RE: How do you deal with ...

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HatesParisHilton -> RE: How do you deal with ... (1/22/2007 9:03:19 PM)
*"I had no right to fall so hard for someone I just met but I spent more than a bit fucking crying today over being stood up."* No matter if you believe in God, Goddess, Mother Nature, Osiris, The Dagda, Odhinn, Kali, Diana or nothing at all, BLESS YOU THRICE AND ALWAYS FOR POSTING THAT ONE, SIMPLE, SO IMPORTANT LINE. The rest of the post just as much, but no need to reaffirm the obvious: you have a heart and soul at least if not ten times bigger than your schlong and spank-hand and that spirit - romantically and "play" wise - is just as important to you, in regards to your self and the way you put something in print, as any "hard stuff". The eloquence of your expression of your encountering this person would have been enough, but your HONESTY and candour in extending it to the unfortunate gestalt of the emotional residue (at least for now) is VERY important (more so, IMO) than the mere statement of "what happened" itself. well bloody done. Slainte.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: How do you deal with ... (1/22/2007 9:03:42 PM)
I've had connections like this, too, in my life Michael. Sometimes, they were just put in my path by the Universe for a 2x4-upside-the-head lesson about stuff and sometimes, they are/were there for the long haul for extended lessons. That you are grateful to have had her touch you in some way, no matter the outcome, speaks to me. Thank you for sharing. I, too, will forever be grateful for mine. Master Fire

SimplyMichael -> RE: How do you deal with ... (1/22/2007 9:38:08 PM)
Thanks.

eruditegirl1 -> RE: How do you deal with ... (1/22/2007 10:19:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66 Being stood up? After reading a Journal entry I started wondering how O/others handle this. Its posted here because it applies to both Dominants and submissives. Myself when I get a new person to the world of BDSM and they bail with no notice I dont get upset.I can understand that it can be scary. If I do hear from them again I give them another chance,a no show no call at that point,I realize they are either jerking My chain or arnt ready,so I dont set up another session. With submissives that are somewhat experienced,or very experienced and are a no show no call,I will at least listen if they have an excuse.I'll give them a second chance.I will give people a 3rd chance if I feel like it was out of their control to miss a session. After the 3rd chance and they still dont follow through then they have struck out. I make a note of it and then send them a note to not bother contacting Me again. I tend to be a patient person when dealing with session set-ups..but enough is enough at some point. So how patient are you when its comes to being stood up? I tend to be patient in all aspects of relationships be it friendship or romantic....I hold the belief that no matter how small or insignificant the encounter may be there is always a reason/lesson to be learned from them....for instance....I spoke to a very intelligent man for a few months....I was actually in awww of his experience in the world of BDSM....he taught me quite a lot...sent me books to read...I would say he made me a better sub in our short time together....which in turn made me ready to enter into the relationship with man I am with now.....had I not spoken to this man I may still be confused and questioning my submissive side....so I am glad I was patient in not just this instance but in all aspects..... good things do come to those who wait......patiently.......

KnightofMists -> RE: How do you deal with ... (1/22/2007 10:22:44 PM)
To be honest.. I don't know how I would deal with... I have never been stood up. In fact, the only occassion that I can recall in which the feelings of being stood up occurred was when kyra came to visit the first time. She was delayed by customs and was being questioned rather intensely. She was obviously nervous to come and meet me and I guess the customs officer picked up on it. Anyways, I began to have that sinking feeling of being stood up when the customs officer called me on the cell phone. Which was great relief because I do recall begin to feel rather low at that moment. It was during that moment that I felt just how much I became emotional invested in kyra that I had held back from sharing with her over the months that we got to know each other. I do believe that how we deal with being stood up is going to be very much dependent on the emotional investment we made. I am not sure how I would of dealt with being stoodup with kyra.. but I do know that I would of moved forward from it and try to learn from it. However, others of no consequence... I suspect that it would be liking changing my underwear.

