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TheGaggingWh0re -> RE: I change your world I ????? (2/26/2007 7:14:34 PM)
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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
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ORIGINAL: TheGaggingWh0re
Oh dear. If things ended between me and my owner...I'm not sure I'd recover from that. I know many have heard it before, but there's a distinct bond between him and I. He was my first owner, and at a very young age, so in a way I was molded just for him and developed similar interests as we grew together. I've tried other doms and simply grew irritated that they weren't like him in the mind. He's got AS, which makes him particularily unique to me, and has a peculiar sense of humor that, in someone else, sounds annoying and boistrous, but in him is so clear cut with precision.
If things were to end, I would not lose sight of the lifestyle, but I wouldn't be searching for another owner. If nothing else, I think I'd go to the 'female' side of things. I guess it has to do with my current owner being male, and not to be rude to anyone, but it's hard for me to imagine that anyone could stand up next to him and win me over. A female, however, is a whole new entity. But even there I can be picky and precise.
So...if things were to end, I may or may not want to be owned again. I'd probably continue my education and live in a house full of critters to keep me pleasantly occupied.
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One of the reasons I love Valyraen so much is that he was willing to take a chance on me and be with me during my "rebound" phase. I don't think BDSM relationships are any more special or deeper then vanilla relationships. There is more trust with my life involved perhaps, and there is a whole difference in power but to think that our wounds upon rejection are any deeper then those in the vanilla world is just giving ourselves airs.
Because of that bolded sentence, I send hearts! See --> <333333. LOL :P
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GaggingWhore, I actually have a friend who feels along similar lines to you. She isn't lifestyle BDSM but she has two great loves (well they were assholes if you ask me but that isn't the point). One was a woman, one was a man. She is seems to be convinced that she won't fall in love again because her heart has been broken by both genders. I have to hope that she is wrong about that, but you just reminded me of her...
Yeah, I've actually had my heart broken by the one I'm with and tried out others. I found that, even in two years. I hadn't mended and I still wasn't satisfied with the doms I was attracting, not even the one I spent a while with. In the end, he just didn't add up. I think I'd be ok not to have another 'Derek' (my current owner's name) because it wouldn't give me time to heal, but I don't think that, after 6 years and starting at a very, very, very, very, very young age, that it'd be very easy to heal, much less fair to the other dom. Maybe I would move on! I don't know, but it didn't work out the last time, and I'm basing my answer off of my experience. I'm happy with him now- in fact, elated.
On the same note, I've had my heart broken by a female, too. She left, came back, left, came back, and each time it happened my affection for her dwindled until, at last, I actually met her in person. She....turned out....to be crazy, lol. She was cool sometimes! And other times she was just...bah. She had a disorder, but it was too out of hand. Looking back on it, I wonder why I asked my owner to proceed. I guess I can be a little hard headed sometimes, convinced that I can change the world and be super Jess! :P Now adays, I'm a little more than hesitant to be on fond speaking terms with her- she did and said a lot of crappy things that were unjust and unfair.
But, yar, there I go again, ranting and carrying on. This sort of stuff should be in my journal, really, but the point I am making is that she was not special enough for me to not want someone else. I liked that she was creative, but I'm afraid the negative outweighed the positive, and so I didn't take very good things with me as far as she was concerned, and I care not what she took with her with her time with me (that's a lot of 'withs', ne?). I'm still trying to find our special girl, the one who I can click with and thoroughly enjoy the company of...and who is not batshit crazy, haha.
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