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SusanofO -> RE: Mastering...... Controling (3/11/2007 1:37:58 AM)
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KOM - what an interesting question.
This might be too simple, subjective, and possibly romanticized an answer, but -
Controlling - I see as making, or forcing someone, to do something. Having much influential ability isn't really necessary in order to be controlling in this very basic sense (beyond the obvious, such as:" I have a gun and can kill you if you don't do what I say", etc.)
On the other hand, some folks can assume they have emotional control over someone else when they don't. Or someone can assume they are "being controlled" by another person when they're really not (if they look at a situation realistically). But then again, sometimes emotional control over someone else can be very pervasive, and also subtle (whereas having physical control over someone is pretty obvious.) Whether control is "toward a constructive end" or not, depends entirely, IMO, on the situation in question (and also IMO, the goal).
Mastering is making someone actually want want to do something so much, that you'll only very rarely (if ever) have to "force" them by controlling them with "force". Someone might indeed want to be controlled as a part of being "Mastered", but - the "Masterly" person won't necessarily have to be controlling, to get another person to do what is desired, much of the time, anyway (and IMO, in a D/s context, another has to desire to be "Mastered", at least a little, anyway, for it to happen).
IMO, you might have to know someone fairly well, to truly "Master" them, and having influence is key. Control, IMO, is perhaps sometimes "easier" (especially if usinge a sledgehammer, or dealing w/someone who is more vulnerable, perhaps).
Btw, I think these definitions can work for Doms/Dommes, as well as submissives. The definitions can work in either direction, depending on the dynamic of the two folks involved, and how they are relating to eachother, what their goals are, etc.
I don't place as much value-judgment on the definitions as it might appear, because I think control obviously and definitely has a distinct place in a D/s relationship, but attempts to wisely use it might not ensue unless someone has Mastered someone (or started to do that), and another person has allowed themself to become more "Mastered". If that makes sense. So, maybe Controlling is a verb, and Mastering is a process? I dunno.
- Susan
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