RE: Have we reached the point where we're trying to turn down rather than find?

RE: Have we reached the point where we're trying to turn down rather than find? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

SirDominic -> RE: Have we reached the point where we're trying to turn down rather than find? (2/28/2007 10:41:23 AM)
Very interesting post. It may also explain a lot about the "Why are There so Many Subs Still Looking" thread. If your findings are correct, then these sites (vanilla & BDSM), rather than making it easier to meet people, has actually made it much harder. This makes sense to me, as it is so easy to hide behind your screen name, sitting in front of your computer. It is very safe, very nonthreatening. Problem being, of course, if you don't ever try to meet anyone, you won't ever be disappointed, but you won't ever find what you are lookin for either. Namaste, Sir Dominic

taintedgypsy -> RE: Have we reached the point where we're trying to turn down rather than find? (2/28/2007 10:55:42 AM)
Jobs, relationships, products and other "wants/needs" in life have to be ballanced by a dash of reality. I would like a Dom with a cyrstal ball who knew everything I needed before I did, I would like the perfect relationship, great sex, love and nurturing with just the right amount of kink and guidence, I would like the perfect job with great hrs and pay, a boss that was a friend and co workers that made me feel appreciated, and I want a microwave that gets everything out of the fridge and pantry and "ding" the perfect meal everytime lol. No reality at all there lol. Relationships take hard work and time and the perfect partner will never be perfect when you meet him/her, but will have the potential to make you happy, the right chemistry, things in common, and trust and respect will grow along the way. Sorting out who has this potential and who doesn't ... then sorting out how much work will be involved to make this work ... how much time are you truely willing to invest ... how much are you willing to compromise/change to make it work (and there is always some of this) ... it is complicated and sometimes people just get tired of looking, or have not really assessed what it is they are looking for and more importantly what they themselves can bring to the relationship bargaining table? The too hard basket is always an easier option, rejection takes so much less time than investigation, and it is habit forming. Our list of "must haves" tend to get larger, and with trolls and those just loooking to get their rocks off comes that "jaded feeling" and we become harder. A vicious circle can be found anywhere, it only needs the right circumstances and it forms, why should online be immune? Sometimes "time out" is the only valuable option, yet the most unattractive one as well. just my opinion, warm smiles to all

scottjk -> RE: Have we reached the point where we're trying to turn down rather than find? (2/28/2007 11:22:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: taintedgypsy Jobs, relationships, products and other "wants/needs" in life have to be ballanced by a dash of reality. I would like a Dom with a cyrstal ball who knew everything I needed before I did, I would like the perfect relationship, great sex, love and nurturing with just the right amount of kink and guidence, I would like the perfect job with great hrs and pay, a boss that was a friend and co workers that made me feel appreciated, and I want a microwave that gets everything out of the fridge and pantry and "ding" the perfect meal everytime lol. No reality at all there lol. Relationships take hard work and time and the perfect partner will never be perfect when you meet him/her, but will have the potential to make you happy, the right chemistry, things in common, and trust and respect will grow along the way. Sorting out who has this potential and who doesn't ... then sorting out how much work will be involved to make this work ... how much time are you truely willing to invest ... how much are you willing to compromise/change to make it work (and there is always some of this) ... it is complicated and sometimes people just get tired of looking, or have not really assessed what it is they are looking for and more importantly what they themselves can bring to the relationship bargaining table? The too hard basket is always an easier option, rejection takes so much less time than investigation, and it is habit forming. Our list of "must haves" tend to get larger, and with trolls and those just loooking to get their rocks off comes that "jaded feeling" and we become harder. A vicious circle can be found anywhere, it only needs the right circumstances and it forms, why should online be immune? Sometimes "time out" is the only valuable option, yet the most unattractive one as well. Amen, taintedgypsy. I'm still absorbing what everyone has said in this thread, and what everyone has said in "Why are There so Many Subs Still Looking", and I feel it's touched a nerve. The reason, I think, is because of the investment many have made in their search strategies, and their unwillingness to examine the possibility that it's not working for them, compounded with reasons that point elsewhere, rather than themselves, for the reasons it's not working and/or to hide that it's not working. To question it is a threat to emotional safety. I won't qualify my reasoning simply because I have no desire to enable anyone. [;)] I suppose it's better to fail willingly, than unwillingly. I know it's not a kind thing to say, but it's a lot kinder than saying nothing when something should be said.

