Right or Wrong ???

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Right or Wrong ???

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Right or Wrong ???

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Right or Wrong ??? - 1/24/2007 5:49:33 PM

silkandleather

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline

Not so clear on all the rules, so please if anyone can help me out please do...... Whats the rule on or thoughts on a Master hitting on and trying to win over another man's wife ????

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Right or Wrong ??? - 1/24/2007 5:56:33 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

There are no more rules here than elsewhere.

Is the marriage strong and happy? Because if so, why would she bother to talk to him.

Is the husband abusive and is the Master being a support network, getting himself emotionally involved and having a white knight complex himself?

Is the Master someone who cannot emotionally commit and wants a part time relationship with someone who is not going to ask for any emotional involvement?

Is the husband impotent and unwilling to satisfy her in any means or go to a doctor for treatment?

See, same situation and very different things going on.

(in reply to silkandleather)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Right or Wrong ??? - 1/24/2007 6:08:12 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

This is something that can be looked at from many different sides, as Celeste already noted.

First off, there are no set rules. What rules there are in a D/s or M/s relationship are the ones set up and agreed to by the D/M and the s. If the rules you have set up between yourselves (and no, I am not talking about things that "should just be understood between a man and a woman"...maybe in the 'nilla world, never in this one) include that you will both be monogamous, then your Master is clearly in the beginning throes of breaking that rule. If there are no set rules regarding monogamy or "hitting" on others and what he is doing is upsetting to you, perhaps it is time to re-open negotiations and add some new dimensions.

Many dominants, whether masters or mistresses, feel that as long as something is not specified in the rules list or in the limits list, that it is fair game. While that may be true...and I can see where he/she can make a fair debating point for just such an outlook...there are many times when, in the rush to become master/mistress/dominant and submissive/slave, aspects that are important to a relationship are neglected, not out of carelessness but rather, because they are something that is "thought to be understood" or because they are not that common of an occurrence.

(in reply to silkandleather)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Right or Wrong ??? - 1/24/2007 6:17:30 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

Personal view:

If a person is where they want to be, they won't go elsewhere. If they want to be elsewhere, you really can't make them stay.

If someone outside a relationship makes an offer it's up to the member being offered to of that relationship to decide to honor their agreements, be they mono or poly, or leave.

Another person offers to my spouse, he will and has decided what to do based on what he most wants. If another person offers to me, I will and have decided based on what I most want. The only time one of us gets involved with the one making an offer is if requested due to the person being harassing in some way and the one of us being hit on wants the other to help get them to back off.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Right or Wrong ??? - 1/24/2007 6:34:03 PM

MaryT

Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline

There is a personal morality at work in him that may or may be in sync with social norms. It isn't really a rule if it's unenforceable. The woman also has a personal morality at work and that will dictate her response. Her husband also has a personal morality at work, and probably in conflict with his desire to defend what's his and save face. The culimination of that will dictate his response. Other circumstances could also come into play.

If I was not one of those three and the master was not mine, I doubt I would fret over it. Why do you care?

MaryT

(in reply to silkandleather)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Right or Wrong ??? - 1/24/2007 6:36:57 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

strumpet wants to know if it is "stupid" month on Collarme.

On a serious note, I personally want the person I am seeing to HANDLE HER SH%T before I will enter into a relationship with her.

So. Get a divorce. Get a job. Whatever, I am no longer interested in bringing home strays with crap they have not bothered to deal with.

But that is just me and I could be wrong.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to silkandleather)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Right or Wrong ??? - 1/24/2007 6:36:59 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

no rules here... just a question of one's moral code... for me this is wrong

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to silkandleather)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Right or Wrong ??? - 1/24/2007 6:52:35 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

no rules here... just a question of one's moral code... for me this is wrong

Exactly. For me it would also be wrong.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Right or Wrong ??? - 1/24/2007 6:54:08 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

I have to respond.

Buckaroo Banzai said it best. "No matter where you go, there you are."

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Right or Wrong ??? - 1/24/2007 6:56:30 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Don't worry about our thoughts.....what are your thoughts on this?

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to silkandleather)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Right or Wrong ??? - 1/24/2007 6:57:07 PM

MaryT

Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline

That is one of my favorite quotes of all time, and I was just remembering Buck's line today.

(in reply to Sinergy)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Right or Wrong ??? - 1/24/2007 7:01:50 PM

HatesParisHilton

Posts: 3513
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline

to the OP, hoefully not offensive to you:

the kink scene has (for many reasons) been less "monog" than the Vanilla scene, and the nilla scene already has enough fidelity problems of its own.

If you want fidelity as a "deal breaker/hard limit" (and I support people in that, I merely think they should "fish in the right pond" for it), then the trad. BDSM scene may not be the best pond. Spanko scenes are better, for various reasons, so you might need to consider that. But it's like people whom are Neo Pagans complaining when fidelity is not daily in their life: monog is less a part of Pagan (of any sort) than "standard" theological lifestyles.

Myself, I prefer "serial monogamy" (meaning stay one on one until things for EITHER party don;t work out), but I recognize that in trad BDSM or Pagan culture (which overlaps a lot), I'll tend to meet as many poly/bi women as not.

which is fine, I've been a male in their harem before and maybe will again.

