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MaryT -> What I Learned About Personals Ads (12/13/2006 6:22:09 PM)
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My journey through personals hell has been grueling, but I have
learned a few things! I'm sharing them (most from alt.com but
a few other places too) in hopes of helping some poor sot who
doesn't know any better than to be genuine:
How To Get the Most Out of Personals
Be sure to tag your personals ad with a snappy, attention-getter like:
"Hey Ladies, let's get nasty!"
If you are going to use a pic in your profile, use a poorly lit
close-up of your penis - with hard-on, of course.
If you have the option of selecting gender of your partners and
activities you enjoy - select everything. Even if you don't know what
it means, you might like it!
When describing yourself, pretend that you are trying to get a street
whore to give you a freebie, and you'll have just the right tone.
When describing physical attributes of potential partners - shoot for
the moon! Try something like "Must be petite, Asian, blonde hair,
blue eyes, addicted to the taste of cum and anally-oriented."
If you claim a dom interest in BDSM, come across as the domliest dom
you can be. You have a lot of competition out there! Be a billboard!
People do not post personals ads to meet people - they post them to
read ads - so BE an ad.
Another important point: Be sure to refer to submissiveness as
something graded on a bell curve. An example: "I am an excellent Dom
for those new to the scene and those who have reached an advanced
level of submissiveness."
Always, always, always claim years of experience and to be an expert
at helping newbies into "the lifestyle." Remember those two words -
"the lifestyle" - and use them over and over again, as if they
actually meant something. Also "the scene" is a particularly riveting
term that might mean anything, so it should be used repeatedly.
When answering personals ads from prospective partners, use ONLY a
one-line response. Avoid saying anything about yourself - MAKE the
other person go first.
If you can, try to refer to something buried in the profile of the ad
you are answering. For example: "What is your curiosity about
enemas?" makes for a charming one-line, first response that's likely
to get attention.
If you are fortunate enough to secure an email address - send Kinky
Cards by the dozen - you never have to say anything and you can't
overdo it!
And, if after following all these instructions, your intended does not
reply to your response - nag, harangue. Don't be afraid of sending a
note everyday saying something like, "I expected to hear back from you
by now!"
** note: The construction of this How-To was completed using only real
life examples.
Mary T
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