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Bi to Gay - 12/18/2006 2:30:50 PM

LotusSong

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I have a question that has been bounding around in my head for some time now.

I address this to the GAY populous that originally identified themselves as Bisexual.

The question is this:

When did you finally accept that you were actually GAY and not bisexual?

I observe so many self identified Bisexuals that live with the same sex partner, look for the same sex play partners and still identify as Bisexual...

Please help this poor little het understand.

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RE: Bi to Gay - 12/18/2006 2:50:40 PM

SlaveAkasha

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From: Indiana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

I have a question that has been bounding around in my head for some time now.

I address this to the GAY populous that originally identified themselves as Bisexual.

The question is this:

When did you finally accept that you were actually GAY and not bisexual?

I observe so many self identified Bisexuals that live with the same sex partner, look for the same sex play partners and still identify as Bisexual...

Please help this poor little het understand.

I don't fit into your question group, but I will answer from my point of view.

I was a lesbian, then I was bisexual. I had a relationship of a few years with a woman and during that time, didn't really look for anyone. Toward the middle of last year, I found I was curious about men. I hadn't had any experiences that amounted to anything, and just knew somehow I had to find out. I tried to squash it, but no matter what I did I found myself drawn to men.

I am not sure when I decided to label myself as bisexual. It was probably after I had first been with a man, and knew that I wanted to be again. It wasn't just the sex, it was the way they made me feel, it was totally different from being with a woman. It wasn't a one-time slammed in the head light bulb moment, it was over a stretch and more than one man.

I am happiest when I have both sexes in my life..now that can be as friends, lovers, or whatever. I know that my ex-partner, felt somehow betrayed that I would be bisexual and not a lesbian anymore. It's something I struggled with myself for a while.

I am not sure how one makes the decision either way, I don't know if we make it at all. There is just a realization that you come to, that you aren't what you orginally thought, or what you had identified as in your mind.

I know this probably doesn't help at all, but thought I would try.

Kasha

edited to add: It could also be that society is more accepting as a whole of being bisexual, especially if you are woman. So to give yourself that label of being bisexual, still leaves you a bit in the "norm" of the way people think things should be.

< Message edited by SlaveAkasha -- 12/18/2006 2:53:54 PM >

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RE: Bi to Gay - 12/18/2006 3:00:48 PM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

I have a question that has been bounding around in my head for some time now.

I address this to the GAY populous that originally identified themselves as Bisexual.

The question is this:

When did you finally accept that you were actually GAY and not bisexual?

I observe so many self identified Bisexuals that live with the same sex partner, look for the same sex play partners and still identify as Bisexual...

Please help this poor little het understand.

When I accepted that I find a penis basically ugly and yet the same area on a woman is beautiful and delicious and.......well you get the idea. I honestly do not hate men and being intimate in some ways with a man I care alot for does not make me wanna spew or anything. It's just that I don't have the same hunger for intimacy with a man, the idea of never ever again, does not bother me in the slightest. With a woman its completely opposite, being intimate with a woman I love is.....it just feels so perfectly right. Like the missing parts are all back where they are supposed to be. There is no part of a woman's anatomy that makes me think "Ewww, thats just kinda ugly! You want me to do WHAT with that?!?"

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RE: Bi to Gay - 12/18/2006 3:20:53 PM

Voltare

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I think it's a common hetero misconception that non-heteros are just as aggressive in self-labeling. I've had a number of gay friends (male and female.) All (that I knew of) had been involved with members of the opposite sex at some time or another. Those who I discussed it more in-depth gave answers similar to LaTigresse - that it wasn't a hard/fast rule, but a guideline. Most lesbians would say that they don't feel men emotionally complete them the way other women do, while most men I've spoken to take a more decidedly male approach to relationships - and didn't understand traditional feminine hang-ups related to sex, commitment, conversation, etc (I am generalizing here, of course.)

To answer your question, it would seem that a bisexual woman in a committed relationship with a lesbian would probably discuss the situation first, and if they both desired other lovers, it would make sense to find another woman, for two important reasons: they can both share, and to avoid complications with a male invading what the lesbian might see as 'her' space. This isn't to say all lesbians are man haters - but clearly many are not comfortable with men, for various reasons.

Oddly, while I've noticed that bisexual women are more likely to entertain relationship possibilities with both sexes, two gay (or bi) men in a committed relationship seem to be far less likely to entertain the possibility of dating a woman. But that's my own observation.

