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Limits and Experience - 3/7/2007 2:23:33 PM

hereyesruponyou

Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
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Another post got me thinking about how as I have progressed in this lifestyle and gained more real life experience my limits have changed. The list gets shorter and shorter and even the short list has qualifiers (ok, no sex with animals, but having my dog lick a tied up sub is sooooooo cute!!!).

My question to you is: have you found that your experiences in bdsm have opened made you more likely to try things you thought you never would, or increased your limits?

_____________________________

Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be

Post #: 1

RE: Limits and Experience - 3/7/2007 2:28:01 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hereyesruponyou
My question to you is: have you found that your experiences in bdsm have opened made you more likely to try things you thought you never would, or increased your limits?

Most people do the "I'm open to anything!" quickly followed by the realization that "Anything is a heck of a lot more than I thought, and so no WAY am I ever gonna do any of THAT!" followed the a slow process of re-opening and realizing that a lot of "that" is actually a lot of fun and enjoyment.

I went the path of "I'm open to anything!" "Wow, anything is so much more than I ever thought, that's so awesome" and have come to the point of "Not everything works for me, and these certain things will not be done."

In other words, I actually limit myself more than I did in the beginning, before I learned what I needed for myself and would settle.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to hereyesruponyou)

Post #: 2

RE: Limits and Experience - 3/7/2007 2:29:53 PM

nissa

Posts: 125
Joined: 2/28/2007
From: Carson City Nevada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hereyesruponyou

Another post got me thinking about how as I have progressed in this lifestyle and gained more real life experience my limits have changed. The list gets shorter and shorter and even the short list has qualifiers (ok, no sex with animals, but having my dog lick a tied up sub is sooooooo cute!!!).

My question to you is: have you found that your experiences in bdsm have opened made you more likely to try things you thought you never would, or increased your limits?

My experience in BDSM; no. The person I was with at the time; absolutly.

_____________________________

nissa

(in reply to hereyesruponyou)

Post #: 3

RE: Limits and Experience - 3/7/2007 2:33:40 PM

swtrayn

Posts: 222
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hereyesruponyou

My question to you is: have you found that your experiences in bdsm have opened made you more likely to try things you thought you never would, or increased your limits?

I believe that my experiences in BDSM has made me more open. If someone had asked me 5 or 6 years ago if I would let someone run a knife over my body, or that I would beg for more when someone used a single tailon me. I would of said No, in not a so nice way. (laughs)
There are hard limits that I will never explore. But I have found that there are alot more things now that I would be more open to try.
My new saying is "I will try almost anything once, and twice to make sure I liked it or not"

I love to experience new things and try things that I am not sure I would enjoy or not, just to find out if I do.

I am not sure that answers your question, but I sure hope so :)

rayn

_____________________________

"I tried to contain myself -- I escaped..."

"Make sure brain is engaged before SEND key is released"

"Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead."--Lucille Ball

(in reply to hereyesruponyou)

Post #: 4

RE: Limits and Experience - 3/7/2007 2:49:10 PM

hereyesruponyou

Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
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Being open to new things is definately more fun for me as well.

btw - love the angelically challenged.....think that would qualify as a disability???

(in reply to swtrayn)

Post #: 5

RE: Limits and Experience - 3/7/2007 3:18:12 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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Pain tolerances, limits, and the like do tend to expand greatly, and often quickly, for a lot of people. I've always considered myself pretty open-minded, but there were a few things in the beginning I wasn't so much interested in.

Now, there are still some things I haven't tried, but probably would given the right partner and/or the right circumstances.

