I had a friend who died....

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slavejali -> I had a friend who died.... (12/5/2006 12:09:43 AM)
I had a friend who died I didn't know him very well But we shared some time And now there's none I had a friend who died I didn't know him very well He took a gun and shot himself and now his life is done. I had a friend who died I didn't know him very well he was only a cyber buddy but his chat screens empty now Fuck I'm sad. Fuck I'm mad. I really didn't know him well I wish I could have made a difference I had a friend who died. I just had some news, a chat buddy of Master and mine from back in the days when we were chatting, committed suicide last month. He was so young, early 20's. I'm writing this to anyone who feels they don't have a life and people don't care. There are people who care, everywhere. This guy may have only been a chat buddy, but I can feel his death in my heart, I feel incredibly sad. Life is so precious....really it is..you just have to open your eyes and see it. Get some help if you need it...fuck. Jali

NakedOnMyChain -> RE: I had a friend who died.... (12/5/2006 12:19:26 AM)
I'm so sorry. Thank you for the reminder that life is worth living, and we should be grateful for the time we're given.

SusanofO -> RE: I had a friend who died.... (12/5/2006 12:37:01 AM)
Wow, this was jarring and meaningful. I say thanks for posting it, slave jali. I remember in my very late twenties - early thirties, a man I'd dated for three years, but whom I had not seen for at least a year, committed suicide (when I was thirty one). We'd almost gotten married to eachother, too. My mom called me to let me know she'd seen his name in the obits - and I told her it must be his father and not him (they had the same first name). She said: "No, it's your Bob," and it was quite a shock. I thought about whether I could have called him on the phone, or been in contact somehow (he was extremely depressed, apparently, and shot himself in the head in his living room). He was a really nice guy, too, and a talented counsellor. He himself had helped many people in his life, but apparently he temporarily forgot about all that. It was such a waste. Life is short and every year around this time I watch "It's a Wonderful Life" on tv (I also have the video), and it always makes me think: There are probably so many ways in which people impact eachother almost without realizing it - in little ways, both good and bad. slave jali, I know you are a really good person (least I think so). If there was more you could have done to help, I've no doubt you would have done it, had you known how much he was hurting. It is sad. I'd be mad about it, too. Have a good cry and throw something at the wall, if it makes you feel better, I say. Or light a candle and say a prayer - or just send him your sympathetic thoughts. I believe his life had a purpose. I think everyone's does - even if it ends too early, it impacted other people. I know this wasn't your main point in posting, and that your point is that people can do more to help eachother, and also encourage eachother to get help if they need it, but just in case you're "feeling responsible" for this - please do not beat yourself up over this. I am sure if you'd known how he was feeling, and could have helped more, you'd have done more to do just that. I truly believe that. I know it's a shock, and it's like something happened that's almost hard to believe - they're gone, and quite suddenly. My sympathies. I can imagine a bit, I think, what a shock to the system it is to hear something like this. God bless, Susan

spankmepink11 -> RE: I had a friend who died.... (12/5/2006 5:44:57 AM)
Unfortunately, to some....it's not a question of "why" but one of "why not" I think sometimes people run out of "why not" reasons.

timeoutgurlie -> RE: I had a friend who died.... (12/5/2006 6:14:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: spankmepink11 Unfortunately, to some....it's not a question of "why" but one of "why not" I think sometimes people run out of "why not" reasons. Very true. slavej - Very sorry for the loss you and your Master are feeling, must be very hard even though you didn't know him irl, doesn't make a person any less real and valuable when they've been known through other mediums. Hope you each feel better soon, and wish the family/friends of the one who is gone much peace and light.

LotusSong -> RE: I had a friend who died.... (12/5/2006 6:34:40 AM)
Dying is easy.. it's living that's difficult.

LaTigresse -> RE: I had a friend who died.... (12/5/2006 9:11:33 AM)
But oh so worth it. Suicide just makes me really angry.

mnottertail -> RE: I had a friend who died.... (12/5/2006 9:15:27 AM)
Since we are on this subject, note that suicides are done in quiet desparation, usually with very little forewarning. No one that is actually going to commit it, comes out to CollarMe and relates it to their 200k+ closest buddies out here. Ron

Tikkiee -> RE: I had a friend who died.... (12/5/2006 9:33:27 AM)
Hmm, I bet a cheescake would help /looks hopefully at LaTigresse sorry, I could not resist it's such a depressing topic

LaTigresse -> RE: I had a friend who died.... (12/5/2006 11:24:52 AM)
Jali, I am so sorry about your friend. Because of my spirituality I have a rather odd thought process on life and death. It is sad that for some people the pain of living is more than they can bear. It is more difficult sometimes for those left behind with so many feelings of guilt, so many questions left unanswered. I have see several young people that have gone right to the edge of courting with death in this manner. So terrifying that feeling of helplessness, not able to help them. Such agony to know someone so loved, is suffering so much. All we can do is love them, hope they find their peace somehow. I am sure your friend knew that you cared. His pain was just too much for this lifetime. For Cassie to make her smile........ Cheesecake makes EVERYthing better!!!!!!!!!!! pumpkin cheesecake amaretto cheesecake chocolate cheesecake keylime cheesecake turtle cheesecake cherry cheesecake etc etc etc............ and plain regular yummy cheeeeeeeeesecake!! Cheesecake is what I am making for Christmas. AND I better never hear of you spending another holiday alone if you do not want to. I have a very wacky family I am always happy to share. Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd............cheesecake!

