Master Frenzy? (long)

Master Frenzy? (long) (Full Version)

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Quivver -> Master Frenzy? (long) (11/14/2006 8:02:07 PM)
I've seen so many posts where a sub feels she has been co-worst into sharing her master in a 3 sum where the act in itself has left her in some state of shock. The replies all seem to stay on the line of communication being paramount, and how possibly she needs to reconsider the relationship. Recently I found myself smack dab in the middle of this same kind of thing. A very dear man who I'll love forever recently offered me his collar. Great right? No, not so quick.. I've never considered myself Poly, but that's what this would be.First at his insistence, later cause I honestly liked this woman, I've gotten to know her quite well if only over the phone and thru email. I knew Poly could work hereas I understand poly to be. (btw, neither are CM members, and both live at quite a distance from me) Anyway, he has been chomping at the bit for what I would consider simple swinger stuff with a little added kink. For me I saw it as no big deal, especially since I liked her! For months now as she and I have spoken any mention of kink and she would change the subject quickly. I didn't push it, until he asked us to directly. Ok, I'm fairly accommodating sometimes so I attempted to start and continue a conversation following along with what I know he is after. To shorten the story some, after 3 hours I came to realize a few things. First was that she has never shared her feelings about bisexual sex, but what she has done was to build a huge fantasy world in her words to him. She's led him to believe it excites her, when actually she simply wants a nice normal Nilla life with him. After my realization of her wants I spoke with him about my findings and how I felt that pushing her would only create drama, and if my place in his collar was simply that of a 3rd for an occasional fuck then I would have to decline it. He assured me other wise and the history we share I do believe him, regardless of what came next. Fast Forward.............. A kidnapping was in the planning, me being the kid!! But the next breath removed all the fun. It seems it was a surprise meeting of face to face introduction to this poor scared woman. sigh When pressed for when, again I had to decline and did so due to I would be ashamed of myself to be included in forcing such a situation on another when I was fully aware of her fears. I told him as much, Master or no Master, I made a choice and will live with my decision. I see this as Master Frenzy. In my humble of opinions he is only thinking with his cock, he is not taking into account any-ones best interest but his cock, and the long term results of anything like this I feel would only be yet one more post from a sub who felt horrible that she had been put into this situation. Which leads to my question for you all to ponder. Although I've held my ground and am willing to loose something I held precious (oh so UNsub like) Sub's what would you have done? Masters reading this please if you would offer your thoughts also.

BitaTruble -> RE: Master Frenzy? (long) (11/14/2006 8:06:15 PM)
I think you were very wise and level headed while showing a lot of empathy for the other lady in question. I haven't been in such a situation, but I do believe my own actions would mirror your own. Celeste

Kalira -> RE: Master Frenzy? (long) (11/14/2006 8:09:41 PM)
quote: Sub's what would you have done? Well, since the two of you actually had not finalized any concret plans to solidify your own relationship; I think you handled it properly. Now, I will readily admit that if you had stated that the two of you were in a solid relationship, my answer would have been different ( but from what I understand from reading your post, it was still undecided? )

KatyLied -> RE: Master Frenzy? (long) (11/14/2006 8:13:48 PM)
I have to agree, Quivver, well done on all parts. It seems to me like you were accomodating and understanding to all parties involved. And that you did everything you could to move things along the way they should be. I would've put my foot down at a face to face meeting with someone who wasn't ready for this stuff. Like you said, too much drama. ps: it's okay for subs to want to hold on to precious things.

MsD -> RE: Master Frenzy? (long) (11/14/2006 8:23:09 PM)
I concur ... well done & good for you. To be very blunt, you were acting responsibly & sensitively ... unlike your male friend. Kudos too for realizing he's thinking with his little head [:'(]

diamonddreamlove -> RE: Master Frenzy? (long) (11/14/2006 8:39:22 PM)
Having been the sub in such a situation on one occassion i think you did well to help make sure everyone was ready and when you discovered they were not ready you back away. Great job.

KnightofMists -> RE: Master Frenzy? (long) (11/14/2006 8:42:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Quivver Which leads to my question for you all to ponder. Although I've held my ground and am willing to loose something I held precious (oh so UNsub like) Sub's what would you have done? [Masters reading this please if you would offer your thoughts also. You acted on your principles.... This I think speak highly of your character.... it's too bad that the um nice guy's actions couldn't match your principles... clearly showing his own principles where suspect. I wouldn't call this Master Frenzy... frankly... I think the term to be insulting to Masters who actually care for their charges in a much more considerate manner. This was just a guy that wanted to fill sexual fantasies.... not a guy that wanted to build power enhancing relationships. Some how.... I don't think he is such a nice guy. This is just another case of the guy putting the cart ahead of the horse..... If he only realized that His fantasies can become fulfilled much more easily and even more enjoyable when focused on building a relationship. Instead he is focused on the experience and never builds what it takes to have the experience in the first place.

