quote:

ORIGINAL: mgdartist

quote:

Archer wrote:
Ball up a fist and punch a female slave in most dungeons and you'll hear the same OMG he's abusing her, posts the next day,

Somewhat stunned by this, and admit I'd feel you abused her too, were it a real punch. I defer to your experience tho Archer, trust me, and merely wish to know how such rough play should be assimilated and reacted to, in a group, and indeed how you assimilate and feel need or use for such yourself?
If it's actually any of my business.

MGD

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

For all those who are discouraged, disappointed or disenfranchised with "the community" :

You know those people you met within "the community" that you actually enjoyed, liked, had things in common with? Call em up. (Oh wait...send em an e-mail...you know how we all seem to hate phones - unless we're meeting someone and a) they don't have a land line - married y'know or b) we're making those obligatory safe calls we love to complain about so much.)  Invite them to dinner. Meet at a favorite restaurant and laugh and talk and all that - you know, like friends do. Don't wait for only the munch next month to talk to them or the odd party that you're invited to at the same time they are. Get to KNOW these people. Honestly, just because vanilla people do this from time to time doesn't mean you'll die if you do it. And I promise, the people in the group you invite won't think you're vanilla and the other people in the restaurant will either just think you're odd or won't have a clue. It'll be ok. Your reputations in "the community" will remain intact even if you did participate in something with the odd vanilla scent.

When people are all thrown together once a month or so for a munch and maybe a bit often for the odd party, that is no "community." That is a bunch of people with no connection to each other beyond this thing we do, gathering together and pretending that we have so much more in common with each other than we actually have.

For all the horror stories that are out there, there are many more stories of friendships made and held for years simply based on the wherewithall of those people who were able to get off their butts, be creative, and take the initiative to create friendships that spanned much more than just our propensity to have our asses beat or beat other people's asses.

And frankly, I may be wrong, but I have this real strong feeling that when we actually build friendships rather than just expecting people we don't really know to behave in manners we deem appropriate, we actually have a chance of getting what we want. I may be wrong, but it just seems logical to me that friends will be much less inclined to abuse, rape, hit on and in general act in ways that end up chasing people away. And I may be wrong, but I think that when people actually DO this, they simply have a better and more enjoyable evening than when they sit around at a munch complaining and pointing fingers at him and her who are uncouth and how he and she are are pretenders, etc.

So anyway, you get this group of people together for dinner out at your favorite restaurant. The next month, MasterWhatsHisName decides to invite MasterWhosIt and his slave whositsconcubine along. Your group just got bigger. You have more information to glean and share from this new addition, and this person comes to your group via someone you already know.

This, from what I hear is how the darn thing used to be done! For my money, there's not one thing wrong with relying on what we already know. When we reinvent the wheel, we tend to leave off some important stuff, so don't. Just start your own munch. Don't go for the glitz and attendance awards. Make it small. Make it fun. Make it friendly.

And without bashing the more public munches, or those who have had bad things happen to them and/or their loved ones, it just seems this is a better idea than complaining about "the community" not policing its own.

juliet

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

For all those who are discouraged, disappointed or disenfranchised with "the community" :

You know those people you met within "the community" that you actually enjoyed, liked, had things in common with? Call em up. (Oh wait...send em an e-mail...you know how we all seem to hate phones - unless we're meeting someone and a) they don't have a land line - married y'know or b) we're making those obligatory safe calls we love to complain about so much.)  Invite them to dinner. Meet at a favorite restaurant and laugh and talk and all that - you know, like friends do. Don't wait for only the munch next month to talk to them or the odd party that you're invited to at the same time they are. Get to KNOW these people. Honestly, just because vanilla people do this from time to time doesn't mean you'll die if you do it. And I promise, the people in the group you invite won't think you're vanilla and the other people in the restaurant will either just think you're odd or won't have a clue. It'll be ok. Your reputations in "the community" will remain intact even if you did participate in something with the odd vanilla scent.

When people are all thrown together once a month or so for a munch and maybe a bit often for the odd party, that is no "community." That is a bunch of people with no connection to each other beyond this thing we do, gathering together and pretending that we have so much more in common with each other than we actually have.

For all the horror stories that are out there, there are many more stories of friendships made and held for years simply based on the wherewithall of those people who were able to get off their butts, be creative, and take the initiative to create friendships that spanned much more than just our propensity to have our asses beat or beat other people's asses.

And frankly, I may be wrong, but I have this real strong feeling that when we actually build friendships rather than just expecting people we don't really know to behave in manners we deem appropriate, we actually have a chance of getting what we want. I may be wrong, but it just seems logical to me that friends will be much less inclined to abuse, rape, hit on and in general act in ways that end up chasing people away. And I may be wrong, but I think that when people actually DO this, they simply have a better and more enjoyable evening than when they sit around at a munch complaining and pointing fingers at him and her who are uncouth and how he and she are are pretenders, etc.

So anyway, you get this group of people together for dinner out at your favorite restaurant. The next month, MasterWhatsHisName decides to invite MasterWhosIt and his slave whositsconcubine along. Your group just got bigger. You have more information to glean and share from this new addition, and this person comes to your group via someone you already know.

This, from what I hear is how the darn thing used to be done! For my money, there's not one thing wrong with relying on what we already know. When we reinvent the wheel, we tend to leave off some important stuff, so don't. Just start your own munch. Don't go for the glitz and attendance awards. Make it small. Make it fun. Make it friendly.

And without bashing the more public munches, or those who have had bad things happen to them and/or their loved ones, it just seems this is a better idea than complaining about "the community" not policing its own.

juliet

This is the best advice i've read on this subject!  Thank you.