gypsygrl
Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
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First, thanks to everyone for the great suggestions. They're all extremely practical, which is incredibly helpful in getting myself to a point I can manage the anxiety by channeling it. Just writing out the op helped me get a grip but then I got up this morning to find all these useful comments and was like, oh cool. :)
Juliaoceania:
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Visualize yourself in front of the committee performing at your peak, answering every question in an articulate staight-foward manner. Picture their reaction being positive and thoughtful. Do this visualization every day, and then stop when it feels like work, or your you start to feel nervous and only picture this in a positive way. It is what athletes do to better their performance and reduce performance anxiety. It works well for anything.
This is a really good thought because what I'm doing is more like an athletic performance than other kinds of perfomances, because I'll have to field questions from my readers which is kind of unpredictable. The stuff I came accross googling all had to do with acting and musical performances, and emphasized preparation and practice but doesn't really take into account the possibility of something happening that isn't anticipated.
SusanofO
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I know a woman who has a Ph.D. in mathematics, and her assessment of her dissertation evaluation committee was that they were "all a bunch of ivory-tower snobs with way too much time on their hands" (she was not fond of the "halls of upper academia"). Thinking along those lines might help, too (if it isn't self-destructive, that is). By the time she finally gave her dissertation, she was way to pissed off at anyone on that committee to really give much of a rat's ass about feeling intimidated by any of them. And she "passed" with flying colors.
So many graduate students end up like this, and its something I want to avoid. (Remember the unibomber?) For me, it would be self-destructive and I'm really trying to move past my first couple of years of grad school when I was a very pissed off, everyone sucks kind of student. In all honesty, I can't be too pissed off because I recieved 4 years of financial support from the university, and keep getting teaching and other kinds of jobs. Its a crappy system in a lot of ways--I know that--but I have to suspend that knowledge or at least balance it out with more positive thoughts. And, thank you for your kind words. :) I guess part of the trick is to start believing things like that. (My therapist tells me that.)
LuckyAlbatross: Practice always helps, yes.
NorthernGent:
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Understand who you have a duty to satisfy. That is you, who cares about the audience - will you ever seem them again? Are they even friends?
You don't owe the audience anything. Social anxiety is wrapped up in the belief that you must please those around you. In this scenario, you are under no obligation to please anyone. Concentrate on what you want to say rather than the reactions of the people around you. All that matters is you do yourself justice. Effectively, you're giving a presentation to yourself, there just happens to be a few people sat around listening.
In one sense no, in this situation, I don't owe anyone anything except myself. But, I have to pass the defense to get the degree. Its one of the requirements. The 5 readers have to approve my dissertation and my ability to defend my argument. But, I think it makes sense not to get over invested in other people's reactions and to stay focused on what I'm supposed to be doing.
LTRsubNW:
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I once had the same aversion. Don't think...talk. Tell your story.
One of the great things of age is...you can tell your story. (And...you have one to tell).
Once you do...it's no longer a speech...it's a discussion.
(From that point on, it's just you and your history).
In general, dissertation defenses are designed along criticism and debate lines, which can potentially be confrontational. I'm doing historical research in a social scientifically oriented school of education. Its tough to get away with story telling, though because I'm doing historical research, and history has a strong narrative tradition, I can and do tell a story in my dissertation. But, I've had to do a lot of work to get this accepted by people other than my advisor (who's a historian but its an interdisciplinary department of mostly philosophers and sociologists.) In this situation, if someone comes in with a chip on their shoulder against stories, I'll have to deal with it. Alot depends on the readers but some simply don't tolerate the 'soft' story telling, discussion mode and want 'hard' science or at least logical arguments. Unfortunately, history doesn't always conform to the rules of logic and my job is to present the history whether or not its logical. If anyone has a major problem with my basic thesis, it won't go to defense, so there shouldn't be any real trouble but you've hit on one of my major concerns. :)
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ORIGINAL: SusanofO
Well, congrats! I guess there is always my mom's old advice about picturing people you are intimidated by in their underwear (she said it worked for her).
(I tried that...it didn't work for me...especially when I started masturbating about halfway through due to the 3 - 19 year old women in the front....the police totally fucked up my entire speech).
