RE: Consistency

RE: Consistency (Full Version)

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innatedesire -> RE: Consistency (12/13/2006 4:27:14 PM)
I can certainly understand where you are coming from as i am consistant to a fault, its a quirk of mine, if i tell someone i will call i will call, even if its to say i am swammped right now and i will call when i get the chance. i long ago came to terms that i would be much happier in life if i realized that most people in life are inconsistant, and stopped having expectations of others; everyone is different and they have different lives and i make allowances accordingly for the little things (phone calls, etc..). Now the big things well that shows me something else about them and i simply move on as it simply says to me out of control and flaky, and i can not deal with either. Now if someone went from pretty consistant to inconsistant there may be other things going on; human nature and beahviour is consistantly inconsistant.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Consistency (12/13/2006 7:04:58 PM)
~fast reply~ I tend to think very literally. In my first conversations with my Master, he discovered this and kept it in mind when talking to me. One of the first things I noticed about him was his obvious consistency with everything he said and did. He walked the talk - not just about D/s but about everything we talked about. His message was consistent. His expectations were/are consistent. He has never waivered from who he is. And, as much as I hate that sometimes, I have come to absolutely rely on it. This is what helped provide our foundation. This is why I came to trust him to always be there - mentally, physically, emotionally. With abandonment issues in my past, this was very important. Yes I sure did test him. I was going to make it easy for him to give up on me and walk away. But he was consistent in doing what he had warned me he would do should I act up, and that wasn't to give up on me just because I was insecure and uncertain. Consistency was crucial for me, but I will caution the OP not to confuse that with rigidity.

crouchingtigress -> RE: Consistency (12/13/2006 9:41:12 PM)
I value what you are saying china... i was recently at a seminar and the speaker, Jim Stovall, who went totally blind at 17 and then became a multimillionaire by believing in his dream in the face of more obstacles then i can list here, told us he would give us all the "ONE size fits all, 100 percent accurate ONLY EXCUSE WE WOULD EVER NEED!" I waited as you can imagine for the next words to fall from his lips..... He said ......"I just did not want it bad enough"

prettichinadoll -> RE: Consistency (12/14/2006 9:50:28 AM)
Thank you "Ownedgirlie" . Your reply made me consider the "consistency" from both dom and sub's side. For a sub, the inconsistency of a dom would surely destroy the trust that had build up (if there's any). Like you said, a consistent dom is reliable. The consistency is what a sub would grow to depend on, it is what gives a sub the security to let go, to give up control. What we are doing here, the D/s, is emotionally and psychologically dangerous (not even mention the physical part). It puts submissives (and doms) at their most vulnerable state. And if something goes wrong, the subbies are more than likely to get hurt (well, I know...I'm a sub, so I sort of talk from the sub side...but from experience of my friends and my own, subs get hurt more severe than doms). I'm not nit picking, and of course I know people are not perfect, and we all forget things. All I'm saying is observe the signs before you get yourself all vulnerable, before you take off your protection. I like how Innatedesire put it, "human nature and beahviour is consistantly inconsistant. " And from a dom's side, being inconsistent with little things would eventually lead to inconsistent with who you are. At first it's just little thing here and there. "she's suppose to do this and she forget...well, i'm in no mood to do any punishment today...let's just pretend nothing happened". "Well...I'm really really tired...don't do the ritual for one day is not gonna hurt..." That's want I mean by laziness. inconsistency in small things, once or twice, that's probably forgetfulness or other reason, consistency in inconsistency, that's laziness. Eventually, a inconsistent dom would forget who he is. So don't over look the small things. That's how you build your character, that's how you keep yourself in control.

adaddysgirl -> RE: Consistency (12/15/2006 3:04:43 AM)
pretti, i almost have to look at consistency and being reliable as too different things (although often related). Afterall, one can be 'consistently unreliable', no? So here's how i've seen it go. my oldest daughter lives in Buffalo which is about 2 hours from me. When my son was younger, she would call and make arrangements to take him for a weekend (which always excited him). Then the weekend would come, and something had come up for her, and she would be unable to take him. Of course he was bummed. Now my daughter is truly a very busy person and by no means lazy. i could realize this but but my son just viewed her as thoughtless. It finally came to a point where he said he couldn't stand her. So....i had a little talk with her. And honestly, she was actually quite surprised! She really had not even considered the effect she was having on my son. She felt really bad and in the future, she made no such promises. She would more or less say she would like to take him for the weekend but making him no promises, she would let him know for sure later in the week. This way, there was no expectation and that really worked. But you see....she really had no idea that her actions were being viewed as thoughtless and inconsiderate until it was pointed out to her....at which time she made a conscious effort to work out something for everyone. i got caught up in this too....with the returning of phone calls. my life tends to be quite hectic and i am easily distracted by other things. Don't you know that one day my daughter approached me that i never returned calls when i said i would? Kind of ironic...lol. But anyway, again, i had not even realized i was doing that let alone what effect it might have on her. So it has now become a standing policy....i will not say i will return your call...i will say i will TRY to return your call and if i don't, it was because something else came up that needed tending to first. This way, no one has an unmet expectation. Just like when i am invited to a party. i always said i will be there, then something else came up, and i didn't go. Then i would get a rash of shit (and rightfully so) from those who were expecting me. i now say i will try to make it, but do not make any promises. Afterall, i think that is only fair to them. i guess i am really not much of an 'appointment keeper'. So many things going on in my life make it almost impossible to be such....or maybe i'm just not 'wired' that way? But that doesn't give me the right to continually disappoint other people either....it's not an excuse. But it's important that i realize this about myself and try to work out something acceptable to all involved. And my personal realtionships are important enough for me to make that effort....rather than possibly lose them. Well sorry....i kinda went on a bit here [8\|] But in short, i couldn't be with a partner who was unreliable but just didn't care enough to make it better (providing he even realizes he's doing it, of course). And personally, i would much rather have someone say maybe i'll call....or i can't call back....than to break the promise that they will. Now as far as my views on consistency, well that would have to be a whole other post [:D] Best wishes, Daddysgirl

Voltare -> RE: Consistency (12/15/2006 3:26:58 AM)
Cliché time: Stop trying to be who you are, and be who you are. Some people are punctual. Some are early. Some are late. Some are hospital hygienic, some are sloppy joe. I have some bad habits, like I don't wash my coffee cup after every use. It matters to some folks, not to others. For me, it's more important to get the hot steaming coffee in the mug. People are consistent. I think what you're addressing is related more to people being honest about who they are, and following through with what they promise. That's reliability to me, and I've known plenty of unreliable people in my life - I don't trust them as far as I can throw them. If you keep an eye out for someone who is secure in themselves, with healthy self-esteem, I think you'll find they are consistent. You might not necessarily like what they are consistently like, but that would be an entirely different issue. I think we can all agree that there needs to be some middle ground. We should all follow through on what we say we will do, expect others to do the same, while still being understanding and forgiving on the occasions that call for it.

swtnsparkling -> RE: Consistency (12/15/2006 6:07:40 AM)
I've been exchanging emails with a Dom for over 9 months now. A friendship has grown He has Never said he would do some thing then not Followed through I get a email from him Every day. If there is a day I don't receive one I am already aware of it because he has told me in advance. I've never spoken to some one or known any one personaly who was like this. What he says he'll do- he does

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