Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Is it me? (Borderline Personality Disorder)


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> Is it me? (Borderline Personality Disorder) Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Is it me? (Borderline Personality Disorder) - 12/11/2006 6:27:20 AM   
damia


Posts: 190
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		It seems people tend to jump on me every time i ask a legit question. Now, i happen to know that i am extremely sensitive about criticism, because of childhood experiences, and that my self-esteem is low. i have borderline personality disorder, thus trust and self-esteem issues are also very much there. i usually cannot tell what's meant as a simple comment or sincere advice, and what's meant as a snarky, sarcastic comment. One person said on another thread:

quote:

i don't see how getting upset with people who point out a very real and obvious danger will help anyone.  It sounds like you want it to be safe and anyone who points out how terribly unsafe it is incurs your ire.


i'm not particularly upset...just annoyed that after stating that 'yes, i know how unsafe this is, yes, i understand the risks, but i want to make it safer', some continued to just warn that it's dangerous, not offering any advice other than 'don't do it'.

Does anyone else have this problem with figuring out when people are trying to give advice, and when people are being sarcastic? If so, how do you deal with it, and how do you keep from coming across as a)trolling [which i have been accused of doing, though i personally know it's not true], b) wanting confirmation that i'm right [i know i'm not always right, and no, i don't want confirmation; i always read all sides; c) getting too upset/angry at people who don't tell me what i want to hear [Partly true; i wish people would stay on topic in threads, so i do get a bit upset when people go off on some tangent, 'stealing' the thread...but if it's on topic, i want to hear all sides.

Anyone with Borderline Personality Disorder here? i'd love to hear how you deal with it on-line and in real-life.

damia the Kat
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Is it me? (Borderline Personality Disorder) - 12/11/2006 6:41:17 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I know what it is (I don't have it, but know people who do). Maybe you are not the only one at CM with Borderline Personality Disorder, and someone answered you did it the way they did because of that, in some posts? Just kidding, he. It could happen, though. 

Seriously, everyone here will have a different opinion. There are many genuinely nice folks here, and also some A--holes. Take what you find useful and forget the rest. If someone really, really hurts your feelings, personally, I think it's okay (I think, although I've only done this once almost 2,500 posts), to say: "That really did hurt me, I wish you hadn't said it".

I think that usually the other person will get defensive if you say that, but at least you've let them know you've got some "boundaries", too.

Realize that you really cannot control the direction of a thread, unless you want to pick up on some aspect of something a poster said a few posts before the "tangential poster" and keep it up for a post (or two) . That might work (to a degree). Still, you can start any topic you want to as far as a new thread (and some who get frustrated w/ the direction of a thread do that, or just because they want to start a new topic). 

I'd rather deal w/people who have some diplomatic skill. If someone gets too "harsh" or arrogant in their advice or comments, I either 1) Ignore 'em or, in extreme cases I do what I said above (tell them they are being hurtful). All you can do is state your feelings. Up to them to accept that or not (and most of the time, they won't, probably). What a surprise, though, right?

Maybe they aren't very "socially adept". Or, maybe they genuinely disagree w/you. Or maybe they are just mean. Maybe they are on a "Mission-from-God" to change your opinion. In any case, I'd try to not lose much sleep over it. As my grandmother used to say: "They are taking up space in your head, but they aren't paying any rent"!

Enjoy your time here! 

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 12/11/2006 7:02:44 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Is it me? (Borderline Personality Disorder) - 12/11/2006 6:57:50 AM   
BDSM05478


Posts: 417
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline 		I think the real key to this is just remember that in the grand sceme of things nothing any of us say matters to any degree of what happens in your rl..... this is a world of smoke and mirrors and while some of us are indeed very real, what we say, think or how we say it doesn't really matter at all. Some of the posters here rub me the wrong way but than rl calls and whatever was bothering me here is pushed outta the way for the bombardment of reality. As someone that has been diagnosed with ALOT of disorders over the years, I too have issues but I refuse to let a machine get the best of me cause that is really what it comes down too, even though I sometimes forget that myself lol. Best of luck to you damia.

