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RE: The 'community' - 1/9/2007 9:32:21 PM

simplyangelic1

Posts: 186
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline

Groups are still a good way to connect with others in the lifestyle. But just like any other group, you will have those that tend to other's business. Think of a group as a small town. As you know there is always a town busy body. Those kind of people you have to take with a grain of salt and just like here, sift through to find those the match your beliefs. Local groups are a great place to learn. I've learned more about what I like and don't. I've seen mild to extreme forms of play. If the group is one to hold demos, you can learn about new forms of play that you may not have even thought about.

(in reply to aSlavesLife)

Post #: 21

RE: The 'community' - 1/10/2007 4:37:02 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

What an interesting post...Sort of ! I do not think that my personal traits that have brought me here warrant me to consider myself as a member of this "community" because of them.

I find this as something that is a "personal " aspect of my being...something that is not for show or to be dramatized in front of an audience.

The idea of lumping us all together based on this one trait is kind of "creepy." There is no doubt in my mind that if you could look through this screen and stare into the eyes and minds of all the people reading these posts...You might not want sign those citizenship papers so quickly....There are too many people on different waves...Most of us are just trying to find that person riding ours....I don't need to be forced to look at all the freaks in speedos on the beach to find that cool sub gal who catches my drift.

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.

(in reply to simplyangelic1)

Post #: 22

RE: The 'community' - 1/10/2007 4:46:59 AM

ardelle

Posts: 63
Status: offline

Greetings

the idea of community for me is a group of like minded individuals who take time out of their busy lives to look out for one another. As a part of that community, i have the same responsibilities that i would hope another would take for me; take the time to get to know the others and the newcomers, take the time to listen to their concerns and offer advice when asked for, take the time to show a bit of concern when another looks to be in distress. i basically have the same responsibility to the community as i would to a neighbor.

_____________________________

i wish you well

josie

(in reply to Jasmyn)

Post #: 23

RE: The 'community' - 1/10/2007 5:21:45 AM

Chakota

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

Domiguy:
I totally agree, my venture into any diversity, is mine; it needs neither the approval nor support of another or groups of others.

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 24

RE: The 'community' - 1/10/2007 10:51:44 AM

subsidize

Posts: 85
Joined: 1/2/2007
Status: offline

a local community is the ONLY place to meet other lifestylers...anyone on line is either a player or a wannabe...

(in reply to Jasmyn)

Post #: 25

RE: The 'community' - 1/10/2007 11:10:45 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

So, what is the answer? There's another thread that urges newbies to get out to local groups as being imperative. my munch group, for example, recently had a report about a "predator" but of course will not name names. my munch group will NOT provide references about anyone other than to state a person is a member in good standing (whatever that means). i agree with ScooterTrash that local 'community' is going to have good and bad like any other community. To say it's the only place to meet real lifestylers is hogwash because every Dom i have ever had the pleasure to serve, i met through sites like this, never through participation in munch group meetings or events. It is through meeting real lifestylers via sites like this that i ever learned there were munch groups in my area.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to subsidize)

Post #: 26

RE: The 'community' - 1/10/2007 11:23:06 AM

GrizzlyBear

Posts: 278
Joined: 3/26/2004
From: Missoula Montana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsidize

a local community is the ONLY place to meet other lifestylers...anyone on line is either a player or a wannabe...

And seeing that here you are online, that would make you which of those?

My experience with local groups is that nearly everyone in them is also on line. But... you will get much more out of meeting them for real, than you ever will by only meeting them online. And it is still safer to meet someone in a group setting, than to meet them first time alone. There is a far cry from saying that groups are generally good places to meet others, to saying that everyone who is online is some kind of phony.

That is just as bad as saying that because there are occasionally predators is some groups, that all groups are bad and should be avoided. Either way, you have got to be paying attention when you step off the curb, or you risk getting run over by a bus.

_____________________________

GrizzlyBear

"Come to the edge," he said.
They said, "We are afraid."
"Come to the edge," he said.
They came. He pushed them. And they flew.
~Guillaume Apollinaire

(in reply to subsidize)

Post #: 27

RE: The 'community' - 1/10/2007 11:36:00 AM

IWantFemaleSlave

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsidize

a local community is the ONLY place to meet other lifestylers...anyone on line is either a player or a wannabe...

