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lack of selfcontrol - 2/8/2007 7:43:04 AM

shybutsweet

Posts: 16
Joined: 1/31/2007
Status: offline

My mouth is getting me into trouble. I find myself saying very inappropriate things to my Master. I want to be a good slave. I am proud to be his. Does this make me an unsuitable slave? I don't want to be this way. Please don't take this as a cop-out but I can't seem to control it. Any ideas or thoughts?

_____________________________

Peace, Love and Honesty to you now and Forevermore.

shybutsweet

Post #: 1

RE: lack of selfcontrol - 2/8/2007 7:54:51 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

Of course how you present yourself in verbal form is important but I believe this for all human beings and not just these types of relationships that actions are far more important then words and your actions as a slave are what will make you one not just words. I would ask are your actions also getting you in trouble?

Assuming they are not I do not think that makes you unsuitable at all. Certainly most of my punishments over the years have come from what came out of my mouth. Sometimes personality characteristics do not fit each other.

First I would ask what type of comments are getting you in trouble and are they just comments/reactions and nothing more or part of a bigger problem you are truly having? If it is more then communication of the problem needs to improve between each of you. If it is just words then an improvement of focus and consciously trying to change your thought to spoken word filter is in order. Part of that is going to have to be your effort and part of that is that of your Master’s. Talk to him and maybe both of you can come to a conclusion as what type of punishment will motivate a change in this behavior the best way.

I do not think words out of a mouth cannot invalidate you as a slave. Just think of it as needing some polishing.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to shybutsweet)

Post #: 2

RE: lack of selfcontrol - 2/8/2007 7:57:50 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

Yes, just keep working on taming your mouth.
Speaking things is well within your control, you just have to be more diligent in paying attention to not only your words, but your tone as well.
It's not easy, but if you keep trying you'll get there.
suzanne

(in reply to shybutsweet)

Post #: 3

RE: lack of selfcontrol - 2/8/2007 8:14:48 AM

shybutsweet

Posts: 16
Joined: 1/31/2007
Status: offline

I believe that the comments I make, while inappropriate, are just words. Master says he is not displeased with me, just with this issue. I feel as though I am craving different attention from my Master. Other then a slap accross the face when this happens, there has been no real consequence for my behavior. Master says he has trouble coming up with suitable punishments for me, so often does nothing. As well, when other people are around (which is quite often), we don't act like we are a part of the lifestyle, then as soon as we are alone, back in. These transitions are hard to deal with. I want to control myself better, maybe it is just a case of old habits die hard.

< Message edited by shybutsweet -- 2/8/2007 8:16:14 AM >

_____________________________

Peace, Love and Honesty to you now and Forevermore.

shybutsweet

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 4

RE: lack of selfcontrol - 2/8/2007 8:16:57 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Practice, practice, practice. How long have you had these rules in place and have been actively working to change? It takes about 4-6 weeks for an action to become a regular habit if worked on everyday, and much longer for it to become a natural part of your make-up.

It took years for you to develop into who you are, it won't be changed overnight. Getting frustrated about that will only distract you from the goal and progress you are making.

It means being aware of what you are already doing- what are the times you do it most? What are the specific tough target areas? What specific behaviors are you REPLACING the bad ones with? It's not enough to say "Stop saying that" you need to say "Instead of using this word, use THIS word."

The more you are aware of it, the more you can stop yourself to think about it first and make a better choice. Slow it down and practice, practice, practice.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to shybutsweet)

Post #: 5

RE: lack of selfcontrol - 2/8/2007 8:25:04 AM

desertdancer

Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline

Do you know what kind of attention you are finding yoruself craving from your Master? You must know that attention from being bad isn't half as good as attention for being good.

I think you need to sit down in a quiet spot and really be truthful with yoruself. Are you trying to test your Master? If so why? Does some part of you want him to be more strict, more imposing? Do you want him to be firmer or harsher with you. If not then I suggest you quickly figure out how to correct your behavior. If you are looking for harsher things, if your craving a deeper level of pain or punishment, or just sub-space from feeling negitive attention, I'd suggest sitting down and politly telling Him what it is your craving.

You can have a firmer, harsher Master without testing him or being naughty. Maybe he is craving some of the same things that you are. He could use more "play type punishments' when making kisses.

