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RE: Definition of "Power"? - 12/16/2006 5:42:05 PM

Serenityy

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quote:

So I'm thinking about how that kinda power can be exchanged within a D/s M/s relationship. Like for example, if you have such knowledge of self that you do not need any externals to have an identity, what would even the point be of having a relationship, much less submit to the authority of another, or dominate them.....(is this too whacky?)..what would actually be the point of exchange?

Allowing someone to have power over you is allowing yourself to become vulnerable and open to change. It enables a person to see the many different possibilities that are just within reach. All parties involved become more aware, more willing to evolve with each other.

To me, that is what the actual point of the exchange would be.

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RE: Definition of "Power"? - 12/16/2006 6:39:49 PM

Focus50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

crouchingtigress...yeah it is ...but I guess cause we do have those words 'Power exchange" within our D/s M/s whatever slashed letter terms...what is it we are exchanging....we would have to have an idea about what power is within ourselves and to be able to communicate with others we would have to understand what they thought it was, otherwise we might be talking two different languages...so perhaps that is where the topic stemmed from.

Like some people will say "There is no power exchange at all"...and others will say "There is"...yet their differences might only be in their understanding and perspective or what power is "to them"...and so might not be disagreeing at all.

Anyone who has something you desire has a certain "power" over you. In a lifestyle sense, I believe this is what's meant by "power exchange"....

I'm only attracted to submissive women so it's fair to say they have a certain power over me that even the most attractive vanilla does not. But I'm not some naive fool desperate for a "fix", I also know I have an equally unique (and complimenting) power fem/subs are drawn to.... This makes the power of desire equal for both so I'm not one to advocate that Dom/mes have the power in a D/s relationship; only the control.

Focus.

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RE: Definition of "Power"? - 12/16/2006 7:24:04 PM

slavejali

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quote:

This makes the power of desire equal for both so I'm not one to advocate that Dom/mes have the power in a D/s relationship; only the control.

I pretty much agree with that. I don't feel any loss of power by submitting. Submitting is not a power issue to me. I guess thats why I can just submit without worrying too much about losing anything of substance.

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RE: Definition of "Power"? - 12/16/2006 7:27:06 PM

kyra

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it's something given up by the submissive, which in turn empowers the dominant ^__^

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RE: Definition of "Power"? - 12/16/2006 10:07:26 PM

mystiquenz

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Greetings A/all,
Jali, another wonderful topic.

I would have to agree with Focus, however, i think of it like the ying and the yang of energy, in the power exchange. I hear often of how people are disempowered when a functional relationship should be empowering to both Dominant and submissive.

In reply to Focus, the submits surrenders her power to her Dominant, otherwise, it is not consensual is it. But for others, who are M/s related, the power exchange may be entirely service orientated. What works for one, may not work for another.

Anyway just my two cents.

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RE: Definition of "Power"? - 12/17/2006 3:25:27 AM

Focus50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mystiquenz

Greetings A/all,
Jali, another wonderful topic.

I would have to agree with Focus, however, i think of it like the ying and the yang of energy, in the power exchange. I hear often of how people are disempowered when a functional relationship should be empowering to both Dominant and submissive.

In reply to Focus, the submits surrenders her power to her Dominant, otherwise, it is not consensual is it. But for others, who are M/s related, the power exchange may be entirely service orientated. What works for one, may not work for another.

While I've heard that, too, I think it's more an error in terminology. The sub gives up control, not power, which is only logical to enable a power exhange dynamic. If you think about it, if the sub somehow gave up her power (which means "of submission", to me), then she no longer has that which I desire - she may as well be gay or another nilla....

And it's still the same in service orientated M/s; a slave still has to have the need to serve or I'd be co-ercing her unconsensually in my need to be served by her.... So it's still Power Exchange.

Focus.

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RE: Definition of "Power"? - 12/17/2006 7:47:23 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

Whats your definition of power on a personal level? How does this play out within your D/s M/s relationships if at all?

I believe that power is simply the ability to affect the world around us or to make things happen.

I do not like and I do not use the phrase "power exchange" because I don't think anyone I scene with, train, or own loses the ability to affect the world around them and make things happen.

They give me authortity over things and that may result in my having more power than I did before with that one person but I don't think they lose any of their own power because they can always walk out the door (maybe not literally but legally and ethically).

