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Padriag -> RE: Insecurity (3/14/2007 2:38:02 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Dnomyar
As usual this is from another post. Insecurity. It seems that we see a lot of it on some of these post. If you had it what did you do to overcome it?
As has already been said, everyone has some insecurities, its natural and very human. That they are stigmatized so much is perhaps unfortunate. Insecurities are only really a problem when we allow them to control us, which is also the type so very stigmatized.
When I was growing up I had a lot of insecurities that stemmed from a variety of reasons. I was smaller than the other kids and go picked on for it. I had an overprotective mother who constantly interfered in my life rather than letting me learn to deal with things on my own. I had a father who meant well, but his constantly analytical fault finding and playing devil's advocate left me feeling like any idea I had was bad. I was painfully shy when it came to dating, though generally I had no trouble making friends with girls (and ironically often had more girls as friends growing up than guys, something that caused me problems then but gave me insights that were quite beneficial when I got older). My biggest problem was I simply lacked confidence in myself. I had and still have a lot of talent and ability, but when I was younger I didn't trust in those talents and abilities.
What changed that were a series of events in my life that gave me the opportunity to challenge those insecurities, to test and use my talents and abilities and in the process learn so confidence in myself. That some of those events forced me to do so helped. It also helped that I have always been very strong willed, once I make my mind up to do something there is very little that can stop me, I do not give up easily.
I'm still skinny, and thanks to my metabolism there's nothing I can do about that. But I can physically out perform most people. To me an eight mile hike is a good stretching of the legs. I explore caves for fun when I get the chance, going places most people would be afraid to go or just physically can't go (and in that my light frame is actually a big advantage). There came the day, much to my mother's shock, when I told her to mind her own business in very clear terms (she eventually adjusted, her initial reaction was almost comical). I learned to ignore my father's doubts and do things inspite of him, and I still frequently surprise him with the variety of things I can do. Working six years in a strip club around half naked women cured me of my shyness, and I ended up dating several of those dancers. All that really took was learning that the worst that was likely to happen was that they'd say no, which some did, and when they did the world didn't end... but then some said yes and that was always worth the "risk." Those insights I picked up when I was younger paid off in spades, I did things naturally most guys never quite get (like listening, or talking to them and not their chest). But again, most of all I learned to simply trust in myself. I often joke with those who ask about my religious beliefs (I'm an athiest), that I practice the most difficult faith in the world... faith in myself.
Looking back I've changed a lot. A good recent example was a new hobby I decided to take up. I've wanted to learn to play the Irish tenor banjo for years, but had no one to teach me, no where I could take lessons. I let that hold me back. In February I decided it was time I changed that. I still have no one to teach me, but I have faith in me. So I spent about $600 and ordered a nice banjo, case, extra strings, a bewildering assortment picks (I wasn't sure what would work best) an instructional book and DVD and set about teaching myself. I had no idea if I'd actually have any talent for it or not, I'd been told the banjo is difficult to learn to play. I jumped in anyway, all the way. And guess what, I'm learning. I can play the D and G scales quite well already, along with a couple of short ditties and am presently learning to play Molly Mallone and Wild Rover. There are already callouses on my finger tips from practicing daily, and I have reached the point I cover the frets without always having to look. I've got a long way to go yet before I master the banjo, but I'm on my way (and pretty proud of myself too!).
Looking back I see one other lesson I hope to one day pass on if I have children of my own. I think one of the most important gifts a father can teach a child is simply to have confidence. Teach them to believe in themselves and they'll conquer their world (maybe not the whole world... just their part in it). Its something my father didn't know how to do for me, he tried his best and meant well, but he just didn't know. I know better, and I'll do better. I'm confident about that too.
So what advice would I give about overcoming insecurities. Challenge them, challenge yourself and learn to have a little faith. It can take you a long way.
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