For one who says she is new to the scene this is a pretty powerful statement. I have been living this life for 32 years now. I am also online to search for a girl to join my household. So, according to your statement I guess that would make me a sometimes wannabe player lifestyle mistress. Hmmm, go figure. Now, in your profile you say that you are looking for a mentor and that you would be a good student. How can that be when you are online? That would make you a wannabe player good student looking for a wannabe player teacher...right? Or did I read you all wrong?

(in reply to subsidize)

Post #: 28

RE: The 'community' - 1/10/2007 11:40:03 AM

mgdartist

Posts: 328
Joined: 5/13/2006
From: irving tx
Status: offline

quote:

Archer wrote:
Ball up a fist and punch a female slave in most dungeons and you'll hear the same OMG he's abusing her, posts the next day,

Somewhat stunned by this, and admit I'd feel you abused her too, were it a real punch. I defer to your experience tho Archer, trust me, and merely wish to know how such rough play should be assimilated and reacted to, in a group, and indeed how you assimilate and feel need or use for such yourself?
If it's actually any of my business.

MGD

_____________________________

"You can't be nice to some people"
http://www.myspace.com/markthedom

(in reply to Archer)

Post #: 29

RE: The 'community' - 1/10/2007 1:18:18 PM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aSlavesLife

I find it remarkable that on an older thread people were saying what a great source of references the local communities were. I mentioned on that thread that my slave had trouble with her local groups because of busybodies interfering, and had people imply that this was a lie. And yet here we are on another thread, and people are now admitting that groups sometimes present biases that do not reflect reality, and mentioning that there are indeed busybodies at groups that will try to inject their will onto the play of others. How nice it would have been to have seen some of the people here presenting these experiences on that thread instead of taking the opposite position.

The community in my mid is still a huge resource I recommend. There are indeed preditors, problems with the board and administrators, and asses in these groups but they are all over the world, not just in our societys.
If you stay home in fear you never live your life. Then all you do is watch it go by without you.
suzanne

(in reply to aSlavesLife)

Post #: 30

RE: The 'community' - 1/10/2007 1:29:04 PM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

Oh Yeah, I forgot to say in The Crucible the public dungeon I've seen severely extreme scenes that had a ring of 8 monitors all standing close and watching a REAL heavy scene.
This way all in the club knew it was a controlled scene and was being watched.
Only once did I ever feel the urge to get involved in a scene one of my friends was doing as she just didn't look OK to me nor was it the play I'd seen her doing before.
Instead I went and got her best Dom friend and asked him to come observe them and decide if they should be interrupted or not.
What he'd said was indeed this was way out of her league, but she'd decided to try a real heavy scene as she'd always fantasized about it.
In the end she really was not OK, but she was safe and in good hands and was not interrupted.
suzanne

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 31

RE: The 'community' - 1/10/2007 2:27:14 PM

aSlavesLife

Posts: 347
Joined: 12/1/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: onestandingstill

quote:

ORIGINAL: aSlavesLife

I find it remarkable that on an older thread people were saying what a great source of references the local communities were. I mentioned on that thread that my slave had trouble with her local groups because of busybodies interfering, and had people imply that this was a lie. And yet here we are on another thread, and people are now admitting that groups sometimes present biases that do not reflect reality, and mentioning that there are indeed busybodies at groups that will try to inject their will onto the play of others. How nice it would have been to have seen some of the people here presenting these experiences on that thread instead of taking the opposite position.

