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Disappearing Acts - 12/10/2006 5:49:44 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		I have been talking to a rather seemingly nice potential "submissive" here on collarme. 
We had a minor difference of opinion last night.  In fact, it was so minor that I
came on here early just to discuss a few things with him.  We did not argue,
we did not fight, we were still in the early stages of "online" getting to know you.
I went to email him this morning, and guess what?
His profile no longer exists.  LOL  He ran and disappeared for what I see as
no real reason.
I find his behavior odd, especially since he claims to have years experience
and just ended a D/s relationship.  The funny thing is, I told him last night we
seemed to be seeking different things, I guess my intuition was right,
as it usually is!  
How many here have experienced online, or real time disappearing acts?
Especially disappearing acts from people who claimed to be SOOO interested?

< Message edited by MzMia -- 12/10/2006 5:53:46 AM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Disappearing Acts - 12/10/2006 5:56:23 AM   
SirLordTrainer


Posts: 820
Joined: 5/6/2004
From: Indy
Status: offline 		Although rare, a few.. But I chalk it up to lack of compatibility, sincerity or both.

_____________________________

Accepting one's own imperfections eliminates a roadblock to progress.

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Disappearing Acts - 12/10/2006 5:58:16 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I am going to make a guess that everyone has experienced it in some form or other at some time. It is a fact of life. In my opinion it is the passive agressive version of leaving/getting out of an uncomfortable situation.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Disappearing Acts - 12/10/2006 5:58:27 AM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		It is the nature of the online thing...many, many write and start conversations only to disappear back into cyberspace. As I always say, meeting someone online is akin to trying to grab a snowflake, it just melts away before you get to examine it's uniqueness.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!


(in reply to SirLordTrainer)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Disappearing Acts - 12/10/2006 5:58:28 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirLordTrainer

Although rare, a few.. But I chalk it up to lack of compatibility, sincerity or both.


GM SirLordTrainer, I agree.  But amusing someone feels the need to delete their
profile.  I am looking out for his new one. 
LOL

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to SirLordTrainer)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Disappearing Acts - 12/10/2006 6:00:44 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I am going to make a guess that everyone has experienced it in some form or other at some time. It is a fact of life. In my opinion it is the passive agressive version of leaving/getting out of an uncomfortable situation.


I agree LaT, I am fortunate that I have many methods of questioning, and I ask the "hard" questions,
early.  It is so much better, FOR ME, not to spend a lot of time with flakes.
I usually learn what I need within 1 week these days!


_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Disappearing Acts - 12/10/2006 6:02:40 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyRed

It is the nature of the online thing...many, many write and start conversations only to disappear back into cyberspace. As I always say, meeting someone online is akin to trying to grab a snowflake, it just melts away before you get to examine it's uniqueness.

Wonderfully stated SexyRed!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to SexyRed)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Disappearing Acts - 12/10/2006 6:16:43 AM   
RedSavageSlave


Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

I am looking out for his new one. 
LOL


just out of curiosity...why are you looking out for his new one?

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Disappearing Acts - 12/10/2006 6:18:37 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Red? I have been here a long time.  I am not really looking out,
but aware of the games played here.  Many change their
names and re-approach you on here.  It is amusing,
someone just did that to me last week.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Disappearing Acts - 12/10/2006 6:29:35 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I have not experienced this.  The only person that I met online and considered having a relationship with is still in  my life.

However, do you think that you might be jumping the gun after one morning to say that he has disappeared?  Last night his profile was available but this morning it is not.  Did you just assume that he ran or did you consider other possibilities?  Maybe Collarme has a problem with his profile and it isn't viewable at the moment.  Maybe his profile got accidently deleted by CM.  Maybe he deactivated it to make a few changes.  Seems like there are too many other possibilities to assume that he has run at this point.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Disappearing Acts - 12/10/2006 6:39:55 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		kyra, you wonderful optimist you.
LOL 
This is the message on his last email. [You cannot respond to this message because the account no longer exists]
LOL
The point of this topic, is to discuss why people deliberately delete their names and perform
"Disappearing Acts".

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Disappearing Acts - 12/10/2006 7:41:53 AM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Some people disapear because they are always looking for better or atleast for the first one who visits them. When people find what they want or see that they're going to get some, they'll drop the rest on there IM.

As for others, some get scared when they find someone who they were wishing for. They'll have a fantasy and when they realize that it can really happen, the person either gets scared and or concludes that it was not meant to be.

Either way it goes, that's life. 

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Disappearing Acts - 12/10/2006 8:07:13 AM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline 		It's happened to Me a couple of times.  The oddest time was with a submissive who lived in another state who wrote to Me, telling Me he was moving to the Dallas/Ft. Worth area in a few months and wanted to get to know Me.  We corresponded off and on during those few months, then he told Me he did move here and invited Me out to have coffee.  He even gave Me his phone number and we talked a couple of times.  When the time came for us to meet,  W/we agreed that I'd call him at a certain time and W/we'd decide on a place.  Well, he wouldn't answer his phone (tried several times).  Then when I went to write to him on CM to find out what was going on, I found out his profile had been deleted.  In his case, I chalked it up to being too scared to actually go through with a real time meeting and left it at that. 
 
