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Blame Game - 1/27/2007 7:24:38 AM

Devilslilsister

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I've had a guilty conscience since i can remember. i remember being 4 in some school and something happened. Teacher asked who did it and even though i didnt do it, i stood up and said i did. Needless to say i got introuble for trying to take the blame.

Two of the ways i combat it, are by A) not doing anything that could lead me to feeling guilty and B) when i feel guilty to mentally TELL myself there is no way i am to blame. Aye, i will sit down with myself and walk through how i am not possible to blame and how i have done nothing wrong.

Not that it always works as i tend to be very good at finding blame with in myself for 90% of things. If something has gone wrong - i can usually find some fault in my behavior. At times i screw myself over by telling myself "i am just taking responsible for MY part in the situation"

Not that it matters overly much, but i'm just musing all over the place this morning. How do others deal with it?

< Message edited by Devilslilsister -- 1/27/2007 7:26:28 AM >

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RE: Blame Game - 1/27/2007 7:50:25 AM

domiguy

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Very simple...Whenever something goes wrong in my life I blame you too.

(hope everything is well with you)

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.

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RE: Blame Game - 1/27/2007 7:54:39 AM

Devilslilsister

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LMAO domiguy!!!!!!

thank you for the good laugh

(and yes everything is A - ok and it seems everything is A - ok with you too.. humour and all intact)

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RE: Blame Game - 1/27/2007 8:08:12 AM

gypsygrl

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I guess I've come to the conclusion that 'guilt' isn't all bad. It forces me to sit down, and seriously evaluate what I'm feeling bad about. A lot of the times, I realize whatever it is is either beyond my control or not my fault but, every once in a while, I realize my guilt is rationally grounded, and have to do something to make good.

I'd rather feel guilty about alot of things I'm not really responsible for in the process of finding the ones I am responsible for than not feel guilty about anything, including the things I should feel guilty about. Does that make any sense?

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RE: Blame Game - 1/27/2007 8:11:08 AM

bandit25

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Yes, it does make sense. I just don't feel guilt. I may feel badly about something (I guess that's guilt to some extent) but that's about it. I don't do stuff that I feel guilty about...seriously. I make a decision and live with the consequences.

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RE: Blame Game - 1/27/2007 8:34:52 AM

SmokingGun82

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There are times I feel the same way. Sometimes in meetings at work someone will discuss a task that failed, and even though it's usually not on the same team, or a project I'd even heard of, I feel as if I'm being blamed.

It was much worse when I worked retail- every meeting about shrink control made me feel like a thief.

I blame it on my fourth grade teacher. She nailed me for calling her a "bitch." Which I didn't. And almost two decades later, I'm still pissed off at her about it.

Bitch.

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RE: Blame Game - 1/27/2007 8:57:55 AM

MasterFireMaam

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Here's my guess, based on my own observations of myself and some basic knowledge of stuff.

Like me, you probably have a very well developed "fear of punishment". This developed in me by first being afraid that my Dad would whip me...then simply because that my mom would yell at me. I could take the threat of physical punishment WAY better than verbal. Still can. For the record: I didn't get whipped much. I was a "good kid" overall. Mom yelled at me a lot as an adolescent and teenager due to stress, both emotional and physical, in her life. It took a while to realize this and I have forgiven. She says I said some pretty mean things myself (but of course I don't remember these things).

I'm also gonna guess that you're fairly empathic...you can easily put yourself in another person's emotional shoes and you experience the emotions they are, or that you imagine they are, experiencing.

Combine these two things with the ability to project onto other people what we think they feel about us and you get you assuming they think you're guilty (and therefore you are). You 'fess up because you're afraid the punishment will be worse later if you don't, even if you consciously know that 1) you're not guilty and 2) there should be no punishment.

This could all be crap, though. I don't know you all that well...this is really a description of what would be happening inside ME if I were YOU. And, it has happened to me...in fact, I STILL have a hard time watching emotionally awkward moments in movies (like a teenager's fumbling first kiss) because I really put myself in their shoes while I'm watching. I FEEL embarrassment about it even thought it's obvious that I'm sitting on the couch. This is one of the reasons I don't like "I Love Lucy".

If it hits close to home for you, you have to work on it like a braid and untangle all three issues at once.

OR, you could simply be craving the humiliation/attention of being guilty. People confess to crimes they didn't commit all the time just for the "fame".

Master Fire

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RE: Blame Game - 1/27/2007 9:44:07 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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I also try and remember that guilt is actually a very self-centered victim sort of complex to have.

Though with certain personalities that can just make them spiral into even more guilt- feeling guilty over feeling guilty.

I find if a person is secure enough and able enough to get a bit of perspective on the situation, they can work themselves out of the guilt trap. My partner still automatically responds with guilt, but he's much better at getting himself out of it much more efficiently. That's good enough for me.

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RE: Blame Game - 1/27/2007 2:10:24 PM

julietsierra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I also try and remember that guilt is actually a very self-centered victim sort of complex to have.

Ah yes, but there are some of us who have had guilt refined to the religious fervor it can be.

I'm a lapsed Catholic...I've been raised on guilt like other people get food and water. Catholics are experts at guilt. I think it's part of the doctrine of the Catholic Church.

Come to think of it, if I DO think too long about it, I can even feel guilty for being a lapsed Catholic..

I'm definitely in trouble here.

juliet

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