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NightWindWhisper -> RE: need some friendly dom advice (1/12/2007 2:16:56 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jefisme03
so im really wanting to explore my dom side i realized im a dom but i live in a verry conservitve area so subs are in short supplyis it really a sub dom relation ship if your kind to your sub or do you absolutely have to be super strict?
Conservative areas generally have the same percentage of kinky people than non-conservative areas, the Hite Report and others indicate that about 12-17% of couples routinely utilize aspects of d/s or bdsm in their sexual relationships. There are plenty of kinky ladies, the trick is trying to get them to share that fact with you.
In my estimation age is irrelevant to desire. My younger sister once said to me: “It makes sense that you’re kinky—as a kid all you wanted to do was to tie people up.” Even at age 13 I loved magazines with images of half-unclothed, bound helpless women with the title of the magazine saying “I was held for ransom in a slave camp.” It took me a while to find out where those camps were though.
Desire does not equate with ability. With increasing exploration generally comes increasing wisdom and wisdom is paramount to finding that match that you seek.
Regarding your question consider these scenarios:
Amazingly three delightfully kinky women respond to your profile on collarme.com, each agreeing to a date on three subsequent Saturdays. (Yes--yes, I know....it's fictional....)
The first is shy, demure, a bit cautious, but obviously aroused at the thought of what is to come. You assume a demanding, firm, super-strict posture, demanding that she place her arms into restraints, which she hesitatingly does but only after you force her to strip for your pleasure. For the first time you try your new flogger without too much precision or knowledge, “wrapping the tips” and suddenly she starts crying and trembling and asks to be released. She dresses and runs out the door still teary.
The next week you meet the second woman and she too takes your breath away. Undaunted by the first experience you assume an even more super-strict attitude. Amazingly she visibly starts breathing faster, flushes and stares at you with adoring eyes. You spring into action, binding her wrists telling her of the degradation and humiliation that she is about to receive. Suddenly the mood changes, for in her mind you were the School Master and she was the errant student about to be coercively disciplined for being caught masturbating in the bathroom. She wriggles free, smacks you across the face muttering something like “you haven’t got a clue and stomps off shouting “don’t call me buster—I’ll call you.”
The next one stands you up, but reschedules for several weeks later. You utilize your time wisely reading various books such as “The Loving Dominant” and “Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns" and other books recommended to you in earlier posts. You also attend a munch and chat with the people there asking questions and listening to other people’s questions.
Finally that fateful Saturday comes and still a bit uncertain you hesitate and just talk with her. She seems to enjoy this and eventually you find that she too is hesitant though as trust develops she tells you her fantasies, and you hers. She becomes aroused but still you are leery, not wanting to be smacked again, nor risk a severe case of “blue balls.” So this time you ask if you can tie her hands behind her back—and she says yes. You proceed slowly, each exploring each other and sharing, and at the end of the night she says "I have to leave but will you come visit me next Saturday?" You kiss her on the way out and she whispers—“I wish you’d be a bit more forceful the next time….”
So perhaps you see… Lady one and two were not duds, they simply were not in alignment with you, nor you with them. Perhaps they were, perhaps not, for you never got the chance to find out. Perhaps they too, in time would enjoy the super-strict dominant, or perhaps you might find that a coercive, seductive attitude is more “you” than you once thought.
The short answer is from the popular song: “…only kindness matters.” D/s is about each party giving the other pleasure—breach that and don’t expect to get anywhere. If in time you need to be the “super-strict” dominant to get yourself turned on because that is your “style,” then you may need to search for that submissive/bottom that also desires that. For her strict treatment is kindness.
Oh btw, though you possibly think that the posted comment about spelling is nonsense consider this. For many submissives/bottoms intelligence matters hugely. True, text messaging is acceptable when text messaging or chatting--but do you really want to take a chance that the woman in the dorm down the street who lurks here at collarme.com without a visible profile and who thinks that you're hot and recognizes you from campus life, and who was shocked and pleased to see your profile here might walk away because she, like many others appreciate well structured writing and correlates it with intelligence? Up to you...but I won't take that chance. For me, good writing and spelling is a respectful thing to do.
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