RiotGirl -> RE: I had a friend who died.... (12/5/2006 12:25:11 PM)
i wish i had something to say that was uplifting. I'm sorry for your loss.

popeye1250 -> RE: I had a friend who died.... (12/5/2006 12:51:44 PM)
One time when I was in the military a guy confessed to me that he was thinking about suicide so I told the Corpsman and they got him help. I really don't know why people do things like that with me, they treat me like a "Father Confessor" or something. It's been like that all my life. But, in that case I'm glad he did and we could get him help.

yourMissTress -> RE: I had a friend who died.... (12/5/2006 1:32:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse But oh so worth it. Suicide just makes me really angry. I know what you mean, LaT. I have seen too many people fight for their lives (win or lose) to think that anyone would consider life something that can be thrown away. Jali, I'm sorry for your loss and I don't intend to hijack your thread turning it into a bashing of suicide. It's very sad and unfortunate when the only alternative that can be seen is death.

slavejali -> RE: I had a friend who died.... (12/5/2006 2:07:59 PM)
Well his ex-slave was who Master stayed with when he packed everything up ready to come here...so I guess the connection we felt was as close as it can get to someone you know online cuase it had a rl connection of sorts. It was weird about a month or so ago, I had this experience in the middle of the night, I heard a mans voice saying " I've only got 5 minutes to live"..I couldn't place the voice..but I did call my sons to make sure everything was alright...they were, the whole thing perplexed me as my experiences like that are usually spot on and usually I can do something..but I just didn't think of him at all....I hadnt chatted to him in ages...it makes me wonder why the hell you have experiences like that when there is nothing to be done....its just bullshit psychic shit that didn't help anyways... I know we are all connected..and someones loss of life is our own loss......I don't see a point to someone carrying on life in a state of depression and hopelessness....that's no life to live..its not living...living like that is like being the walking dead....but people have a choice...and it doesn't have to be suicide...they have a choice to get into action and find a purpose, however small...to make life meaningful. Behind his sense of hopelessness he was a beautiful bright soul. Things can happen in life, where you wonder "Whats the point of going on?"..I've been there...When my late husband died I felt that way...and I'm not the depressive type...but I truely felt after all my years of looking after him...I had no purpose left...what was left for me to do..but leave too? I knew I had a choice.. live or die...I chose to put energy into living and made myself "move" from the state I was in.......... If I can do that, anyone can.... Suicide is an option, you don't have to take....kick yourself in the ass and get "moving".

PeterJay -> RE: I had a friend who died.... (12/5/2006 2:27:32 PM)
You believed in things that I will never know You were out there drowning but it never showed Till inside a rainswept night You just let go You've thrown it all away And now we'll never see The ending to the play The grand design The final line And what was meant to be Alone You Breath - Jon Oliva (Savatage) I am very sorry to hear of your lose. When I was 20 I had a friend of a friend end his life. Looking back I guess there were signs that we should have picked up on. Living is hard, dying is easy. Fight the good fight and never give up.

slavejali -> RE: I had a friend who died.... (12/5/2006 2:46:46 PM)
Thankyou for everyones thoughts, I guess its a good topic in that the holiday season is coming up, which can be an intense time for some people.

amuzingtoyou -> RE: I had a friend who died.... (12/5/2006 3:11:55 PM)
jali, Having recently lost a friend's son to suicide, I understand what you are going thru. Having to watch my friend and her family go through this has been heartbreaking. I am glad i could be there for her, but it is a tragic thing. I don't think i will ever understand suicide. He was only 20. Warm healing thoughts sent out to you. missi

juliaoceania -> RE: I had a friend who died.... (12/5/2006 3:24:01 PM)
I understand and wanted to share this.... I had a good chat friend that I met in political chat about 5 years ago. We spent the day of 9-11 together, we talked about our relationships, we would talk about it when one of us was ill or a family member was ill. He started off a regular chatter, and he ended up a voting activist who helped keep voting machines without papertrails away from my state. I remember looking up precinct results with him after two different elections. I had the chance to meet him once (he was from Seattle) because he was lobbying in Sacramento, but I could not get up there as I was in the middle of finals. One time he messaged me that he had been really tired, it hurt to pee, and his urine was the color of coke. I told him to go the the doctor, told him it was probably nothing, but it was something, he had pancreatic cancer and it claimed his life a few months later. I loved Andy even though I have never met him. I have had visits in my dreams from him since his death, and I miss him dearly... one cannot describe the energy he had that translated itself across distances... I am not the only one that misses him...Here is a link about his life that was cut far too short... http://www.seattleweekly.com/news/0528/050713_news_andy.php

slavejali -> RE: I had a friend who died.... (12/5/2006 3:36:14 PM)
quote: one cannot describe the energy he had that translated itself across distances... I guess that is a gift the internet has given us...the ability to comprehend that there are invisible ties that bind us to every person on the planet..and thats very very real. I used to know this little poem, trying to think of it... There is a ripple effect in all that we do What you do touches me What I do touches you.

Tikkiee -> RE: I had a friend who died.... (12/5/2006 7:55:23 PM)
quote: For Cassie to make her smile........ Cheesecake makes EVERYthing better!!!!!!!!!!! pumpkin cheesecake amaretto cheesecake chocolate cheesecake keylime cheesecake turtle cheesecake cherry cheesecake etc etc etc............ and plain regular yummy cheeeeeeeeesecake!! Cheesecake is what I am making for Christmas. AND I better never hear of you spending another holiday alone if you do not want to. I have a very wacky family I am always happy to share. Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd............cheesecake! [sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif][sm=banana.gif] YUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMY CHEESECAKE

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