RE: Curious (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

sublizzie -> RE: Curious (3/14/2007 7:17:50 AM)

There were times in my marriage when I felt like I was used as a sexual toilet. It was obvious *I* was not a necessary part of the equation in what was supposed to be a loving relationship with an equal. Was it rape? Some people would say so; some would say not. All I know is I felt dirty inside when it was over. My respect for him eroded a little more each time it happened. I have a feeling the same erosion would take place with a Dominant/Master who practiced the same uncaring sexual use of me too.



CreativeDominant -> RE: Curious (3/14/2007 7:19:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

i was over at a friends house the other day and i popped a statement up that we ended up debating.  We ended with "agree to disagree" type thing, but i'm curious as to what you all think. 

Can you rape a (collared, owned) slave?  On top of that can a (collared, owned) slave withdraw consent and yet still continue on the relationship?  Basically, do you all think a (collared, owned) slave can say "i'm not in the mood" (hence withdrawing consent) and if the slave's Dom continues on it is rape?



This is almost another one of those "what rights DO slaves have?" debates. 

From the basic side...if a slave has agreed to no-limits, anytime-the-master-wants-doesn't-matter-if-its-rough-or-gentle-or-flowers-came-first sex, then why would she even tell him she's not in the mood in the first place?  Seems to me like trying to not live up to the bargain she made in the first place when she agreed to give up her right to have any say over her sexual play.

Since things are rarely basic...if the master of this owned slave knows that what he is doing is causing mental or physical harm of a serious nature to his slave, he knows it is his duty to take care of his property---hurt it if he wants to but not harm it---then yes, he is committing rape.

Just for kicks...let's make it a little more twisted, given the human capacity for complexity in situations....just where is the mental harm coming from?  Because she had a mental image in her mind of how strong and safe and wonderful and kindly and noble and wonderfully cruel in his sadism her master is because he has never shown this scary, forceful, take-it-because-I-can-and-I-don't-give-a-fuck-whether-she-wants-it-or-not attitude before and it completely blows away not only her image of him but of her own visualization of herself as a "no-limits" slave?  Is the mental harm coming from the fact that she has said "I don't feel like it" to a man and this is one man who doesn't honor her request/statement/new-and-uncommunicated-until-now limit?  Or does it come from something else entirely?

***Disclaimer:  The above paragraphs are my attempt to answer a question of interest.  Since I am not a slave owner at this time, never have been, and have no plans in the foreseeable future to be one, it must be understood by the reader(s) of the paragraphs above that these statements are not made with any experience as a slave owner but only with the intelligence and curiosity that resides within this magnificent vessel known as "me" to myself and "you" to my friends.
Please note that there is no denigration of any belief or philosophy in the statements above.  Please respond in kind, should you choose to do so.
This disclaimer valid in the U. S. and any of its owned principalities as well as any country that the U. S. has entered into any sort of working agreement with.***



Driver1961 -> RE: Curious (3/14/2007 7:22:34 AM)

He dips to Hisannabelle,

Yes, annebelle, I take your point and Devilslilsister's posts in correct context there is a fundamental bottom line here which is what I'm pointing at.   I understand the 'Slave submission gig' and how one can beso confused in not living up to their end of the bargain- submission, but there still is the appropriate care from one human to another at law and even expected in a M/s relationship.  Simply if one fails to respect another- expect the consequences.

Regards Driver



Driver1961 -> RE: Curious (3/14/2007 7:26:42 AM)

Now that's a cool disclaimer CREATIVE!

For the record I am not, will not be, nor have been a Slave Owner- bugger for starters I don't have a plantation.  Hell I couldn't even get water for one  with our droughts here in Aussie.



ONEDEMANDINGMSTR -> RE: Curious (3/14/2007 7:30:54 AM)

Driver
I think you said it all, in a nut shell.  It's My understanding that slavery 'contracts', under law, have no standing. Consequently, and Doms/Masters beware, any sub/slave can claim rape at any time.........!!!!!!!!

