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Questions on D/s. I have my opinions, I’d like to hea... - 3/14/2007 8:13:41 AM   
Shylahgirl


Posts: 167
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline 		Questions: 

 1. How difficult has it been for you to find a lasting D/s relationship?

2. What is needed, in your opinion, to make a D/s relationship last long term? 

 3. Who gives more the Dom/Domme/Top or the Sub/slave/Bottom? 

 4. Is the D/s relationship more difficult to make last then other types of relationships?  

Shylah

< Message edited by Shylahgirl -- 3/14/2007 8:14:13 AM >

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RE: Questions on D/s. I have my opinions, I’d like to... - 3/14/2007 8:17:47 AM   
freebird


Posts: 6
Status: offline
quote:

1. How difficult has it been for you to find a lasting D/s relationship?

Not difficult at all. My last one lasted for 9 years.
quote:

  2. What is needed, in your opinion, to make a D/s relationship last long term? 


respect for each other; total honesty with each other; and in my case, there has to be some emotional attatchment.
quote:

  3. Who gives more the Dom/Domme/Top or the Sub/slave/Bottom? 

NO one does. In a successful relationship; of any kind; all parties give equally.
quote:

  . Is the D/s relationship more difficult to make last then other types of relationships?  



NO.

(in reply to Shylahgirl)
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RE: Questions on D/s. I have my opinions, I’d like to... - 3/14/2007 8:19:11 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl
1. How difficult has it been for you to find a lasting D/s relationship?

It's had it's difficult points- sometimes it was an "11" and sometimes it's a -4. 

But overall, I'd say right now I'm as lucky and blessed as a person can get without being financially independent. 
quote:


2. What is needed, in your opinion, to make a D/s relationship last long term? 

Honesty, compatibility, fabulous communication skills, a lot of forgiveness (of self and others), and perspective
quote:


3. Who gives more the Dom/Domme/Top or the Sub/slave/Bottom? 

Everyone.
quote:


4. Is the D/s relationship more difficult to make last then other types of relationships?  

No, however most people go through vanilla relationship learning curves when they are younger and it can FEEL harder to have to learn a slightly different curve (or rather learn that the curve isn't really different at all) as an adult.

PS- would you please mind making your Thread Subjects a bit more descriptive in the future.  Perhaps something like "Questions on the Nature of Ds relationships"?  Thanks!

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Shylahgirl)
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RE: Questions on D/s. I have my opinions, I’d like to... - 3/14/2007 8:21:48 AM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		1. How difficult has it been for you to find a lasting D/s relationship?

not difficult at all, really. my previous relationship was sour for reasons not at all related to d/s, and my current relationship started out vanilla and has lasted longer than any other relationship i've been in. i hope it will last for a long time, and i don't see the dynamic of d/s going anywhere.

2. What is needed, in your opinion, to make a D/s relationship last long term? 

communication, compatibility in other areas, knowledge of one another's personalities, honesty, for us emotional attachment has to be there, self-confidence and ability to let go of self-consciousness.

 3. Who gives more the Dom/Domme/Top or the Sub/slave/Bottom? 

both give, equally. when i need it, he gives more, and when he needs it, i give more, but really, as has already been mentioned, equal giving all around makes for a much healthier relationship.

 4. Is the D/s relationship more difficult to make last then other types of relationships?

not in my experience. i think for us d/s takes care of some of the issues i had in vanilla relationships, tensions caused by the fact that that relationship model just didn't fit me, so in that way, for me, it's much easier to make last. but i think it's a matter of what fits you - not everyone is going to fit into d/s, not everyone is going to fit into other types of relationships.


< Message edited by hisannabelle -- 3/14/2007 8:22:38 AM >

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RE: Questions on D/s. I have my opinions, I’d like to... - 3/14/2007 8:26:29 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl

Questions: 

 1. How difficult has it been for you to find a lasting D/s relationship?

2. What is needed, in your opinion, to make a D/s relationship last long term? 

 3. Who gives more the Dom/Domme/Top or the Sub/slave/Bottom? 

 4. Is the D/s relationship more difficult to make last then other types of relationships?  

Shylah


1. No more difficult that finding a lasting vanilla one. I'm much more concious of what I want now...so while the looking process is longer, I'm much more satisfied when I do find partners. Doesn't mean I don't get frustrated, but I get frustrated with the vanilla dating, too.

