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Speak up Jali... - 1/13/2007 4:46:58 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
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Just want to say before I write this topic up, this is not an issue between Master and I...but I just wanted to get peoples ideas and thoughts around it.

I generally have a quiet voice, I don't like speaking loudly or shouting.....it feels forced and unnatural to me. As you know my Master is 70% deaf. Sometimes when he says something and I respond, he doesnt hear me and doesnt know I've responded as he is not looking directly at me. So, he says what he said again, waiting for a response. To which, I speak up louder.but then instead of a natural interaction, my reply seems forced somehow....it doesnt feel gentle and flowing like I would normally communicate.

So then I get into a habit of almost shouting (well shouting for me, its probably just talking more loudly)..but all the time then my exchange feels unnnatural and forced...like I might get into that then speak to someone else and they will ask me why Im talking so loudly..then my head gets all twisted trying to go back to how I would normally speak...and then..well the cycle goes on...

And say we are in a group of people, I will try my best to speak loudly and clearly to Master so that he doesnt have to ask me to repeat myself in front of other people, I feel by doing this that I'm serving him well..but then even master picks up that I'm speaking unnnaturally.....or not speaking how I normally would.

So, this is not an issue in that we accept that sometimes he doesnt hear me, its not that i get in trouble or anything...and I don't think he gets upset most of the time having to repeat himself so that I can repeat myself so that he sees/hears my response....

Is there a way I could train myself to respond more loudly and have it feel/be natural...or any other suggestions?

< Message edited by slavejali -- 1/13/2007 4:49:04 PM >

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

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Post #: 1

RE: Speak up Jali... - 1/13/2007 5:00:58 PM

spankmepink11

Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
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Jali,
The only thing i can suggest is to try not to speak to Him from any sort of distance. Train yourself to go near enough to him you to speak in as close to your normal tone as possible. When i worked with people with hearing impairment i mixed in a bit of sign language as well.
I'm sure you'll get some great suggestions.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 2

RE: Speak up Jali... - 1/13/2007 5:07:30 PM

tricia

Posts: 231
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I know in day to day activities it might be a bit unrealistic...but I know when I'm in a group setting with my Grandma, for instance, I sit closer to her because she is hard of hearing and isn't always able to hear the conversation taking place...so I am able to translate it as if I'm whispering in her ear but actually talking in a regular tone.

I do know exactly how you feel - it is very hard to sound lighthearded and normal when you are speaking loudly. I know I am an unusually quiet person by nature and even those who can hear well sometimes have trouble hearing me.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 3

RE: Speak up Jali... - 1/13/2007 5:11:35 PM

ownedgirlie

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Joined: 2/5/2006
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Do you like to sing? A voice teacher or vocal coach can teach you how to project, while still being true to your emotions and natural reactions. If you like to sing, voice lessons could be an enjoyable and beneficial experience.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 4

RE: Speak up Jali... - 1/13/2007 5:19:10 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
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Jali:

I'm sorry I don't have much of a suggestion but understand exactly what you're talking about. I too, tend to speak softly; maybe because my hearing is exceptionally good or because I just dont like speaking loudly or hearing others speak loudly. I find loud speaking uncomfortable like the ole fingernails on a chalkboard thing. Well, this causes minor problems with people in my life who don't even have hearing problems.
I cannot stand when I have to repeat myself because someone doesn't hear me, especially because they are not hard of hearing.... ie: my mom, my daughter, my ex. But each of these people get aggravated with the way I sound when I repeat myself. I repeat in a louder almost monotone voice so that they hear me better, and it does sound like Im being snippy, but fuck if I know how else to make them hear me without it sounding unnatural.
Im thinking about getting poster board to write on. lmaoo

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marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 5

RE: Speak up Jali... - 1/13/2007 5:19:17 PM

jthorne

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Joined: 10/18/2006
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Do you have a very high voice? My grandfather also had deafness issues...he often could not hear his granddaughters because we were too high for his ears to register! Until I grew up and my voice dropped (I have a fairly low normal speaking voice although I can modulate it to be higher easily) he never really could hear me. So perhaps if you drop your voice tone some it might have an effect?

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 6

RE: Speak up Jali... - 1/13/2007 5:22:10 PM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
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I've had to learn this sort of thing for when I'm teaching. I'm generally pretty quiet and its a skill to be able to speak loud enough so every one can hear me, without sounding like I'm lecturing because I prefer a conversational style. As ownedgirlie said, learning how to project your voice (I talk to the back row of seats), which is more than just simply raising it, may be helpful. Also, staying relaxed, and moving around helps me. I think alot of its practice, practice, practice.

