Mad Teachers

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NorthernGent -> Mad Teachers (1/27/2007 10:50:22 AM)
One of Popeye's posts about a teacher made me laugh and started me off thinking about some of the teachers at our school. Here's a selection of good, old fashioned English teaching methods. We had a Chemistry teacher who was completely and utterly as mad as a snake.........and sadistic to boot. You know that bit of hair just near the top, front bit of your ear....if we were playing up he used to get hold of that bit and pull as hard as he could without actually pulling the hair out.....we were only 13.......it used to have our eyes watering no end. I'll never forget the day he caught a couple of the lads playing cards at the back of the class - he lost complete control of his senses and tried to set one of the lads on fire with a bunsen burner. Genuinely, it was about 2 minutes of complete lawlessness in the classroom. The head master of our school was also a strange type. He was a big weight lifter. I'm sure he was on steroids because every now and again you'd see him ripping up big phone books with his hands (these were big chunky things and it took some strength to tear them in half) for no apparent reason other than to create a regime of terror in an attempt to scare us into reasonable behaviour. I'm sure he thought he was the hulk. Then we had an art teacher who was rumoured to be fucking just about every lad in the school (you know how rumours fly around about teachers - I heard it that many times I'm sure I was the only one not getting involved). She had a big chunky ring on each finger and clattered you around the side of your head when she wasn't best pleased - it's what's known over here as "warming yer lugs" and it was serious pain. One year we went to the lake district on an outdoor activities for a week - absailing, canoeing, rock-climbing, wind-surfing etc. The instructor teachers weren't mentally tuned in at all. First night, we were all playing up as kids do and they were a bit sneaky about it because they didn't sort it out there and then - they waited until about 1 in the morning, came sniping into the dorms and bundled one of the lads out of his bunk bed and outside - it was a real military operation, over in a split second. Anyway, they made him stand outside in just his undercracks for about 3 hours and it was freezing weather. That's not teaching, it's pure sadism and humiliation! We got the message though, it was clear intent that fucking around was not going to be tolerated for the rest of the week. Then we had a history teacher who could not get through a lesson without a cigarette. She used to make her excuses and shuffle off down to the staff-room half way through the lesson. We used to arse around while she was out - once lesson we were taking kids' shoes off and throwing them out of the window. We were on the top floor and we didn't realise the staff room was directly beneath us on the bottom floor. She wasn't impressed when she saw shoe after shoe go sailing past the staff room window. It actually ended in a brawl between our history teacher and one of the lads in the class. Not impressive. How does this compare to US and Canadian teaching methods?

ElectraGlide -> RE: Mad Teachers (1/27/2007 10:57:08 AM)
I Never had anything like that here in the US NorthernGent thats for sure. Was that what Pink Floyd was singing about, Teacher leave us kids alone.

ElectraGlide -> RE: Mad Teachers (1/27/2007 11:07:19 AM)
I did have a 6th grade math teacher go semi postal. We had a kid that had some kind of problem he always had slober and snot running down his chin at all times. He must have slobbered on his math book because the pages were stuck together. The kid was black in a mostly white school and the teacher may have been a racist. The teacher was 6 foot 10 and scarry looking. The teacher jumped his ass hard about being a slob over his math book and the kid starting giving him some lip back. That lit the teachers fire he came charging across the room and starting flipping his desk all around while the kid hing on for his life. The kid gave him more lip. He made a giant dunce had and made him wear it in front of the class. The kid threw it off. Then the teacher duct taped it on his head and duct taped his mouth shut. The last 5 minutes of class the teacher said lets stop working and spend it laughing at him. This is true I was blown away at the time I could not even speak or beleive what I saw.

NorthernGent -> RE: Mad Teachers (1/27/2007 11:10:49 AM)
lol, yeah Pink Floyd knew what it was all about.......there's no second chance to be a kid so best get all of the childish behaviour over and done with before adult-hood!

