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To give and recive a collar - 1/22/2007 10:36:24 AM   
Shylahgirl


Posts: 167
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline 		This is more of a topic of disscussion then a question.
 
In this post I am stating my own experinces and oppinions. They might not be the same as yours and I know that.
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I have been on this and other BDSM sights for a while now and have noticed something that both amuses and bothers me.
 
On peoples profiles they say that they are looking for a master/mistress.
I look at their page a week later and they say they are "collard"... then they go into how they met their master/mistress three days ago.

It's amusing because they are all excited about it and don't really understand what they are doing. Or they might be to new to know what the tearm "collard" really means.

It bothers me because it took me 7 months after becoming my Master's 24/7 to earn my permanent collar. I was not allowed to say I was collard for that time, I could say I was owned or in training, but not collard.

I also see stuff like this in the local BDSM community. Someone shows up, new, to a function and the next week they've "collard" their boyfriend or girlfriend.

Then in a week or so it's all over, including the prevous relationship.

For me a collar is a symbol of a commitment that can't be broken because the master/mistress says, "I'm board with you" or "I don't feel like having a submissive anymore."

And for a collar to be given so lightly makes it seem insignificant to people who are watching.

And for me, it seems that when I say that I'm collard it's not taken as seriously by others as it should be.

More then half the people I that I tell I'm collard assume that I received my collar in the first few days of my service to my Master, Arawn. When infact it took 7 months of constant training to earn the right to wear his permanent collar.

It took about 3 weeks before he'd allow me to wear a leather collar to events. As a symbol that I was in training to him.

His permanent collar is a stiff silver necklace with a silver pendent of a girl kneeling, bent over, with her hands behind her back. I never take it off, except to clean it.

I dislike it when I see that people take the symbol of the collar so lightly.

To me it signifies a real lasting commitment that nether the Master/Mistress or submissive/slave should take lightly or break lightly.

Some would compeer a collar to a wedding ring, but in my experience the meaning behind the collar goes much deeper then that. A marriage can be broken, and they often are. When a submissive/slave receives their master/mistresses collar a part of them is with the master/mistress for ever, even if the people do eventually go in their sepret paths.

When a master/mistress collars their submissive/slave they are saying, "I am committing my time, love, and protection to you. I will protect you, care for you, and cherish you. I trust you beyond all others. I trust you in my home and with my heart. I am honored by your service to me."

By excepting a collar the submissive/slave is saying, "I am willingly giving you my heart, freedom, respect, loyalty, and service. I am trusting you to be fare and loving in discipline and all other things. I trust you beyond all others. I trust you to beat me, fuck with my mind, bring me to the edge of my sanity and maybe push me a little past it. I trust you to know my fears and phobias and to let you play with them. I trust you enough to know that no matter what I will still be whole at the end of the day."

None of those things should be earned or given in two days or a week. Even a Master/Mistress cannot expect all that trust to just be given, it all needs to be earned over a long period of time.

I would not have excepted my masters collar if I did not trust him with my life.

Shylah

< Message edited by Shylahgirl -- 1/22/2007 10:42:48 AM >

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RE: To give and recive a collar - 1/22/2007 10:42:22 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

I was not allowed to say I was collard for that time


Thank goodness.  Were you green?


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Shylahgirl)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: To give and recive a collar - 1/22/2007 10:46:41 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		They know what it means for them.  I know what it means for me.  You know what it means for you.

I put my collar around my boys neck on Sat night.  He put his collar around my neck last night.

If people see us as insignificant, that's ok with me.  We had a lovely time.

I worry more about the relationships itself, rather than the symbols.  Yes, many seek the collar rather than the relationship and that's a shame.  But in the end, it's always their choice and I simply hope they are happy with it.

And it's "accepted." 

What's with the rash of "kinkier than thou" threads these days?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_498653/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#498670
The Coveted and Legendary Collar

http://www.collarchat.com/m_531609/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#531610
Collaring vs Wearing a collar

http://www.collarchat.com/m_547321/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#547475
The meaning of a collar

http://www.collarchat.com/m_485613/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#485797
Please share with me (what being collared means to you)

http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=427111&mpage=1&key=collaring&#427257
being collared

http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=410988&mpage=1&key=collaring&#411019
public collar

http://www.collarchat.com/m_291301/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#291301
Collar vs Wedding Ring

http://www.collarchat.com/m_287566/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#287566
Another Question Regarding the Collar

http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=323687&mpage=1&key=collaring&#323702
collars (2)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_287140/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#287140
Collar

http://www.collarchat.com/m_264867/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#264867
Sub Thoughts on collars

http://www.collarchat.com/m_248345/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#248345
collar before love

http://www.collarchat.com/m_247668/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#247668
ring or collar, what's the difference?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_219135/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#219135
What does a collar mean?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_190240/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#190240
collar or what else?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_187244/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#187244
Accepting a collar

http://www.collarchat.com/m_184946/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#184946
Timeframe for a Collar?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_177155/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#177155
collar (2)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_165733/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#165733
collars