My son had a lot of hearing infections when he was younger, and there have always been certain tones that he picks up better than others. (I was like this when I was a kid, also and still am to a certain extent.) I'm wondering if you can experiment with different tones of voice (assuming your Master is willing) to see if it makes a difference.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 7

RE: Speak up Jali... - 1/13/2007 5:27:46 PM

Devilslilsister

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My mother was mostly deaf growing up. I learned to speak louder. Loud enough for her to hear me. In my late teens she got hearing aids. So pretty much my whole life, i aimed to for her to hear me.. hence it is natural to me now.

What i do/did is LOOK at her when i am talking. I know that (especially if she has one out) and she is not looking at me, she will most likely not hear me. When i want to talk to her a simple "MOM" will get her to look at me and from there i can go on speaking. If that isnt appropriate i'll simply walk up and tap her on the shoulder. (which can be hilarious as she startles easy) I always make sure i have eye contact. They key i think is eye contact. That way, if they cant hear ALL the words they can still make out the sentence.

Now i have the opposite issue. I am "loud", i dont mean to be and its natural to me. I am just used to speaking on a level that my mother could hear me. Master is constantly reminding me "you dont have to shout" "speak softer" "why are you talking so loud" I honestly dont hear it and i drop my voice to what i hope is appropriate.

Would you like to switch voices for awhile? Might make things easier on both of us

< Message edited by Devilslilsister -- 1/13/2007 5:30:17 PM >

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RE: Speak up Jali... - 1/13/2007 5:27:48 PM

marieToo

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Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
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Also, does your Master have a hearing aid?

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RE: Speak up Jali... - 1/13/2007 5:31:03 PM

Devilslilsister

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a hearing aid would be really helpful. They've got some neat ones out now. Cant even tell my mother wears them. Good quality, small, and sometimes it makes things too loud that she takes one out. Oh and you can adjust "volumne" too

< Message edited by Devilslilsister -- 1/13/2007 5:32:09 PM >

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 10

RE: Speak up Jali... - 1/13/2007 5:35:19 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

quote:

The only thing i can suggest is to try not to speak to Him from any sort of distance. Train yourself to go near enough to him you to speak in as close to your normal tone as possible.

This is a scenario from this morning...

Jali gets Masters morning coffee...I set it down.

Masters says 'Thankyou Jali"
Jali says" My pleasure Master" smiling...
(I'm right next to him, like 1 foot away, ive just set some coffee down).
Master says "I said...thankyou Jali"
Jali lifts up her voice and says " My pleasure Master"..but then I feel like I've orchestrated my response...or that Master has had to prompt me..and he has prompted me..cuz he has had to say without saying " Talk in a way I can hear you"...and then I feel like I'm failing him in a way...which I know logicially I'm not...yet I am in a way so it doesnt stop that feeling.

See how I see it is, I'm the slave so its up to me to work out how I can make Masters life easier.Now he has a hearing disability, so thats included in that...I should work out ways to interact in a more flowing way to make his life easier.

Now mostly its good, if we are having deep and meaningfuls, we will type to each other..its just in those little everyday things..that are part of having a relationship with someone..those little nuances which are the undercurrent of flowing everyday communication that I want to improve for, for Master.

quote:

I do know exactly how you feel - it is very hard to sound lighthearded and normal when you are speaking loudly.

yes, thats it.

quote:

Do you like to sing? A voice teacher or vocal coach can teach you how to project, while still being true to your emotions and natural reactions. If you like to sing, voice lessons could be an enjoyable and beneficial experience.

Yes I love singing...and that has made me think about a logical thing. Master low range hearing is almost perfect..I guess I could get trained in talking in that range somehow...which is kinda odd...cuz I'm saying i speak quielty but he isn't hearing me..so there is something Im not understanding about low range....its not the same thing as quiet ...or something.

< Message edited by slavejali -- 1/13/2007 5:40:45 PM >

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 11

RE: Speak up Jali... - 1/13/2007 5:35:32 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

Now i have the opposite issue. I am "loud", i dont mean to be and its natural to me. I am just used to speaking on a level that my mother could hear me. Master is constantly reminding me "you dont have to shout" "speak softer" "why are you talking so loud" I honestly dont hear it and i drop my voice to what i hope is appropriate.

I relate to this in the opposite sense. I grew up in a large family, and I am the youngest kid. We were a loud family. Remember the Louds on Saturday Night Live?? lol. My dad was hard of hearing, plus...we were just naturally LOUD. Too loud. When I was married, my husband was always annoyed with how loud I spoke. He'd ask, "Do you know where I am?" every time I talked. I learned to speak quietly...very quietly. Then along comes my Master, who says "WHAT?" to half of what I say, it seems. "What? I can't hear you. Speak up, slut!"

