Rumors and the damage they can do

Rumors and the damage they can do (Full Version)

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SirMichealspeach -> Rumors and the damage they can do (2/5/2007 3:58:24 AM)
This is not a rant about CollarMe. It is just something i needed to get off my chest. I am not looking for advice persay. I think it is really sad when one or two people in a group get a notionin their heads that they don't particuraly(sp) like someone or something they do and start a rumor about that person in a way that damages their reputation. And also that the people being told this rumor do not have the balls to come to the source of the Rumor and ask if its true.People one thinks are their friends just keep quite and let the chips fall where they might.I for one if I heard something about a friend that was disturbing or out of character for that person would ask them about it.While I understand that this is human nature to bash someone else when you have been hurt or rejected it is still not right and everyone should at least think about the reprecutions it may cause another. SirMicheals peach

LadyIce -> RE: Rumors and the damage they can do (2/5/2007 4:08:07 AM)
I agree, but what can you do about it? Vicious rumors are often hard to stop and spread like wildfire. I have found the best thing I can do is deny them and hold my head up and move on.

LadyEllen -> RE: Rumors and the damage they can do (2/5/2007 4:09:52 AM)
True enough SMP; words hurt as well as sticks and stones, and I think we only need look to history to see how words turn into sticks and stones before long. There is one particular poster here, who comes in for a lot of stick; though to be fair it does seem this poster brings it on themself to a certain extent too. It reminds me of the playground bullying of the kids who were a bit different, (one of whom was me), and occasionally I feel I have to say something, usually off thread. Thankfully it seems, I have earned a bit more respect here than in the playground and many do calm it down a bit if I ask nicely. The repercussions in this particular case could well be fatal. But, there are also many posters - usually the ones who post on the day they join, something so offensive and/or ridiculous in some way, who get a lot of stick too. And these instances I have little problem with. Its not that they arent used to the way fora work, its not that theyre new, but that theyre just trying to provoke. E

SirDiscipliner69 -> RE: Rumors and the damage they can do (2/5/2007 4:26:30 AM)
Most that start rumours to hurt are ones that have been hurt themselves...either through rejection or scorn...it is sad to see that their values and self esteme are so low as to continue to lash out at others. Bottom line is that you know the truth and eventually it will come to light and the those will need to account to someone in the after life. Ross http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Bon_D_Age/members?o=6

slavejali -> RE: Rumors and the damage they can do (2/5/2007 5:07:00 AM)
There was an old jewish parable I heard once, this is the closest I could find on the net quickly... In a small village, a young woman spreads an unkind rumor. Her victim goes to the village rabbi to get justice for her ruined reputation. The gossipmonger offers to make amends by taking back her words, demonstrating that she does not truly understand the harm she has caused. The rabbi invents a creative way to teach the heedless woman the destructive power of rumors and gossip. He tells her: “Take my feather pillow to the market square. Cut it open and let the feathers fly through the air. When this task is done, bring back the feathers, every one.” Although she thinks the rabbi has gone mad, she follows his strange instructions. Of course, she cannot possibly retrieve all the feathers, and thus learns the intended lesson: “‘I suppose,’ she sighed as she lowered her head, ‘they are like the words I can’t take back from the rumor I spread.’”

SirDiscipliner69 -> RE: Rumors and the damage they can do (2/5/2007 5:08:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali There was an old jewish parable I heard once, this is the closest I could find on the net quickly... Wow... I like that I am going to use that. Nice Ross http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Bon_D_Age/members?o=6

untamedshysub -> RE: Rumors and the damage they can do (2/5/2007 6:12:09 AM)
I have found people start rumors aka lies to get attention they find negative attention better than no attention at all. There is no way to combat that even when the truth comes out the damage is done much like the following parable : a father came home from work and his wife told him his daughter had been misbehaving using hateful words so he took her outside to the wooden fence and gave her hammer and nails and everytime she would say something nasty to someone for the following week she had to hammer a nail into the fence, at the end of the week he had her remove the nails she had hammered in, and although she had apologized for the things she had said there were still little holes in the fence where the nail was. The moral when you hurt someone even if you say you are sorry or the truth comes out the little hole is still there.

smilezz -> RE: Rumors and the damage they can do (2/5/2007 6:23:07 AM)
I have had experience with this in the past. Here are my thoughts: If it's something online, it's a moot point, does not matter...can't give people you have never met that much power over you. Now, as far as everyday life goes, people you know, interract with, they start a rumor......think about this a moment. The people starting the rumor telling other people that are believing the rumor.......are the believers really worth a grain of salt in the first place? are these the kind of people you want to associate with in the first place? what kind of integrity do they have to believe a rumor? The people that truly know who you are will not listen to the rumor. Oh the wicked webs people weave ..... just because they think it's fun. I say: what goes around, comes around..........and then smile. Happy Monday! ~smilezz~

Devilslilsister -> RE: Rumors and the damage they can do (2/5/2007 6:28:17 AM)
Agreed, very nice Jali

BreatheinToMe -> RE: Rumors and the damage they can do (2/5/2007 7:12:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: untamedshysub I have found people start rumors aka lies to get attention they find negative attention better than no attention at all. There is no way to combat that even when the truth comes out the damage is done much like the following parable : a father came home from work and his wife told him his daughter had been misbehaving using hateful words so he took her outside to the wooden fence and gave her hammer and nails and everytime she would say something nasty to someone for the following week she had to hammer a nail into the fence, at the end of the week he had her remove the nails she had hammered in, and although she had apologized for the things she had said there were still little holes in the fence where the nail was. The moral when you hurt someone even if you say you are sorry or the truth comes out the little hole is still there. Both very good parables... Thanks for sharing.

