RE: Older Master/younger slave (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

Evanesce -> RE: Older Master/younger slave (2/18/2007 2:07:59 PM)

Age, if all else is equal, is really nothing more than a number.  If you've got enough in common to go the distance, then it will work.  If not, then it'll crash and burn in a year or two.  At 18, I dated a man twice my age and thought we'd be together forever.  He asked me to marry him and move to Canada and, even though I hadn't lived at home for over a year, I panicked at the thought of leaving my family.  So much for forever.
 
Now, at almost 48, I'm married to my Master, who is 9 years my junior.  We have practically everything in common, have been together 7 years this April, and life is grand.
 
It all depends on compatibility.



GeekyGirl -> RE: Older Master/younger slave (2/18/2007 2:16:48 PM)

All I've got to say is that the person I was at 18 only bears the most superficial resemblance to the person I am at 24...People do a HUGE amount of growing up during their first few years of independence and I don't think it's fair to ask an 18yr old to make the commitment of being a slave...she needs to learn how to be independent first and learn who she is before she completely submits herself to another human being.

If you pursue this,don't be surprised if you wake up next to her one day and find she's a different person than you used to know. Right now, who she is will still largely be defined by her family and the values she was raised around. She may find herself to be very different as the years of late adolescence pass by.



ExSteelAgain -> RE: Older Master/younger slave (2/18/2007 2:29:22 PM)

I wouldn't be so shallow as to put a value on age. What does she look like?



grlneedstolearn -> RE: Older Master/younger slave (2/18/2007 2:30:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterC70

This Master is 36 and is considering a slave who is 18.  Is this a common age difference between Master and slave?  I appologize if this question is an old one.  This Master is just curious to know if such age difference is commonplace and if the reverse is often true as well.  That is if there are often couples where the Master/Mistress is younger than the slave in the M/s relationship.  This Master imagines it must be interesting to be in such a position of power over a slave especially if the slave is older.


My dom is 40 and i'm just turning 23 and we don't have a problem with it, especially since we're both mature consenting adults. And that's what 20+ year difference? As long as she's ok with being with an older dom than i say go for it, but that's my own opinion.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Older Master/younger slave (2/18/2007 2:32:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain
I wouldn't be so shallow as to put a value on age. What does she look like?

ROFL you are awesome.



BeachMystress -> RE: Older Master/younger slave (2/18/2007 3:19:59 PM)

There isn't anything "wrong" with the age difference. There may, however, be some practical difficulties. You likely don't share quite the same culture or interests. That might limit the interaction outside of BDSM. And as moonspirit43 mentioned, people grow and change so much at the entrance to adulthood. She will not be the same person in 5 years as she is today. She will grow and change with her experiences. Does that mean the person she becomes will be incompatible with you? Of course not. It means it might happen and you need to be aware of it. You have some serious possible strikes against your relationship. While I would proceed, I'd do so with caution. My relationship with an 18 year old sub (when I was about 35) lasted all of two months. The emotional roller coaster of his young age was just too much to tolerate. Your relationship might work. You'll never know if you don't try. I myself have been involved with a 15 year difference long term relationship. It lasted for 8 years and I'm still best friends with the man. You can't not try a relationship because it might not work. Who knows, you may end up being the one in a hundred who lasts forever. Understand there may be some things to overcome and resolve to work through them. Good luck for a long, happy and fruitful relationship!



ExSteelAgain -> RE: Older Master/younger slave (2/18/2007 3:20:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain
I wouldn't be so shallow as to put a value on age. What does she look like?

ROFL you are awesome.


I printed this out so it wouldn't disappear. But, seriously, :), you owe me about 19 passes where I don’t have to start my post with, “I agree with LA,” or get 30 links thrown at me.



BitaTruble -> RE: Older Master/younger slave (2/18/2007 3:32:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

I wouldn't be so shallow as to put a value on age. What does she look like?


::growls:: 163 days in a row without spitting soda out my nose and then this.

[8D]

Celeste



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Older Master/younger slave (2/18/2007 4:45:36 PM)

I am 34 and Master is 55. Things have worked out very well for us. We both had some reservations about the age difference but once we realized the maturity and connection were there that was no longer an issue.