On another occasion, I got a very impressive introductory letter from a male submissive.  When I went to answer, I found out he had deleted his profile.  Who knows, maybe he had second thoughts after writing it and didn't know about the "unsend" feature and resorted to deleting his profile.
 
Lady Topaz

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Disappearing Acts - 12/10/2006 9:55:39 AM   
LadyBeckett


Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline 		I also ask the hard questions in the first stages of communication,  and move to phone for those who respond favorably.  As in every life situation, there are generally signals in topics of conversation, quality of responses/attention to detail/ promptness, in addition to slight changes in tone, and notable changes in disposition (the conversations become about him, or her), to indicate that you may not be a match, and that the applicant sub may not be sub enough, or even a little bit too sub. 
Then of course, there are the applicant subs that aren't really sub at all, but just want someone who is willing to donate their time to share information, and when they've gone as far with the ruse as they can, they simply walk away and go shopping for a fresh perspective. 
When speaking with a sub that has come through the hard question phase and the initial phone phase, if they live close enough I set up a meeting.  If they don't live close enough I have informed them, in response to their initial email, to email again when they are.  My time is valuable, so info seeking boys will have to revert to getting it the old-fashioned way...read, attend munches, and personal experience.  I've reduced, what I call "dead end" time dramatically by revising my interview process. 

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_______________________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Disappearing Acts - 12/10/2006 9:59:11 AM   
whisperedsighs


Posts: 349
Joined: 11/12/2006
Status: offline 		I have this happen all the time, not just online, but real life.  What is wrong with a short statement of "I don't want to talk to you again?"  I see it as cowardice more then anything, to just disappear.

_____________________________

oh my god that was so wrong! .... again please!

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Disappearing Acts - 12/10/2006 10:12:42 AM   
sophia37


Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		I have. And it was painful too. But out of it came a lot of good. So in the end I was glad the whole mis-adventure happened. 

(in reply to whisperedsighs)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Disappearing Acts - 12/10/2006 10:27:38 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you Lady Topaz, this seems to be happening in record numbers around here.
I have also heard of Domina's that disappear also.  The one that claimed he moved to
your area and then set up a meet, was a real weird one.  Be thankful you did not meet
him, you are certainly better off!!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Disappearing Acts - 12/10/2006 10:31:33 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBeckett

I also ask the hard questions in the first stages of communication,  and move to phone for those who respond favorably.  As in every life situation, there are generally signals in topics of conversation, quality of responses/attention to detail/ promptness, in addition to slight changes in tone, and notable changes in disposition (the conversations become about him, or her), to indicate that you may not be a match, and that the applicant sub may not be sub enough, or even a little bit too sub. 
Then of course, there are the applicant subs that aren't really sub at all, but just want someone who is willing to donate their time to share information, and when they've gone as far with the ruse as they can, they simply walk away and go shopping for a fresh perspective. 
When speaking with a sub that has come through the hard question phase and the initial phone phase, if they live close enough I set up a meeting.  If they don't live close enough I have informed them, in response to their initial email, to email again when they are.  My time is valuable, so info seeking boys will have to revert to getting it the old-fashioned way...read, attend munches, and personal experience.  I've reduced, what I call "dead end" time dramatically by revising my interview process. 

Bravo LadyBeckett, when I first started online I used to waste a lot of time with time wasters.  Now, I am able to screen most
undesirables out within a week!  I love it, I have way to much to do in life than waste it with someone undesirable.  I call the
one's that just want to ask questions, "tourists" and I usually refer them to chatrooms, message boards, their local groups, etc.
I am not a tourist attraction nor am I a tour guide.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to LadyBeckett)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Disappearing Acts - 12/10/2006 10:34:44 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: whisperedsighs

I have this happen all the time, not just online, but real life.  What is wrong with a short statement of "I don't want to talk to you again?"  I see it as cowardice more then anything, to just disappear.


Again, bravo!!  Most of the ones I have talked to are total COWARDS.  Especially when I was
friendly to them, and encouraged an online friendship OR just staying in touch with a simple
hello, now and then.  I have had people tell me that they were seeking something else and did NOT
want to stay in touch with me.  I respect those people a lot more.
The beat certainly goes on.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to whisperedsighs)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Disappearing Acts - 12/10/2006 11:36:16 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		1) What was minor for you might not have been minor for him/her.
2) Some people, no matter how much life or lifestyle experience they have, just never develop good communication skills.
3) Some people find it easier to run than have a confrontation.

Now you know you're not a match.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 20
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