RE: Intermittent BDSM Relationships

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RE: Intermittent BDSM Relationships - 1/12/2007 8:07:14 PM

mellian

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No one can completly depend on someone as one always has a choice. So if one is dependent on another to get things done, to play, to initiate things, pay the rent, and so on...then who is serving who?

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RE: Intermittent BDSM Relationships - 1/12/2007 8:12:49 PM

cloudboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

For me it is an emotional/psychological/mystical-type dependency.

Yes, that's what I was getting at.

quote:

He is a constant in my life...he is my primary relationship. it is challenging enough to get through each day without touching him and doting on him........knowing he is always there...feeling that current always flowing......

You sound more like a 100%er, which is cool. The question is, how do you manage in say 20% situation? Some of us don't have that all encompassing thing....why?...... because it is not all encompassing........its limited, intermittent, variable, etc....

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RE: Intermittent BDSM Relationships - 1/12/2007 8:20:12 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

You sound more like a 100%er, which is cool. The question is, how do you manage in say 20% situation? Some of us don't have that all encompassing thing....why?...... because it is not all encompassing........its limited, intermittent, variable, etc....

I can't imagine being in 20%, cloudboy. It would not be enough for me. The interesting thing is, when I met my Master, I could not imagine being 100%. He created this in me, and keeps it flowing.

Do you have regularly scheduled times when you see and/or talk to each other? Do you find yourself in a different mind set during those times? Does any of that carry over into when you are not seeing or talking to each other? Perhaps when you are with her, you let your guard down and bask in your submission, reliant on her during that moment in time and freeing yourself from all other burdens. You pose an interesting question, and the clarity in your subsequent posts help me see the bigger picture.

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RE: Intermittent BDSM Relationships - 1/13/2007 7:16:32 AM

cloudboy

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Yes, usually we do have our own rythm, and it takes skill and allignment to get into that. It can be hard, sometimes really hard, but at the same time it has its advantages too. Like anything in life, its good to be as happy as possible with what you have. In an intermittent situation, tho, there are going to be times where you just feel like you don't have anything at all. The parties involved need to know how to cope with that.

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RE: Intermittent BDSM Relationships - 1/13/2007 9:32:43 AM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

Slavejali said, "the very act of submission itself makes me dependent on my partner."

Which made me think: O, you full time relationship people are so 100%.

I'm curious, how would she would be if she had to turn the "dependency" on and off as a matter of necessity or circumstance?

Its my experience that such cross circuiting undermines the whole reliance element of submission. In talking to others about this, if one goes from being submissive to being self reliant ---- in an intermittent manner --- one's experience is closer to scening and role play than submission.

I don't imagine this cuts it for most submissives, especially ones in FT relationships. On the other hand, there are advantages and a development of self that go with self reliance.

THE SLAVEJALI INSPIRED INSIGHT: Intermittent BDSM relationships are easier for the DOMs, because for them reliance (of the type slavejali describes) isn't an issue.

So, my question is, how submissive do you part time subs feel? What is part-time or piecemeal submission like for you? Do you agree that such part time relationships are easier for the Doms?

Anyway, when I think of submission I do think of slavejali. I haven't really seen a malesub equivalent here.

Hullo cloudboy,

When you say *part-time*, do you mean that the relationship is only *on* 20% of the time, and the rest of the time you're *single* and free to do exactly as you please, so to speak? Or is the 20% referring to the time factor or *one on one* attention?

Regards, agirl

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RE: Intermittent BDSM Relationships - 1/13/2007 2:20:08 PM

Devilslilsister

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Its honestly something i have trouble dealing with. For me, i have to switch back mentally when we are seperated and its very hard. Watching him drive away, at times, i would of appreciated it more if hell opened up infront of me. Atleast it would be a distraction. i have to go through a process of refocusing, re thinking, and forcing myself to switch. Sometimes its too hard, sometimes it takes awhile, and sometimes i do it really too well. I've been working the switching back process ever since i knew him as when i first met him, i would literally cry the whole hour home and then be miserable for days. Couldnt live like that, so i had to do something about it.

Now i'm really good at playing the mental mind game with myself and seperating me from him. Granted it only works as much as he's willing to allow. He's really good at putting me back in the mind frame he wants. As i was just with him this morning, i mentioned how i would "have a hard time going back to being normal" ::smiles:: you can imagine the conversation that ensued and at the end of it he stated that he would like me to stop. IE remain in my place, instead of always stepping out of it.

Eh, its hard to function properly when you need some one and they are not there. When he moved out, i honestly got stuck with "what the hell do i do now? What do i buy at the grogery store, what do i DO?" Its hard to have all your thoughts focusing mainly on the service to one person and then not be able to do that anymore. To have all your thoughts center around One person. Every thought i used to have, lead back to him. Every feeling i had, led back to him. When i am around him, my thoughts literally refocus. Would he like it if i did this, does he like that, would he appreciate this, should i do that, is he happy, does he like the movie, ect ect ect. Cant help it, just the way i am, i analyze everything in regards to how it effects him. And when he's not here i cant do that, none of it affects him. Its a pickle for me and so i refocus.

But Master would like me to stop the mental game i play with myself. I think it will be hard, but easier now that he is super involved with me. Just another bad habit of mine to break! That and i have to remember he does care, it does matter, and it does affect him.

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