NorthernGent -> RE: Mad Teachers (1/27/2007 11:14:43 AM)
Now that is overstepping the mark! We pretty much got what was coming to us for playing up but this poor kid sounds like he was just minding his own. Our Maths teachers were real disciplinarians too...maybe it's in the subject.

ElectraGlide -> RE: Mad Teachers (1/27/2007 11:18:05 AM)
I know Floyd is a English group so I figured that might have been a fact based song. I went to public schools, but I used to hear Catholic school stories about have to hold your hands on a desk while the teacher cracked your knucles with rulers held together with rubber bands.

juliaoceania -> RE: Mad Teachers (1/27/2007 12:01:49 PM)
In my junior high school there was a male and female teacher that were rumored to have been involved for years... even when they had been married to other people. My last day of junior high, my homeroom teacher announced that they had been married. In high school there was a teacher that was dating one of the students, he ended up getting fired, but continued to date her anyway with the permission of her parents... the law could not do anything back then with no one to testify. I had one teacher in 6th grade that had really bad dandruff, his hair was always greasy, and he just looked slimy all the time. He was very strange and would yell at kids for very little. His name was Mr Dorn, we called him Mr Corn (weren't we clever little brats?)

NorthernGent -> RE: Mad Teachers (1/27/2007 12:50:45 PM)
There were always rumours at our school that the teachers were all banging each other. Every other week some kid would say they'd caught Mr x going at Mrs y like a train but you never saw it with your own eyes (which was a shame as it would have been pure comedy). Your Mr Corn sounds like our Mr Davies (known to us as Bobby Crush). He was our Biology teacher and was the architype teacher - tweed jacket, patches on his elbows, bald, beard, softly spoken. The poor bloke got some stick off us and he didn't have enough about him to get us under control which looking back wasn't on because he was a decent enough bloke. Kids eh. We used to have a thing called being "on report". The first punishment for us was always being sent out of the lesson and made to stand outside for the rest of the lesson. If that didn't work the teachers would put us on report. Basically, it meant we had to carry a slip around which recorded our behaviour for the next couple of weeks. If we kept it together we were taken off report but if the slip recorded we'd been playing up then we were sent to see the headmaster (the sterioded hulk who used to rip phone books up). Anyway, this particular morning we were all sat in the lesson messing around and one of the lads came in 5 minutes late. He got the usual from the teacher Mr Watt "what time do you call this?...where've you been?" etc, etc. Biff explains that he's on report and had to get it filled in and signed at the end of the lesson. Being on report was always a bit of credibility for us so we were all "what've have you been doing Biff?" everyone wanting to know. As it was a source of pride, we were sat waiting for the story but he was playing his cards really close to his chest and wouldn't tell us. This went on for about 5 minutes and we knew it was going to be a good story so we set about getting the report out of his bag so we could see. Anyway, we concocted a plan to get him away from his bag and it worked so we quickly snaffled it out of his bag and the lad who grabbed it and saw it first just laughed his head off....couldn't speak, tears running down his cheeks, couldn't get any sense out of him...so everyone else was dying to have a look....when the report got 'round to me it had on NAME: Carl Smith, REASON FOR REPORT: Masturbation. Imagine a group of 14 year old kids....the class was in uproar, laughing our heads off for ages. Basically, he'd be sent out in Music for playing up and for reasons only known to him decided to knock one out and a teacher caught him. It was funny at the time.

