Story: Fairytale of Slavery

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Story: Fairytale of Slavery - 12/3/2006 5:54:49 PM

rike

Posts: 1
Joined: 12/3/2006
Status: offline

Greetings all,

In representation of her Mistress, this girl is proud to announce that her Mistress's novel "In the land Imaeri - Fairytales of Slavery" is available for download under http://aeeeh.dyndns.org/book/book.html

Mistress and rike would be very happy if some of you download and read it. And then tell us honest comments how the story is. (Beside the fact that the grammar sucks sometimes, Mistress's english is improveable, smiles)

Have fun reading
rike{I}

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RE: Story: Fairytale of Slavery - 12/3/2006 9:00:59 PM

mgdartist

Posts: 328
Joined: 5/13/2006
From: irving tx
Status: offline

hi, a bit of a writer myself, i couldnt resist the urge to read some of her book. Yes, you were quite right, the improper grammar quickly became a distraction. I was skimming what started as a quite interesting story before 2 pages, and sadly, had to stop with so many mistakes, which became somewhat confusing. Its written much like a German friend I have writes in chat. Her english is quite good, but she hasn't much clue about the use of tense, adverbs and modifiers and such, much like your domme/writer. Things like:

quote:

"We rosed, the girl kept kneeling on the street."

-- should be "rose" or simply "We stood"...then the very next sentence:

quote:

"It seems she waited for us
to be gone, maybe she feared Master changes his mind again when she
hurrys to much to run away now?"

should read:
"It seems she waited for us
to leave, perhaps fearing Master would change his mind again when she
hurried too much to run away now?"
..i think anyway...

She gets an E for effort, as I'm sure writing a work this big is a daunting task, assuming english isnt her native tongue. I suggest hiring an english-fluent proofreader, and paying her/him well, as there are dozens of such instances in the few chapters I read.
I'd not leave you without offering the opportunity to kibitz my work, which, being in the same genre, might at least hold your interest.
The first 4 stories there are all pretty recent, and proofreading even them was an effort of many hours, and likely there remain a few errors i missed, so I know what you're up against, and truly commiserate.
Sigh, bearing critique is always a painful process in any artform, and i've had to learn only too well, that critique from a colleague, is worth it's weight in gold, if constructive, but is truly only of real value when negative, as all the kudos and props in the world do nothing to make us improve at our craft. So feel free to lambast mine if you like, after reading and evaluating. It's the least you could do.
lol

mgd
in case you missed the link above:
http://mgdartists-blog.blogspot.com/

(in reply to rike)

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