RE: Do you think it would be out of line?(Seeking public opinions)

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RE: Do you think it would be out of line?(Seeking publi... - 12/22/2006 3:34:07 AM

adaddysgirl

Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
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i am a bit curious....i know you said not seeing his family was 'getting to' your Master, but has he expressed any direct desire to go see them by himself?

i know i have been on the other side of this coin when some years ago, i was dating a black guy and he wasn't allowed over to my parents because of some who were there and didn't like it. So i didn't go either. Yep, we were a package deal, so to speak. i did, however, keep in touch with those relatvies who were supportive of the relationship, and the others, well, they could kiss my ass!

i've also been on another side of that coin as well (can there be three sides? lol) my son has a girlfriend that i am not crazy about at all but if not accepting her means not seeing him, then i will (and do) make every effort to make her feel welcome here. And i would never make him choose between me and her.

So i have never been in your shoes but i've been in your Master's and i just wonder how much it means to him to entertain his family that way. Maybe an honest discussion about it first might be wise before offering any surprises.

Best wishes to you.

DG

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RE: Do you think it would be out of line?(Seeking publi... - 12/22/2006 5:07:58 AM

nikaa

Posts: 357
Joined: 10/13/2004
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KatyLied,

I am fearful and realistic about the position his family puts him in regarding me but I know he would NEVER allow someone to interfer in our relationship.

adaddysgirl,

No, he hasn't expressed that he would like to go alone that was/is part of my hesitation in setting up the trip for him.

Thank you all again for your imput.

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Blessed Be,

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The Cherokee legacy is that we are a people who face adversity, survive, adapt, prosper and excel.

Wakan Tankan Nici Un

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RE: Do you think it would be out of line?(Seeking publi... - 12/22/2006 5:13:16 AM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: nikaa

I have been thinking about making arrangements for him to go see his family by himself and surprising him, however; I am not sure if this is a good idea. I know it would be hard for me, but this isn't about me. However, I don’t want him to start to resent me because of the situation.

So I am asking for general opinions.

Provided that you are pretty sure you'd know he would want somthing like this, I think its a great idea and would make a very nice surprise.

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RE: Do you think it would be out of line?(Seeking publi... - 12/22/2006 8:00:26 AM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
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Why cant the kids go? I know how you feel. My family dislikes my Master and his family dislikes me - personally i take it a things are well rounded. In the past i have gone to family events with out him because to me choosing some one over "blood" - blood that will be there so long as i live - just is unintelligent. We were dating. Yet now that we are about to start a family. Its become a package deal. I dont care if they dont like him, they dont have too. What they "need" to do is accept that he is who i am with - starting a family with. If they dont - well sucks for them, i've my own life. Amazingly, his family has come around and welcomed me with open arms.

Yet, i would be doing the same thing you are doing - but i would not like to be on the recieving end of it. <smilez> I would try and send him to see his family, knowing it would do hiim good and ect. BUT i would be very unhappy if the tables were turned.

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RE: Do you think it would be out of line?(Seeking publi... - 12/22/2006 8:17:56 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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Ohhhhh, I will not even begin to say how I would feel if I was the dominant partner and it was MY family treating MY sub/slave badly.

Lets just say, it would not be tollerated. But then I am a mean old bitch and can take or leave most of my family. My family is also intimidated (why, I have no clue) by me. They would not dare treat her badly. It just purely would not happen.

edited cuz it doesn't really work without the t

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 12/22/2006 8:19:41 AM >

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RE: Do you think it would be out of line?(Seeking publi... - 12/22/2006 8:57:12 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: nikaa
KenDckey,

I know he would not go on a major holiday such as Christmas. However, I think I will go with LaTigresses idea and make him a gift certificate and giving it to him as a gift on Monday.

I'm not wanting to do this to be the bigger person but to avoid the possiblity of futer resentment because he doesn't see his family. Truthfully the idea of him going alone give me a knot in my stomach.

Then he shouldn't go. You shouldn't do things to placate them- they have made their choice, they must live with the consequences of that choice. You don't rub it into their faces, or act villified, you simply accept their choice with a sad smile and continue to offer them invitations to be your guests.

They can and may very well hold you accoutable and blame it all on them- without knowing the circumstances they may be completely justified in wanting you excluded in everything. But you aren't in control of that and shouldn't try and manipulate things to placate them.

