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need some friendly dom advice - 1/8/2007 12:57:11 AM

jefisme03

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so im really wanting to explore my dom side i realized im a dom but i live in a verry conservitve area so subs are in short supplyis it really a sub dom relation ship if your kind to your sub or do you absolutely have to be super strict?

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RE: need some friendly dom advice - 1/8/2007 3:15:38 AM

goodpet

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Jefisme,
Exploring a new or different side of your personality can be confusing with lots of questions being raised.

To address the ones mentioned- many area of the nation are very conservative and you will find both the subs and Doms keeping a low profile, but they are there. Find the groups, not just online but also the bdsm clubs and groups. not just in your 'home town' but branch out to the nearby states. and sometimes you just have to move to find the right partner. BUT.. there are several groups in three different directions to you, looks like within 60 miles.. join them.. attend functions.. meet people there..

on the other topic, i would have little respect for a Dom who is not kind to their sub. how strict you are depends on the needs of both the Dom and sub. Strictness does not mean cruel or mean. you can be both kind and strict. don't confuse the two as an either or.

last thing Jefisme, find a Dom to mentor you for awhile while you explore this new interests. i would suggest finding someone face to face not online (but they can work out also for some folks just fine). have you been to any of the conferences? go to the different groups in the three nearby cities to you and join up.

Good luck

< Message edited by goodpet -- 1/8/2007 3:17:26 AM >

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RE: need some friendly dom advice - 1/8/2007 4:02:09 AM

Driver1961

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He enters, dips His lid...

Wow I could say so much but 'Goodpet' has done her pet name proud! (He bows to her.) Excellent advice 'Goodpet'.

Warm regards to all.

Ausdriver1961. Sir to His loving Wildchild.

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RE: need some friendly dom advice - 1/8/2007 8:12:54 AM

SimplyMichael

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First off, download the google tool bar and use the spell checker, you will come off a lot smarter than you really are, that's what I did and it worked for me.

Buy two books, The Topping Book and The Bottoming Book, you can mail order them from Amazon or directly from www.greenerypress.com. They will make you a better Dom than most you are likely to run across.

www.soj.org and www.tes.org are two very old BDSM groups that have links to groups in every state, find one. Get used to driving, I drive two hours to find decent munches and parties.

Every time you run into a problem, learn to find it source inside of you. You have a role in everything that happens to except getting hit by meteorites.

At its best, BDSM isn't about roles, it is about two people being open to exploring each others deepest needs, sharing their darkest fears and creating a safe haven that nurtures both of you. Much easier said than done, accidents will happen, anyone who expects you to be perfect is dreaming. Just remember to spend more time looking inward than outward.

(in reply to Driver1961)

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RE: need some friendly dom advice - 1/8/2007 8:42:14 AM

Mastermind70

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Jefisme,
So much good advise above I only have a few points to add. I remember at your age my over eagerness got me in trouble so just keep in mind that to effectively control others you must first control yourself. I also highly recommend finding an experienced Dom to mentor you as goodpet previously mentioned.
And after reading The Topping and The Bottoming books read them again just to make sure everything sinks in. Other books you might consider are Screw the roses give me the thorns as well as SM101.
Good luck to you on you journey!
Jeffery

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RE: need some friendly dom advice - 1/8/2007 6:36:23 PM

jefisme03

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lol id love to run all arround the country but alas i am but a poor college kid for now but i will start reading

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RE: need some friendly dom advice - 1/8/2007 6:46:00 PM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jefisme03

so im really wanting to explore my dom side i realized im a dom but i live in a verry conservitve area so subs are in short supplyis it really a sub dom relation ship if your kind to your sub or do you absolutely have to be super strict?

The only defining factors to be dom and sub in BDSM or leather is first consenting adults in the relationship and second is one going to be submissive and the other dominant? As soon as you decide on the power or authority dynamic and both agree to maintain that, anything else is just a matter of style, taste, desire, and need. In my opinion any idea that that are other qualities you must have like being strict, wearing leather, or weilding a whip is pornographic BS.

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And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: need some friendly dom advice - 1/8/2007 10:44:09 PM

celticlord2112

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You decide. Dominance begins as an expression of self. Is your true nature to be nice or is to be super strict? Whichever it is--THAT is how you should be.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jefisme03

so im really wanting to explore my dom side i realized im a dom but i live in a verry conservitve area so subs are in short supplyis it really a sub dom relation ship if your kind to your sub or do you absolutely have to be super strict?

(in reply to jefisme03)

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RE: need some friendly dom advice - 1/8/2007 10:50:32 PM

sweetnurseBBW

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From: North Carolina
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Being strict has nothing to do with being kind. A Dominant can be very strict and also very caring. A good book that you might find interesting is "The Loving Dominant". Find some local groups around you and learn from others. Good luck to you.

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RE: need some friendly dom advice - 1/10/2007 2:23:46 AM

Focus50

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From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jefisme03

so im really wanting to explore my dom side i realized im a dom but i live in a verry conservitve area so subs are in short supplyis it really a sub dom relation ship if your kind to your sub or do you absolutely have to be super strict?