MagiksSlave -> RE: Master Frenzy? (long) (11/14/2006 8:53:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kalira quote: Sub's what would you have done? Well, since the two of you actually had not finalized any concret plans to solidify your own relationship; I think you handled it properly. Now, I will readily admit that if you had stated that the two of you were in a solid relationship, my answer would have been different ( but from what I understand from reading your post, it was still undecided? ) I dont think I understand this. Im not trying to put words in your mouth honest, but the way i see it from what you said that if she was in fact his slave and the relationship was solidified as Dom sub then she would have to do as he asked??? If thats that case I really have to disagree I love my master he owns me but I would NEVER do something he asked if he was asking me to do something that would hurt another... in fact that would end the relationship!!! If thats not what you ment please explain cuz im confused as per usualy.. Magik's confused slave

RedSavageSlave -> RE: Master Frenzy? (long) (11/14/2006 9:09:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave I dont think I understand this. Im not trying to put words in your mouth honest, but the way i see it from what you said that if she was in fact his slave and the relationship was solidified as Dom sub then she would have to do as he asked??? If thats that case I really have to disagree I love my master he owns me but I would NEVER do something he asked if he was asking me to do something that would hurt another... in fact that would end the relationship!!! If thats not what you ment please explain cuz im confused as per usualy.. Magik's confused slave I am kind of with you on this one sweetie.. <waiting to hear the answer too>

Quivver -> RE: Master Frenzy? (long) (11/14/2006 9:21:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedSavageSlave quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave I dont think I understand this. Im not trying to put words in your mouth honest, but the way i see it from what you said that if she was in fact his slave and the relationship was solidified as Dom sub then she would have to do as he asked??? If thats that case I really have to disagree I love my master he owns me but I would NEVER do something he asked if he was asking me to do something that would hurt another... in fact that would end the relationship!!! If thats not what you ment please explain cuz im confused as per usualy.. Magik's confused slave I am kind of with you on this one sweetie.. <waiting to hear the answer too> He calls her his sub, she calls herself his sub, but in all honesty their defination of sub and dom are different then I see it. I believe now after all this its simply sexual in nature. Which is what I have never understood since he is naturally Dominant. ................... who knows.

LadyHugs -> RE: Master Frenzy? (long) (11/14/2006 9:33:03 PM)
Dear Quiver, Ladies and Gentlemen; In my mind's eye; you can have a dominant personality and or submissive personality but, that does not mean that they have those traits to carry over in the context of BDSM, D/s, M/s, S&M and such. It is evident, that you were very good at making sure that this is what everybody wanted from their 'spirit of intent' rather than lip service, saying what somebody wants to hear, rather than hearing what needs to be heard. So, in a role play kinky swing night, I'm sure the two of them would do fine, as both would go back home and carry on. But, simply, you have unmasked the truth behind the woman's mask per se. The male, having a female half heartedly agreeing, is much give an inch and they take a mile scenario. You did good lass. D/s and or M/s, isn't about sex; it is about taking care of each other on all different levels, not just physical sex. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Master Frenzy? (long) (11/14/2006 9:36:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists I wouldn't call this Master Frenzy... frankly... I think the term to be insulting to Masters who actually care for their charges in a much more considerate manner. This was just a guy that wanted to fill sexual fantasies.... not a guy that wanted to build power enhancing relationships. Some how.... I don't think he is such a nice guy. Yeah but is that very different than someone in sub frenzy? I don't think so. And it IS insulting that we suggest sub frenzy is ok for subs to go through. I don't make a big deal out of it because I learned long ago that it's going to take its course no matter what logic or reality or advice or kindness I give- but it really is completely unacceptable for someone to suggest their actions are excusable due to frenzy. Oddly enough I've never known anyone who admitted being in frenzy and that they were likely making stupid choices at the time (myself included here). And yet the reality is that we KNOW that plenty of masters, doms, subs and whatever act really stupid sometimes, act really disgustingly, and completely inappropriately due to "frenzy." You can be a master and still be completely washed away in your bright shiny fantasy and let good sense completely get away from you.