If him going simply makes you a bit sad and upset, but you know it's the right thing to do- then by all means do so. If him going is simply another measure to try and open the doors and you don't think it's right, then don't do it.

And, in the future, instead of getting eachother a Christmas, simply save and make the trip to New York your gift to eachother.

LA said it before I could. His family will only see their son on their terms. Personally, I think that's crap. And your Master has chosen to not placate to that. Of course it is hard on him, as it would be on any son or daughter whose parents were being assholes. But as I see it, it's not as hard as giving the parents control over his life. Maybe they have a history of doing that and this is his way of taking a stand for himself for once and for all. Maybe this is his way of saying his life and who he chooses to spend it with takes precedent over what his parents might want.

If it were me, I would not make such a decision for my Master, but I would ask him about it. If he said no, I would not press it again.

You can always go to NY on a family vacation in the future, and let his parents know where you'll be staying...and that they are welcome to visit. Until now it seems they are quite content to give up their own son just to prove a point.

Edited to add something my Master has made sure I understand: When in doubt, ask the Master. It seems you are in doubt. So ask your Master :)

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 12/22/2006 8:59:10 AM >

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RE: Do you think it would be out of line?(Seeking publi... - 12/22/2006 9:03:34 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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Depending on your dynamic and his personality arranging for his travel might be seen as a wonderful gift or something way out of line.

Alternately you should talk to him about it and see if he will agree to go see them alone -- maybe not for a holiday but afterwards so you both can spend the holidays together?

If he says that not seeing them "it won't make me resent you" I would personally suggest some counseling because his feelings are being hurt even if he isn't being upfront about it. It's always better to start dealing with these things earlier than to let them build up to an explosion.

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RE: Do you think it would be out of line?(Seeking publi... - 12/22/2006 10:28:32 AM

xonemasterx

Posts: 59
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Boston, Massachusetts, USA
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Go for it. It will probably remind him of all the reasons her prefers to be where he is with you and not at home with them. You truly cannot go home again.

For me, I would be so glad to be back with my partner after a visit home.

(in reply to KatyLied)

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RE: Do you think it would be out of line?(Seeking publi... - 12/22/2006 11:39:52 AM

enigmaslave

Posts: 146
Joined: 5/6/2006
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I spent 14 years in a similiar situation, in the end everything fell apart for us, she needed her families acceptannce more then the relationship we had.

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RE: Do you think it would be out of line?(Seeking publi... - 12/22/2006 11:52:00 AM

TopinPa

Posts: 111
Joined: 6/11/2006
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You seem to be a very kind and unselfish woman

You know your Dom/Sir better than anyone so you know better than anyone how he'd handle a surprise but the idea itself IMO is a good one

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RE: Do you think it would be out of line?(Seeking publi... - 12/22/2006 2:00:28 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
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I think that is a sweet thought.

My personal feelings on in-laws or family who doesnt accept bishop...
is they can go shit in a hat and wear it.
My life is bishop and My kids.They come first always.
I dont regret cutting Myself or My kids off from some of the family,those who really cared made a point of seeing us and accepting us.
I wont visit anyone alone...if bishop isnt welcome neither am I.
My friends are more like family than My family those are the ones I make time for.

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RE: Do you think it would be out of line?(Seeking publi... - 12/22/2006 2:27:03 PM

NeedToUseYou

Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
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I would just ask him.

Buying a plane ticket and making plans for him, when in fact he may not go because of the principle of the situation. Rather than possibly waste money on a ticket (you said finances weren't the best), it would be easier and get the point across that you are willing to let him go without circumventing his authority.

Personally, I wouldn't go even if the plane trip was wasted. I detest strongarm tactics and that is what the family appears to be doing. They are trying to wait him out and see if he breaks and comes without you. In my view that would just encourage them to continue to shun you. So, I think the whole idea is encouraging bad behaviour for a short term emotional gain.

But I have issues with anyone trying to tell me what to do. So, your master may react differently. You're probably the best judge.

< Message edited by NeedToUseYou -- 12/22/2006 2:28:56 PM >

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RE: Do you think it would be out of line?(Seeking publi... - 12/31/2006 4:30:34 AM

Firsttime

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I hope that whatever you choose to do works well for you this season. You seem to be a very loving and caring woman and I am sure your Master sees this and appreciates it. Have a Happy New Year!

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