RE: Depression, Anxiety and the Dominant

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RE: Depression, Anxiety and the Dominant - 11/22/2006 9:13:41 PM

NeedToUseYou

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I'd think it all comes down to if the condition is under control and how long since the last occurence. Also, to me it would depend on the severity of the condition. Some suffer worse symptoms and frequency than others.

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RE: Depression, Anxiety and the Dominant - 11/22/2006 9:28:44 PM

toservez

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I pretty much agree with what juliaoceania has been saying so I will be brief and be mostly repeating what she said. It really depends on how much the person had acceptance and control of their disease and how it manifests.

All mental diseases can have many different symptoms and not all people react the same. If a person aflicted ackowledges there problems is serious about treating it, dedicated to taking medication if it is needed and that they will trust and respect me when I need to put aside the M/s to deal with the disease then I feel I could be with someone with mental health disease.

Now if the person fights or refuses to acknowledge the problems, symptoms, goes on and off medications on their feeling alone and the down times are significant and severe, I would not touch them in all honesty.

I tip my cap to all of you that are dealing with your problems head on and say BRAVO! It is unfornuate, but I see pretty much on a daily basis with my job the ones who cannot or will not deal with theirs and it is quite sad. It is nice to hear positive stories.

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RE: Depression, Anxiety and the Dominant - 11/22/2006 11:14:08 PM

slavegirl1969

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Gauge,

My Master suffers not so much from mental issues occasionally but he has been known to get down for no apparent reason and likes to shut himself away from the rest of the world, then all of a sudden he'll get up and the world is bright again. Fortunately for him it doesn't happen very often and less now than when I first started talking to him, about 6 months ago. He was honest with me from the very start about these little black moments.

It doesn't detract from my opinion of him as my dominant at all. There have been occasions (although fortunately not many) when I have felt that he was making himself down by worrying and stressing about stuff that was out of his control and it felt like he was choosing to be down - when that happens I talk to him, try to get him to see a different perspective. if, on the other hand it's just "one of those things" and just is then I let him do what he needs to do and be there for him when he's ready to come back out to play.

But then I love my Master so maybe its easier for me to take it in my stride. It definitely makes him no less of a dominant or wonderful man in my eyes. Just human.

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RE: Depression, Anxiety and the Dominant - 11/23/2006 3:09:20 AM

UtopianRanger

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I suffer from major depression and anxiety disorder with panic attacks. The depression I have had most of my life. The anxiety and panic attacks have only really surfaced almost seven years ago and they really took off when I quit drinking over six years ago.

What I would like to discuss with this thread is if any other dominant male or female has the same mental illness issues and how that affects your role as a dominant. You see, from what I have read from quite a number of submissives (I am using gender neutral dominant and submissive) is that they want a strong dominant and pretty much without traits like a mental condition. This is confusing for someone like me because I really have little doubt about my dominance but I do question my perceived stability as a dominant personality because of the depression and anxiety.

I mean, I do have problems and issues and various other things that I would rather not trot out in courtship of a submissive but these things are a part of me and unfortunately I must live with them and I will not hide this from someone... they will find out anyway. I am in treatment for my mental issues and I do take medication for it, but the medication merely keeps me sort of level, it does not prevent everything.

So... I have a few questions:

To the submissives:

Does an issue like mental illness factor in to your perception of a dominant?

If so, how does it affect your perception?

To the dominants:

If you do suffer from mental issues, does it make you feel any different about your ability as a dominant?

How have you learned to cope with these issues?

I am sure that I will come up with many more questions as we go, but I think this will start things off.

Not many guys have the stones to acknowledge and bring this to the forefront for discussion. I too commend you for your candor.

In a little over a year-and-a-half since joining collarme, probably the thing that’s surprised me the most is all the dominant women who suffer from depression. It’s really caught me off guard.

Does it effect my perception of the person? Yes and no.

No….if the lady has acknowledged /comes-to-grips with it and is taking steps to control and conquer it. Acknowledgement and a plan of action go a long ways.

On the other side….A lady who has acknowledged her depression yet has no plan of action or desire to help herself, is a complete downer for me…..and that’s a lady I can’t be with. They need to have that ''can do'' spirit…..they can’t say ''I give up'' Those three words used in unison are not part of my vocabulary – At all. And I won’t let them be part of the lady who I am with, either.

How does that old proverb go - '' Complacency is the Devil's playground '' ; }

- R

< Message edited by UtopianRanger -- 11/23/2006 3:11:23 AM >

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RE: Depression, Anxiety and the Dominant - 11/23/2006 4:35:01 AM

MissyRane

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Personally I would not get involved with a person with mental issues. I already am around a few that have mental problems and a very good friend of mine has got a borderline personality disorder. That being said then no I would not run away if the person I'm involved with would get mental problems such as depression I would try my best to support them. On the other hand if it would end up in something extreme and very serious so I didn't feel I could possibly stay in the relationship, I would stick around as a friend but I'd have to break up the relationship.