mstrjx -> RE: Have we reached the point where we're trying to turn down rather than find? (2/28/2007 1:52:49 PM)
There are reasons I cannot answer the question completely (and some of you think 'Jeff' 'brevity' 'YAY'), but let me do what I can. I resemble many of these remarks. I haven't sent out but 5 or 6 opening emails in the year or so I've been on CM. Of the people who have responded to my profile, I have met nobody, nor come close. There are days when I will say with all candor that I am absolutely not looking, or just need to make that commitment to myself. Most of the time lately I realize that I really would be a better person if I had a partner in my life; I also know that what so many people say they want/need in a Dom/Master has my name written all over it. But there are areas that I'm realistic. I would love to lose a bit of weight to feel more physically worthy, and I know that I have a zillion quirks that make being around me entertaining. (How's that for a spin?) I'm also excruciatingly independent and self-sufficient. I have personal kinks that might not be taken to so easily. In short, I'm wonderful with an asterisk. But even I have to give the star it's due. Jeff

toservez -> RE: Have we reached the point where we're trying to turn down rather than find? (2/28/2007 2:33:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: scottjk I'm still absorbing what everyone has said in this thread, and what everyone has said in "Why are There so Many Subs Still Looking", and I feel it's touched a nerve. The reason, I think, is because of the investment many have made in their search strategies, and their unwillingness to examine the possibility that it's not working for them, compounded with reasons that point elsewhere, rather than themselves, for the reasons it's not working and/or to hide that it's not working. To question it is a threat to emotional safety. I won't qualify my reasoning simply because I have no desire to enable anyone. [;)] I suppose it's better to fail willingly, than unwillingly. I know it's not a kind thing to say, but it's a lot kinder than saying nothing when something should be said. I do not think from what is just written hear you have to apologize at all. I think it is dead on accurate for many cases that when having continued failure that it is always best to look within yourself to see what needs to be done and changed then lash out at others out of frustration. But this is not at all limited to submissives. Dominants searching need to take this advice to heart as well. If it is not working how you are doing things, look in the mirror as well.

softcoresicko -> RE: Have we reached the point where we're trying to turn down rather than find? (2/28/2007 3:19:13 PM)
quote: Have we reached the point where we're trying to turn down rather than find? I hope not. I've tried my best to give the few (namely, two) women who have responded to my amorous advances a fair chance. I spoke with one for over a week, before I realized that we were simply too far apart in our desires for a relationship to be compatable. With the other, we've been conversing on a near daily basis for over a month, and things seem to be going rather well, although we are still a ways away from being together. Now, of course, since those are the only two responses I've gotten to my messages so far, perhaps I've just learned to take any reply as a good sign and approach it with an attitude of zealous optimism.

scottjk -> RE: Have we reached the point where we're trying to turn down rather than find? (2/28/2007 3:55:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: toservez I do not think from what is just written here you have to apologize at all. I think it is dead on accurate for many cases that when having continued failure that it is always best to look within yourself to see what needs to be done and changed then lash out at others out of frustration. But this is not at all limited to submissives. Dominants searching need to take this advice to heart as well. If it is not working how you are doing things, look in the mirror as well. Thank you, toservez. I myself have flushed my profile and left a little note, with a couple questions as well. [:)] Aftern nearly 39 years of life, I've had to stop and take a look at myself, not only because I'm alone, but also because I'm just not thriving. I've identified a lot of things about myself that are, while not my fault, my responsibility to address, but I've also identified, and have been validated, most of the great things about me. The trick is, for me, putting it down in my profile. I'm not exactly a great self-marketer. Does that mean I should stop trying? Hell no! Like some one else has said, I'm a better person WITH some one then by myself. Unlike many, I'm perfectly willing to fail, but not by default! [;)]

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078125