Except for death and potential arrest, I could think about different things in an alternative light.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to hereyesruponyou)

Post #: 6

RE: Limits and Experience - 3/7/2007 3:44:07 PM

lonlyrossInNeed

Posts: 3144
Joined: 10/8/2005
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i am the kinda that will say i will try just about everything ones i love new things
when i say just about that is becouse i have few set limits
that i would never ever break
those are no animals or kids
i have tried lots
and i will and am open to trying evyerthing out there that i can think of in my head to try now i know we learn new things all the time so i am open to that and maybe one day there will be somthing new that i hear about that will be somthing i will want to try or will be another to ad to the hard limits.

ross.g

_____________________________

To know what pain is hurts the most
pain is not just a wound in your flesh
pain is a dagger in your heart

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 7

RE: Limits and Experience - 3/7/2007 4:17:03 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

My limits have changed. There are things that I did in the beginning because I felt I had to. There are things I didn't do because I didn't think I was supposed to. There are things that I wish I could do, but can't (high heels!). It's been a learning experience.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to hereyesruponyou)

Post #: 8

RE: Limits and Experience - 3/7/2007 4:19:59 PM

swtrayn

Posts: 222
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hereyesruponyou

btw - love the angelically challenged.....think that would qualify as a disability???

Ohhh I sure hope not :) Was hoping it was of a cute personality trait

rayn

_____________________________

"I tried to contain myself -- I escaped..."

"Make sure brain is engaged before SEND key is released"

"Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead."--Lucille Ball

(in reply to hereyesruponyou)

Post #: 9

RE: Limits and Experience - 3/7/2007 4:41:22 PM

elderrook

Posts: 93
Joined: 11/29/2006
Status: offline

There's no question that it has made me more likely to try things I never thought I would. In fact, the more I do, the more I seem to want to do. My Mistress seems pleased with my willingness to try things, and that certainly makes it worthwhile for me.

(in reply to lonlyrossInNeed)

Post #: 10

RE: Limits and Experience - 3/7/2007 6:00:13 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Absolutely. I think if limits didn't change/grow somewhat, it would seem the same if the vanilla folks had sex exactly the same way for the duration of the relationship. After a while, it would become boring. Just the same old thing again and again. I think that's why folks in this lifestyle push for greater and greater experiences. So it doesn't get bland and boring.

(in reply to elderrook)

Post #: 11

RE: Limits and Experience - 3/7/2007 6:14:14 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Absolutely. I think if limits didn't change/grow somewhat, it would seem the same if the vanilla folks had sex exactly the same way for the duration of the relationship. After a while, it would become boring. Just the same old thing again and again. I think that's why folks in this lifestyle push for greater and greater experiences. So it doesn't get bland and boring.

Of course, looking ahead some months or years, we (in the community) end up facing the opposite.

You learn to swim. Eventually, you muster the courage to dive. You find out that was a bit of a rush.

You dive from a greater height. Whoo, that seemed a little risky, but the thrill and result was worth it!!!

You start cliff diving, then jumping out of planes. All of a sudden, BDSM seems like an extreme sport.

(You get this all the time from vanillas if you try and discuss the Lifestyle with them.) WHERE DOES IT END?????

And then, if and when you finally get around to trying everything, then getting good at everything, THEN what do you do to get your kicks?

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 12

RE: Limits and Experience - 3/7/2007 6:39:07 PM

leakylee

Posts: 747
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline

When I started I was pretty open minded, but my limits have shrunk and shrunk. I wonder if that might be too, because some of those taboo issues have just become, pfft, whatever. I never thought that I would get into the edge play as much as I have. Also never thought that the mental torment would appeal to me as much either.

The one thing that I have found though, is that with some of the "scarier" items I draw the line. They are things that will stay situational limits. There are just some things that I wouldnt feel safe doing with a play partner. I honestly think that a longterm situation is just a wiser course of action.

Lee

_____________________________

I am so not right, that I left..

(in reply to hereyesruponyou)

Post #: 13

RE: Limits and Experience - 3/7/2007 7:55:03 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Absolutely. I think if limits didn't change/grow somewhat, it would seem the same if the vanilla folks had sex exactly the same way for the duration of the relationship. After a while, it would become boring. Just the same old thing again and again. I think that's why folks in this lifestyle push for greater and greater experiences. So it doesn't get bland and boring.

While I don't try to be, I seem to be once again the exception here. I adore it all- I crave totally vanilla sex with my partner and I crave utterly depraved kinky sex with my partner.