The community in my mid is still a huge resource I recommend. There are indeed preditors, problems with the board and administrators, and asses in these groups but they are all over the world, not just in our societys.
If you stay home in fear you never live your life. Then all you do is watch it go by without you.
suzanne

suzanne,

I understand where you are coming from, but choose to enrich my life by not associating with these sorts either in the BDSM or vanilla world. I do not stay home in fear, but rather stay home in order to avoid crass people bent on subjecting me to their will when they don't have a clue as to how I live my life or practice my M/s relationship. I don't scene, and find myself relating the word to a one act play. This of course furthers my suspicions that M/s and BDSM people speak a different language. I have tried groups in the past, and was simply unable to relate to them on any level past impact techniques. I was also scolded at a munch held in a public restaurant because I wore a leather trench coat to it. The host believed that I hadn't dressed vanilla. After informing him that this was how I always dressed, I left without looking back or feeling the least remorse. I would have had as much in common with a quilting club, as we would have color preferences to discuss.

About a year after my slave's first master died, she tried a well known club in NY city and was unable to last there for 30 minutes because the people there could not grasp how she had lived before. One of the women there was explaining boxing to a small group, and L was listening in. When the woman informed the group that no one should be left boxed for over an hour, L laughed, rolled her eyes, and informed her that she had been catheterized and restrained in a box made specifically to her size and left for 3 days. The woman considered this abuse, and suggested that L seek counseling. L left in disgust.

It is not fear that compels L and myself to avoid groups. It is a desire to avoid narrow minded bigotry from people that cannot grasp and have no desire to imagine that others might live the way we do.

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 32

RE: The 'community' - 1/10/2007 3:42:06 PM

MsOpal

Posts: 244
Joined: 8/31/2006
Status: offline

Good evening,

Punching a girl in the stomach play ... If I saw / see something that really bothers me terribly ar a play party I will simply go ask a Dm if they were aware of it. They are, after all, hman and cannot see absolutely everything at a party. Usually I have found that if I did not know the persons involved in something I deemed to be too over the edge, at least one DM did know them or know of them and their type of play. Lots of times you just have to know who is doing what. We have people who give classes on body punching and how to do it "as safely as possible". I have wittnessed singletial/bullwhip scenes where the bottom's skin was cut up quite badly. I also saw the top, a very well knowm whip-top stop and check her frequently and I saw he had a 2nd girl standing by to help when he was done. Had this sort of scene been done by someone new or unknown I feel sure it would have been monitered quite closely by a DM.

Argent and I play on the edge and we have gone to a DM before hand and warned them about what we had planned. Many bigger parties have become watered down, OTOH, if someone new and inexperienced were to see us do fireplay the way we do it and go home and try it ... there could be disasterous results. So experienced group community members must balance our desires for harder edgier play with our responsibility to the others in the group. At times the best way to satisfy some needs is with smaller private parties.

Every group in any culture is going to have "bad apples". As a community we have to try and be certain before passing judgement and not just relay on 2nd and 3rd hand tales. We can offer subbie meetings and support groups. One group began a "welcome wagon" a while ago and had special meertings and hands on play classes for newbies. "WW" members wore a certain color at the parties and it was announced thay could be approached with questions, concerns, comments in addition to the DMs. Subs were told they cold tell a someone who asked them to play that the sub was going to come ask a WW person before play took place - sort of an "at the party safe call", and a WW person would come watch the scene if they asked us to. WW members had to be willing to give newbies their phone numbers and or emails for "emergencies". There is no way to be totally 100% safe, people get mugged going to the store. But there are ways to help police ourselves. And IMHO, getting out and going to meetings and munches is STILL the best way to meet real people and learn. There are way more good apples than bad ones, despite the way this thread has gone!
MsOpal

(in reply to aSlavesLife)

Post #: 33

RE: The 'community' - 1/10/2007 4:40:53 PM

simplyangelic1

Posts: 186
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mgdartist

quote:

Archer wrote:
Ball up a fist and punch a female slave in most dungeons and you'll hear the same OMG he's abusing her, posts the next day,

Somewhat stunned by this, and admit I'd feel you abused her too, were it a real punch. I defer to your experience tho Archer, trust me, and merely wish to know how such rough play should be assimilated and reacted to, in a group, and indeed how you assimilate and feel need or use for such yourself?
If it's actually any of my business.

MGD

You have to remember that just because you wouldn't feel comfortable with this form of play, not everyone is the same. I've seen "take down" scenes where the slaves were punched repeatedly. It made me feel very unconfortable, but after the scene there were looks of pure bliss on their faces. So obviously it wasn't abuse to them. Not everyone plays the same and some people actually do like things on the extreme side.