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RE: Definition of "Power"? - 12/17/2006 1:37:06 PM

ImpGrrl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

While I've heard that, too, I think it's more an error in terminology. The sub gives up control, not power, which is only logical to enable a power exhange dynamic. If you think about it, if the sub somehow gave up her power (which means "of submission", to me), then she no longer has that which I desire - she may as well be gay or another nilla....

And it's still the same in service orientated M/s; a slave still has to have the need to serve or I'd be co-ercing her unconsensually in my need to be served by her.... So it's still Power Exchange.

Focus.

I don't even see it as giving up "control" - for it is really up to the s-type to "control" their actions to align with the d-type's wishes. I see it as about *authority*.

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RE: Definition of "Power"? - 12/17/2006 2:14:46 PM

Sirandlittle1

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an intersting thread.
Im not a person that needs a dominant to be able to have my own self identity. Im pretty much a wholesome adult that can stand alone. I dont seek, nor need a dominant to control the way i run a career, house, budget, parent, or wash myself. In fact, these are areas of life, that i have more skill in than him. And he recognises that for what it is worth.

I experience his control of a situation that maybe mundane, like how i wash myself. And give him the ability to control me, by controlling myself. I dont say no, i control the urge to say no. I allow him control of my behaviour. When he is doing this, something occurs inside me, that sends me all floaty, like a altered conscious level. A level of submission if you will. This then leads to....
Power exchange.

Power exchange is a more spiritual experience for me. Usually, when i am aware of the power exchange between us, he is controlling my behaviour in some way, and usually, that is using sensual and mental control over me as his entitity.

I certainly rarely experience that power exchange/spiritual thing outside of a sexual encounter, whereas, i certainly experience his control in many situations, from buying groceries, to cleaning house, to dressing for the day. I guess i could sum up with,
his control + my submission of control = powerexchanges occurring.

littleone

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RE: Definition of "Power"? - 12/17/2006 2:19:13 PM

Focus50

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ImpGrrl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

While I've heard that, too, I think it's more an error in terminology. The sub gives up control, not power, which is only logical to enable a power exhange dynamic. If you think about it, if the sub somehow gave up her power (which means "of submission", to me), then she no longer has that which I desire - she may as well be gay or another nilla....

And it's still the same in service orientated M/s; a slave still has to have the need to serve or I'd be co-ercing her unconsensually in my need to be served by her.... So it's still Power Exchange.

Focus.

I don't even see it as giving up "control" - for it is really up to the s-type to "control" their actions to align with the d-type's wishes. I see it as about *authority*.

Huh? Compared to a (supposedly) egalitarian vanilla relationship, a D/s relationship has an unequal control dynamic - the submissive defers to the Dominant. Of course choices need to be made to enable that dynamic - the sub must choose to cede control; the Dominant must choose someone willing to cede control for it not to be abusive etc....

Or, ok, it's about authority, too! Lol

Focus.

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RE: Definition of "Power"? - 12/17/2006 2:23:29 PM

meatcleaver

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

Whats your definition of power on a personal level? How does this play out within your D/s M/s relationships if at all?

Power is an illusion and it's definitely and illusion in a relationship. A person who has power over a person is not free of that person nor free of the consequences of his decisions whether positive or negative so he is shackled by his own power. He might be the lord of the jungle in his own domain and his word might be as good as god's final word on a matter but he is every bit a puppet tied to the leash as the sub so what has his power gained him? Certainly not freedom. Gratification? The illusion he is powerful? When I was in a D/s relationship I never felt so shackled and powerless in my life because the (often unspoken) demands of a sub are far more (in my experience) than the demands in a vanilla relationship. I think the term D/s is a misnomer. A D/s relationship is just that, a relationship. The dom might think he has 100% power but he hasn't, the sub has the power to walk out of the door, as does the dom. It's 50/50, all the rest as I said, is illusion.

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RE: Definition of "Power"? - 12/17/2006 2:37:21 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

Power is an illusion and it's definitely and illusion in a relationship.

This is all dependent on how you define "Power" in the first place. I personally don't see power as an illusion, because of how I define "power". It is not an illusion that I have an ability to Act or Not Act. It is not an illusion that I take action or choose not to take action. It is not an illusion that my girls have the ability to act or not act. It is not an illusion that they take action or choose not to take action. But, this is because of how I define power.

I would add that all what you wrote is rather dependent on your own beliefs and preceptions, which are not similiar to mine at all. I grant that what you wrote maybe appropriate to your own life and situation, but it is hardly universal or applicable to many others.

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