_____________________________

"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart" U.E. McGill

"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." - Marcus Aurelius

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Is it me? (Borderline Personality Disorder) - 12/11/2006 7:08:01 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		We've got more than a few dorks and drama llamas on the boards here, but few, if any, with actual personality or borderline personality disorder.

As always, take what works for you and ignore the rest.  If you aren't sure what's going on, ask directly.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to BDSM05478)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Is it me? (Borderline Personality Disorder) - 12/11/2006 7:11:38 AM   
darksdesire


Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		I'm pretty familiar with Borderline Personality Disorder as I've worked with a number of people with that diagnosis.  The problem is that people with this diagnosis have very serious and major difficulties with relationships and with identity.  It's no doubt you'd feel confusion in the boards.

There is a well known therapist (so well known, I can't remember her name!) who uses insight meditation in a group setting with women who have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.  It has been a very successful approach because it encourages the person to stay in awareness at all times of what they are thinking, and feeling...it's simple awareness without judgment or attachment to the feeling, kind of like watching your own experience go past you with an objective eye.  This helps the person step back from the intensity of the emotion and thought  so that he or she can choose how to respond, rather than responding with a knee jerk reaction.

I don't like diagnosis in general, but I understand that sometimes it helps to capture a set of difficulties and define them.  That being said, people generally have pretty negative reactions to people who exhibit theses particular traits because of the fact that the deficits are centered in relationship and communication.  That sets that viscous cycle going.

I wonder if posting questions in the boards is such a good idea for you right now.  It's not like asking a question to a group of trusted friends.  You are asking a question and throwing yourself out there to a whole large community of people and you have no control over who responds and how they respond, and can be absolutely certain that some of those people will be critical and harsh and judgmental.  If you don't have a thick enough hide to let that criticism roll off of you,  you are probably creating even more drama in your life and my guess is, with the issues you are facing, you probably have enough. 

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Is it me? (Borderline Personality Disorder) - 12/11/2006 7:22:23 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		That sounds like sound advice to me, darksdesire.
And I wouldn't doubt that your heart was in the right place in giving it.

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to darksdesire)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Is it me? (Borderline Personality Disorder) - 12/11/2006 7:28:35 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		I tend to be a sensitive type. I do not have borderline perosnality disorder though. As LA said do not pay attention to the drama queens and arrogant dorks, just ignore stupid comments and move on. That is not to say if you feel passionately about something to not express it. In the big scheme of things do you really care what people online think about you are your r/l?

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Is it me? (Borderline Personality Disorder) - 12/11/2006 7:29:40 AM   
damia


Posts: 190
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks for the food for thought. i only have a moment to reply right now, but i'll definitely think about what's being said, and i think i may put a restriction on myself against making new threads to ask questions. i'll ask Master instead, and if He doesn't know, we'll find out together (that will be easier once i move closer to Him, in January).

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Is it me? (Borderline Personality Disorder) - 12/11/2006 7:36:30 AM   
darksdesire


Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Damia

It might even be a good idea that if you want to post a question, run it through your Master first, and ask him to follow the responses with you.  He might be able to provide you with that sense of reality that is difficult for you right now.   But again, you can't control the responses, and i'm guessing that exposing yourself to random hurtful comments isn't the best thing for your healing.  Good luck.

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Is it me? (Borderline Personality Disorder) - 12/11/2006 8:00:48 AM   
Elegant


Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline 		We (those of us with Borderline Personality Disorder) usually only see black and white, no shdes of grey. It is very hard to distinguish between sarcasm and bluntness just as it is difficult to convey our own sarcastic and/or forward comments with clarity.

If I know that confusion is manifesting iteslf then I will ask Master to read my words befor I post them. .

10+ years with knowldge of my malady. 10+ years of learning to overcome some of the associated characteristics. A lifetime ahead of learning more and coping successfully with BPD.