(in reply to mgdartist)

Post #: 34

RE: The 'community' - 1/10/2007 9:27:49 PM

Elegant

Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mgdartist

quote:

Archer wrote:
Ball up a fist and punch a female slave in most dungeons and you'll hear the same OMG he's abusing her, posts the next day,

Somewhat stunned by this, and admit I'd feel you abused her too, were it a real punch. I defer to your experience tho Archer, trust me, and merely wish to know how such rough play should be assimilated and reacted to, in a group, and indeed how you assimilate and feel need or use for such yourself?
If it's actually any of my business.

MGD

mgdartist
Real punches, real kicks. He did not abuse me, I promise. Ironically, I am the one who encouraged him to learn about rough body/impact play, having experienced a bit of it from someone who was experienced. Since, Master Archer has researched, listened, learned, practiced and talked...to incorporate it in our play.

What can I say...I am a mascocist. grin

_____________________________

Elegant
~Slave To Master Archer

http://www.FantasiesInLeather.com

(in reply to mgdartist)

Post #: 35

RE: The 'community' - 1/10/2007 9:32:25 PM

Elegant

Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IWantFemaleSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsidize

a local community is the ONLY place to meet other lifestylers...anyone on line is either a player or a wannabe...

For one who says she is new to the scene this is a pretty powerful statement. I have been living this life for 32 years now. I am also online to search for a girl to join my household. So, according to your statement I guess that would make me a sometimes wannabe player lifestyle mistress. Hmmm, go figure. Now, in your profile you say that you are looking for a mentor and that you would be a good student. How can that be when you are online? That would make you a wannabe player good student looking for a wannabe player teacher...right? Or did I read you all wrong?

Actually, her profile does not say she is 'new to the scene'. It says she is 'knew to the scene'. (New to spelling also?)

_____________________________

Elegant
~Slave To Master Archer

http://www.FantasiesInLeather.com

(in reply to IWantFemaleSlave)

Post #: 36

RE: The 'community' - 1/10/2007 10:21:21 PM

SeekingBiMaleSub

Posts: 2
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elegant

quote:

ORIGINAL: IWantFemaleSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: subsidize

a local community is the ONLY place to meet other lifestylers...anyone on line is either a player or a wannabe...

For one who says she is new to the scene this is a pretty powerful statement. I have been living this life for 32 years now. I am also online to search for a girl to join my household. So, according to your statement I guess that would make me a sometimes wannabe player lifestyle mistress. Hmmm, go figure. Now, in your profile you say that you are looking for a mentor and that you would be a good student. How can that be when you are online? That would make you a wannabe player good student looking for a wannabe player teacher...right? Or did I read you all wrong?

Actually, her profile does not say she is 'new to the scene'. It says she is 'knew to the scene'. (New to spelling also?)

Ah, I didn't see that. Thanks for the chuckle Elegant.

(in reply to Elegant)

Post #: 37

RE: The 'community' - 1/11/2007 6:05:21 AM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

Thank you all for your replies, has being an interesting read... a special thanks to those who made the connection in their posts about the ready reference to BDSM groups...

Scooter, I am particularly drawn to your comments as the very much echo my own on the subject

quote:

I regret, that the term "community" seems to have taken on it's own identity, encompassing everyone in the BDSM lifestyle. Too bad we didn't install a flush handle on it when it was being put together, might be handy to flush out some of the waste occasionally. But...as with any community, you can't pick who moves in, who stays, or who goes...you just sort of live there.

I guess the sentence in italics sums it up for me ... in a sense, whether BDSM groups or public dungeons, fetish clubs etc, like it .. by way of association and organisation...you become political ... in a sense where any one group/individual can be thrust into the limelight.. by association to some joe bloe's kink... whether the kink suits the group/individual's philosphies matters little .. walks like a duck, talks like a duck, must be a duck ... whoa look at those people, they're the same kind of ducks ...lock up all the ducks ...

