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RE: Is Love enough? - 11/28/2006 8:06:54 AM   
Aine


Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline 		Much like love is never enough in an abusive relationship.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to NINASHARP)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Is Love enough? - 11/28/2006 8:07:14 AM   
darksdesire


Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		i love my Master deeply and as corny as it may sound, he is my soulmate.  i've never felt such a connection with another before.  i'm sure that our D/s relationship contributes signficantly to that connection; both of us are able to be fully who we are with the other, and each of us are getting our needs met according to who we are.  However, there are so many other components to our relationship including romantic elements, a strong mental connection, wonderful communication, tenderness and deep caring. 

This is a thought provoking and difficult question.  i know that he feels loved through my submission and i feel loved by his dominance so D/s is a very big part of how we interact and love each other.  i would think that if he suddenly stopped dominating me, it might be due to other factors such as emotional stress or physical illness, and i  would be able to work it through with him. If he were to suddenly stop being dominant, that would certainly challenge our relationship.  Still, i think for me, in this particular relationship, love would be enough.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Is Love enough? - 11/28/2006 8:13:21 AM   
chasteslave808


Posts: 6
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline 		Hmm, when i read this post from darksdesire. I could see the elements of my own relationship with the person that i am with.

i do not know if it is that love level. there is caring, affection, playfulness out of play time.

i guess i want it all. love, security, d/s, all in one.


(in reply to darksdesire)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Is Love enough? - 11/28/2006 8:21:41 AM   
NINASHARP


Posts: 295
Joined: 4/23/2006
From: NJ/NYC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

Much like love is never enough in an abusive relationship.


You got that right!

(in reply to Aine)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Is Love enough? - 11/28/2006 8:25:50 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira

I know that many base their relationships on love; on the understanding that there must be caring and love between them and their partner for them to submit to them.

I was wondering though; just for the sake of discussion; lets say your partner and you have been in a relationship for 3 years, you both love each other without a doubt, and the dynamic between you is absolutely great. Then, suddenly, one day, your partner decides to stop the dynamic ( he/she stops being dominant or submissive in nature ).

Would the love that you have for your partner sustain the relationship or do you need the dynamic also? In this sense I am not referring to any kind of ‘play’…as in the use of floggers, canes, bondage, etc…but rather in regards to the actual nature of the person that you are with.

With my first Master, I came into that relationship knowing nothing. One time I had asked him that if I had shown no interest, would he have continued the relationship? His answer was a simple no; even though he cared for me.

With Master now, I can honestly say the same. If he suddenly stopped the dynamic between us; stopped being the controlling, dominant person that he is; I would not hesitate to end the relationship; no matter what kind of emotional feelings are in place.

Just curious as to how others would proceed if ever faced with such an ‘impossibility”



this would indeed be an impossibility. if there were some horrible, freakish occurance where my Master suddenly became a different person and was no longer Dominant (say severe head trauma), then yes that would of course devastate me. He wouldn't be the man i gave myself to any longer. however i can't say that the relationship would be over, since i do not have the power to end the relationship, only he does. i would probably beg for release, and hope that he granted my request. if not then i'd just have to grin and bear it.

(in reply to Kalira)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Is Love enough? - 11/28/2006 8:27:25 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Well, I loved my former husband dearly but that didn't stop me from spiritually and emotionally dying in our marriage.  Love or no love, I had to get out.


This is akin to how I feel. I recognize that I can love someone, but see that the relationship is unhealthy, and sometimes even toxic, to me, them, or both. Sometimes, we have to step away. I still chat and cut up with my second ex. I get along with his new fiance. It's cool. I had the same relationship with my first ex until additional stuff happened. I simpy had to cut those ties completely in order to be sane. I also still have a very good relationship with the man who was my submissive for a year and a half. We've both moved on and have grown, but that doesn't mean we don't still care for each other. I've always liked him as a person.

Master Fire



_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Is Love enough? - 11/28/2006 10:35:35 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		The only Master I have had so far caused me  to lose respect for him as a Dom about a year into living with him.
By this time I loved him enough to stay in our live in relationship and (haha) try vanilla life.
It only lasted for around 6 months after the D/s dynamic was stopped.
It was my first D/s relationship so I thought we'd be able to pull it off.
Our D/s dynamic polluted any chance of being vanilla.
I'm a submissive woman and he was a dominant man.
That did not change much when he was no longer my Master.
Basically we crashed and burned like the Hindenburg.


I absolutely think I could not be content in a vanilla relationship no matter how naturally dominant a man is now.
I'd rather be alone than with a vanilla only man ever again.

(in reply to Kalira)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Is Love enough? - 11/28/2006 10:48:11 AM   
killingmesoftly


Posts: 3
Joined: 10/11/2005
Status: offline 		Love is not enough. Sad as it may seem. I loved him very much, i still do, always will, but I dont see how being in an unfulling relationship with no one satisdied is not the answer.  Though He once told me even if I didnt want to serve, he would still love me and be with me.       