MasterC70 -> RE: Older Master/younger slave (2/18/2007 4:57:39 PM)

She is 5'3", petite,  has long brown hair and blue eyes.  :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

I wouldn't be so shallow as to put a value on age. What does she look like?



SimplyMichael -> RE: Older Master/younger slave (2/18/2007 5:54:39 PM)

When this whole thing blows up next week, send her to me, I haven't done a young one in a while.



DominaSmartass -> RE: Older Master/younger slave (2/18/2007 6:39:26 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterC70

Thanks for all the posts so far.  I don't know if she is totally at her maturity or not Celtic Prince but I do believe that everyone has to start somewhere and she does want to be my slave.  She also seems to know what she will be getting into.  I will of course try not to expect too much too soon of her as I don't want to frighten her.  I don't believe that being Master means it's necessary to scare my slave.  I don't want her to be in fear of me, just for her to respect me as her Master. 


In my opinioin, you must be prepared for her at 18 to do a lot of growing up and maturing, which may undermine your d/s relationship. Girls who are 18 seldom are already the women they will become. I'd dare say they don't even KNOW who they will become. I am almost 23 and don't even recognize the "me" I was at 18. If it works for you then go for it but keep your eyes open to realize if there comes a point where her being your slave is inhibiting her growth into a mature adult. I personally think that someone needs to know what it is to be fully indepdendent and free before surrenduring that freedom to someone else. So exactly how long has this 18 year old been out of her parent's house, supporting herself? That would be my question.



DominaSmartass -> RE: Older Master/younger slave (2/18/2007 6:44:18 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl

All I've got to say is that the person I was at 18 only bears the most superficial resemblance to the person I am at 24...People do a HUGE amount of growing up during their first few years of independence and I don't think it's fair to ask an 18yr old to make the commitment of being a slave...she needs to learn how to be independent first and learn who she is before she completely submits herself to another human being.

If you pursue this,don't be surprised if you wake up next to her one day and find she's a different person than you used to know. Right now, who she is will still largely be defined by her family and the values she was raised around. She may find herself to be very different as the years of late adolescence pass by.


Um, ditto. I guess I should have read all the way through before replying. Also, not to mention what might happen if she attends college. You know how people get after all that liberal arts brainwashing bullshit ;)



Paradoxic -> RE: Older Master/younger slave (2/18/2007 10:24:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterC70

Thanks for all the posts so far.  I don't know if she is totally at her maturity or not Celtic Prince but I do believe that everyone has to start somewhere and she does want to be my slave.  She also seems to know what she will be getting into.  I will of course try not to expect too much too soon of her as I don't want to frighten her.  I don't believe that being Master means it's necessary to scare my slave.  I don't want her to be in fear of me, just for her to respect me as her Master. 


Can I ask, exactly what does she expect to gain from the relationship? With subs that are much younger than me I take on a consistantly paternal attitude, with is intensely dominant and powerfully attractive.




mons -> RE: Older Master/younger slave (2/20/2007 1:54:43 AM)

greetings

this was written in the gorean forum. i think someone 18 is too young for this type of thing. i do remember many dommes who said they would not pick a 18 for no reason at all. it is different with the master they will pcik someone young it is just way to young oh the old story is that the 18 of today know this or that true they do but this does nto mean they know all of the in's and out of being owned they are and should be out dancing and having fun not being a slave they need to grow more inside of their mind think all who read this remember being 18 did anyone of you think of serving someone so much older and this is something that is on the mind of many domainants i would not do it and no it is not done with the dommes

take care mons



DoreiKoneko -> RE: Older Master/younger slave (2/20/2007 4:54:48 AM)

I myself am 36 and my Mistress is 22. As another illustration is age differences in partners (and I recognise the different contexts, all) my first lover was 41 at the time I was 26. I suppose my point is, as long as each partner in a relationship is adult of to realise what the relationship will entail and is willing to make the commitment to try, I feel they should make the effort. My personal feelings say that both should be above legal age, which may be taken for granted in most cases, but as in other aspects of the BDSM world, I thought it best to give a "hard limit" up front.

