SusanofO
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Joined: 12/19/2005
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I think it's terribly sad when anyone takes their life, but even though I was indoctrinated all through my childhood to believe it's a terrible sin (I was raised a Catholic), I still cannot get myself to feel much except sadness about it. I am not in a position to even venture a guess as to whether it's a sin or not. I am thinking that the person of a mind to committ suicide has reached a point where they are not even thinking about things like that - they're too sad to contemplate it and just want the emotional pain to stop. I'd like to think they are at peace now.
I have sort of a weird family history when it comes to suicidal behavior (but I can't really say that, because I don't know enough people to make that claim, actually). But my father's brother committed suicide before I was born. He was a monk in a cloistered monastery and developed Schizophrenia. Because the "rules" of the monestery were that they couldn't talk - at all - to eachother (just pray), nobody could really tell he was going crazy because the methods with which they communicated to eachother were so limited (they didn't write much, like letters or notes, either, apparently).
One day, he jumped out a window, broke his neck and died.
The way the monastery found out he'd been slowly losing his mind was that my (other) uncle came forward with some very strange letters he'd been receiving from my uncle, that indicated his mental faculties were breaking down. It was sad (my grandfather never got over it, and for the rest of his life, he would walk out of the room if someone mentioned my uncle's name). My dad became a social worker, and my grandma just sort of tried to stay cheery (and if she wasn't, she sure fooled me - but I know there were times she just had to have been overhwhelmingly sad about it; she'd also lost another child in infancy).
Because they were female and females were not allowed on monastery grounds, my aunt and grandmother weren't allowed to attend my uncle's funeral. This made my aunt so mad that she left the Catholic church and became an Episcopalian.
After the news spread in town around the time of his funeral, that he'd killed himself, my grandparents actually received phone calls from anonymous people who said things like: "Well, your son committed a mortal sin. Suicide is a mortal sin and he is going to burn in Hell." (they were Catholics - mortal sins are the "biggest and most serious" kinds of sins acc. to Catholicism). How kind. How helpful. What was wrong with these people anyway?! Of course my grandparents just hanged up the phone and tried to ignore it (at least that's what my dad told me once).
My cousin died of a cocaine overdose two years ago, and some people said the same kinds of things to my aunt and some of them weren't anonymous phone callers - some of these people were so-called "friends"of hers. I actually asked one woman to leave the post-funeral luncheon (in as nice a way as I could) because she'd upset my aunt so much by suggesting that my cousin (also named Bob) would probably be "out of Purgatory and into Heaven after a long time, and wouldn't go straight to Hell".
I could think of two things to potentially say to this woman (which I didn't say, but sometimes wish I had):
1) "Lady, (to quote Sarte, the author) sometimes "Hell (really) IS other people". Know what I mean?" And -
2) "How do you know there even IS a Hell? If you're positive there is, have you made your reservation yet?"
I think anyone sad enough to commit suicide has probably sufferred quite a lot already. I don't believe there is a "hell", (and if there is, I don't think sucides go there). I think there's "enough" sufferring on this planet, and like to think this is maybe as bad as it ever gets - and if you make it through all the muck here, then you get to go someplace much, much more pleasant afterward- regardless of what you've done here - because simply even being here for any length of time can be a big challenge on a daily basis, for many many people (guess I have evolved into a "bad Catholic" he).
- Susan
< Message edited by SusanofO -- 12/6/2006 3:03:00 AM >
_____________________________
"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson
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RE: I had a friend who died.... - 
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