2. Open, honest communication...and a clear idea of what you want, or at least what you THINK you want.

3. Equal.

4. No. Relationships are relationships. You use the same techniques to make them ALL better.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Shylahgirl)
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RE: Questions on D/s. I have my opinions, I’d like to... - 3/14/2007 8:31:08 AM   
Shylahgirl


Posts: 167
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline 		Sweet, I'm answering my own questions! lol
Questions: 

 1. How difficult has it been for you to find a lasting D/s relationship?
It wasn't difficult for me. I was one of the lucky ones. Arawn is my first Master and I have been with him for a year and four months.

2. What is needed, in your opinion, to make a D/s relationship last long term? 
Respect in one form or another on bothsides and the desier to make the relationship work.

 3. Who gives more the Dom/Domme/Top or the Sub/slave/Bottom? 
Both give equal amounts, but in diffrent ways.

 4. Is the D/s relationship more difficult to make last then other types of relationships?  
Yes, it is more difficult. The power exchange involvlved makes it difficult at times to know how to comunicat some thing. It is also very difficult for the Sub/slave/Bottom to give up their power to someone else for the long term.

A wise man ones tought me that, "The D/s relationship is the most difficult and most rewarding of any relationship in the world."  that is of course if it's done right ;)

Shylah

< Message edited by Shylahgirl -- 3/14/2007 8:36:42 AM >

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RE: Questions on D/s. I have my opinions, I’d like to... - 3/14/2007 8:32:58 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl
A wise man ones tought me that, "The D/s relationship is the most difficult and rewarding of any relationship in the world."  that is of course if it's done right ;)

If he means for anyone but himself, then he's wrong.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Shylahgirl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Questions on D/s. I have my opinions, I’d like to... - 3/14/2007 8:35:32 AM   
Shylahgirl


Posts: 167
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl
A wise man ones tought me that, "The D/s relationship is the most difficult and rewarding of any relationship in the world."  that is of course if it's done right ;)

If he means for anyone but himself, then he's wrong.


that is what I was tought and what I beleive.


< Message edited by Shylahgirl -- 3/14/2007 8:37:23 AM >

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RE: Questions on D/s. I have my opinions, I’d like to... - 3/14/2007 8:35:35 AM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl
It is also very difficult for the Sub/slave/Bottom to give up their power to someone else for the long term.


i would disagree with this, personally. finding someone i trusted enough to give that power to, yes, but not giving it up in and of itself. it was actually very freeing, not difficult.

(in reply to Shylahgirl)
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RE: Questions on D/s. I have my opinions, I’d like to... - 3/14/2007 8:44:43 AM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl

4. Is the D/s relationship more difficult to make last then other types of relationships?  
Yes, it is more difficult. The power exchange involvlved makes it difficult at times to know how to comunicat some thing. It is also very difficult for the Sub/slave/Bottom to give up their power to someone else for the long term.

A wise man ones tought me that, "The D/s relationship is the most difficult and most rewarding of any relationship in the world."  that is of course if it's done right ;)

Shylah


I disagree. All relationships have the potential to be easy or difficult depending on the circumstances involved. I actually think D/s can be easier alot of the time because there is already a good context of rules/expections and a basis for conversations to begin

(in reply to Shylahgirl)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Questions on D/s. I have my opinions, I’d like to... - 3/14/2007 8:45:10 AM   
StellaByStarlite


Posts: 790
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hisannabelle

i would disagree with this, personally. finding someone i trusted enough to give that power to, yes, but not giving it up in and of itself. it was actually very freeing, not difficult.



And I'll have to agree with your disagreeing. =) Consenting to slavery with my husband was probably one of the easiest relationship decisions I ever made. There's no other way to explain it other then it just made sense.