LadyEllen -> RE: Mad Teachers (1/27/2007 12:55:53 PM)
Aside from one guy in middle school who thought he was Cliff Richards or something, I never realised how mad teachers were till high school. We had a lesson which was more or less about horticulture and agriculture in the first year in high school. Taught by this extremely odd person; we were told it was a Ms, an unmarried woman, but hell if we had any idea otherwise. She dressed like a guy, looked and spoke like a guy and was partial to cigars. As 14 year olds, it was incredibly weird and amusing; its funny to look back now and see how damned immature we were about it - perhaps especially for me. Then there was our English teacher, an elderly Irish guy who thought it was quite apposite to reduce 14 year olds to tears with the sort of schoolyard bullying normally reserved only for my peers with me. He was never violent, it was all words of which he was a master. I'd love a rematch now. A whole host of other characters; our physics teacher who wore a Lincoln-esque beard, was totally retentive and never understood why he was a laughing stock amongst teachers and kids alike. The chemistry teacher who insisted the girls sat in the front row, and perved on them regularly. Another English teacher who according to him had been in the CIA as well as the mafia in the past...not bad for a very small guy from south Wales. My German teacher - a really good teacher, but a total hypochondriac filled with anxiety. And my maths teacher, totally useless but a nice lady from whom we got into smoking by way of the clouds of cigarette fumes that filled her classroom after every break. And then, my favourite teacher of all; a large balding man with a booming Welsh voice who taught sports. I wasnt into sports, so that wasnt why I found him admirable. What was great about him was, that he looked out for us all and literally beat bullies up - always out of sight of course. Except for one evening when I had to go back to school after home time, and overheard a session between him and the biggest arsehole bully in the school. This kid was a total bastard, bigger even than the older kids and rough as hell. I heard the Welsh voice shouting, the kid went for the teacher, and in the next instant hit the ground. There was little shit from him afterwards. E

julietsierra -> RE: Mad Teachers (1/27/2007 2:05:26 PM)
WOW..and all I have to share are the times when I was very small that I'd step over teachers who'd passed out on my parents' living room floor after a party. We loved them all, but when I got to high school it sure was hard calling the people I'd always called "Aunt lynn, "Uncle Mike" and " Uncle Dave" by their Mr and Mrs/Ms/Miss names. They'd eventually wake up and we'd all whisper because "teachers don't like loud noises in the mornings," while my mom made coffee and made huge breakfasts of bacon, eggs and potatoes. And I'll always love the ones that used to sing Girl from Ipinema (or however you spell that) to me when I was a teen with legs up to my neck and we were all out at huge parties where everyone rafted together and the adults swam and drank the summer days away and we kids sprayed them with water guns (the women sunbathing were our favorite targets - for some reason, the boys would always aim for them). Guess that kind of crazy isn't what you meant though huh? In fact, what's odd is that the only really weird teachers I ever had the misfortune of knowing were those in more current times - and one of those is spending the next 20 years or so in a prison for his "weirdness." juliet

sleazy -> RE: Mad Teachers (1/27/2007 2:37:58 PM)
Jeez NG, where the heck did you go to school? I ran through our school system some time before you and any teacher that touched a pupil would have been out like a shot. I do remember the married couple that taught at my school and seemed to have a black eye that alternated between them. I do wonder a little about that now I know I am not the only person with my tastes :) There was also a chemistry teacher that only ever shoed any interest in things that exploded or created a stink, something that achieved both would have him happy all day. A small, balding physics teacher that looked quite elf-like and had the extra misfortune to have a name not too far removed from hobbit. And who that schooled with me can forget the head of the music dept, Ms C. Sharp.

NorthernGent -> RE: Mad Teachers (1/27/2007 2:46:32 PM)
Sleazy, I'm from a mining village in County Durham. Highest level of unemployment in the country. You can imagine it wasn't exactly Eton boys school but it stood me in good stead for later live. What is it with Physics teachers? They're always a bit fucked up. Ours had a glass eye - we used to call him spunky eye. He was as mad as a bag of cats too. I detested all those science subjects and maths. Give me History, English Literature and Sociology and I was as happy as larry.

ElectraGlide -> RE: Mad Teachers (1/27/2007 3:58:10 PM)
Another school teacher thought. The wood and metal shop teachers always had missing fingers. We would call them Light Fingers Louie to piss them off lol.

