DiannaVesta
Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline
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wow... below is a post I JUST made at FemSupreme. I agree with TammyJo and I admit that I scare a lot of people away because of my expectations but for the right person its worth it.
With that post are some key elements for you Portia. The two of you connected in cyberspace and had great chemistry. This in itself is difficult to find. Your disappointed because he wasn’t ready to take off soaring at the rate you would have liked but this does not mean the relationship is dead. If you open yourself up to friendship and experience each other on a limited basis it very well could establish the trust you are both seeking. If he’s a game player then you’ll figure this out pretty quickly.
I would give it time and worse case you end up with a new kinky friend.
below cross post from Femsupreme....
I have a few comments. I have been online way before the web back during the BBS days when I ran a fetish board. Back then it was only local people calling into a computer with a bunch of modems or bridge on PHONE LINES, imagine that. So I grew familiar with online relationships and even enjoy the freedom it gave me. I liked getting to know someone and then meeting them. Maybe I would chat with them a few months and they would show up at a munch or we’d agree to meet.
Now fast forward to 2000 when the web is now rapidly becoming a world wide communication phenomenon. All business and personal communications are shifting at rapid rates. Scammers and players have now learned how to manipulate the web and many people are learning how to use it as a crutch. What I mean by this is that it’s easy for people to explore, hide behind their screens with no commitment. Over 80% of the internet dating population has no intention of actually meeting or making commitments. Its scary high but true.
As much experience as I have in BDSM relationships and being online I too have been a victim of scams. I won’t go into all the stories but share one briefly… I met this girl online; we chatted, exchanged email and eventually went to phone. I was elated because she painted the perfect picture and was everything I had been looking for. Let’s face it, it gets really lonely trying to find someone that understands you & isn’t hung up on their own selfish needs. I don’t care how pretty, cute, rich, whatever; the journey for sub cultures to connect is very difficult. The more you niche are- leather, gay, pagan, etc. more complex the more difficult.
Anyhow, we seemed to be soaring on cloud nine. We made plans to meet. She was to fly to south Florida and spend a few days. The day before I get an email saying she was nervous and not ready. I understood this and tired to comfort her. I explained to her, as I do with all, that our first meeting must be one of comfortably where we don’t play but spend time talking face to face and just experience one another. That regardless of anything we would walk away as friends. One time I was actually at the airport and she never got off the plane. This time the excuse was that a relative became extremely ill. It was 3 times, all excuses and red flags began to fly. I finally gave her an ultimatum and said that if she wasn’t serious enough to meet me face to face that I would cut off all contact with her. Finally she made it and there was wonderful chemistry. I even asked her to stay & for the first 2 weeks it was great. Then things began to unfold and to make a long story short this person wasn’t even the same person I had been talking to. I began to discover things and seen that she had painted a picture that wasn’t her and that her life was not only a mess but that I had been lied to over and over.
Obviously the moral to the story is to be careful but I learned something else from a friend who does my tarot once a year…
She said, “Sometimes we meet out soul mates on another plane. We connect and we *feel* it but on the physical plane, the here and now we battle and it’s not the same. Sometimes it’s just supposed to be that way.”
Ok, maybe and that’s cool if people want to remain in cyberspace. I need more and though I prefer getting to know someone this way, I can’t allow myself to carry on an online relationship for more then a few months. Maybe I’ve grown hard because I really have grown tough in my expectations. I give a submissive a task and if they don’t complete it in a reasonable time I lose interest right away. I just don’t’ have time for games.
I like the fun and games but let’s face it; I need a real platform to remain interested. I need to *feel* that their devotion and submission to me is real and not some cyber fix to get their rocks off. I need a connection even if it starts as friendship, in fact I insist on this foundation even if its D/s I need to build love and respect before I’ll open myself up.
The best way for me to really get to know someone or become friends is to study them in forums. I pay attention and form opinions on this. I have some wonderful friends here that I am growing to trust. I may meet one of you one day and sparks could fly. We already have a wonderful foundation of friendship which to me is worth the investment.
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