Do I Give Off the Wrong Vibe?

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Do I Give Off the Wrong Vibe? - 2/28/2007 12:25:48 AM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

ok, as i have been unavailable since just before joining this site, this shouldn't bother me... but it does

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetAndYummy
but after reading darchChylde's post about attracting submissives it makes more sense. I had assumed from the self confidence that comes through in his posts that he was dominant,

from the above post, from looking at my list of admirers and those who recently viewed my profile, from those people from the site who have become my friends, and from the great majority of those who have made complementary remarks to me via cm mail; i've noticed a disturbing pattern...

though i've often joked that i attracted submissive women, that has always been in the vanilla world and with only a rare exception, involving women not involved in the lifestyle

i am now distinctly convinced that i do, in fact, attract submissive women

now i would like to know if it is merely my self-confidence, or some other qualities that i don't know about... if anybody who has talked to me or seen me on the forums can explain this to me and point out those Dominant qualities that attract those lovely submissive women i would much appreciate it

and also, if anybody thinks i can or should do anything about it, please tell me this too

sincerely

darchChylde

ps: many of those messages i get in cm mail are women asking me to Dominate them, not just liking my long hair or tiny pink nipples

edited to add: while typing this posei did get this cm message from a femme sub who i'll not name, (for obvious reasons)

__________
quick note...I only clicked through because of your comment in the "re: new "who's viewing me"" thread. and....if sub girls are looking at ya...it's because ANY girl would look at ya...yer hot :)
__________

while i do get messages such as the above, i counted 17 of the 46 mail messages i have in my inbox as being those asking for Domination

< Message edited by darchChylde -- 2/28/2007 12:32:23 AM >

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

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Post #: 1

RE: Do I Give Off the Wrong Vibe? - 2/28/2007 12:29:49 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Hey, you're hot. That's the reason, hon. Just 'cuz you're sub doesn't mean you can't be hot. Can I peek at your profile? I am a sub, but - can I? LOL

I am teasing you.

I see some very confident male subs - it's a myth they must be wimpy or something. IMO it is mostly a sexual, and relating style preference - not one that translates into constant wimp. But of course you already know that. I am just stating it for all the world to see.

Hey - it's probably not personal. Maybe they need to take you at your word. Presumably being a sub means you don't want to Dom females - you think someone would know that, but...well, just ignore them. And I am not trying to pick you up.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 2/28/2007 12:37:04 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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RE: Do I Give Off the Wrong Vibe? - 2/28/2007 12:59:48 AM

sloki

Posts: 17
Joined: 6/21/2006
Status: offline

I dont get that one either. I think everyone here is looking for something specific. Be very clear about what you want, dont respond to those who are not that. Im thinking you can also set your mail filters so all subs are shuttled straight to your bulk folder. Theyll get the idea.

I get answers from men too and Im very clear that Im not interested. *sigh* But when your what is commonly known in leather circles as 'hot as all fuck', what are you gonna do?

Anyone who has trouble understanding how a sub could have self confidence does not, in my view, understand what submission is.

~Ki

< Message edited by sloki -- 2/28/2007 1:06:22 AM >

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RE: Do I Give Off the Wrong Vibe? - 2/28/2007 1:24:58 AM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

Hey, you're hot. That's the reason, hon. Just 'cuz you're sub doesn't mean you can't be hot. Can I peek at your profile? I am a sub, but - can I? LOL
I am teasing you.

I see some very confident male subs - it's a myth they must be wimpy or something. IMO it is mostly a sexual, and relating style preference - not one that translates into constant wimp. But of course you already know that. I am just stating it for all the world to see.

Hey - it's probably not personal. Maybe they need to take you at your word. Presumably being a sub means you don't want to Dom females - you think someone would know that, but...well, just ignore them. And I am not trying to pick you up.

- Susan

thank you Susan... that was sweet, complementary and informative with a little humor thrown in

i know i'm attractive (i've been broken of my false modesty) and always appreciate hearing it (i still blush over that type of attention), so the profile views aren't an issue, just that they just add to the overwhelming pattern

quote:

ORIGINAL: sloki

I dont get that one either. I think everyone here is looking for something specific. Be very clear about what you want, dont respond to those who are not that. Im thinking you can also set your mail filters so all subs are shuttled straight to your bulk folder. Theyll get the idea.

I get answers from men too and Im very clear that Im not interested. *sigh* But when your what is commonly known in leather circles as 'hot as all fuck', what are you gonna do?

sloki, as for being clear about what i want, i've marked "friends only" and the first part of my profile tells both that i am a sub and that i am taken:
______________
i'm not new to the community, i've just returned from a long hiatus... i'm a non-collared sub committed to a wonderful poly switch...
______________
i never respond to anyone who hasn't clearly read at least some of my profile, or at the very least saw "submissive" and "friends only" in my profile stats

let me be clear that i don't mind the messages, and some of the subs ask to be dominated are not only cute, but write a nice and tantalizing message (if you get past the selective blindness that led them to try that with me); what bothers me is that i can't help but feel that i am putting something out there to make them think that they'll be the one to turn me into the Dominant that they know i really am... if it were a couple of isolated incidents here or there i wouldn't think anything of it, but it is the overwhelming majority

if it is something i'm doing, i'd like to know what it is... not that i'd necessarily change it because i'm the only person who has to walk in my boots and their heavy enough as it is without trying to conform to an ideal that i don't naturally fit

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to sloki)

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RE: Do I Give Off the Wrong Vibe? - 2/28/2007 1:32:02 AM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

If you are attractive you will attract people, period.
You are playful and confident, some will mistake that
for being a dominant personality. Enjoy the attention
and appreciate the compliments. Not everyone gets
those.