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RE: Bi to Gay - 12/18/2006 3:40:58 PM

AquaticSub

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As a bisexual woman who tends to seek male partners and watching my friends, I have come to a simple conclusion. Most of us have a preference. I am sexually attracted to both men and women but I tend to prefer (for whatever reason) men. Perhaps what it really is is a lack of the type of woman I'm attracted to (smaller then me gamer geek subs) and an abundence of the men that I am attracted to (taller then me gamer geek doms) in my current location. Because of our preference, we look for that trait first. It's like wanting a partner who is a gamer, you look for that first but if someone without that trait shows up who just as good, you'll go for that as well because it really doesn't matter. You are just looking for that particular thing because you know that you like it and works for you.

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RE: Bi to Gay - 12/18/2006 3:45:09 PM

pahunkboy

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As a teen, the influences in my life- claimed- that this is just a phaze. One grows out of it. Well- I waited...and waited and waited.

Saying one is bisexual is safer then being gay.

I did not fall on the bi line often. I quickly learned that it was not valid as describing me.

A buddy in high school I came out to. He was surprised. But then he was mad that I did not find him attactive. Just because someone tells you they are gay doesnt mean they will have sex with you. Often quite the opposite.

In a heterocenric world, if a man talks to a lady- it is thought that- he is trying to score. Around here- you would not dare strike up a conversation with some guys ole lady....as it would be seen as flirting or worse.

I dont understand how someone can love someone then be so very possessive.

Unless I want to get punched out- I disclose that I am gay. This way- the man can allow the friendship. It doesnt always occur that way tho.

Next- I was asked if I could wave a wond and be straight would I. I would not. I am used to how I am. Straight people have problems in their lives- I would simply be trading one set of problems for another.
My brothers/cousins always trust me around their ladies, while they have had fist fights with eachother over a real or percieved pass.

A person can have a gay experience and not be gay. The person themself has to come to their conclussion. I wont push anyone the gay direction, cause once you describe yourself as gay- you can never undo that. People will forever put you in that category.

I talked to men of all walks of life. My conclusion, no one is really happily ever after. So the woulda coulda shouldas, dont waste your time on that.

Just own your body. own your time. own your day.

BTW- in my experience bi guys are very hot in bed. Out of bed- can be a complete jerk....but in bed...look out.

We had an interesting series in my adult Sunday school at church. The premise is that love is selfish. At 1st, I disagreed. But in a way it is.

If you are waiting for a soulmate. STOP. make your life worth it for you! The sun will still come up the next day...you must be complete as a person before you even have a shot at a healthy relationship.

Finally... it isnt all about sex. If that is all you have- you have --- nada. [sorry]

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RE: Bi to Gay - 12/18/2006 3:47:19 PM

SlaveAkasha

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I agree with you, AquaticSub.. I can find plenty of men that have the qualities I look for, but it's harder for me to find women. I have certain things I look for..a bit naughty, nice build, great personality, strong, nerdy... it's damn hard to find all of that.

I knew also that a Dom was what was right for me, and not a Domina. It's not that I have anything against them, I just know that I prefer the dynamic that I have with men in this way. I am trying now to find just a friend, lover...someone to do the girly stuff with and it's hard.

Women are different to me, they are softer, the lovemaking is intense in different ways, the connection is on a different level, it's something that appeals to me a lot and I miss. Some would ask why I say I am bisexual because I am in a relationship with a man, but that part of me never goes away, it's a big part of who I am as a person and a woman.

Kasha

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RE: Bi to Gay - 12/18/2006 3:56:52 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha

Women are different to me, they are softer, the lovemaking is intense in different ways, the connection is on a different level, it's something that appeals to me a lot and I miss. Some would ask why I say I am bisexual because I am in a relationship with a man, but that part of me never goes away, it's a big part of who I am as a person and a woman.

Kasha

I hear that! People get really confused about how I can be bisexual when I really don't have all that much experience with women physically and have only had relationships with men.That really doesn't make sense to me. No one walks up to the high school boy and goes "Oh, you've never managed to get with a woman? You clearly aren't heterosexual." Then I have to explain that I've tried to have relationships with women but that I've always been turned down and it's really none of their business.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: Bi to Gay - 12/18/2006 4:03:04 PM

SlaveAkasha

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I totally understand. I think I have the hardest time approaching women. I can with men, it's pretty easy, but there is something about allowing that part of me open to a woman, open for rejection, that I find very hard to do. There is one on CM right now that I really like, and I think I would have a blast being friends with and maybe even more, but I have no idea what to even say. So I will probably go on like I am and hope that someday I get the nerve and guts to do something about it.

Just because you haven't had the chance to explore that side of you, it's still there and always will be. The attraction is real, it's not something you are doing to give a man kicks, or for a "girls gone wild" video. I don't know why others don't understand this, but I agree..it's none of their damn business. Kudos for you to be brave enough to approach them, even if nothing happened.

I had the relationship, I have been with women and men..and I consider you no less bisexual because you haven't been..yet.

Kasha

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Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
www.goveg.com

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