quote:

ORIGINAL: taintedgypsy

Jobs, relationships, products and other "wants/needs" in life have to be ballanced by a dash of reality.

I would like a Dom with a cyrstal ball who knew everything I needed before I did, I would like the perfect relationship, great sex, love and nurturing with just the right amount of kink and guidence, I would like the perfect job with great hrs and pay, a boss that was a friend and co workers that made me feel appreciated, and I want a microwave that gets everything out of the fridge and pantry and "ding" the perfect meal everytime lol.

No reality at all there lol.

Relationships take hard work and time and the perfect partner will never be perfect when you meet him/her, but will have the potential to make you happy, the right chemistry, things in common, and trust and respect will grow along the way. Sorting out who has this potential and who doesn't ... then sorting out how much work will be involved to make this work ... how much time are you truely willing to invest ... how much are you willing to compromise/change to make it work (and there is always some of this) ... it is complicated and sometimes people just get tired of looking, or have not really assessed what it is they are looking for and more importantly what they themselves can bring to the relationship bargaining table?

The too hard basket is always an easier option, rejection takes so much less time than investigation, and it is habit forming. Our list of "must haves" tend to get larger, and with trolls and those just loooking to get their rocks off comes that "jaded feeling" and we become harder. A vicious circle can be found anywhere, it only needs the right circumstances and it forms, why should online be immune?

Sometimes "time out" is the only valuable option, yet the most unattractive one as well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: scottjk

I'm still absorbing what everyone has said in this thread, and what everyone has said in "Why are There so Many Subs Still Looking", and I feel it's touched a nerve. The reason, I think, is because of the investment many have made in their search strategies, and their unwillingness to examine the possibility that it's not working for them, compounded with reasons that point elsewhere, rather than themselves, for the reasons it's not working and/or to hide that it's not working. To question it is a threat to emotional safety.

I won't qualify my reasoning simply because I have no desire to enable anyone.  

I suppose it's better to fail willingly, than unwillingly.

I know it's not a kind thing to say, but it's a lot kinder than saying nothing when something should be said.

quote:

Have we reached the point where we're trying to turn down rather than find?

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez
I do not think from what is just written here you have to apologize at all. I think it is dead on accurate for many cases that when having continued failure that it is always best to look within yourself to see what needs to be done and changed then lash out at others out of frustration.

But this is not at all limited to submissives. Dominants searching need to take this advice to heart as well. If it is not working how you are doing things, look in the mirror as well.