And I get dominant men contacting me wanting to
either top me or bottom to me. Go figure!

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to darchChylde)

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RE: Do I Give Off the Wrong Vibe? - 2/28/2007 1:42:44 AM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

If you are attractive you will attract people, period.
You are playful and confident, some will mistake that
for being a dominant personality. Enjoy the attention
and appreciate the compliments. Not everyone gets
those.

And I get dominant men contacting me wanting to
either top me or bottom to me. Go figure!

Vendaval

thank you for the response... i just would like to think that people would understand that there's a difference between having a dominant personality and having the pesonality of a Dominat... at least people who claim this lifestyle

i do know that it's not an issue unique to me, and i know that most all women (Dominant or submissive) get it even more than me, but i can't help but take it more personally when it is directed at me *wink*

edited to add: i love your siggy, three of my favorite songs are Corpus Christi, Black No. 1 (where Typo O picks on their target audience, who eats it alive), and My Girlfriend's Girlfriend (what straight man wouldn't?)

< Message edited by darchChylde -- 2/28/2007 1:45:01 AM >

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to Vendaval)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Do I Give Off the Wrong Vibe? - 2/28/2007 2:55:02 AM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

Vendaval

thank you for the response... i just would like to think that people would understand that there's a difference between having a dominant personality and having the pesonality of a Dominat... at least people who claim this lifestyle

I have found that it is better to (cough) underestimate (cough)
rather than over-estimate people in cyber space.

i do know that it's not an issue unique to me, and i know that most all women (Dominant or submissive) get it even more than me, but i can't help but take it more personally when it is directed at me *wink*

Oh I know all too well. For a while I was getting a run of
adult babies and full-service-toilet-slaves and married men
who sent un-asked-for photos of their ding-a-lings!

edited to add: i love your siggy, three of my favorite songs are Corpus Christi, Black No. 1 (where Typo O picks on their target audience, who eats it alive), and My Girlfriend's Girlfriend (what straight man wouldn't?)

Type O Negative is so amazing! "Black, black, black, black
number one....Oh baby, Lily Munster ain't got nothing on you!"

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to darchChylde)

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RE: Do I Give Off the Wrong Vibe? - 2/28/2007 8:28:43 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

There are some things that can attract anyone to you regardless of orientation. Most women love confident and handsome men. In fact the same goes for men loving confident pretty women. It is not a sub or a dom thing. Just because a few subs have the hots for you does not mean that dominant women will not have the hots for you.. it is not a mutually exclusive thing in my mind

There are a few submissive men on this site that I find appealing, I would not want to become involved with them even if i was single, but that does not mean I think they are not attractive men in a myriad of ways. Intelligence, kindness, and depth are attractive.... I find women with the same attributes attractive as friends too.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Do I Give Off the Wrong Vibe? - 2/28/2007 9:39:16 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I wouldnt worry about it. Most people assume I am dominant. I have a line of submales waiting for me to make that switch to the darkside, hoping I will top them. And while I have topped over the years, it is not where my head or heart is happy.
I am happy to be thought of as confident and dominant in my life. It shows me I have lived well and it has been noticed.
If I never find another relationship where I can be submissive, at least I have the strength to buck up and move forward.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

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RE: Do I Give Off the Wrong Vibe? - 2/28/2007 9:53:15 AM

BDSM05478

Posts: 417
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline

what dark is a sub???? jk

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"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." - Marcus Aurelius

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RE: Do I Give Off the Wrong Vibe? - 2/28/2007 10:05:15 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

darch,
The quick answer is "why worry?"

That fact that you are submissive has no impact on me/us. When we chat I enjoy chatting with the person you are. The fact that you are submissive is as immaterial as you gender. You have confidence, strength, a sense of humor, and those traits come through in your conversation. Being "you" shouldn't be something to cause concern.

As far as the request for domination; its the nature of the beast. beth gets similar requests quite often. Appreciate the fact that your persona in attractive to people.

We're looking forward to meeting your Mistress and you someday.

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RE: Do I Give Off the Wrong Vibe? - 2/28/2007 12:36:32 PM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

Until I recently read your profile, I thought you were submissive and gay. ~shrug~ Some people might think I'm an amphibian. ~chuckle~

The pose in your pic led me to assume that you're a sub. I don't know why I assumed you were gay. Don't really care either way - orientation is neither here nor there to me.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

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