As for how to stop saying out of line things, try to self muzzle your impulses. Focuse on using your frontal lobe, be aware that your speaking before you think. I have a hard time sometimes always using my fronal lobe as well. Not in the same sense as you do, but just randomly saying things that although may be funny to me, may not be right at the time. Like mentioning naughty things infront of the wrong people. I focuse on really watching what I am thinking and always try to be aware that my sense of humour isn't always approprate.

I wish ya luck,
~dancer

< Message edited by desertdancer -- 2/8/2007 8:28:03 AM >

_____________________________

* Shimmy Shimmy *

(in reply to shybutsweet)

Post #: 6

RE: lack of selfcontrol - 2/8/2007 8:49:28 AM

Kondolinni

Posts: 67
Joined: 4/2/2004
Status: offline

You're demanding negative attention and being petulent.

If you were my girl, neither would be tolerated. You'd be too damn tired from both discussion and lectures (not to mention time out and as many spankings as required) to engage in much of this kind of behavior with me.

That said, either your Dom is either a bit lazy, or a bit of a wanker. Or, you think it is alright to make him appear so in your second response in this thread. If you want more punishment, don't post this kind of vague nonsense here, go talk to him and tell him. If you want to acknowledge your D/s or M/s (or whatever it is) when the two of you are out in public, talk to him about it.

You aren't invalidating your submissiveness, you are confirming your spoiledness.

Be a good girl, and go work this out with your Dom, or grow up and go find another one.

(in reply to desertdancer)

Post #: 7

RE: lack of selfcontrol - 2/8/2007 9:19:00 AM

shybutsweet

Posts: 16
Joined: 1/31/2007
Status: offline

I am not trying to cast my Master in a negative light or show disrespect to him or anyone else. I was trying to just give a bit more information with my second post. Master encourages me to use the forums to learn and ask questions. Often times he sees the posts before I put them here. We have opened the lines of communication. We are discussing the situation at hand. The purpose of my posting here was to get ideas from some other people and as Master approves I don't see what the problem is with it.

_____________________________

Peace, Love and Honesty to you now and Forevermore.

shybutsweet

(in reply to Kondolinni)

Post #: 8

RE: lack of selfcontrol - 2/8/2007 9:23:52 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Have you tried carrying a tape recorder around to tape yourself then listen to yourself later? That may drive home what is bothering your master when you hear it for yourself.

Have you tried immediate consequences for yourself when you mouth off? Like snapping a rubberband on your wrist or biting your tongue? I've heard this works with other issues like smoking or swearing.

Otherwise I fear I'm not much help on this issue because I just won't own someone who mouthed off to me. There wouldn't even be a second time because the first time would be the last time.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to shybutsweet)

Post #: 9

RE: lack of selfcontrol - 2/8/2007 9:26:04 AM

Kondolinni

Posts: 67
Joined: 4/2/2004
Status: offline

I don't see a problem with it either.

I guess by your response, you didn't care for my advice.

Or, should I infer from your critique that the problem is you sought only a specific kind of advice or response?

My apologies. In future cases, please post instructions as to the kind of responses you are seeking.

Thanks in advance for your cooperation.

Just teasing... mostly.

Talk to your Dom.

(in reply to shybutsweet)

Post #: 10

RE: lack of selfcontrol - 2/8/2007 9:49:14 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I am allowed to be somewhat of a smart ass as long as it is said in fun, and my smart assed mouth is 99% of the time pointed at something entirely unrelated to him. I joke with my Daddy all the time and I am slightly mischieviousm I enjoy teasing him, and we share a similar type of sense of humor. If I overstep something, he would let me know.

My point of relating the above is if you have a good sense of humor, perhaps you could channel your tongue in that direction? Making fun of yourself, a situation that makes you uncomfortable, or funning with your master could be a huge pressure remover. Laughter does so much to relieve pressure and stress. And in your OP I sensed some pressure and stress. Before you start becoming Chris Rock I would suggest you talk about wanting to improve what you allow to come out of your mouth, and mention strategies with your master. He can aid you in many ways that none of us ever could. He knows what is desirable to him also, what meshes with his personality.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to shybutsweet)

Post #: 11

RE: lack of selfcontrol - 2/8/2007 10:10:14 AM

shybutsweet

Posts: 16
Joined: 1/31/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kondolinni

I don't see a problem with it either.

I guess by your response, you didn't care for my advice.

Or, should I infer from your critique that the problem is you sought only a specific kind of advice or response?

