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Financial Times - 11/29/2006 7:23:40 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
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Not sure this is the right place for this but...........

I went to my very first munch recently and off topic i enjoyed it very much including the shibari (hope i spelt that right) that was demoed on me. Anyway at this munch i met someone from here and a couple of days later went for a drink with them. They were really nice, we got on well and i guess we were well on our way to being friends. Were being the operative word lol.
It turns out that this guy has his own business etc and is quite well off. For those of you who d not know me i'm not at the moment. Ive been out of work since may due to several factors including illness but after xmas should be getting my own pub so ill be back solvent and all that.
This guy seems to have a fixation with his wealth. Not bragging about it or anything like that but finding someone who can fit into his lifestyle. He walked me home from the pub as he didnt want me to see he had a very expensive car. Not sure what he was trying to achieve by this, as i said later a car is a car and im certainly not in this for wealth. I think he doesnt want me to feel uncomfortable about him being wealthy but he is the one making a big thing out of it not me.
I guess my questions are:-
Does wealth affect a relationship?
Would you feel bad if you earnt more / less than your partner?
And how do i get through to this guy that his having money will not affect the relationship / friendship we have / had?

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

Post #: 1

RE: Financial Times - 11/29/2006 7:44:52 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
shibari (hope i spelt that right)

You did and congrats!!!

quote:

Does wealth affect a relationship?

That's like asking does age? does religion? does politics? does health? does family?

The answer is of course yes.

HOW much it affects a relationship depends on the people and the situation.

quote:

Would you feel bad if you earnt more / less than your partner?

Nope.

quote:

And how do i get through to this guy that his having money will not affect the relationship / friendship we have / had?

The only real way is through time and experience together to SHOW him this very thing.

But as you said, HE is the one making an issue out of it and that might drive you crazy enough to not make it worth it. Next time you have a date, make time for a heart to heart about this issue- what exactly are his feelings/thoughts and how his actions are actually making you a bit MORE awkward. Whether you're obsessed about your image as attracting the wrong kind of people or obsessed about hiding your image to attract the right kind- obsession isn't fun and attractive.

Not to mention, image doesn't necessarily mean he's got the backing for it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 2

RE: Financial Times - 11/29/2006 7:57:17 AM

LaTigresse

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Wealth does not affect the relationship, how the people in the relationship view the wealth does.

that was a general reply in which I did not use the proper buttons...........

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: Financial Times - 11/29/2006 7:57:34 AM

SlaveAkasha

Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
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I would just tell him what you wrote. Let him know it doesn't bother you at all, and maybe that will make him less uncomfortable. Maybe he doesn't want you to feel like he is rubbing it in or something, since you aren't as well off as him. It sounds like maybe he is uncomfortable with his own status, and doesn't want to be accused of showing off.

Be open and honest with him, I am sure he will appreciate it.

Good luck also, my friend

Kasha

_____________________________

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: Financial Times - 11/29/2006 8:35:47 AM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

Damn and i thought this would be about the magazine = ) i've actually a family member who was quoted as an expert in it. ::sigh::

This is a very touchy subject - and i loathe to expound on it any further here.

Where he is coming from is normal and understandable. You'll get through to him by your actions and treating him the same. Just give it time

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 11/29/2006 8:46:34 AM >

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)

Post #: 5

RE: Financial Times - 11/29/2006 9:00:29 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Wealth does not affect the relationship, how the people in the relationship view the wealth does.

that was a general reply in which I did not use the proper buttons...........

Perfectly worded what would have taken me a couple of paragraphs. Wealth is another factor in the compatibillity factor and how each view it, need it and willingness to do things like move to get it.

If one person thinks it is everything and the other could care less the odds of a happy relationship decrease substantially.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 6

RE: Financial Times - 11/29/2006 10:34:40 AM

sophia37

Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
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I think reactions to wealth class etc are learned behaviors. It depends on how you are raised in some ways. I personally had to relearn a lot of things when I became an adult. One of whch was, type of vehicles mean nothing more than a person likes this type of vehicle.

Even though I dont earn much money, I could in fact find myself driving what is seen as a pricy car. I dont believe it takes much money to drive a nice car what with leasing, down payments, used vehicles, price wars etc etc. Ive owned all types of cars and was still the same person no matter my car.

So if you like this person, then stick with it. Just be careful youre not sending out your own signals on wealth or poverty. Perhaps you came on strong with how little money you had? Thats a signal too. Always look for the middle ground. Eventually even handedness will become your norm. Good luck. Hope you've fund a winner by your book. Just be the good person that you are.

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 7

RE: Financial Times - 11/29/2006 4:42:27 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Does wealth affect a relationship?
Would you feel bad if you earnt more / less than your partner?
And how do i get through to this guy that his having money will not affect the relationship / friendship we have / had?

Yes, wealth affects relationships. Don't be naive.

No matter how much one would wish the other, it's a fact. One persons assumptions of how things should be will most absolutely affect how they view the other. More so for women as to men.