http://www.collarchat.com/m_151638/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#151638
Collar Ceremony

http://www.collarchat.com/m_150934/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#150934
Losing the Collar

http://www.collarchat.com/m_132702/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#132702
From chat to collar

http://www.collarchat.com/m_124898/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#124898
Wearing training collar in public

http://www.collarchat.com/m_81449/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#81449
What are the collar types/levels please?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_80281/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#80281
When is the right time to collar?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_70392/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#70392
Collars and collaring

http://www.collarchat.com/m_61337/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#61337
Collar conundrum?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_59686/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#59686
Color of collars?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_55592/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#55592
Collars when?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_27368/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#27368
Kind of a collar question?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_11451/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#11451
Collaring a submissive?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_428/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#428
What is your definition of a training collar?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_402/mpage_1/key_collar/tm.htm#402
Multiple collars or single collar?



< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 1/22/2007 10:47:51 AM >

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Shylahgirl)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: To give and recive a collar - 1/22/2007 12:07:10 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		He collared me within a month. Here we are almost four years later, still going strong.

And a couple of pet peeves. Collard is a vegetable not a past action.
Accepted is the term you want, to take exception is to object to something.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: To give and recive a collar - 1/22/2007 12:30:54 PM   
mymasterssub69


Posts: 566
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		i was chained before being collared recently and it took me 5months after Daddy found me

i agree being "collared" by a Master/Dom should mean something special, committment-wise and etc, to the submissive/slave and should not be viewed as the latest fashion/fad

< Message edited by mymasterssub69 -- 1/22/2007 12:31:27 PM >

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there is something infinitely magical
about a Daddy Dom
...something only a little girl
can understand.

collared on 16th Jan 2007 by bigsambaman, my Daddy

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: To give and recive a collar - 1/22/2007 12:35:43 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		To me a collar is the same as a wedding ring. It is a sign of ownership and committement between us. I do not agree with one meeting and getting collared, how do you know someone? Yes some do not understand what a collar means, probably because no one has explained it to them. Those that go from one collar to another in short times have other problems to contend with. I know what it means to us and that is all I worry about.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to Shylahgirl)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: To give and recive a collar - 1/22/2007 12:42:52 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		When it comes to "getting collard" I have found that the relationship lasts about 24 hours...The greens( I prefer them cooked with a fatty meat...preferably a ham hock)...I eat them and then poop them out some 24 hours later or so.(hopefully no strings attached or messy exits.)

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: To give and recive a collar - 1/22/2007 12:46:04 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I eat them and then poop them out some 24 hours later or so.(hopefully no strings attached or messy exits.)

That made me snort.  Hahahaha.

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: To give and recive a collar - 1/22/2007 12:49:04 PM   
MasterBKM


Posts: 29
Joined: 10/12/2006
Status: offline 		I agree that far too many take velcor collars and fail to realize the utmost importance of a collar and its true meaning ..

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submission is a gift you cant take

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: To give and recive a collar - 1/22/2007 12:50:15 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Frankly if people put as much thought and angst into their RELATIONSHIPS as they do all these discussions about "WHAT A COLLAR REALLY MEANS" I think we'd have a lot more happy, healthy and long-term relationships than we do now.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MasterBKM)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: To give and recive a collar - 1/22/2007 12:50:29 PM   
MasterBKM


Posts: 29
Joined: 10/12/2006
Status: offline 		velcor = velcro *S* laffs a lil

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submission is a gift you cant take

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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: To give and recive a collar - 1/22/2007 12:51:32 PM   
MasterBKM


Posts: 29
Joined: 10/12/2006
Status: offline 		learn to Love and love to learn new things everyday

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submission is a gift you cant take

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: To give and recive a collar - 1/22/2007 12:53:36 PM   
wyldsubmissive


Posts: 157
Joined: 5/7/2005
Status: offline 		When I first became aware of BDSM and started to research it I had an experience much like the one the OP is recounting.

A couple, Goths both (I love me some Goth, don't go nutters. Just to give the reader a mental picture.), walked into the truckstop diner I was frequenting with a friend. I paid them passing attention 'til I spied the collar 'round his neck. I, being naturally curious, and not shy in the slightest plopped my butt down by them. (It helped that I knew these people.) I commented on the collar, and she responded that the boy was "Her slave." She also thought that a chain leash and occassional tug accented that. It didn't. She looked at me and I asked what it meant. The response was a holier then thou "You don't want to know."

"But I already do." Was my response.

I can tell you that I wanted to rip that collar off that young mans neck then beat him in the head with it. For allowing himself to be "collared" by such a flighty silly young thing and for being stupid enough to force it on the public without full knowledge of its meaning.

Collaring your b/f or g/f has become the latest social trend for goths, freaks and the occassional punk. It's disgusting and wrong.

A collar should be earned, not given. Not slapped on like those stupid bracelets from the 90's that would leave red marks on your arm. (Sorry, off topic.)