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RE: Depression, Anxiety and the Dominant - 11/23/2006 4:40:00 AM

Lordandmaster

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Wow, that's interesting. I wonder why that's the case.

quote:

ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger

In a little over a year-and-a-half since joining collarme, probably the thing that’s surprised me the most is all the dominant women who suffer from depression. It’s really caught me off guard.

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RE: Depression, Anxiety and the Dominant - 11/23/2006 5:21:03 AM

KnightofMists

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Thou I do not have any Mental Issues to contend with personally, I thought I would contribute something to the thread.

Gauge... I think it will be a question on perception that a submissive has of you... as well as your perception of the condition you have.

In essense.... Do you have control of the condition... or does the condition control you.

I believe from this thread we can assert that some Dominants have learned to control and manage their condition and because of this they have been able to lead productive lives. Which includes have loyal and loving submissives into their lives.

However, if the condition was to control the Dominant... then I suspect you will find yourself alone or worse with a submissive that is bitter and lacks respect for you.

Ultimately... the choice is yours... are you going to control it... or is it going to control you? You are a very intelligent and articulate man... I suspect I know what is going to be your choice... now it's a question of having the character strengths to do so!

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RE: Depression, Anxiety and the Dominant - 11/23/2006 9:33:22 AM

toservez

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Wow, that's interesting. I wonder why that's the case.

quote:

ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger

In a little over a year-and-a-half since joining collarme, probably the thing that’s surprised me the most is all the dominant women who suffer from depression. It’s really caught me off guard.

Manic depressive people are often like drug addicts searching for their next fix to get in a manic stage but they have no idea that they are doing that when untreated, in denial or not doing a good kob in dealing with it. This life can draw a manic depressive very easily. A self medication type situation. Now of course ones that are not truly dominant or submissive will enter and leave and ones that are will stay. Depression does not make you into one or the other but just might get you to discover this more.

It has been my expereince that Depression, like most people issues, in this life crosses gender and roles. Not one is more prevelant then the other.

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I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

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RE: Depression, Anxiety and the Dominant - 11/23/2006 10:03:40 AM

Sinergy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger

They need to have that ''can do'' spirit…..they can’t say ''I give up''

Hello A/all,

Without going in to details, I want to point out that unless people have been in a situation where they were dealing with a catastrophic illness, either mental or physical, as either the afflicted or the supporter, I would imagine that they cannot empirically state what they would or would not do in that situation.

My comment on the thing I quoted is my own personal belief that "giving up" does not seem a particularly dominant thing to do. It is, in essence, submitting to something or someone else, even if that something else is a situation.

One of the things I learned in my own journey through my own personal tragedies was that I have a general pit bull attitude and learned that I absolutely refuse to give up. There came a time where I fought my way to the light at the end of the tunnel and happily discovered it was not an oncoming train.

Sinergy

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RE: Depression, Anxiety and the Dominant - 11/23/2006 11:35:53 AM

behindmirrors

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quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

Manic depressive people are often like drug addicts searching for their next fix to get in a manic stage but they have no idea that they are doing that when untreated, in denial or not doing a good kob in dealing with it. This life can draw a manic depressive very easily. A self medication type situation. Now of course ones that are not truly dominant or submissive will enter and leave and ones that are will stay. Depression does not make you into one or the other but just might get you to discover this more.

I'd like to refute that claim, being a bipolar type myself, of being like a drug addict looking for the next manic "fix". For those who have experienced a severe mania, it is not a grand thing. It's not something one seeks out- it's something that happens, is terrifying, and you believe you have really, truly gone mad without any control of it. In some parts, sure, it can feel like you're flying and you are very confident- but as it continues and progresses, it becomes a thrill ride you can't get off of and that frequently ends in ruins. When no one can understand you because even your thoughts don't make sense, it's isolating and awful for the person experiencing it- and the crash comes at the end...and suddenly, you realize just how much damage you have done to yourself, and you sink even farther.

I, for one, never run around and never did run around looking for my mania. I was running to get away from it.

behindmirrors.

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RE: Depression, Anxiety and the Dominant - 11/23/2006 11:51:36 AM

QuietDom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Thou I do not have any Mental Issues to contend with personally, I thought I would contribute something to the thread.

Just FYI, KoM, we nutcases have a term for people like you; those who are fine, who are healthy, who have 'no mental issues...'

We call you the 'undiagnosed.'

QD

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RE: Depression, Anxiety and the Dominant - 11/23/2006 5:18:35 PM

wantitnow569

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Gauge,
First of all i'd like to thank You for Your refreshing honesty and the absolute integrity with which You have (always) appeared to carry Yourself.
Secondly, i'd have to say that as a submissive it would not bother me if my Master was suffering from depression, anxiety, or anything else...Providing that He was willing to do what was necessary to treat the illness.. (i.e. take medication, exercise, etc) i think that it would be small minded and short sided of me to expect someone to Master me who would be perfect.... i do not want someone who is perfect, instead i want someone who is comfortable in their own skin and can relate to my flaws and humanness... (not sure if that's even a word).....
Anyway, that's just my take on the situation.

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