My apologies. In future cases, please post instructions as to the kind of responses you are seeking.

Thanks in advance for your cooperation.

Just teasing... mostly.

Talk to your Dom.

I apologize for being touchy, I really am not trying to be petulant. I have worried myself over this to the point that I am sick.

Thanks for all the feedback everyone. I really do appreciate it. Today when I see him I am going to ask to talk to him about this issue when it is convienent.

_____________________________

Peace, Love and Honesty to you now and Forevermore.

shybutsweet

(in reply to Kondolinni)

Post #: 12

RE: lack of selfcontrol - 2/8/2007 10:13:28 AM

shybutsweet

Posts: 16
Joined: 1/31/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I am allowed to be somewhat of a smart ass

Master has a sense of humor and allows me to be a smart ass sometimes as well. He has not told me what he considers not appropriate. I will ask him about that as well when we talk. Hopefully soon.

_____________________________

Peace, Love and Honesty to you now and Forevermore.

shybutsweet

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 13

RE: lack of selfcontrol - 2/8/2007 10:27:02 AM

SirDominic

Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

From your description, it sounds to me like you don't have a lack of self control, per se. Your Master is not responding in the ways you want/need, so you are mouthing off to try to get him to react. At least that is the way I read what you have said.

You are not receiving the reactions you are craving, and are unhappy with your actions having no consequences.

You have to look at the whole picture. Is your Master capable of the punishment you are wanting? If it is not his style, or whatever the reason, he does not or can not punish you, you are not going to be happy in this relationship.

No disrespect to your Master; we come in all flavors. Just saying if you need more physical control, and that is not his style, you two are not suited for each other.
Namaste, Sir Dominic

(in reply to shybutsweet)

Post #: 14

RE: lack of selfcontrol - 2/8/2007 10:36:21 AM

slavekara

Posts: 76
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

Greetings All,

As many have said, just practise and it is your Master you wish to make happy, not to upset or anger him. Maybe you could try havinga conversation with the mirror, say things that you wouldsay to your Master but word them differently.

This girl is learning to speak in third person and she started out by doing so in text's to her Master and in forums (hence the third person speech).
but she has yetto be successful in doing it infront of Master.

slave kara (A)

(in reply to SirDominic)

Post #: 15

RE: lack of selfcontrol - 2/8/2007 2:38:55 PM

sexyone4you

Posts: 613
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline

I have the same sort of issues, and I am glad you asked the question here. For me, it is that I am missing something I need from a Dom, but I haven't figured out what it is that is missing. Sometimes takes a while to realize that I am being a smart ass. I have found myself in the past mouthing off just to pick a fight. Overall, there is usually attention that I want. However, I still need to figure out what things and types of attention I want &/or need.

(in reply to slavekara)

Post #: 16

RE: lack of selfcontrol - 2/8/2007 2:40:16 PM

sexyone4you

Posts: 613
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Have you tried carrying a tape recorder around to tape yourself then listen to yourself later? That may drive home what is bothering your master when you hear it for yourself.

Have you tried immediate consequences for yourself when you mouth off? Like snapping a rubberband on your wrist or biting your tongue? I've heard this works with other issues like smoking or swearing.

Otherwise I fear I'm not much help on this issue because I just won't own someone who mouthed off to me. There wouldn't even be a second time because the first time would be the last time.

I have tried the rubberband on the wrist. It has worked for me with other things.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 17

RE: lack of selfcontrol - 2/8/2007 3:15:41 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

Gags work wonders on people that cant controll their mouths!!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to sexyone4you)

Post #: 18

RE: lack of selfcontrol - 2/8/2007 4:27:42 PM

Jeffshope

Posts: 12
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline

You are responsible for your thoughts and actions.

Saying "I can't help it" is a cop out.

If you really did not want to say it - you would work on it and would see change. I assume you are getting a lot of attention from him from saying it. Maybe there is a pay-off you are unaware of.

I am willing to bet if he put some speech restrictions on you things would change a bit ;)

(in reply to shybutsweet)

Post #: 19

RE: lack of selfcontrol - 2/8/2007 4:38:49 PM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Bit harsh...she's only 25. That said, I agree that she needs to talk with her dom and not necessarily air this out in public. Shy, you know what you are doing is wrong..or at least it is causing you stress. Stop it.

(in reply to Kondolinni)

Post #: 20

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