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Termyn8or -> RE: Smacking stops cime.....? (3/5/2007 9:03:27 PM)
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thompson and To serve et alii;
I agree completely, I just say it a bit differently. I say if you have to raise your hands you have already lost.
Violence has it's place, but it convinces noone, helps noone and teaches noone. But then everything has exceptions.
If I had a five year old kid and caught them playing out in the street they would get it with the belt. Not being the norm one smack should do it. When their ass settles down I'd walk them out to the curb and explain, I might even take my car and squish a pop can with the tires, explaining that this is what could happen to them if they don't stay out of the street.
And they would be told of course, that if they go out in the street again they are either going to get squished, or get another swat.
That is one of the very few exceptions I would make, otherwise basically hitting does not teach. I consider this extreme and to be reserved for those cases where there is real danger. But this is aversion therapy to save their very life.
Like when Grandma put my Dad's hand over the fire after he was playing with the stove. She didn't burn him to a crisp, but he knew damwell to not mess with it. HA, now he is almost a gourmet cook ! So now he can use the stove without burning the house down. I don't think it hurt him any.
This is needed until the kid is old enough to know what is dangerous. They don't know actually what to fear, so they fear your wrath, and they stay alive. And there should be no anger if you got your own head together. You don't hit over spilling things, of course, other things, even if the kid gets a bad attitude, you especially don't resort to corporal punishment then, because it simply doesn't work. You want them to grow out of it and gain a better attitude, you don't want fear, except that they will indeed get another smack with the belt if they run out into the street.
And really, if your kid is copping a bad attitude, take a look at who taught them. If you yell alot, your kid is going to yell alot. If you have tantrums, your kid will have tantrums. If you smoke, your kid will probably smoke, and that is why I know alot of people who go outside to smoke even in their own house.
I think that, yes, every once in a while there is a reason to smack a kid, but not often. You don't do it for minor disobediences, and I mean that. Even with that NO attitude, don't do it. You need to use your brain. If you smack the kid you are settinjg an example, if you use your brain you are setting an example. Your choice, their future.
That's the thing people have to get through their head, EVERYTHING you do is setting an example.
And one other thing I would like to mention, if your kid starts taking things apart to see how they work, do not ever stifle that. Get them some junk to take apart and just make sure that none of it plugs in the wall. If you do Christmas get them a small toolkit, couple screwdrivers and maybe a crescent wrench. It'll blow their mind like no nintendo ever could. You have the makings of an engineer, possibly a really good one.
Those early years are so important. Of course when you get a 17 year old who disrespects and scares his Mom, floor the MF. But if things went right in the beginning, that'll never happen.
I think people miss the point usually, beginnings are the most important thing, the beginning of a relationship, the beginning of a business venture etc., of course this applies to the beginning of a human life. If people would realize that beginnings are precious and fragile, AND IRREPLACABLE, and affect all that comes after, and treat beginnings with the care that they are due, the world would be alot better place.
Here's the soapbox, sorry bout those scratches on the side. Be well.
T
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