I also recognise that in a D/S or M/S relationship, there is an inherent inequality due to the roles each plays in the relationship. When I use the term 'partner" I do not dismiss that. I use it simply in the context of one half of two people involved in a relationship, and being fifty percent responsible for the success of that relationship.

Respectfully,
DK



ravenairsprite -> RE: Older Master/younger slave (2/20/2007 5:28:55 AM)

Well in my experience older Dom/mes are better. I've learned quite a bit from having an older Dom/me. I started out in the BDSM lifestyle at 18 myself. While that relationship did not last it was a wonderful learning experience and if I could still be friends with the Man who was my Master for 6 months I would. Yes I've changed and grown but that's no reason to say forget it to an older more experienced Dom/me. W/we are everchanging and evolving creatures. Just because she is 18 doesn't mean that Y/you won't both experience a wonderful and possibly lasting thing. I will most likely Always choose Someone older and wiser. ~smiles softly~ I hope I get my meaning across. ~S~



SirDominic -> RE: Older Master/younger slave (2/20/2007 6:06:29 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterC70
I simply think that it's better to try and have it fail (if that is what is to happen) somewhere down the road than not to try in the first place. At the very least both me and slave will both gain experience.


There's an old joke that goes something along the lines of: "Every marriage ends in divorce. The ones that don't are only because one of the spouses died first." A bit cynical, whoever that guy was!

Which is my bass ackwards way of getting to my point. Too many people are concerned about the length of their relationship. They want it to last forever, and if it doesn't, they have failed somehow. MasterC, suppose your relationship lasts two years or so and then one or the other of you moves on. Have you failed? Or have you had a journey with someone for two years filled with excitement and adventure. Relationships often end because the people involved find that their paths diverge. They need to take a different journey now, but that does not negate, if any way, the journey they had with you.

I believe people would be a lot healthier and a lot happier if they lived their relationships focusing on the journey rather than a destination. (This applies just as well in the vanilla world, by the way).

Namaste, Sir Dominic



toservez -> RE: Older Master/younger slave (2/20/2007 7:54:08 AM)

I do not help in fighting the stereotype. I have always been with much older men. My former Master was twenty-seven years older then me and my current one is eleven, or as my Mom puts it for me I am robbing the cradle.

Maturity is a fickle thing and not based on age so I do not see automatic problems. It has been my experience though that life stages and energy levels do come into play and cannot be dismissed. Part of the success is of course compatibility but factors like these cannot just be dismissed with clichéd things like age is only a number. Expectations and understanding of realistic things that will happen must be understood and worked on for a good long term relationship.



thetammyjo -> RE: Older Master/younger slave (2/20/2007 8:14:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterC70

Thanks for all the posts so far. I don't know if she is totally at her maturity or not Celtic Prince but I do believe that everyone has to start somewhere and she does want to be my slave. She also seems to know what she will be getting into. I will of course try not to expect too much too soon of her as I don't want to frighten her. I don't believe that being Master means it's necessary to scare my slave. I don't want her to be in fear of me, just for her to respect me as her Master.


If I may, as someone who has a much younger slave and who has worked a lot with the younger generations (18-30 year olds), offer some suggestions.

Don't allow her to be your slave yet.

Get to know each other both in a scene context and out of scene. This will provide both of you the opportunity to see what is that you want and if you want it together.

Fox went through 9 months of training with me, a lot of self reflection, and then he had to think about accepting my collar as my slave. The fact that he wanted to take things slow and that he purposely considered each step demonstrated to me that he he more maturity and a firm grasp of reality than the vast majority of people I've met who are 40+.

How many years have you purposely and thoughtfully been a top or a dominant? You, too, need to figure out what you want, how you want it, what you wish to exercise authority over and how much of that is realistic. In my opinion, until someone can do all of this, they should not own a slave -- play with bottoms, have relationships with submissives, great, but one is not ready to own someone until the wouldbe owner has done a lot of work on his/her own.



Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.125