starshineowned -> RE: Rumors and the damage they can do (2/5/2007 7:19:27 AM)
quote: I for one if I heard something about a friend that was disturbing or out of character for that person would ask them about it. Don't think these sorts of things will ever change. People can just be mean spirited with no real intention for doing such, while I think most others do such for lack of or want of something..generally attention due to lack of self esteem/confidence issues. The part I differ on with the quoted portion is: If I considered this person to be my friend..I wouldn't bother to go ask the friend about it to verify but rather just tell the person spreading the rumor to me..hey, I know these people or this person, and what your telling me isn't what I've found or seen when I'm with said person, smile and leave it at that. Well Wishes starshine Happy slave of Master Delvin

ToGiveDivine -> RE: Rumors and the damage they can do (2/5/2007 7:39:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen But, there are also many posters - usually the ones who post on the day they join, something so offensive and/or ridiculous in some way, who get a lot of stick too. And these instances I have little problem with. Its not that they arent used to the way fora work, its not that theyre new, but that theyre just trying to provoke. E Hey, I made this mistake only once and you tied me spread eagle from the ceiling and kicked me in the balls as hard as you could. Oh wait, that didn't really happen ... that was in my dream last night. Oh my, how embarrassing for me ;-) Uummmmm ... nevermind ...

pahunkboy -> RE: Rumors and the damage they can do (2/5/2007 8:15:25 AM)
My dad had a saying- dont worry about anyone who doesnt sign your paycheck. Turns out my late dad had alotta good advice. :-0

SirMichealspeach -> RE: Rumors and the damage they can do (2/6/2007 10:23:06 AM)
Thank You all for your replies and advice. I especially like the parables used..Master and I wll turn the other cheek so to speak but it still hurts that someone We thought We knew and trusted could be so vendictive. peach

sub4hire -> RE: Rumors and the damage they can do (2/6/2007 10:26:37 AM)
As a good rule of thumb, never believe anything anyone says unless they can back it up with proof. Take it with a grain of salt and if it is bothering you that much confront the person who said it.

juliaoceania -> RE: Rumors and the damage they can do (2/6/2007 10:40:56 AM)
I grew up in a very small town, typical Peyton Place mentality. I learned to disbelieve everything I heard, and only believe half of what I saw. Rumors are for bored people to pass the time, and frankly I have always distanced myself from those who spread them. If they are talking smack about someone else one day, they will probably be talking smack about you the next. It is far better to be out of the loop so to speak. I managed to keep my personal stuff mostly personal by adopting this approach to life. People who like to gossip often take one shred of evidence and exagerate to make it more interesting to retell. Basically half truths are often more damaging than out and out lies. Just my experience with this sort of thing, and unfortunately I got it rather young.

LTRsubNW -> RE: Rumors and the damage they can do (2/6/2007 5:41:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali There was an old jewish parable I heard once, this is the closest I could find on the net quickly... In a small village, a young woman spreads an unkind rumor. Her victim goes to the village rabbi to get justice for her ruined reputation. The gossipmonger offers to make amends by taking back her words, demonstrating that she does not truly understand the harm she has caused. The rabbi invents a creative way to teach the heedless woman the destructive power of rumors and gossip. He tells her: “Take my feather pillow to the market square. Cut it open and let the feathers fly through the air. When this task is done, bring back the feathers, every one.” Although she thinks the rabbi has gone mad, she follows his strange instructions. Of course, she cannot possibly retrieve all the feathers, and thus learns the intended lesson: “‘I suppose,’ she sighed as she lowered her head, ‘they are like the words I can’t take back from the rumor I spread.’” That's a wonderful thought but...my pillow's still lumpy.

smirkingsheep -> RE: Rumors and the damage they can do (2/6/2007 7:25:12 PM)
I've been lucky enough to not have any really malicious rumours spread about me. Although, I know there are highly bizarre ones that people believe. But I will admit I'm partially at fault for that. (What the hell? YES. I'M A SELF CANNIBAL. I EAT MY BOX. AND YOU'RE A MORON.)

Termyn8or -> RE: Rumors and the damage they can do (2/6/2007 7:43:07 PM)
I am past allthis shit. Ken says George lijke s to take it up the ass but Fred says George is a hopeless bondage fanatic. In the mentime Kelly has been foung to like girls, and Pam REALLY likes to tie people up. Then we have the other Ken, who wants to be locked in a chastity belt. I don't fucking care, but this one sounds like a fun group. People interact, that is visit each other etc. If people interacted but didn't worry about other people when they got home, the world would be much better. Gossip should be limited to "I think she likes you" or " I don't think she likes you". Not, I heard she touched her dog's dick when they were shaving it", or "I hear she drives with a finger up her.........." Get it ? doesn't really matter. There is one thing about the definition of gossip, and thayt is that the information os totally useless and means nothing. T

Vendaval -> RE: Rumors and the damage they can do (2/7/2007 1:18:30 AM)
When dealing with a gossip-monger, I use a bit of reverse psychology on them. I let them casually "overhear" part of a conversation with deliberate useless, harmless information in it. Then I wait for the information to come around to me again. (Use something like winning the lottery or having some highly contagious, lethal, non-curable disease.!) [sm=hair.gif] Extra points to be given if you and your friends have a bet going on how long the process will take.

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