I once gave an off the cuff lecture on the history of masturbation in a class I was teaching. It was a great lecture but totally spontaneous, and I think its best if I avoid anything having to do with underwear in this situation because once I get going there's no telling whats going to come out of my mouth.
Sinergy:
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A piece of advice I was given when I started doing the self defense thing I do, act as if. This means that you act as if what you just did or said was what you intended to have done or said. Remember that none of the people you are presenting to know what you are about to say or do.
Thats a good thing for me to think about. I know that people are going to read things in the text of my dissertation that I didn't intentionally put there because of the kind of writer I am. I don't want to be flummoxed when someone brings up a point I made that I didn't mean to make. If its in the text, its fair game, but...
happypervert: Yes, stalling tactics! Those are the kinds of things I do in the class room when my brain refuses to cooperate. The chalkboard's my friend because I can always turn towards it (and away from the students) make a show of writing something out while I compose myself and get myself into gear. Having a list of gracefull stalling tactics sounds like a really good idea.
seeksfemslave: You're not being harsh. Its a good point. I have to be prepared to hear criticism because thats the name of the game. In general, if it goes to defense at all, I can safely assume its good because my committee wouldn't let it go that far if it wasn't. But, part of the idea of the defense is to assess the candidate's ability to field criticism and there's always something that can be improved. I think your suggestion of going through it and listing all the flaws, short comings and stuff is a good one. And, yes its 'peers and above' though mostly above.
Scootertrash: Yeah, I do this kind of dissociation all the time especially when I'm doing public speaking or something stressful like that. It works when I'm calling the shots, like when I'm teaching, but I'm not calling the shots here. So, I really don't know if this tendency will work to my advantage or not. If I'm dissociated, I cant always process complex verbal cues which may be problematic in understanding questions. Though, as I'm writing this, I'm thinking that there's probably no harm in asking someone to restate their questions.
mnottertail: All good suggestions. I do have domain. No one in my department really knows what I'm talking about except for what they read in my dissertation. Its one of the good/bad things about doing original research. On the one hand, I get to be the expert. On the other hand, if they ask an uninformed question that doesn't make sense, I have to figure out a way to tactfully address it. And yes, when I searched out 'performance anxiety,' I kept getting links to pages on erectile dysfunction which brought to mind images of Bob Dole...in his underwear. And Ted Kennedy. In his underwear. From there its a slippery slope down down down into the abyss.
Vendaval:
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In preparation for the big day, treat it like any other stage
performance; have your clothing and hair prepared,
eat lightly, do not over-caffeinate yourself or you may
talk to fast or get the jitters, and arrive early.
This is the sort of really important stuff I'm likely to forget. Once, I was giving a talk and absentmindly put my hand-outs on the roof of my car while I was unlocking it. I drove off and saw in my rear view mirror all my carefully prepared handouts fluttering in the wind behind me. It was really funny but I had to go to my presentation empty handed. I should take your list and tatoo it to my forehead so I remember to do those things. :)
newsubseeking61:
There was a good 3 year stint where I was ABD and didn't care anymore. For me, I think it was a reaction to the intensity of course work and examinations.
But, yeah, I was reading web pages about musical performance anxiety, and it was informative especially getting a grip on some of the cognitive processes involved. Thanks for the reference. :)
happypervert: The way it works, is there's 3 members on my committee who I've been showing my work to for years. One of those is my advisor and he's in my court. The other two are philosophers so we spend a lot of time arguing over disciplinary differences between history and philosophy and alot of their questions are shaped by their disciplinary committments. They're not exactly sure if they like my work, but thats more because its 'not philosophy.' Its an inter-disciplinary department so I've done alot of 'selling'. I can't assume anything but am pretty sure they'll back me. But, they could ask a really hard question. At the defense, there will be 2 outside readers in addition to my committee members and the chair of the the defense committee. These 3 are wildcards but they'll probably be either psychologically or sociologically oriented and from what I've seen from attending other students' defenses, theres a good possibility that I'll spend alot of time answering criticisms based on disciplinary differences or methodological issues and won't be able to go into the substance. But, it will be my job to 'sell' my work.
Again, thanks for all the comments. :)
_____________________________
“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin
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