Sinergy -> RE: Mad Teachers (1/27/2007 5:51:02 PM)
My favorite was my Algebra teacher. Born and raised in France, he had an affected speech which Monty Python would later use to stereotype gay people. On the other hand, he spent most of his time while helping female students trying to reach around and grope their breasts. Anyway. He would be teaching something, and suddenly gaze of into space as the silicon chip implanted in his brain switched to overload. And he would tell a story. "When I was a young boy in France, I would fill my pockets with rocks, and as i was walking to school I would..." -pantomiming throwing rocks in a mincing fashion to the left and the right- "... throw rocks into the bushes to scare the wolves and bears away." Then he would go on with his lecture. Yes, he had tenure. Sinergy

denika -> RE: Mad Teachers (1/27/2007 10:15:06 PM)
I had an amazing teacher in Junior High, he was a bit 'off' but was an a amazing person, as long as you behaved. He didn't beleive in detention. If you acted up he had this wicked nerve pinch thing he would do. Nonchalontly he would walk by then pinch that sensative bundle of nerves just above the elbow, it was agony. But he had the best behaved class.He did all of the things teachers are no longer allowed to do, like talk one on one with students. I spent many a lunch hour sitting in his car talking to him while he smoke his awful smelling, unfiltered turkish cigarettes. He was never inaporpriate but genually reached out to help some of the more lost and troubled kids by just listening. Now the thought of a male teacher bbeing alone in a class room with the door shut even for a minute with a female student is just unheard of now adays, and it makes me really sad that the sick predators out there ruined so much, not to mention the over sensative PC obsessed boards. In High school our drama teacher had a nervious break down, we came to class and she was wearing her bra on the outside of her shirt and she had cut off half of her hair. We thought it was some drama stunt then we realised she had slipped a bolt. She was a bit loopy to begin with but when she finally took that last step off the deep end she was scary. denika

NorthernGent -> RE: Mad Teachers (1/28/2007 2:26:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sinergy My favorite was my Algebra teacher. Born and raised in France, he had an affected speech which Monty Python would later use to stereotype gay people. On the other hand, he spent most of his time while helping female students trying to reach around and grope their breasts. Anyway. He would be teaching something, and suddenly gaze of into space as the silicon chip implanted in his brain switched to overload. And he would tell a story. "When I was a young boy in France, I would fill my pockets with rocks, and as i was walking to school I would..." -pantomiming throwing rocks in a mincing fashion to the left and the right- "... throw rocks into the bushes to scare the wolves and bears away." Then he would go on with his lecture. Yes, he had tenure. Sinergy You can always count on the French for a spot of drama. Did he tell you about the time he went out on the streets and set fire to everything in his path because his favourite toothpaste had gone up a penny in the pound? They love a spot of rioting to blow the cobwebs away. Good for the soul. This is not national stereotyping, of course.

NorthernGent -> RE: Mad Teachers (1/28/2007 2:35:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: denika I had an amazing teacher in Junior High, he was a bit 'off' but was an a amazing person, as long as you behaved. He didn't beleive in detention. If you acted up he had this wicked nerve pinch thing he would do. To be fair, our teachers were the same. If you played the game with them they were as good as gold. Cross the line and they were real disciplinarians. Our Religious Education teacher was great with us - she used to have hour long chats with us about euthanasia, abortion and sex - we never seemed to get 'round to religion (which suited us down to the ground). Then we had a Physical Education teacher who would give up his saturdays to run a bus to take 50 of us around the country to watch football matches - for no other reason than he liked to see kids enjoying themselves. Mind you, this is the same teacher who used to force us to go on hour long cross-country runs just because he was having a bad day - some of the bigger-built kids would be throwing up and he'd force them to keep going. Then we had a music teacher who was supposed to teach us theatre and stage music but he knew we hated it so he used to let us play The Jam, The Clash etc for an hour long lesson. All in all, good times. In High school our drama teacher had a nervious break down, we came to class and she was wearing her bra on the outside of her shirt and she had cut off half of her hair. We thought it was some drama stunt then we realised she had slipped a bolt. She was a bit loopy to begin with but when she finally took that last step off the deep end she was scary. It's a strange thing when that happens. A bloke at work came in one day with a wet suit on - the full gear - googles, snorkel, flippers - the laughs soon turned to the realisation that his mental tuning had gone and he was in a spot of trouble. Not a good situation. denika