_____________________________

Elegant
~Slave To Master Archer

http://www.FantasiesInLeather.com

(in reply to darksdesire)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Is it me? (Borderline Personality Disorder) - 12/11/2006 10:50:04 AM   
seeksfemslave


Posts: 4011
Joined: 6/16/2006
Status: offline 		Just thought I'd throw this into the pot, no help to anybody really, but I was listening to a Radio Programme on the jolly old BBC called <Are You Normal ?>.
When the list of symptoms was described it seems that I am Autistic.

Glad I never knew that !

(in reply to Elegant)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Is it me? (Borderline Personality Disorder) - 12/11/2006 12:34:04 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		Starting threads is hard, with or without a personality disorder.  I did a couple when I first started following the forums but stopped.  I don't like that much attention, even highly mediated attention such as that occurs through cyberspace and its hard to know how to respond to comments that either seem way off the mark or are just plain nasty without getting defensive.  And, yes, I have difficulty interpreting what people mean.    So, now, I mostly just respond to other people's threads.

So, I know where you're coming from. Its not just you.  :)

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Is it me? (Borderline Personality Disorder) - 12/11/2006 1:20:21 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: damia

It seems people tend to jump on me every time i ask a legit question. Now, i happen to know that i am extremely sensitive about criticism, because of childhood experiences, and that my self-esteem is low. i have borderline personality disorder, thus trust and self-esteem issues are also very much there. i usually cannot tell what's meant as a simple comment or sincere advice, and what's meant as a snarky, sarcastic comment. One person said on another thread:

quote:

i don't see how getting upset with people who point out a very real and obvious danger will help anyone.  It sounds like you want it to be safe and anyone who points out how terribly unsafe it is incurs your ire.


i'm not particularly upset...just annoyed that after stating that 'yes, i know how unsafe this is, yes, i understand the risks, but i want to make it safer', some continued to just warn that it's dangerous, not offering any advice other than 'don't do it'.

Does anyone else have this problem with figuring out when people are trying to give advice, and when people are being sarcastic? If so, how do you deal with it, and how do you keep from coming across as a)trolling [which i have been accused of doing, though i personally know it's not true], b) wanting confirmation that i'm right [i know i'm not always right, and no, i don't want confirmation; i always read all sides; c) getting too upset/angry at people who don't tell me what i want to hear [Partly true; i wish people would stay on topic in threads, so i do get a bit upset when people go off on some tangent, 'stealing' the thread...but if it's on topic, i want to hear all sides.

Anyone with Borderline Personality Disorder here? i'd love to hear how you deal with it on-line and in real-life.

damia the Kat




First I work in the medical field and respect your conditions very much. Anything in the cyber world has to be treated as take it for what it is worth to you. If you find something helpful, great, if you find something interesting, fine and if you find something hurtful, stupid or wrong, just ignore it. It is impossible and realistically not anyone’s responsibility to have to factor in another’s emotional response when posting to a message board. Some people like to use strong language to get attention and start up conflicts; others just are not particularly good or careful enough in their chosen words that it can come off stronger tone then what they are hoping to communicate.

Now quickly about the quote you have, first there are people who post a thread just looking for people to agree with them and are not interested in a different view point and those people or others who might agree with that point might not handle criticism in the way that is comfortable to you. Again, you must learn to not take it personally.

Second, when it comes to danger or safety words on these posts too many people put their own values and limits into their opinion and call it absolute fact. I would list examples but flames would ensue. Personally I try to avoid all threads with safety or danger in them for this reason as so many times actual facts that are important are blended in with opinions and ignorance.

In the end always at all times remember not to let things bother you in the cyber universe. When they start to, get off the computer until you have a grip again.



_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Is it me? (Borderline Personality Disorder) - 12/11/2006 5:30:41 PM   
Saratov


Posts: 1716
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		Well, the meds seem to help a lot but sometimes just have to remind myself that the idiots, morons, stupid, dumb and just plain inconsiderate vastly outnumber the rest of us.  And I live in a classic area!!

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Is it me? (Borderline Personality Disorder) - 12/11/2006 6:41:32 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

drama llamas


Great term, LA! Is it your coinage?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 15
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> Is it me? (Borderline Personality Disorder) Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.141