MysticFireTopaz -> RE: How do you deal with ... (1/22/2007 11:07:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66 So how patient are you when its comes to being stood up? Not very patient at all. I think it is extremely rude not to give advance notice if you are not able to make it. Generally, My rule is that if I am not notified in advance, that's it. I do make allowances for circumstances outside a person's control, such as their car breaking down or something like that. Even so, they had better notify Me as promptly as possible, not days later. And if it happens again, they're finished. What I do now is confirm a few hours before the meeting that the submissive will be there. If I get hold of him and receive positive confirmation, I will go ahead to the meeting place. If I don't hear anything (and it has happened a couple of times), I assume he got cold feet and I don't bother going. While it is irritating because I set aside that time slot for him and could have planned something else, at least I don't waste gas and can do other things. The idea of meeting someone at a place I'll already be at is a good one, too. There are local munches I regularly attend, so I will sometimes tell a new submissive to meet Me at one of them. Even if they "no-show," I'll still have a good time. Lady Topaz

eyesopened -> RE: How do you deal with ... (1/23/2007 2:06:19 AM)
i agree with the "two strikes" rule. i've been stood up a lot, the no call no show, kind. Usually the way i handle it is to give the Dom an easy way out and let Him know it's okay to have things come up, have cold feet, or just not be that into me. i let Him reschedule at that point but if it happens again i just move on. Yeah, it's disappointing. As a sub, the Dom makes the first contact with me and arranged the first meeting and then for Him to just not show up, well it hurts. But i simply remind myself that it's a whole lot better to be stood up than to waste time and emotion on a dead-end relationship and that He actually did me a huge favor. Since i'm dressed up anyway i use the opportunity to find something else to do... often "retail therapy" (shopping!) LOL

ExSteelAgain -> RE: How do you deal with ... (1/23/2007 2:15:55 AM)
I've never been stood up and never stood anyone up. Interesting that many guys on here who write a good bit have never had that happen to them or done it. I wonder what the correlation is if any?

SirDiscipliner69 -> RE: How do you deal with being stood up by a no show? (1/23/2007 2:23:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66 Being stood up? Had a recent streak of being stood up a while ago. In retro I am glad I was as it showed Me the mindset, understanding and lack of confidence of the previous parties believing unfounded rumours.[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m24.gif[/image] Besides everyone knows just how someone as dangerous as Me should be avoided by newbies at all costs. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m28.gif[/image] Don't talk the talk unless you can walk the walk.[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m11.gif[/image] What is one person's ceiling is another person' floor.[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m8.gif[/image] Ross

SirDiscipliner69 -> RE: How do you deal with ... (1/23/2007 2:25:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66 Okay...its abundantly clear I need to change the 3 strikes rule to 1 or maybe 2...lol It only takes once...My time is more valuable than that. Ross

LeatherBentOne -> RE: How do you deal with ... (1/23/2007 5:01:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressSassy66 Being stood up? After reading a Journal entry I started wondering how O/others handle this. Its posted here because it applies to both Dominants and submissives. Myself when I get a new person to the world of BDSM and they bail with no notice I dont get upset.I can understand that it can be scary. If I do hear from them again I give them another chance,a no show no call at that point,I realize they are either jerking My chain or arnt ready,so I dont set up another session. With submissives that are somewhat experienced,or very experienced and are a no show no call,I will at least listen if they have an excuse.I'll give them a second chance.I will give people a 3rd chance if I feel like it was out of their control to miss a session. After the 3rd chance and they still dont follow through then they have struck out. I make a note of it and then send them a note to not bother contacting Me again. I tend to be a patient person when dealing with session set-ups..but enough is enough at some point. So how patient are you when its comes to being stood up? [/quote I'd give a newbie a 2nd chance following a discussion as to why she didn't show, and that's it. An experienced sub has no second chances, unless there was a "legitimate" emergency and a quick phone call letting me know what happened. I consider myself patient but I seldom play the fool. LBO

SlyStone -> RE: How do you deal with ... (1/23/2007 5:51:33 AM)
quote: Interesting that many guys on here who write a good bit have never had that happen to them or done it. I wonder what the correlation is if any? Denial?