Why - is this some sort of college prank or intitiation?

What you need to do is graduate college, get a job; your own place, some semblance of financial security and generally get your shit together as a *responsible* adult. Then check back here in about 10 yrs and ask again.

You are sooo not ready to be responsible for another human being!

Focus.

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RE: need some friendly dom advice - 1/10/2007 3:16:17 AM

bandit25

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I more or less agree with Focus (although I don't know about the prank part). Regarding being strict, well, what you need to do is find someone compatible with you. You don't have to be strict or mean...there's no right way to be a dom.

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RE: need some friendly dom advice - 1/10/2007 5:44:23 AM

Alastair

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I would say be yourself you can only play a role for so long, trouble is you are 19 have not found the real world yet and still have no clue who you are. Read as much as you can and go find yourself a Dom /Domme spend a few years as sub will teach you far more than any book.

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RE: need some friendly dom advice - 1/10/2007 5:58:33 AM

LordVelvet

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I don't think Your age has anything to do with it. I started "playing" in the lifestyle at 19 and was VERY aware of who I was and what I wanted. I don't think that anyone can judge weather You are ready to be responsible for someone other than You and the other person. Take opinions with a grain of salt especially those that say You can't do something.

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RE: need some friendly Dom advice - 1/10/2007 6:06:23 AM

dawntreader

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jefisme03

so I'm really wanting to explore my Dom side i realized I'm a Dom but i live in a very Conservative area so subs are in short supply is it really a sub Dom relation ship if your kind to your sub or do you absolutely have to be super strict?

As my Dom has said to me: "Do not mistake My kindness for weakness".
i think it is admirable that you are asking for advice instead of "assuming" you know it all and has Lordvelvet stated, age really has nothing to do with it except experience. My Dom started exploring in this lifestyle as a Dominant in His teens.

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Flobots

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RE: need some friendly dom advice - 1/10/2007 6:18:24 AM

LaTigresse

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My own personal perspective.

Focus on becoming the man you want to be. Do you want to be respected? What type of dominant do you see yourself being? What are your personal interests in the BDSM world? Is it just the physical play that interests you or are you also interested in a D/s or M/s relationship? Then, what do you need to learn, do, educate yourself in, to get there?

One of my best personal learning tools has been alot of communication with experienced sub/slaves. Keep your head out of your ass and your chest thumping to a minimum and listen to them. Find Masters/Dom's that others respect and watch/listen.

Keep in mind that all sub/slaves are human beings. Their mental, emotional and physical well being will be in your hands should you inspire them to submit to you. It's fun and exciting but also not to be taken lightly.

Be patient.

(just my lil ole 2 dollars worth)

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: need some friendly dom advice - 1/10/2007 6:29:37 AM

LokisBrat

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I think it evolves from your overall personality. In my case, I spoil my Brat rotten, but have no problem with making her ass cheeks glow with a brilliant red that can be seen from space.

Overall it is an power exchange and must be consenting from all parties involved.

Just my two cents.......

LOKI

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RE: need some friendly dom advice - 1/10/2007 8:57:59 AM

LaTigresse

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In revisiting threads I posted in earlier this thought came to me also. Just as a word of advise, no hidden agenda, snarky or otherwise.

If your gonna try and impress your prey with your guns, you may want to get some heavy metal and work on them. I've heard most chicks dig that sort of thing. What you've got there are more the calibre of a squirt gun, not exactly something I would be showing off.......were I you......

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: need some friendly dom advice - 1/10/2007 10:48:41 AM

subsidize

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19 years old huh? i bet you bring a wealth of experience to the lifestyle...

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RE: need some friendly dom advice - 1/10/2007 11:07:56 AM

crouchingtigress

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i agree with tigresse....work on the man you want to be, take some time to really think about what qualitys you want to bring out in your self, what are some flaws you want to mend?

i am not of the mind you are too young, but i will say that you will be treated a certian way because of your age in this lifestyle, you might as well embrace it, its ok to be a newbie, to ask stupid questions, and to make silly mistakes...this is the time to do it....it is not the time to think you know it all, or to get easily insulted, to fume and flame when folks get agist on you.

Use this time to hone and temper yourself ....learn the restraint it takes to quiet yourself when you are being attacted, learn the skill of artfully deflecting
brusque comments and engaging educational discussion that will further your skills...begin the long journey of Mastering yourself.

This is a large part of the skills you seek and will stand you in good sted when the time comes to master another.

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RE: need some friendly dom advice - 1/10/2007 1:04:33 PM

Sirandlittle1

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I would like to know, when you say you wish to explore the dom side of you, are we talking kinky sex here, or are we talking taking control of anothers life?

You dont need money to be a dominant. My dominant and i have had times of poverty, it didnt change our dynamic, you dont necessarily need age either, as folks state they were what they were from childhood.

But you do need to educate yourself in such matters. Get off the pc, and get into a local group. Meet others in the lifestyle, not others into online bdsm. The worlds are vastly different. But on line works for some. The books mentioned are really good.
But real life is the only way to go, in my world. On line is a nice fantasy world however.
littleone

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