Therefore, it seems to be a moral imperative, if not common sense , to 'know' your sub/slave very well before you override her protests, for whatever reason! This applies equally to any form of corporal punishment!!

So, guys, be very cautious with whom you are dealing...............Get to know her!!
But that should be a foregone conclusion at the beginning of any BDSM relationship.  Just a word to the wise.



StellaByStarlite -> RE: Curious (3/14/2007 7:35:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

quote:

BUT... if I were genuinely sick, in pain, or emotionally wrung out, and he still insisted on sex, I'd still obey, but I would absolutely feel betrayed and degraded. If he was doing something to me sexually that was physically damaging and refused to stop, then by default, he no longer has MY well being at heart and has failed as a Master.


True, you might be unhappy about it.  But in the begining, did you consent to obey no matter what?  (no matter what being a realistic idea here.... if he said to jump off a bridge that wouldnt be realistic)  Almost like the marriage vows.  "to honor obey in sickness and in health"  So you are only a slave when you are healthy?  In sickness you arent?  (obviously the physical damage.. ie long term damage.. isnt realistic either)

You wouldnt feel "in good use" even if you were sick?  You wouldnt be happy to submit?   (and heck, sometimes getting laid while your sick can be quite nice, all those unpleasant feelings and whooosh... a rush of pleasure!)

P.S. i'm not being personal here.. just debating the debate. 




hey. =)

I think this may have more to do with personality and physical health then anything else. When I get sick.. I get worn-out, drug-down, exhausted, in bed for 2 days straight sick. Sad, but true. So, no.... I wouldn't feel put to good use, I'd feel like shit. ;)

But, yes, if it came to it, I'd obey, because as you stated, I surrendered myself to him as his property. But if hypothetically, my owner made a habit of demanding sex when when I was in bad physical condition, I would start to question to seriously question his authority.

Stella



Wildfleurs -> RE: Curious (3/14/2007 7:41:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Driver1961

He dips His lid again.

Sorry to disagree with some people that I really respect here but simply what is the bottom line at LAW, forget the BDSM world, get into the real world.  No is No, and real-life people will clearly acknowledge that and attempt to seek empowerment for the wronged.

Lordy Lordy Lordy, My Master is no longer- I have been freed, I ams free, and I have the law to thank for that.


Except that the OP didn't ask what the legal interpretation of the situation was, but rather the philosophical interpretation.

C~



Mercnbeth -> RE: Curious (3/14/2007 7:41:54 AM)

Consider the question posed, "Can a husband rape a wife?" Well, the government has determined he can. Its pragmatic what the rest of us think. I don't think any government recognizes a collar relationship therefore there is no doubt that a Dom/Master "can" rape a slave/sub; at minimum in the eyes of the law.

When these questions arrive addressing what to do after the fact my immediate reaction is to wonder why people forgot to talk about it before? That applies to marriage or, if taken as serious and not a weekend warrior, a collar. Better yet, why enter into a relationship with someone you feel capable of an act considered non-consensual. Master/slave or Dom/sub are consensual relationships that have responsibilities for both parties, similar to husband wife, at least they should be. Breaching those responsibilities is reason for divorce, separation, "release", or dissolving the union. It is not a reason to rape.



freebird -> RE: Curious (3/14/2007 7:42:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

i was over at a friends house the other day and i popped a statement up that we ended up debating.  We ended with "agree to disagree" type thing, but i'm curious as to what you all think. 

Can you rape a (collared, owned) slave?  On top of that can a (collared, owned) slave withdraw consent and yet still continue on the relationship?  Basically, do you all think a (collared, owned) slave can say "i'm not in the mood" (hence withdrawing consent) and if the slave's Dom continues on it is rape?


Can you rape a slave is like asking if a wife can be raped by her husband. I see it as something that becomes situational and dependent on circumstance.
Can a slave withdraw consent at any given time? Of course, just as anyone has that legal right to do so. The question arises though, what are the reasons behind the withdraw.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Curious (3/14/2007 7:45:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs
I had to think about this for a minute, but I think that a slave cannot be raped, but they can feel (and possibly be) violated and/or exploited.  To me the main thing is that a slave consents to be used sexually whenever (including when they are not in the mood).  But, I think that someone unaware (or niave) about what they've consented to who then decides to change their mind may feel violated in the type of situation you outlined.