No I couldn't care less how much my partner earned. If she (I being a he) earned less than me...that'd be fine. If she earned more...I'd be okay with that as well (I could use a vacation). If she earned nothing...I'd be fine with that also...with one proviso; That she didn't claim to be aiming for something else.

Someone that spends endless years stretching for something that (at least appears to be) unachievable...don't go there...you're wasting my time, and yours. Let's just deal with the facts; I'm earning more...live with it...it's enough (by a long shot). Stay home, take care of me, read a good book, make our roses prize winning. Don't waste either of our time striving for a mark you can't hit.

Let me shoot for the bullseye.

(I can hit it).

You'll save both of us the aggravation, you the embarrassment...and me the frustration of knowing I'm with someone who isn't on my level.

Don't prove it to me.

Why not just aim for what we both know we can hit; My mark.

It works for me.

You can't get through to this guy that his money won't affect you. It will. You're a woman. I don't care how many copies of "Ms." magazine you've read, or how many of Gloria Steinems books you've absorbed...hold back all your indignation that we're all equal in life...the fact is, women expect men to carry the ball financially (let the FLAMES BEGIN!!!!), and ya know what? We (mostly) do.

Ain't nuttin wrong wit dat.

This fellow has one of two issues:

1) He's been with someone who's been afraid of money (trust me, I know this one, and they DO exist!!!), held him back by virtue and he's sick and tired of being held back and he wants to very clearly let you know "Baby...I'm going someplace, you appeal to me, and I'll be damned if what I want out of life is going to be sacrificed because you don't understand the difference..."

OR.....

2) He's an arrogant fuck who thinks that his car, money and prestige denotes the size of his dick.

Now it's up to you to determine which of these two catagories he best fits in.

(Best of luck).

< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 11/29/2006 5:30:15 PM >

_____________________________

Small deeds will always mean more than large intentions.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 8

RE: Financial Times - 11/29/2006 4:58:07 PM

sleazy

Posts: 781
Joined: 11/23/2006
From: UK
Status: offline

Dare I suggest adding option 3 to the above? Baring in mind the OP pointed out that the man in question is not an overt flaunter.

3) Hes been taken for a ride in the past financially and figures that maybe somebody who can either prove to him money is not an issue or is financially a peer or close to it will do the wallet less harm.

I see no harm in someone wanting to be certain they are liked a person rather than a gold amex card :)

How to convince him? Well thats both the easiest and most difficult thing possible, all you have to do is be you and remain unimpressed by the flash car. He will soon (if any good as a person) see that you are genuine.

I am not wealthy, hell most the time I'm barely comfortable, but many times both vanilla and lifestyle I have rolled up on a date with my car that has a rather expensive image and often had it expected that everything will always be out of my wallet. I have even been asked to help with rent/bills etc. at a stage so early I would consider it in the same league as prostitution.

Dont get me wrong, I have no problems with the dinner bill, a few drinks etc coming out of my pocket. If someone is willing to contribute time to spend with me I am more than happy to try ensure they enjoy their time with no worries, but I have to say there are some money grabbers out there. Once I know and trust someone enough to consider them a friend I will do anything to help them out (had a young couple live in my house for 4 months for free when they hit hard times once). Nowadays I too am somewhat circumspect about not flaunting what I just appear to have. The expensive motor etc are as much about the image I have to project professionally as they are about the fact I just like all the creature comforts that come with a big motor that fits other aspects of my lifestyle.

PS, good luck with the pub, I know it can be tough round that part of the country making one pay

_____________________________

Opinion is packaged by weight not volume, contents may settle during transit. Consult you medical practitioner. Do not attempt to stop moving parts by hand. Ensure all safety shields in place. Open this way up. Do not expose to temperatures exceeding 50C

(in reply to LTRsubNW)

Post #: 9

RE: Financial Times - 11/29/2006 5:08:09 PM

slavemaia

Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Does wealth affect a relationship?
Would you feel bad if you earnt more / less than your partner?
And how do i get through to this guy that his having money will not affect the relationship / friendship we have / had?

No it's not the wealth or lack of it that affects a relationship. It's the people's attitudes and feelings about it. i wouldn't want to earn more than Master because that's not O/our agreement. Whenever someone says "how do i get through to someone else" a red flag goes up. You can't change him or his attitudes about wealth. Either accept him as is, or move on.

_____________________________

She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 10

RE: Financial Times - 11/29/2006 5:10:16 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I'm curious to what exactly your agreement was and how it would relate to whatever income either of you received?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to slavemaia)

Post #: 11

RE: Financial Times - 11/29/2006 5:32:47 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

i changed my mind - i'm in no mood to be serious

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 11/29/2006 5:45:46 PM >

(in reply to slavemaia)

Post #: 12

RE: Financial Times - 11/29/2006 6:13:11 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Someone that spends endless years stretching for something that (at least appears to be) unachievable...don't go there...you're wasting my time, and yours.
Stay home, take care of me, read a good book, make our roses prize winning. Don't waste either of our time striving for a mark you can't hit.
You'll save both of us the aggravation, you the embarrassment...and me the frustration of knowing I'm with someone who isn't on my level.