(in reply to onestandingstill)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Is Love enough? - 11/28/2006 11:02:21 AM   
briska


Posts: 126
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline 		My Sir and i started off as vanilla, and for a while, He was talking about how if i couldn't handle doing certain things he asked of me, that it would be OK to go back to the way we were before our contract. i looked at him a bit oddly, and then realized he was being romantical.  i couldn't help but feel slightly miffed at it... i don't know.  i suppose the answer that comes to my mind is that, no, i wouldn't end the relationship, but we'd both have to find creative outlets for who we are.


_____________________________

Mmm... briska!

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Is Love enough? - 11/28/2006 11:23:17 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		i have never had romantic love in a D/s relationship.  Affection, fondness, respect, caring but never that "in-love" feeling.  i have found that the times in my past where i thought i was "in love" the relationship was not what made me feel complete.  i have felt more at peace and more complete as a person even without the "love" thing going on.

i think that if i would ever find the TPE and "love" in the same relationship i would do all in my power to keep it for the few years i have left on this sphere.


_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to briska)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Is Love enough? - 11/28/2006 11:23:26 AM   
Master96


Posts: 593
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline 		Compare.....

What if the husband said he is gay, or the wife is lesbian.... in a vanilla relationship?

It is who you are..... i can't live with a woman who is a lesbian, i can't live with a woman who isn't submissive.


< Message edited by Master96 -- 11/28/2006 11:24:22 AM >

_____________________________

Master96,

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Understand that actions will always speak louder than words.


Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence? - Sai Baba

(in reply to briska)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Is Love enough? - 11/28/2006 11:52:57 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		~FR~

Love without power, love without service, love without dominance.. I can't do it. I've tried. Love feeds my humanity and I get love and give love to a number of people, but there is a part of me which absolutely requires the power, the service and the dominance or, like ownedgirlie, I starve and die inside.

I starved for too long to ever want to go on that particular diet again.

We're in this for the duration and if one or the other of us 'lost' the need for M/s or changed so radically that it was no longer a part of the life we live together, then both of us are prepared to live a life apart from each other.

"Love, love will keep us together.." is just a song. :)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Is Love enough? - 11/28/2006 12:23:53 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalira

I know that many base their relationships on love; on the understanding that there must be caring and love between them and their partner for them to submit to them.

I was wondering though; just for the sake of discussion; lets say your partner and you have been in a relationship for 3 years, you both love each other without a doubt, and the dynamic between you is absolutely great. Then, suddenly, one day, your partner decides to stop the dynamic ( he/she stops being dominant or submissive in nature ).

Would the love that you have for your partner sustain the relationship or do you need the dynamic also?


It wouldn't sustain the relationship for me.  In order for my owner to just stop the dynamic would mean something considerably life altering happened to him to the point that his core personality just changed.  I'd be surprised if our relationship would make it through that, not to mention I'd probably be a bit bored in the relationship.

C~


_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
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(in reply to Kalira)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Is Love enough? - 11/28/2006 1:25:28 PM   
slavemaia


Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

the problem in that is when you have two head strong people and neither is willing to give in...I am sure you can see the problems ahead in that one.

I also think that a person can't turn on/off their own nature, sure you can deviate some. But to totally stop being yourself? Thats pretty extreme. It would be almost as if he were a different person then the one that I fell in love with.


i agree with Lashra here. i've worked hard to understand what it is that reaped so much disatisfaction in my other relationships. Now that i've discovered it and am experiencing it, no - i could not continue in a relationship with Master if He decided to just be my husband or lover. There was a time that i thought i could. But Master, in His wisdom, was the one to say "no, you'd never be content." *smiles* And He's absolutely right - as usual.
 

_____________________________


She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Is Love enough? - 11/28/2006 4:05:50 PM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline 		    At one time, I could honestly say that love would not be enough.  
   My current relationship love could definately be enough.   I could not imagine life without him in it.   I cannot fathom either of us giving up our respective roles but in the event something were to happen where we could no longer maintain D/s, I'd rather that end then lose my best friend.  

(in reply to slavemaia)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Is Love enough? - 11/28/2006 4:12:22 PM   
impetuousone


Posts: 31
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		In my opinion, to submit is independent of love.  Many and maybe most in this lifestyle are able to be collared to a dominant that they grow to "love" but are not "in love" with.   That said....I personally have not ever been able to submit for any length of time without "falling in love" with my dominant.  It has been my downfall more than once when the dominant is not looking for love and does not return the emotion.   If the dominant I was collared to and in love with (and assuming he is in love with me) suddenly decided he did not want to continue the D/s or BDSM dynamic of the relationship, it would not matter to me.  I would still be submissive to and in love with him.  That dynamic (submission) is mine and would not change.  Neither would the love.  I also believe that one can't change who and what they are.  If you are dominant or submissive, that is a part of who you are.  You can't stop that dynamic of your personality. You can stop the lifestyle aspects but be it dominant or submissive, you are who and what you are. Just my most submissive, humble opinion.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 36
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