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Reasons People Don't Get Divorced - 3/14/2007 6:34:05 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		This is a tangent to the CIAW post.
 
Your spouse steps out.... why do couples not automatically get divorced? 
 
Let's discuss the shades of gray.

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RE: Reasons People Don't Get Divorced - 3/14/2007 6:39:40 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		For me i didn't instantly get divorced because it was an expense i at that time couldnt finance and it wasnt like i was wanting to get remarried or anything like that. Eventually my exhusband remarried and instigated divorce proceedings.
I would think probably in the main it would be financial and if you are not planning on remarrying why bother with the expense. Plus i think there are tax benefits to staying married over here.

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RE: Reasons People Don't Get Divorced - 3/14/2007 6:55:46 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		Financial. If you're a bloke with kids you are going to be taken to the cleaners, regardless of who cheated if any.

There are two things if you are going to get divorced, plan ahead and secret some money away or don't.

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RE: Reasons People Don't Get Divorced - 3/14/2007 6:58:41 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Financial.  It hurts to divide things like retirement, savings, home equity, etc
Social.  For some careers, having a stable family life is an important asset.  Some fear their family, friends, church will view them as failures or pity them.
Ums.  Many do not like the idea of splitting up the family unit.


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RE: Reasons People Don't Get Divorced - 3/14/2007 7:03:56 AM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		Health insurance. I kept delaying my divorce because I couldn't get health insurance on my own & it is rather vital to me.
Scared to leave him. Leaving an angry man isn't always easy, a PPO is just a piece of paper. I had to make sure I was safe, that took a long time.
Lack of money on my side. MC said to squirrel away cash, this goes for everyone. Everyone should have enough money that in case of an emergency they can leave.
Fear of the unknown. At least I knew what was coming when he slammed the door at night getting home. The idea of being alone terrified me, I am a dependant person... I need help a lot. I need another human around.
Fear that no one else would want me, so maybe it is better to stay in something really bad cuz at least it means that someone wants me a little bit.
Fear I couldnt make it on my own.
Letting down my family by letting my marriage fail. Ugh.

A lot of grey in my world.

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RE: Reasons People Don't Get Divorced - 3/14/2007 7:10:06 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		Let's add in here the reasons WHY people "cheat" instead of getting divorced also.

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RE: Reasons People Don't Get Divorced - 3/14/2007 7:16:20 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		People cheat because:

Wants/needs not being met
Boredom
Anger
Revenge
Lust


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RE: Reasons People Don't Get Divorced - 3/14/2007 7:53:24 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		When my ex of 7 years left- I was devastated.

I demanded palimony. I still await  my 1 month portion of the rent- and $40 carpet cleaning fee.
10 yrs later??? lol.

really- the final year the childesh fights were so very draining- there was no repair.  1st few yrs were good- then a few blah years- then final yr of HELL.

of course we all build our own prisons...

thank god we were not legally married.  funny thing for every inch that i let myself go- he has let himselgf go many inches.

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RE: Reasons People Don't Get Divorced - 3/14/2007 8:03:06 AM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

Your spouse steps out.... why do couples not automatically get divorced? 


Because He forgave me, said He understood why i did it, and became my Dom.

quote:

People cheat because:

Wants/needs not being met
Boredom 
 


That was me.

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proudsub

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RE: Reasons People Don't Get Divorced - 3/14/2007 8:08:28 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		Question One:  Why didn't i leave him immediately and why did i stay although he was a serial adulterer?
 
Answers:  i did not want my unmentionable to be without a father; i did not have any financial resources or earnings capacity; i did not care who he "did it" with so long as it wasn't me.
 
Question Two:  Why do P/pl cheat?
 
Answer:  In my ex's case it was due to a wholesale failure of character; a serious defect almost rising to a personality disorder.  He wrecked havoc on many marriages apart from ours.
 
candystripper

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RE: Reasons People Don't Get Divorced - 3/14/2007 8:34:18 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong


Your spouse steps out.... why do couples not automatically get divorced? 


In most cases, "stepping out" is a symptom of a bigger problem.  Many couple choose to try to fix the problem rather than terminate the relationship.

Katy pretty much listed all the reasons for stepping out that I thought of.

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RE: Reasons People Don't Get Divorced - 3/14/2007 8:50:52 AM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		for us, we would try to fix the problem a long time before we would ever consider breaking things off. we're not married, but we plan to be eventually, and i am collared to him, which i take as seriously as marriage vows, or more seriously. if there was dishonesty, it would be difficult, but to me, working it out is much more acceptable than just ending it. aside from the actual relationship standpoint, the practicality of separating definitely comes in...even more so for people who are married and share financial assets, insurance, etc. - although, i think if things were hopeless enough for me to get a divorce, those things probably wouldn't stop me.

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RE: Reasons People Don't Get Divorced - 3/14/2007 9:10:17 AM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		Men and women cheat for different reasons.  For women.. it's  mostly due to a loss of intimacy along the way.  I'll let the men speak for themselves.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


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RE: Reasons People Don't Get Divorced - 3/14/2007 11:07:55 AM   
Sternhand4


Posts: 422
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline 		Bigger tits..

But seriously, I bet the reasons for men are just as varied as women these days.
I do believe in the majority of mens cases, where its just sex, there is little or no emotion involved. I think that women  ( in most cases ) make more of an emotional connection.

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RE: Reasons People Don't Get Divorced - 3/14/2007 11:11:07 AM   
nissa


Posts: 125
Joined: 2/28/2007
From: Carson City Nevada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

This is a tangent to the CIAW post.
 
Your spouse steps out.... why do couples not automatically get divorced? 
 
Let's discuss the shades of gray.

it could be because despite the apparant 'cheating' in this scenario, they both recognize that the relationship is worth saving.
 
I know that if this was to happen to me, I would do everything in my power to find out what went wrong, and either rectify or adjust.

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nissa

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RE: Reasons People Don't Get Divorced - 3/14/2007 11:12:12 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Never been divorced so I cannot say for myself.  I have however spoken to thousands of people who have.

More often than not the communication breaks down.  Someone just doesn't step up to bat in the relationship and stops communicating.  That's when all the other problems seem to creep in.

Everything can be worked out if both parties want it to work out.

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RE: Reasons People Don't Get Divorced - 3/14/2007 11:18:46 AM   
seeksfemslave


Posts: 4011
Joined: 6/16/2006
Status: offline 		Speaking as a sentimental old codger I thought cjenny's post was very sad.
To stick with something unpleasant out of personal desperation.

The cynic on my other shoulder pokes me in the eye, says dont be so soppy and points out that we  have only heard one side of the story.!!

< Message edited by seeksfemslave -- 3/14/2007 11:30:50 AM >

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RE: Reasons People Don't Get Divorced - 3/14/2007 11:33:06 AM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		I tried to write it without emotion and apparently failed lol. Of course  its only from one side but in truth if you asked him he would tell you the same thing. Ironically we have become friends, partly due to my unwillingness/inability to cut someone out of my life & partly due to the fact that I NEED help getting groceries etc. I compromise easily. I didn't ask for alimony for example. Eep I'm rambling, sorry. Obviously there is a lot I've not yet dealt with

If you want the whole story you are welcome to the journal I use.. I really am an open book.

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*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

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RE: Reasons People Don't Get Divorced - 3/14/2007 12:55:07 PM   
seeksfemslave


Posts: 4011
Joined: 6/16/2006
Status: offline 		I do believe you CJ, I just had to reassert myself thatsall.
The last two or three sentences in your post did "say" truth to me, thats why I responded.

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Profile   Post #: 19
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