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: To give and recive a collar - 1/22/2007 12:53:48 PM   
MasterBKM


Posts: 29
Joined: 10/12/2006
Status: offline 		I so agree with that .. I see Ppl who have many collared and wonder how that all can get the attention they all need and deserve . not knocking it just My opinion that one gets more attention than the rest ...... again just My opinion

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submission is a gift you cant take

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: To give and recive a collar - 1/22/2007 1:20:34 PM   
bearincuffs


Posts: 1904
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline 		My belief is each Master/Mistress  have their own opinions on what they determine when the appropiate time is to collar thier/sub/slave. As with anything else, there will always be a small segment who will never take BDSM and 'collaring" serious as the majority.
   Even in Pagan/Wiccan population we have "fluff bunnies", people who treat a lifestyle as the fad of the month! Like anything, we have to wed out the non-serious from the serious participants.
I have to think that when I "accept" Master's collar, it is because I have complete TRUST in Master and because that will be Master's wish.

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property of Master Dave of the House of Gemini

An it harm none, do as thou wilt
Do what you will, so long as it harms none
An it harm none, do what thou will
That it harm none, do as thou wilt
Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill

(in reply to Shylahgirl)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: To give and recive a collar - 1/22/2007 1:33:22 PM   
Shylahgirl


Posts: 167
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline 		I have been made aware that I have a very noticable miss spelling in my post (collard= collared). Please stop telling me, I know it's there, but I can't seem to find the link to edit the post.

I apologize for any other miss spellings as well.

Shylah

< Message edited by Shylahgirl -- 1/22/2007 1:38:48 PM >

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RE: To give and recive a collar - 1/22/2007 1:53:02 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline 		My thoughts on collars are in many ways to LA's, I think people worry way to much about what a collar means and not enough about laying an appropriate foundation for a long term relationship.  To me seven months is way to preliminary for a collar so everyone has very different parameters for lengths of time and such.  

But to me any sign of ownership (whether its a collar, tattoo, or whatever) means ownership over a long period of time and intention to continue owning the person over a long period of time and that the person has successfully earned that sign of ownership (I believe they are earned, not automatically given for just being present).  I don't view it as being the equivalent of marriage because I view marriage as having very different sort of implications and meanings than earned signs of ownership.

For my owner and myself I never have really considered myself collared even though I have several collars that he's given me that I sometimes wear to match different outfits.  I do however have a labia piercing that I got for him as well as my brand and those mean a great deal to me and took a great deal of time for both of us to move towards since they meant alteration of my body with healing time to build in (which for a diabetic is something you have to think about and plan).

There are always going to be people that for a myriad of reasons jump head first into relationships and there will also be people that have the best of intentions in a relationship and it still fails.  While I'd love to be able to say that it doesn't matter quite frankly the lack of thought into wearing a collar and the often equating it to vanilla marriage (or functionally it seems in many relationships wearing the letterman’s jackets) is one of the reasons I generally don't wear anything that signifies a collar on my neck and why I don't think either my owner or I have really put much emphasis on the status of being collared.

C~

P.S. - To edit your post once you are logged into collarchat viewing your own post there should be an "Edit" button right in between the "Quote" and "Fwd" buttons.


< Message edited by Wildfleurs -- 1/22/2007 1:54:04 PM >

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"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
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(in reply to Shylahgirl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: To give and recive a collar - 1/22/2007 1:59:08 PM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shylahgirl
Some would compeer a collar to a wedding ring, but in my experience the meaning behind the collar goes much deeper then that. A marriage can be broken, and they often are. When a submissive/slave receives their master/mistresses collar a part of them is with the master/mistress for ever, even if the people do eventually go in their sepret paths.

Shylah[/color]

I couldn't argue with your post until that line came up. Marriages is intended to be a lifelong commitment as well, and shouldn't be broken on a whim, either.
We all have to decide how seriously we take our commitments, under what circumstances we will undertake them, and under what circumstances we're willing to dissolve them.

(in reply to Shylahgirl)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: To give and recive a collar - 1/22/2007 2:11:17 PM   
Shylahgirl


Posts: 167
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

P.S. - To edit your post once you are logged into collarchat viewing your own post there should be an "Edit" button right in between the "Quote" and "Fwd" buttons.



I looked and still couldn't find that button... I did edit my poste right after I made it, but then I went to edit it again and the button had dissapered.
 
It might be something wrong with my computer.
 
Shylah

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: To give and recive a collar - 1/22/2007 2:17:05 PM   
valeca


Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline 		I tend to concentrate more on my own relationship and not really worry what others are doing with/in theirs.  Of course I form opinions on those around me from their behaviors/ways/practices, etc., but in the end, theirs take nothing away from mine (nor do they add any sort of validity if I find we have things in common). 

If I come across someone I believe to be 'fluffy' about collars (et al), I remind myself that soon enough they will move onto the next fad or interest.  If I find they are strongly rooted in their beliefs and it isn't a passing fancy, so be it.  It still takes nothing away from mine

   

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~valeca, Owned and Operated by Loraith.

(in reply to Shylahgirl)
Profile   Post #: 20
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