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Not sure how to react... - 12/6/2006 1:02:36 AM   
RibbonsAndCurls


Posts: 51
Joined: 11/10/2006
Status: offline 		Hello everybody. I recently got a message in a chat from a user (who will not be mentioned.. ) and as we got to talking he made it very clear that he was looking for a sexual partner while his girlfriend/subby was out of town. I was so shocked that he was being so.. forward about his desire to cheat on her that I wasn't quite sure how to react. Eventually I told him that I was loyal to my Daddy (who he knew about from the start, as I like to make it clear that I am taken before conversations get going) and could not help a man cheat on another.  How would you have reacted to him?  Would you have bowed out quietly or ripped him a new one? Just curious to see how others would deal with this sort of situation.

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RE: Not sure how to react... - 12/6/2006 1:23:16 AM   
MasterKalif


Posts: 648
Joined: 5/24/2004
Status: offline 		well from a Dominant's perspective and from the little information you have stated, I think you might be jumping to conclusions, maybe his sub knows he likes to have other play partners and may be ok with it...and if that is not your thing, you politely decline his offer, and move on your way....how else would you react? It would be very childish in my personal opinion to lash out at him or to call him names, and create drama when you barely know this person.

my two cents.

(in reply to RibbonsAndCurls)
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RE: Not sure how to react... - 12/6/2006 1:28:51 AM   
kittensangel


Posts: 37
Joined: 10/25/2006
Status: offline 		First i have agree that one should help another cheat on their partner. However i woudl fo asked on basic question: Are they in a open realionship? And then i would of had to talk to her before i would even ever agreed to play in first in place

How would you have reacted to him?
While i don't agree with cheating on your parnter, and yes i refuse to be the "secret" i would of taken it as who he was. While i may not agree that does not mean i can't enjoy a conversation wiht someone.

Would you have bowed out quietly or ripped him a new one? I would of bowed out before "ripping him a new one", however i don't see why i could not have a conversation wiht him to find out why wanted to cheat on his partner if taht is what he was doing, or why he feels he wants to play when seh gone. Was she going to be gone for year?, or just a couple of days. It all depends on situation.


All i can sugest is to take everyone you meet in stride, try to understand theri kinks, and why then maybe you can better understand why you might or might not like something.


(in reply to RibbonsAndCurls)
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RE: Not sure how to react... - 12/6/2006 1:41:18 AM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		I would most likely have told him the same that you did, that I belong to my Dom and that neither he nor I support cheating. To be completly honest my Dom enjoys watching others play with me on occasion, however if someone wanted to borrow me for sex so they could pull a fast one on their partner he would most likely fall off his chair laughing before telling them exactly where to put their proposal..
I do get borrowed occasionally but it is for non sexual play only but regardless of that the fact that this man is so happy to lie (to his girl) and cheat would count him out instantly.
As for ripping him a new one, I used to really tell people like that my oppinions it, but I have decided they are not worth the waste of my breath so I keep it short, sweet and too the point.

(in reply to RibbonsAndCurls)
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RE: Not sure how to react... - 12/6/2006 1:42:38 AM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I figure he's a big boy, able to figure out the consequences of his actions, and has determined that the cost is worth what he's planning. (No judgments of his behavior that way and no jumping into what may be their drama.)

And then I say "no thank you, I'm not interested."

I do not get into deep contemplations of why he'd do what he's doing or if she is aware or anything like that. Their relationship is not  my business unless I choose to get involved with it, and since I won't do that, my comment of "I'm not interested" carries much more meaning than just me not being interested in a liason with that person.

juliet

(in reply to kittensangel)
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RE: Not sure how to react... - 12/6/2006 3:12:48 AM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		I most likely would have asked him if his girlfriend/sub knew that he was looking for another sexual partner.  There is no mention of cheating here actually.  His sub may be quite aware of him having other people sexually in his life. 
If there is no negotiation between the two and she is not aware of his wanting others ........ i would most likely chuckle to myself and say:  asshole, it's much easier to have everything out in the open and communicate wants/needs between each other.
While i do understand that is what "I" would say/do......does not mean that goes for everyone.  Most likely clicking out of the chat message and returning to your regularly scheduled program in life, not giving the bugger another thought would be the way to go me thinks.

Happy Hump Day!

~smilezz~

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(in reply to RibbonsAndCurls)
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RE: Not sure how to react... - 12/6/2006 3:33:43 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		Regardless of the dynamic of his relationship, i would just politely refuse for two reasons, 
1)  If i chose to be involved with someone who was already in a relationship with a submissive, i would want that submissive to be involved as well.
2) I'm just interested in being the BDSM equivalent of a "fuck buddy" 

That being said, i would probably not include those reasons in my polite refusual.

(in reply to smilezz)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Not sure how to react... - 12/6/2006 5:05:09 AM   
timeoutgurlie


Posts: 588
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline 		I would've just been happy he wasn't *my* partner and been satisfied enough in that *shrugs*

(in reply to spankmepink11)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Not sure how to react... - 12/6/2006 5:23:17 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		how do I deal with this?

I don't answer the private messages!

I find that chat with strangers has nothing to offer.

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MstrssPassion


(in reply to RibbonsAndCurls)
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RE: Not sure how to react... - 12/6/2006 8:01:00 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Like Smilez, I would have asked if he was in an open relationship or was trying to cheat.

If it was an open relationship, I'd keep talking to see if there was some compatibility- and would insist on getting his phone number that I could call at a random time.  If he were insisting to meet this upcoming weekend only, I'd probably just take a pass.  If I want a hot weekend fling, I don't need to tread on possibly dangerous waters to get it.

If it was cheating, I'd just say thanks but not interested.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
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RE: Not sure how to react... - 12/6/2006 8:28:22 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I would have said that I'm poly and not into lying or cheating and that I have no interest in getting involved with someone who is not the same as me in these matters.

If he continued to talk to me, I would block him but say nothing further.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

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(in reply to RibbonsAndCurls)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Not sure how to react... - 12/6/2006 8:46:32 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		He may have an open relationship which allows seeking others.  LOL.. Personally I don't think so, but he might.  As for ripping him a new one?  Nah.  Too much drama. It isn't up to me to teach him my morality, it's his life.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to RibbonsAndCurls)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Not sure how to react... - 12/6/2006 8:53:08 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline
quote:

Would you have bowed out quietly or ripped him a new one? 


i have done both....

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This is him

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(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Not sure how to react... - 12/6/2006 9:09:19 AM   
Siona


Posts: 242
Joined: 10/5/2006
Status: offline 		I would have politely declined saying, I don't play with married men or men in relationships.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Not sure how to react... - 12/6/2006 12:49:38 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		If I'm not interested, I'm not interested.......I don't view someone else's actions, desires or choices as anything to do with me. I'm no-one's keeper.

agirl

(in reply to RibbonsAndCurls)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Not sure how to react... - 12/6/2006 2:35:07 PM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		Oh my...thats what i get for posting in the wee hours on no sleep....i meant to say not* interested in....etc...etc...

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 16
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