(in reply to hisannabelle)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Questions on D/s. I have my opinions, I’d like to... - 3/14/2007 8:53:07 AM   
StellaByStarlite


Posts: 790
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl

Questions: 

 1. How difficult has it been for you to find a lasting D/s relationship?
My husband and I have a three year vanilla history together. So, not so hard, nope. =)
2. What is needed, in your opinion, to make a D/s relationship last long term?  
Compatible values and longterm goals are what I personally consider to be the most important. If the foundation is there, then the rest might be easier to employ later on. My owner and I communicate very differently in a lot of ways. It was our shared values that pulled it all together in the end.
 3. Who gives more the Dom/Domme/Top or the Sub/slave/Bottom?  
I guess that depends on the dynamic. My owner has more responsibility in the end, but I do more physically. He's the brain, I'm the brawn, lol. To some, it would seem like I'm giving more, so it really depends on the perspective
 4. Is the D/s relationship more difficult to make last then other types of relationships?  
Hell if I know. =)
Shylah

(in reply to Shylahgirl)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Questions on D/s. I have my opinions, I’d like to... - 3/14/2007 9:13:24 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl

1. How difficult has it been for you to find a lasting D/s relationship?


A bit more because of the increasing amount of information and pornography out there and people's access to it. Even though I write some of this, I think for someone people it increases their likelihood of confusing reality with fantasy. However those are the same people whom have difficulty telling reality from fantasy in other parts of their lives -- there just seem to be greater numbers of them.

On the other hand for folks who are able to grasp the difference, having information available opens up more opportunities. Unfortunately the internet increases the likelihood of you finding someone too distant to really meet and develop things as slowly and purposely as I think is best.

The expansion is good or bad -- frankly has nothing to do with Ds itself.

quote:


 2. What is needed, in your opinion, to make a D/s relationship last long term?


Self-awareness and the ability to say 'yes' or 'no' to those who meet or do not meet your expectations, an attitude that all relationships need to change, and the committment to maintain the parameters of the dynamic you set up.

quote:


 3. Who gives more the Dom/Domme/Top or the Sub/slave/Bottom?


Neither.

It requires work, committment and realistic self-awareness by everyone involved. Otherwise it will either fail or become unhealthy for one or all parties involved.

quote:


 4. Is the D/s relationship more difficult to make last then other types of relationships?


Aside from the lack of social and legal support systems, I think they are easier to maintain IF they are established purposely and with full awareness and realism from everyone involved. If you have an agreed upon authority structure you cut down on much of the conflict that can wear down a relationship. If it is realistic and healthy it can be maintained because everyone will want to continue it.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 3/14/2007 9:14:09 AM >

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Shylahgirl)
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RE: Questions on D/s. I have my opinions, I’d like to... - 3/14/2007 10:10:26 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline
quote:

 1. How difficult has it been for you to find a lasting D/s relationship?


Not terribly.  I've "dated" and it hasn't worked out then I will eventually find one who works well.  I prefer long term relationships.  When I moved back to TX it took me about 4 months to find a great one.  There were others who were ok but one who was really ideal for me.

quote:

2. What is needed, in your opinion, to make a D/s relationship last long term? 


Compatability.  Communication.  Effort.

quote:

 3. Who gives more the Dom/Domme/Top or the Sub/slave/Bottom? 


None of the above.  All have to work equally to sustain the relationship.  During particular periods, because of various issues, one may work at it harder than the other for a time but then the other will.  In the end, it all balances out so no one person is shouldering the burden of making it work.

quote:

 4. Is the D/s relationship more difficult to make last then other types of relationships?  


No.  We have a different dynamic but in the end we are having relationships with people.  It takes work. 

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Questions on D/s. I have my opinions, I’d like to... - 3/14/2007 10:44:33 AM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		I have found it very difficult of late to find anyone who even wants to make a relationship.
I am beginning to think that it might be a male thing. Until they get too old.
That you continue to float one another's boat. Along with everything everone else has said.
Equal it's just that we give different things.
I think it might be harder to commit in the first place. There is more to commit to.
You have to be compatable both in vanilla terms and in D/s BDSM terms.
It's a tall order. And for some of us we already have vanilla relationships before we find out that D/s BDSM is what we need. It's a hard choice. I think it's a bit like finding out that you are gay after years of marriage.