So now I am learning to speak up again. Life is crazy, ain't it, lol. :)

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 12

RE: Speak up Jali... - 1/13/2007 5:40:59 PM

Caitriona

Posts: 327
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline

slavejali,

I can sympathize with your Master - I am 75% deaf in one ear and often have problems hearing My Lord's requests if he is not looking at me or is standing in the wrong place. I am also curious if your Master uses a hearing aid. If he does, perhaps making sure it is in good working order (batteries, ect) and that he uses it could be something you could do to help him as an extension of your service. I would also suggest that you look up "projecting" your voice so that you do not have to yell. Most theatrical and singing websites should have information on the topic. Best of luck to you.

_____________________________

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Serving alongside ciarra

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 13

RE: Speak up Jali... - 1/13/2007 5:41:48 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali
Masters says 'Thankyou Jali"
Jali says" My pleasure Master" smiling...
(I'm right next to him, like 1 foot away, ive just set some coffee down).
Master says "I said...thankyou Jali"
Jali lifts up her voice and says " My pleasure Master"..but then I feel like I've orchestrated my response...or that Master has had to prompt me..and he has prompted me..cuz he has had to say without saying " Talk in a way I can hear you"...and then I feel like I'm failing him in a way...which I know logicially I'm not...yes I am in a way so it doesnt stop that feeling.

Or a gentle hand on his shoulder, followed by a smile (if he is looking at you) would acknowledge that you heard him and were responding. There are so many ways to communicate without words, but you know this :)

quote:

See how I see it is, I'm the slave so its up to me to work out how I can make Masters life easier.Now he has a hearing disability, so thats included in that...I should work out ways to interact in a more flowing way to make his life easier.

I agree, and applaud your efforts. Have either of you considered learning ASL?

quote:

Yes I love singing...and that has made me think about a logical thing. Master low range hearing is almost perfect..I guess I could get trained in talking in that range somehow...which is kinda odd...cuz I'm saying i speak quielty but he isn't hearing me..so there is something Im not understanding about low range....its not the same thing as quiet ...or something.

My understanding is that often the high ranges are the first to go with hearing loss. Low range is not the same as quiet or loud. You may be able to keep your same volume while lowering your range. An audiologist may be able to help you better understand that. And the vocal coach may help you adjust naturally.

Good luck, Jali.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 14

RE: Speak up Jali... - 1/13/2007 5:43:12 PM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
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LOL owned! Pass that knowledge of "quietness" along eh? I dont need to be loud any more and others around me end up being loud.. well because.. i'm loud. LOL

Have you tried finding some where that you can just SHOUT. Just hollar? Stretch those vocal cords??

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 15

RE: Speak up Jali... - 1/13/2007 5:48:26 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

quote:

Also, does your Master have a hearing aid?

No, we have talked about that, and probably is on the cards at some point. He doesn't sign either, He only started telling people that he was deaf about 5 years ago I think, he has become really proficient just naturally in lip reading though.

I'm worried about this topic now, Master is out spraying a car, and I'm worried he wont like Ive made it...does it seem ok to you guys? It's really not an issue...I just wanted to get some ideas to serve him better in that way..

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 16

RE: Speak up Jali... - 1/13/2007 5:52:22 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

LOL owned! Pass that knowledge of "quietness" along eh? I dont need to be loud any more and others around me end up being loud.. well because.. i'm loud. LOL

Sure, be with someone who is frustrated with you all the time for how you talk. :) But I was really loud before. I hang out with my family on holidays and think, WOW. LOUD.

quote:

Have you tried finding some where that you can just SHOUT. Just hollar? Stretch those vocal cords??

I sing. And when I really need to let it all out, "What's Up" by Four Non Blondes does it for me.

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 17

RE: Speak up Jali... - 1/13/2007 5:52:43 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

quote:

Or a gentle hand on his shoulder,

God that is so simple I don't know why I didn't think of it..thats probably perfect....

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 18

RE: Speak up Jali... - 1/13/2007 5:55:38 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali.

I'm worried about this topic now, Master is out spraying a car, and I'm worried he wont like Ive made it...does it seem ok to you guys? It's really not an issue...I just wanted to get some ideas to serve him better in that way..

The focus of most of these posts is on you and your quest to improve, and not on your Master. I think that keeps things positive, and you've received some good ideas that you may not have considered otherwise.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 19

RE: Speak up Jali... - 1/13/2007 6:00:26 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

why doesn't he wear a hearing aid?

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 20

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