KnightofMists -> RE: How do you deal with ... (1/23/2007 6:09:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SlyStone quote: Interesting that many guys on here who write a good bit have never had that happen to them or done it. I wonder what the correlation is if any? Denial? Luck!

ExSteelAgain -> RE: How do you deal with ... (1/23/2007 11:29:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: SlyStone quote: Interesting that many guys on here who write a good bit have never had that happen to them or done it. I wonder what the correlation is if any? Denial? Luck! Haha, I'll take luck over denial. Swear it has never happened to me. Now, I'm not saying someone I wanted to meet did not want to meet me or something like that. However, if it ever came down to the stage where we were supposed to meet, I showed up as she did. I think most of us here who it never happened to tend to know those we intend to meet pretty well if you read back over the thread.

demistress -> RE: How do you deal with ... (1/23/2007 12:48:51 PM)
Professional Sessions who call to reschedule, get to do so one time without having to put down a deposit. Professional Sessions who no show must put down a deposit to book a second appointment. Personal dates who call to reschedule get to do so two times, get to do so twice, third strike they're out. Personal dates who no show get a second chance, but only for "time of conversation" dates, meaning I will not reserve time in my schedule for them, if we happen to be online and available at the same time, I will meet them right then.

Noah -> RE: How do you deal with ... (1/23/2007 3:25:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael I had no right to fall so hard for someone I just met but I spent more than a bit fucking crying today over being stood up. Sunday morning I walked into a cafe I hadn't meant to go, sat on a side that I never do and met the most amazing woman. The connection was pretty clear and I asked for her number (something I rarely do) but begged off talking because I had papers to write. I went home, looked out at the stunning blue sky and said "fuck it" and called her and asked if she wanted to go for a walk. Six miles and almost several hours later after deeply shared thoughts and the finding of almost spooky parallels in our lives we kind of just stood next to each other silently looking at the river together. I am old, I don't do this, falling like a kid was never something I did and I am no kid. This woman was everthing I liked in my best partners AND most amazingly had none of the issues that are patterns in the women I tend to choose. I felt like an adult in my first real adult relationship. Not many people and sadly very few women impress me with their sense of adventure and level of accomplishment and this woman blew me away and to then find so much common ground and shared perspective with a woman was just stunning and amazing. I felt like I was in a movie, one of those sentimental hack jobs that is just too sacharine to believe. Today she told me sharing so deeply terrified her and she just wasn't ready to do that with someone. I told her for me that was the finest part of a very very magical day. I realize what I should take from this is that there are amazing women out there and that one of them could look at me and find someone equally amazing but right now there is just a great big fucking hole in me. I realize I am a great big dope for piling that much on, but again, I don't do that, certainly not on a one day meeting but what we shared was just amazing and intense. We spoke of physically wanting each other and I should probably have just thrown her down and had my way with her (an axioum of mine is if you don't they freak out and can't deal with it and you always regret not doing it) but I respected her enough that I wanted to give her space to think as we shared a few relationship patterns, one I knew I had broken out of and thought that I didn't represent hers but I wanted her to make that choice. So yes, I have been stood up. I don't see how a calm discussion clearly laying out intentions is a stand-up. I reccomend strongly that you don't mark this one paid, Michael. She needs time. During that time she might decide anything, but her tactical decision to run and hide from herself will be a difficult one for her to stick to if she is as cool and together as you have been lead to think. I've had people freak after they saw something they weren't prepared to see. Usually it turns out that after a moment for the dust to settle they pretty much scurry around getting ready to see it again, and more. Their getting ready may include some work on their boundaries, and hell, anyone whose baoundaries need work should do the work as far as I'm concerned, so it is all very fine. Sometimes the getting ready just amounts to big exhale and one of those eye-blink, head-shake deals and within just a few days they are ready to want what they've realized that they want anyway. Maybe you blew it, or she did. I dunno. But this doesn't sound like a story that's all told, to me. Good luck to both of you.

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