Ok i'm really hoping that these comments are not aimed directly at me. Just in case they are i have been running pubs for thirteen years and am not striving for a mark i cant hit. Ive been hitting it and more often than not earning more than my partner whilst doing so. Someone who isnt on your level? Does that mean if your partner earns less than you they are benaeth you? Just curious what that remark meant.

You can't get through to this guy that his money won't affect you. It will. You're a woman. I don't care how many copies of "Ms." magazine you've read, or how many of Gloria Steinems books you've absorbed...hold back all your indignation that we're all equal in life...the fact is, women expect men to carry the ball financially (let the FLAMES BEGIN!!!!), and ya know what? We (mostly) do.

Ohhhhhhh you are so wrong. I carry myself and my unmentionable, i rely on no man for financial support. Fair enough the money would of course affect me on some level but please do not make sweeping judgements about women and what they expect financially from their relationships. Not all women are the same. Oh and just as a side note ms magazine? Gloria steinem - never heard of so again a stereotype. Please don't.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to LTRsubNW)

Post #: 13

RE: Financial Times - 11/29/2006 6:14:17 PM

MercilessMarcy

Posts: 80
Joined: 11/12/2006
Status: offline

Just be honest and be yourself. Hopefully he'll do the same. If you're lucky enough to enjoy each other's company, yippee! You can't change anyone else or their attitude. So sit back and enjoy the ride. The joy is in the journey, not the destination. Hopefully you'll be able to have a conversation about money eventually.

Most really wealthy men I've met are into the next "deal" business wise. The issues you might have with them have nothing to do with money and everything to do with their attitude about getting, keeping and making more of it.

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 14

RE: Financial Times - 11/29/2006 7:05:32 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Someone that spends endless years stretching for something that (at least appears to be) unachievable...don't go there...you're wasting my time, and yours.
Stay home, take care of me, read a good book, make our roses prize winning. Don't waste either of our time striving for a mark you can't hit.
You'll save both of us the aggravation, you the embarrassment...and me the frustration of knowing I'm with someone who isn't on my level.

Ok i'm really hoping that these comments are not aimed directly at me. Just in case they are i have been running pubs for thirteen years and am not striving for a mark i cant hit. Ive been hitting it and more often than not earning more than my partner whilst doing so. Someone who isnt on your level? Does that mean if your partner earns less than you they are benaeth you? Just curious what that remark meant.

You can't get through to this guy that his money won't affect you. It will. You're a woman. I don't care how many copies of "Ms." magazine you've read, or how many of Gloria Steinems books you've absorbed...hold back all your indignation that we're all equal in life...the fact is, women expect men to carry the ball financially (let the FLAMES BEGIN!!!!), and ya know what? We (mostly) do.

Ohhhhhhh you are so wrong. I carry myself and my unmentionable, i rely on no man for financial support. Fair enough the money would of course affect me on some level but please do not make sweeping judgements about women and what they expect financially from their relationships. Not all women are the same. Oh and just as a side note ms magazine? Gloria steinem - never heard of so again a stereotype. Please don't.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...(how did I know this...what I wrote...would turn into that?)

What you perceived is not at all what I wrote.

< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 11/29/2006 7:08:11 PM >

_____________________________

Small deeds will always mean more than large intentions.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 15

RE: Financial Times - 11/29/2006 7:17:31 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

This is why i have questioned what you put. No chance of you clearing up what you actually meant then?

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to LTRsubNW)

Post #: 16

RE: Financial Times - 11/29/2006 7:23:53 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

ok...tough question..I guess what I feel is that does his income affect you in the way you live? in other words..does he contribute in any way shape or form to your life financially?..And I know the answer....NO he does not, so why then what he has in his wallet or what he drives affect you?..it doesnt affect you (again I had the answer..lol)...So thus it should have no bearing on your developing friendship.It is a moot point....So go out and enjoy each others company and forget about what has no direct bearing on your relationship.....Tempting...

(in reply to LTRsubNW)

Post #: 17

RE: Financial Times - 11/30/2006 1:28:58 AM

MasterKalif

Posts: 648
Joined: 5/24/2004
Status: offline

missturbation my two cents....I come from a well off background (not saying this to show off), and I have found at times that when I meet a woman I am interested in, I rather not talk about everything my family has and whatnot, not because of fear of rubbing it in, but because of a possible fear she will pretend to like me for money security and for the wealth and not for me.....this I think is where lies his issue....he wants you to know him first as he is, wants to see that you like him for him. Let him know that for you money is not important, that you look for happiness, and that being with him, for richer or for poorer, and that he can be himself (meaning he can drive his car)...I think he is being too cautious anyways, there could be other societal factors I am not taking in. Anyways I wish you luck!

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 18

RE: Financial Times - 11/30/2006 8:33:44 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Awwww, screw the gold amex, I wanna hook up with someone that has a black amex!!

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to sleazy)

Post #: 19

RE: Financial Times - 11/30/2006 9:26:36 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Thank you all for the advice - maybe one day i'll need it again. The gentleman in question however is ignoring me and so i give up - i really do.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 20

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