Now if you can't handle 'felching" then you have a serious problem and should seek professional help

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RE: flinching - 3/16/2007 11:45:14 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

something that has started happening more for me. its totally embarrassing and i dont know why its happening NOW after almost a year of slapping all over the body. i can assume its a reflex from a previous abusive relationship, but how can i get over it?

It could be a lot of things:

Maybe he is increasing the strength of the slaps...
Maybe he is increasing the number of times they are coming each day..
Maybe his is working it more into "non-scene" interactions than they have been in the past...(unplanned vs. planned-for)
Maybe something within your subconscious mind and body "controller" is at odds with what your conscious mind and body choose to do...like to do

I am of the mindset that you are going to have to work together on this for at least one very important reason: The reaction of flinching when your partner so much as raises his hand to stroke your hair might be O.K. at home...might be O.K. in a place where there are like-minded people...but is going to be looked at askance by people that are not BDSM -aware in a place like a restaurant or a concert or a town meeting and someone just may pass the "word" along to someone else and the next thing you know, you may have someone at your door saying to your Master "Excuse me, but we've had reports that you are abusing Ms. Mixielicious and we'd like to ask you and her some questions and observe the two of you together."

Besides some training, it may take some in-depth communication between you two as to what is going on...the whys and wherefores and what could be done about it.

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 3/16/2007 11:55:24 AM >

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RE: flinching - 3/16/2007 12:29:09 PM

agirl

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I flinch more now than I did years ago. I know what's coming, I know it'll hurt; I'm much more aware. The clouting isn't worse at all, nor any different. For me, it's partly due to being more relaxed, really. I'm more embarrassed (or amused) when I flich in a supermarket queue when he makes a move for his wallet, or to reach a carrier bag.....

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RE: flinching - 3/16/2007 2:57:50 PM

Celeste43

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It's a pavlovian response to stimuli. He's trained you to flinch. If he doesn't like it then he needs to untrain the response the same way he trained it into you. If he does like it, then no problem.

And yeah, I flinch. Anytime he puts his hand near my knee. He goes around squeezing it painfully and enjoys seeing me flinch and try to protect it. These days he doesn't even bother going through with the squeeze, just makes a threatening motion and enjoys the response.

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RE: flinching - 3/16/2007 3:23:42 PM

grlneedstolearn

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i have always flinched whenever my Dom flogs or spanks me. He gets a kick out of the fact that when we're cuddling and he raises his hand in a mock spanking motion i'll flinch and tense up. It's how i've always been with him. So yes i think it's normal

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RE: flinching - 3/16/2007 3:32:31 PM

Sab

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All I can say is that I love it when she flinches. From 'warming up' to full out and out 'beating', her flinching is, funnily enough, a great turn on. I really wouldn't worry about it unless, of course, he does - and if that is the case I would discuss it with him if that is something you would normally discuss.

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