(in reply to MsKatHouston)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Questions on D/s. I have my opinions, I’d like to... - 3/14/2007 11:12:33 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		 1. How difficult has it been for you to find a lasting D/s relationship?

this slave was blessed to have been found by Master...and she wasn't searching for any long term relationships when He responded to her profile on another site.

2. What is needed, in your opinion, to make a D/s relationship last long term?  

integrity, common goals and joie de vivre on both sides of the slash

3. Who gives more the Dom/Domme/Top or the Sub/slave/Bottom?
 
this slave can't quantify a comparison of what we have given each other in terms of who has given "more"...we give to our relationship the most. 

 4. Is the D/s relationship more difficult to make last then other types of relationships?  


no.  the longest lasting relationships this slave has ever had have been specifically D/s from the get-go. 

(in reply to Shylahgirl)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Questions on D/s. I have my opinions, I’d like to... - 3/14/2007 11:18:44 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl
A wise man ones tought me that, "The D/s relationship is the most difficult and rewarding of any relationship in the world."  that is of course if it's done right ;)

If he means for anyone but himself, then he's wrong.


that is what I was tought and what I beleive.




Sorry Im not going to answer the op just give my thoughts on what just happend here.. This sort of statement totaly in my opinion devalues the amount of love effert and work put into a venilla relationship. D/s relationships arent any better then any other relationship, exept on an indavidual level D/s is a better relationship for ME then a venilla one, but no one has the right devalue any one elses relationship with a statement like that.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to Shylahgirl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Questions on D/s. I have my opinions, I’d like to... - 3/14/2007 2:20:37 PM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl
A wise man ones tought me that, "The D/s relationship is the most difficult and rewarding of any relationship in the world."  that is of course if it's done right ;)

If he means for anyone but himself, then he's wrong.


Quite agree LA. A D/s relationship is a relationship just as a vanilla one is. It is the people within the realtionship that make it rewarding. My parents have a very rewarding happy marriage and they have been together for 50 years. It would be stupid of me or anyone else to suggest that because I am in a D/s relationship, mine is better or more rewarding than theirs.


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Questions on D/s. I have my opinions, I’d like to... - 3/14/2007 2:24:05 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

Questions: 

 1. How difficult has it been for you to find a lasting D/s relationship?

It wasn't difficult, but it wasn't easy.  It was more patience on my part waiting for the right one to come along, rather than giving my heart away too quickly.

2. What is needed, in your opinion, to make a D/s relationship last long term? 

Lots of honest and open communication.  It takes a lot of work (like any relationship) and if two people aren't commited to the same goal, it won't work.

 3. Who gives more the Dom/Domme/Top or the Sub/slave/Bottom? 

I think that all give whats needed.  It's not so much more, but all give in different ways. 

 4. Is the D/s relationship more difficult to make last then other types of relationships?  

No, you only get out of any relationship what you put into it.




_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to Shylahgirl)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Questions on D/s. I have my opinions, I’d like to... - 3/14/2007 2:45:18 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl

Questions: 

 1. How difficult has it been for you to find a lasting D/s relationship?

I guess I'd have to say it wasn't difficult to find Valyraen. I think I also got really lucky. I went through a lot of frogs first, but that was before I really knew what I wanted.

quote:
2. What is needed, in your opinion, to make a D/s relationship last long term? 

 
In my opinion - respect, honesty, integrity, a desire on both parts, the ability to forgive and love.
quote:



 3. Who gives more the Dom/Domme/Top or the Sub/slave/Bottom? 

 
I believe they both should give equally, merely in different ways.

quote:


 4. Is the D/s relationship more difficult to make last then other types of relationships?  


No. It's just different. There may be problems with dealing with the outside world but nothing in the relationship itself.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Shylahgirl)
Profile   Post #: 20
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