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

Visit My Website

(in reply to ScooterTrash)

Post #: 38

RE: The 'community' - 1/11/2007 8:08:00 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aSlavesLife

quote:

ORIGINAL: onestandingstill

quote:

ORIGINAL: aSlavesLife

I find it remarkable that on an older thread people were saying what a great source of references the local communities were. I mentioned on that thread that my slave had trouble with her local groups because of busybodies interfering, and had people imply that this was a lie. And yet here we are on another thread, and people are now admitting that groups sometimes present biases that do not reflect reality, and mentioning that there are indeed busybodies at groups that will try to inject their will onto the play of others. How nice it would have been to have seen some of the people here presenting these experiences on that thread instead of taking the opposite position.

The community in my mid is still a huge resource I recommend. There are indeed preditors, problems with the board and administrators, and asses in these groups but they are all over the world, not just in our societys.
If you stay home in fear you never live your life. Then all you do is watch it go by without you.
suzanne

suzanne,

I understand where you are coming from, but choose to enrich my life by not associating with these sorts either in the BDSM or vanilla world. I do not stay home in fear, but rather stay home in order to avoid crass people bent on subjecting me to their will when they don't have a clue as to how I live my life or practice my M/s relationship. I don't scene, and find myself relating the word to a one act play. This of course furthers my suspicions that M/s and BDSM people speak a different language. I have tried groups in the past, and was simply unable to relate to them on any level past impact techniques. I was also scolded at a munch held in a public restaurant because I wore a leather trench coat to it. The host believed that I hadn't dressed vanilla. After informing him that this was how I always dressed, I left without looking back or feeling the least remorse. I would have had as much in common with a quilting club, as we would have color preferences to discuss.

About a year after my slave's first master died, she tried a well known club in NY city and was unable to last there for 30 minutes because the people there could not grasp how she had lived before. One of the women there was explaining boxing to a small group, and L was listening in. When the woman informed the group that no one should be left boxed for over an hour, L laughed, rolled her eyes, and informed her that she had been catheterized and restrained in a box made specifically to her size and left for 3 days. The woman considered this abuse, and suggested that L seek counseling. L left in disgust.

It is not fear that compels L and myself to avoid groups. It is a desire to avoid narrow minded bigotry from people that cannot grasp and have no desire to imagine that others might live the way we do.

Hello Sir,
I read your journal and agree you're not a community person. Thanks for expressing why here in the boards. In some ways your participation in this BDSM forum does indeed in my mind show you are in the community though it may not be on a face to face basis out of disgust as you put it.
I am new. A total of 23 months in this life. I aspire to live just as your journal mentions one day except not the cigarrette burns, and still be able to talk to my kids.
If you say the community is not place to learn about this life what suggestions do you have for someone brand new to learn about themselves and who they are, or how do you recommend them finding a Master that's trustworthy and responsible enough to be with then?
suzanne

(in reply to aSlavesLife)

Post #: 39

RE: The 'community' - 1/11/2007 9:22:49 AM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

i havent had any of those scenarious in public. The last scene i was in - literally a group of watchers spoke up that it should be stopped. Most of them thought they saw blood, thought it was getting too much and pointed this out to my Master. He stopped the scene and checked me. Granted it wasnt blood, but the scene was stopped anyways. I kept taking it and many many others said "stop" (lol though i was actually bleeding some where else) As well, not only was my Master providing after care for me, but a few others were too.

Even when the e stim play was brought out later, i was encouraged to join in and when my anxiety about it was apparent - i was shown on another and persuaded to "help".

The time i scened before that at the same club - i scened with a well known Dom. Not only were others "there" but afterwards my care was important to them. The Dom spoke to me several times while i was still in the "high" days afterwards. Not once did anyone say "deal with it"

In all the times i participated in the community when i was younger and brand spanking new - there were others with an eye out. I was pulled from scenes back then too. Given advice, looked after - made sure i didnt do anything extremely stupid. Granted some stupidity they allowed.. but extreme stupidty was not.

Every where time i have gone out - i have always noticed the strong sense of community. Whether i was with my Master or not.

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 40

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