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enigmaslave -> RE: How far would you be willing to take your BSDM Life style? (1/14/2007 10:41:06 AM)
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Mr JohnWarren
I wish to thank you for your input on my vague query. I am a very articulate and well spoken young man of 34 years, who is also still naive about life.
I know it’s very easy to stand back, and look at a series of statements, and pick them apart. I have done this in my past as well. However, I wish to point out, that since I am the recipient of the comments from the board, I want to respectfully convey, that at then end of the day, it matters not to you whether my statements seem contradictory or slightly confused. But rather do they make sense to me. We may all speak English, but we don’t think the same way.
Take the word “roots”, you may think of roots of a plant, but Canadians will also think of a clothing company, and Australians will think of sex. (Try wrapping your noodle around that one.)
I will make an honest effort to clarify my thinking to you. I hope I can be successful. I will be very direct, and my vocabulary will not be soft and mushy, so please do not take offence.
Initially I had only an idea. The idea was of a housing community for those who wish to live among those with similar interest. Furthermore, to be able to walk through that community with out the fear of snickers, finger pointing and ridicule.
I lived in a Co-op once before, and my immediate neighbors not only disapproved of my lifestyle choices, but went out of there way to share the beliefs of disproval with other members of the Co-operative.
Do I harbor resentment or anger to them, for doing this? At one time I did, and even today, still moderately so. But a lesson was learned and now I have moved on.
My opening question: “Would you be willing to move and to live in an adult only community that was accepting of your choices? Would you relocate to another country, province or state?”
- I believe, was and still is straight forward.
My next statement, “Honestly speaking I don’t want to hear from the no crowd. I know there will be many will say no that they have a job and family where they are, and further more it would be too difficult for them to make such a transition.”
- I think beyond the cog or the spoke in a wheel. I have this need to understand the “big picture.” This was an attempt to minimize those that would immediately come on and say, “Not Possible, don’t even think about it, etc.” I don’t work well with short answers, (I never have. I am not sure I can change that. And yes its caused me problems in the past, and I’m sure it will in the future.) If you going to tell me “No”, tell me why, or don’t make a comment at all.
My next statement, “I would like to hear some serious feed back.”
- This again seems straight forward, but hey, if you were me, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I wanted serious feed back on the feasibility of implementation of this concept.
Now that fair is fair. Let’s dissect your concerns.
You stated “Doesn't sound like much intellectually honesty there.” I hope my rebuttal clarifies the intellectually honesty question that you pondered.
You also stated. “But I'm going to go ahead and introduce a bit of reality.” Your statement has a slight hint of belittling of my idea. (In my Human Relations and Leadership courses, we call you, a sniper.) I am happy to take any information that you and the community can give me that can provide clearer thought and perspective on this concept. There have been many people that have given more insights then I would have conceived on my own. (In my Human Relations and Leadership course we call that an impromptu brain storming session)
You and MANY others have pointed this fallowing statement out, “You'd have to find people who are willing to purchase property with little guarantee they would be able to resell it if that became necessary.” I guess you missed those notes. I am humbled and do appreciate you reiterating these concerns to me.
“As someone who has both served on vanilla condo boards and who ran The Boston Dungeon Society for almost ten years”. Believe it or not, I was hopping to hear from people like you, such as condominium Board members, Contractors, as well as the people who would be living there, etc, etc.
“How are you going to define "kinky?"”
This is an awesome question, to which I will give some thought, as an answer currently eludes me.
“I can easily see a situation where an owners' board comes to blows about approving a sale to someone who is a vanilla crossdresser or a non-play fetish dresser.” Again this not something that was considered. But again, your insight is awesome.
"Is it even legal to refuse to admit someone into a community based on their sexual preference". This was something I had considered. I am aware of many communities in Canada where there are “unwritten rules” and by-laws for standards that must be obtained and upheld to remain and that community. This is most often seen and found in the condominiums and their by-laws and an agreement that is signed as part of tenancy agreement. All though they are challengeable, it needs to be done at the Supreme Court level. Few people are willing to take it to such an extreme. Furthermore, many of these places have high maintenance fees that act as a deterrent. If you can’t afford to live there, why challenge the “acceptance” process. One last thing, its only illegal if you state an illegal reason for denial. A refusal letter can simply say “I’m sorry Mr. Jones we found some one more compatible to our values and beliefs. Even American Judges won’t touch that.
"Such laws cut both ways. A law that forbids refusing to sell to a sadomasochist would equally forbid requiring people to be sadomasochists in order to buy". True. However there are many Condominiums Corporations that stipulate they have legal precedence to do background checks and further demand they have final say on who gets to be admitted.
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