C~

Agreed.

I will also add that if the slave does truly within herself decide to end the relationship without permission from the owner, then all precepts of the relationship are null and void.



meatcleaver -> RE: Curious (3/14/2007 7:50:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

Basically, do you all think a (collared, owned) slave can say "i'm not in the mood"


LOL Only if she is your wife too!

Seriously, if that is the case, what is the point of having a slave? Why would you want to be a slave if you can withdraw consent on a whim?



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Curious (3/14/2007 7:52:44 AM)

You can rape anyone...GF, BF, husband, wife, stranger...whomever. It's psychological damage. Being their Master, Owner or Dominant doesn't mean that you aren't capable of causing damage. Now, how a slave deals with the damage might be different...and they might be able to repair is much more readily than one of the other people mentioned...simply because they might have given you the authority to do what you did. Doesn't mean they're not damaged...it means that they gave you the authority to damage and thus they have to decide if they want to continue that or not.

Master Fire



ownedgirlie -> RE: Curious (3/14/2007 8:03:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

I had to think about this for a minute, but I think that a slave cannot be raped, but they can feel (and possibly be) violated and/or exploited.  To me the main thing is that a slave consents to be used sexually whenever (including when they are not in the mood).  But, I think that someone unaware (or niave) about what they've consented to who then decides to change their mind may feel violated in the type of situation you outlined.

C~


I agree with this. 

I can say no, and then I won't be a slave anymore.

Perhaps legally I can claim rape, but I wouldn't see it as rape.  I am owned by him which means the day I begged for his ownership I consented to him having rights to me - to use me whenever he wants, however he wants, and wherever he wants.  Personally, I am grateful he puts me to use and grateful he finds pleasure in me, even when I'm sick, exhausted, and stressed.  What better way to refocus and come back to myself than to have my Master's attention?

So no, I can not be raped by my Master. 

Edited to fix a duplicate word :)



Devilslilsister -> RE: Curious (3/14/2007 8:08:52 AM)

Anal sex is illegal.  Spitting in some places is illegal, going bare back in some places is illegal....... the law doesnt really apply to what we do.  IMO  One of the reasons i didnt get into the legality of it.  Slapping your sub/slave in the face can you have arrested for assault.  Another interesting point brought up in the debate i had.  Its not just subs/slaves that need to have alot of trust, but the Dom's as well.  A Dom must be able to trust that after he whips that bottom with a belt (leaving all sorts of marks) the sub/slave doesnt run off to the police screaming abuse. 

i was also considering all of this aside from a Dom not having the best interests of their sub/slave in mind.  Granted, when it comes to that - there are many indicators of it and hopefully the eye opener wouldnt come soley from between the sheets behavior.  One of the reasons i didnt bring it into the topic. 

Creative - LOL interesting point.  Also a good point IMO

Stella - i'm going to have to agree on the health thing.  i can see where you are coming from and i think its also an interesting view on personal dynamics in relationships.  We all operate differently and the key (IMO) in most relationships is knowing how your other operates. 

As for husband/wife things, IMO thats a totally different story.



Devilslilsister -> RE: Curious (3/14/2007 8:12:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

I had to think about this for a minute, but I think that a slave cannot be raped, but they can feel (and possibly be) violated and/or exploited.  To me the main thing is that a slave consents to be used sexually whenever (including when they are not in the mood).  But, I think that someone unaware (or niave) about what they've consented to who then decides to change their mind may feel violated in the type of situation you outlined.

C~


I agree with this. 

I can say no, and then I won't be a slave anymore.