But I don;t EXPECT monog out of them, nor should I.

and please consider that sexually, "rules" are fungible. In the late 80's and early 90's, condoms were a RULE, you were a BAD person if you did not use them.

Now there are women forming the spines of "bareback clubs" (not only queerfolk anymore).

_____________________________

I am (now) "Hiltie", hear me ROARRRRR! And have a cuffy cake, they're nice.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: Right or Wrong ??? - 1/24/2007 7:02:29 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Was the wife and other man making it clear that she was available? If so, then all systems go. Otherwise, I'd say it falls under dating 101...don't hit on another person's date (in this case wife) behind thier back.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to silkandleather)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: Right or Wrong ??? - 1/24/2007 7:12:14 PM

lucreziaborgia

Posts: 28
Status: offline

All you need to know you learned in kindergarden.

(in reply to silkandleather)

Profile

Post #: 14

RE: Right or Wrong ??? - 1/24/2007 7:17:14 PM

HatesParisHilton

Posts: 3513
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline

"All you need to know you learned in kindergarden."

if you're a Neo Con seeking to swindle tax payers, and have a silver spoon in your mouth, yes.

_____________________________

I am (now) "Hiltie", hear me ROARRRRR! And have a cuffy cake, they're nice.

(in reply to lucreziaborgia)

Profile

Post #: 15

RE: Right or Wrong ??? - 1/24/2007 7:24:02 PM

RedSavageSlave

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline

Is the other man's wife cognizant of Master's proclivities? Has both (or all three) agreed to enter into a poly relationship? Is the other man's wife wanting to "fool around" with Master or is he just looking to cheat on her husband?

Life is life. When it comes to actual relationships..D/s and vanilla arent that much different. If you arent being honest all around..you are cheating. Simple as that.

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to silkandleather)

Profile

Post #: 16

RE: Right or Wrong ??? - 1/24/2007 8:11:30 PM

losttreasure

Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline

HPH, I'm almost afraid to ask just what you mean by this. Are you familiar with the meaning of this quote?

To the OP... there's not much I could possible add; the good people here have already covered just about every possible consideration.

_____________________________

Just because it isn't "all about me", doesn't make it "all about you".

(in reply to HatesParisHilton)

Profile

Post #: 17

RE: Right or Wrong ??? - 1/24/2007 8:21:45 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

Slightly sleazy and disrespectful = wrong in my opinion. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to silkandleather)

Profile

Post #: 18

RE: Right or Wrong? - 1/24/2007 8:26:44 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

While I am generally not one known for my lectures on moral prudence, I can say with certainty that I do not believe in coming between two people to get what I want. It is at its very base a dishonorable idea. Pursuing this course of action seldom bodes well for the respect your newfound acquisition will have for you, in turn, for a foundation formed upon a lie is not a very good one at all. Why would an honorable, respectable man need to hunt in the shadows like this? Who, when asked to think upon it, finds these the acts of a Master? Certainly not I.

< Message edited by amayos -- 1/24/2007 8:27:15 PM >

(in reply to silkandleather)

Profile

Post #: 19

RE: Right or Wrong ??? - 1/24/2007 8:28:58 PM

HatesParisHilton

Posts: 3513
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline

what I mean means nothing because by the first cardinal law of semiotics, what YOU take it to mean and what the greater aggregate of people reading this thread take it to mean decides it's EFFECTIVE meaning, which outweighs any INTENDED meaning even I, as the "author" of the post, intended. Such is true for every newspaper article, blog entry, film, painting, you name it, anything that is intended to be read and absorbed by anyone other than by the author themselves.

This is a message board, EVERY post (YOURS included) is DESIGNED to be read and interpreted by someone other than the author. And that has an effect. And we compose and tailor or posts (or movies, or articles) to receive a desired effect, even if on a subconscious level, even if in an unwitting battle between the ID and the Super Ego (to use old school clinical terms) at the expense of the ego. (which these days isn;t even a word used accurately or properly by 90% or more of the people that bandy the word about; again, semiotics in action).

Which in a way, we all learn in Kindergarten, and it's the most important and functionally useful lesson we ever learn. Aside from memetics, which we learn earlier than that. And yes, this dovetails with the Jungian thread, for me.

I could CLAIM to you I was familiar with the quote, even offer my own interpretaion of it, but that would mean nothing. The only meaning would be what you would DECIDE, as a READER, for yourself.

and that is a relationship.

just as monog and poly and cheating and "trustworthy" relationships are.

which are all semiotic and memetic. Just like I can claim to understand what you think the quote means, then claim to understand it in the same way?

A cheater can claim he never cheats then cheats ANYWAY, even when believed and given the benefit of the doubt.

which is why I feel that this longwinded-from-hell-reply to you is valid.

But *I* don;t decide that, YOU do.

Because semiotically, I wrote the reply FOR YOU, and those whom bother to read our widdle bitty interchange, so only YOUR POV on it (and theirs) defines what the real meaning "is".

_____________________________

I am (now) "Hiltie", hear me ROARRRRR! And have a cuffy cake, they're nice.

(in reply to losttreasure)

Profile

Post #: 20