I push for greater experiences- but the greatness comes from within/between us...not the actions we do to eachother. If you make it about the actions, you'll eventually get burned out.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 14

RE: Limits and Experience - 3/7/2007 10:54:06 PM

denika

Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hereyesruponyou
My question to you is: have you found that your experiences in bdsm have opened made you more likely to try things you thought you never would, or increased your limits?

I have faced fears I normally wouldn't even consider challenging. My Top and I don't play with a set list of what is a limit and what isn't, it is about what could be mentally and physiclly dangerous and the play is set from that. Not a distict line in the sand. Some places in myself I would never even think of 'going' without that little 'push'

My fear of fire is far from concured but two years ago if you were to tell me I would have someone put flaming batons even near my naked bits I would have thought you were on crack.

denika

(in reply to hereyesruponyou)

Post #: 15

RE: Limits and Experience - 3/8/2007 12:56:38 AM

damianna74

Posts: 12
Joined: 7/21/2004
Status: offline

when i started in the lifestyle part of my life, i had filled out a checklist of what i would and would not do. that was about 3 years ago. i redid the checklist awhile back and realized something. the limits i had then compared to now are so different. i am also one who says i'll try ALMOST anything once. if i like it i'll do it over and over *grin*. i still have limits on what i will do and luckily they have always been respected. but my mind has opened so much in the last three years and i am glad that it has. it has made me a better and more tolerant person, i think.

(in reply to denika)

Post #: 16

RE: Limits and Experience - 3/8/2007 1:00:40 AM

damianna74

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Joined: 7/21/2004
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my post was to the original question. sorry, still trying to figure the forum thing out. *smiles*

(in reply to damianna74)

Post #: 17

RE: Limits and Experience - 3/8/2007 6:30:41 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hereyesruponyou

Another post got me thinking about how as I have progressed in this lifestyle and gained more real life experience my limits have changed. The list gets shorter and shorter and even the short list has qualifiers (ok, no sex with animals, but having my dog lick a tied up sub is sooooooo cute!!!).

My question to you is: have you found that your experiences in bdsm have opened made you more likely to try things you thought you never would, or increased your limits?

This is an interesting subject for me because I definitely have decreased my limits to be in line with my Daddy's. I find myself contemplating the very things that were on my fairly short list of things that were "hard limits". The things that are without a doubt still on there are things he finds extremely dangerous and can cause disease, so I do not worry that these things will ever be required of me. Almost everything listed on my profile is no longer a hardlimit with my Daddy.

This subject tends to bring out negative feelings in some people. Some people tend to get uptight that some of us change our limits as we go along, as if the same will be required of them in the future. I have also heard this "if you changed your limits they were never limits to begin with"... that may very well be true, they were not really hard and fast limits with Daddy, but they were with everyone else I have encountered. For me limits are relationship based. Some people are internally motivated to grow past their limits.

To me stretching my limits is a reflection of my trust for my Daddy. It does not mean I do not have limits, I do, they just happen to correspond to his. It does feel as though I have "grown" some when I conquer my own fear to change my limits. I am only speaking of myself, and I do not feel that those with hard limits they refuse to change do not grow too, they do... they perhaps do not feel the way I do, but what they do is just as valid (a little respectful disclaimer)

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to hereyesruponyou)

Post #: 18

RE: Limits and Experience - 3/8/2007 7:52:58 AM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
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I'd say my limits have increased simply because I've learned there are more things to have limits about. Roman showers? Um, no thanks. Didn't know about those when I started exploring this years ago. Allowing someone to prostitute my adult UMs? No way. One of those I thought was a no-brainer but found out it wasn't.

Just my thoughts....

(in reply to hereyesruponyou)

Post #: 19

RE: Limits and Experience - 3/8/2007 11:26:19 AM

hereyesruponyou

Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
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Juliaoceania - i completely agree that limits are often based on the level of trust with the person you are entrusting yourself to. It is good to try new things as long as safety is maintained.

sublizzie - it is amazing what can be considered no big deal to someone else but is a huge to you. No such thing as a no-brainer i think. Better to get everything out in the open. The only stupid question is the one you don't ask. I ask ALOT of questions, especially when i am the one in charge!

(in reply to sublizzie)

Post #: 20

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