Perhaps legally I can claim rape, but I wouldn't see it as rape.  I am owned by him which means the day I begged for his ownership I consented to him having rights to me - to use me whenever he wants, however he wants, and wherever he wants.  Personally, I am grateful he puts me to use and grateful he finds pleasure in me, even when I'm sick, exhausted, and stressed.  What better way to refocus and back back to myself than to have my Master's attention?

So no, I can not be raped by my Master. 


pretty much i agree with both of you and those of like minds.



hisannabelle -> RE: Curious (3/14/2007 8:17:01 AM)

i think it's kind of out of place to consider "not being in the mood" to be equal to rape. it -can- be, but it isn't always, and i think it's 99% of the time not likely to be the case in what we're talking about here. i've had sex PLENTY of times when i wasn't in the mood, with people other than my dominant, and not considered it rape, although occasionally i've had similar feelings of physical violation. i think it's important to make the distinction between rape and the violation it causes...rape being non-consensual, and the situations we're talking about being primarily consensual, but producing the same emotions, which then -could- cause some to question the relationship and how they fit into it. for me, and maybe it's because of my own experience with rape - as in, the definitely, no question, it was rape kind of rape - i would be more affected by it if it were violent, harmful sex that pushed beyond what he knows is healthy for me than sex when i just didn't feel like it or when i was sick or stressed. we have sex when i'm sick, in pain, stressed, etc. all the time, and it doesn't make me feel violated.



hereyesruponyou -> RE: Curious (3/14/2007 8:37:20 AM)

Why call yourself a slave and control the realtionship based on your moods. Just say you're a sub and feel free to negotiate at will. My best friend is a slave and she thought this was just the silliest question. I don't claim to understand the slave mindset, although talking with her has really helped me ALOT. I have come to believe that if you don't feel as they do you may never understand it completely. I do greatly respect the trust and strength it takes to willingly make that type of committment.



hisannabelle -> RE: Curious (3/14/2007 8:41:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hereyesruponyou

Why call yourself a slave and control the realtionship based on your moods. Just say you're a sub and feel free to negotiate at will.


i use the words interchangeably, personally. i don't feel free to negotiate at will, period, sub, slave, whatever. i didn't enter the relationship feeling that way, i don't plan on that changing anytime soon. i also think that the feeling of violation we're talking about here is a whole hell of a lot more serious than just not being in the mood. but...jmho.



StellaByStarlite -> RE: Curious (3/14/2007 8:41:18 AM)

I dunno. Alot of this has to do with hypotheticals, and I'll freely admit hypotheticals aren't my strong suit.

My owner and I are both very new to this, so, I'll say that there are depths and levels to our dynamic we have yet to reach.

It's also nifty to see how other people feel about what exactly constitutes that raped, violated feeling. To me, being pushed beyond my limit sexually wouldn't leave me feeling violated. But being obligated to service him while I'm feverish with a sore throat would.

It's a cool thread. =)
Stella



SirDominic -> RE: Curious (3/14/2007 11:31:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

Can you rape a (collared, owned) slave? On top of that can a (collared, owned) slave withdraw consent and yet still continue on the relationship? Basically, do you all think a (collared, owned) slave can say "i'm not in the mood" (hence withdrawing consent) and if the slave's Dom continues on it is rape?



We are actually talking about two different things here. Can a slave feel they are raped? And can a slave use the law against a Master if she feels she was raped. The answer to the second question is easy. According to the law of the U.S. rape is nonconsensual, whether the relationship be between strangers, friends, husband & wife, Master & slave. If someone feels they were raped, they have recourse through the legal system.

The philosophical side is where the issue arises. If a slave has given consent to her Master to use her in any way at any time, she has given up the right to say no. Can she still say no? Or, not be in the mood? Absolutely, but very likely at the cost of the relationship as she is breaking the contract that was mutually agreed upon.

So I don't think a slave can withdraw consent and continue on with the relationship, unless the Master is forgiving and willing to renegotiate the rules. Also, it would have to be either one or the other. Either the Master has the right to use the slave at his whim, or he doesn't. There is no sometimes yes, sometimes no. The latter is topping from the bottom.

Namaste, Sir Dominic



Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.03125