sleazy -> RE: Mad Teachers (1/28/2007 2:46:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent Sleazy, I'm from a mining village in County Durham. Highest level of unemployment in the country. You can imagine it wasn't exactly Eton boys school but it stood me in good stead for later live. What is it with Physics teachers? They're always a bit fucked up. Ours had a glass eye - we used to call him spunky eye. He was as mad as a bag of cats too. I detested all those science subjects and maths. Give me History, English Literature and Sociology and I was as happy as larry. I wonder if that is a root cause of some of our differences in life today? Not that you went to school in Durham and me in Essex, but we each detested the subjects the other enjoyed. I have always prefered the practically unbreakable laws of maths and physics etc, whereas the subjects that in my mind were sort of wishy-washy and meaningless with no real answers just lots of questions were the ones I really didnt enjoy.

NorthernGent -> RE: Mad Teachers (1/28/2007 3:07:03 AM)
I reckon you're onto something, Sleazy. I always preferred the subjects involving concepts and human behaviour. I'm far more interested in the human interaction that shapes international politics and events. Science always seemed so trivial to me (I can see there is an argument to the contrary but I could never get enthusiastic about those subjects). The "unbreakable law" point is probably close to home - I prefer endless possibilities and discussion to "this is right and that is wrong" subjects. Where's the challenge in being told "this is the answer"? With regard to history, there is no defined answer - it's a puzzle - you look at the evidence, fit the pieces together and draw your own conclusion - far more mentally challenging and stimulating for me.

meatcleaver -> RE: Mad Teachers (1/28/2007 3:15:08 AM)
Teachers. Bubblebrain - Latin teacher with a cyst on his forehead whose satorial dress Michael Crawford copied for Some Mother's Do Have 'em. Totally lost in a world of language which no one understood or cared about, he was so desperate to be liked he made the hairs on your neck stand up with his ingratiating attitude, though some girls liked him. Rumours of paedophiliac tendencies. Absolutely no evidence, just malicious gossip caused by his demeanour. Frankie - English teacher named Frankie after Frank Nitty of Eliot Ness fame. The TV programme The Untouchables starring Robert Stack was on TV at the time. Frankie used to wear a pin stripped thirites suit, two tone brogues and a fedora hat. He hated kids, couldn't stand thwm and used to mocjk them in class. After an hour of telling us how much he hated us the then told us that our homework was to write three pages about what we had done in class. One lad said 'But Sir, we haven't done anything!', he retotrted, 'That will be six pages for you boy!' Jimmy Boy - Games teacher that made you hang from the wall bars while he kicked plastic balls at you for shooting practice for football if you didn't play well enough. Some poor bastard would end up with big red blotches all over his torso. He refereed the inter-house football matches. His house was unepectedly winning another house 1-0 so he abandoned the game because of poor light sand declared his house had won. This was at around 3.00pm in April. He was pretty handsome apparently with a good physique. He used to like to shag his pupils big sisters and tell them what their sister fucked like. His reputation was somewhat exaggerated but based on fact. Definitely had knotched up three sisters of his pupils. Miss Hatter - Got pregnant fucking the head boy. The McCartney's got discovered fucking each other in the stockroom and before they were married!!! This was the summer of love, 1967! Ducky - Art teacher. Gave me my first smoke of dope when I was 13 and we were going to an art exhibition in London. He had high hopes for me and treated me like a mate. We are still mates and he is still young at heart depite his being in mid seveties. The girls adored him and women still do. He could fuck whoever he wanted and probably did but very very descrete. Plenty of othere. I could go on and on.

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