ChaOz -> RE: Master Frenzy? (long) (11/14/2006 10:20:56 PM)
Ok, in the vanilla world you have three types of relationships. One night stands, Fuck buddies and long term primary relationships. Just because you take a collar doesnt mean that you will be looked after and loved, so you need to evaluate whether in a given situation you are simply a fuck buddy or in an actual primary relationship. The sad fact is that even if it isnt poly, your submission may not be used in any way by a Dom beyond simply being a fuck buddy, and some people simply have never been in love and are not looking for it, just want their sexual needs meet. If you are a fuck buddy, that can be ok, as long as you dont get your hopes up and I'd suggest looking for another Dom in the mean time while getting your sexual/submissive needs meet. This is the real world and you cant really expect everyone in a poly situation to instantly love you and that you will somehow live happily ever after.

happypervert -> RE: Master Frenzy? (long) (11/14/2006 10:53:13 PM)
quote: First was that she has never shared her feelings about bisexual sex, but what she has done was to build a huge fantasy world in her words to him. She's led him to believe it excites her, when actually she simply wants a nice normal Nilla life with him. This is the part that gets me and it doesn't really make sense -- sounds like she intentionally misled him and I don't understand why she would do that when it would take her in a direction she doesn't want. However, I can see him misleading himself and asking her leading questions so he could manipulate her into giving the answers he wants. That makes sense in this context considering he had no clue she didn't want this while you figured it out in a couple of hours. Anyway, nice work! With the discussion about frenzy it is nice to see someone was calm and rational here.

MasterKalif -> RE: Master Frenzy? (long) (11/14/2006 11:20:47 PM)
I am a bit confused....so the fact is that the wife or the other woman is not submissive but is very vanilla but willing to do these acts to please him out of love? In any case...you acted correctly I think...I have to say that this Dom is not a good person, as I think a Dom needs to care for (emotionally not just physically) all his subs specially if in a poly type relationship setting...and have consent for all his actions or future actions, with open communication. Anyways hope it works out for all involved.

Padriag -> RE: Master Frenzy? (long) (11/15/2006 1:45:52 AM)
My opinion is you acted in a very honest and honorable way. You did what you thought was right, and your actions were based on good reasons. I think this "master" needs to re-examine his own priorities and his own integrity. He's seems in a rush to have his fantasies and is taking far too many risks and perhaps deliberately not seeing things he should. The other woman has not been honest either. Perhaps she didn't fully understand what she was getting into, perhaps she knew and just didn't have the courage to speak up. Sometimes people are so lonely they'll say and convince themselves of all sorts of things just to have someone in their life. Perhaps she is one of those people. You seem to have spoken up for her and in that I think you did her a favor. I don't think your behavior has been "unsub-like", on the contrary, to me its the behavior of a trustworthy submissive with integrity... something that is rarer than I would like. Sometimes situations just aren't right, either for us or for someone else. Sometimes saying so means we have to give up something or someone we like, and that takes courage. It takes being able to see the long view and realize that in the end, you aren't really giving up anything you wouldn't have eventually lost anyway. In the long run I don't think this "relationship" would have worked for any of you... and likely you'd have all come away from it with some hard feelings. If nothing else, you prevented that. In short, you did that right thing and if he has any sense, he'll respect you for it. If not, well, you didn't really lose anything anyway. He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. -- Jim Elliot

slavejali -> RE: Master Frenzy? (long) (11/15/2006 2:53:00 AM)
Master told me tonight, "Men have two heads and they can only use one at a time". I think you acted with integrity.

bandit25 -> RE: Master Frenzy? (long) (11/15/2006 3:17:16 AM)
I have to agree with the majority. You did what you knew was best and saved the other woman and yourself unnecessary grief. Well done. I, too, am confused by Kalira's post. Solid relationship notwithstanding, I'm afraid doing something like this would end a relationship for me also. Perhaps, the other woman misled him, but once he was informed of her true feelings, sorry, no go. I will say that the other woman may still be weaving her fantasy with him and he's going with that, but, sorry, I wouldn't get tangled up with a sure recipe for disaster!

Kalira -> RE: Master Frenzy? (long) (11/15/2006 4:44:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave quote: ORIGINAL: Kalira quote: Sub's what would you have done? Well, since the two of you actually had not finalized any concret plans to solidify your own relationship; I think you handled it properly. Now, I will readily admit that if you had stated that the two of you were in a solid relationship, my answer would have been different ( but from what I understand from reading your post, it was still undecided? ) I dont think I understand this. Im not trying to put words in your mouth honest, but the way i see it from what you said that if she was in fact his slave and the relationship was solidified as Dom sub then she would have to do as he asked??? If thats that case I really have to disagree I love my master he owns me but I would NEVER do something he asked if he was asking me to do something that would hurt another... in fact that would end the relationship!!! If thats not what you ment please explain cuz im confused as per usualy.. Magik's confused slave No, not exactly. Only that I have been in that position myself, only as the one who was told to go down on another girl, and I absolutly did not want to. My situation was a bit different though in the fact that the other girl knew of my 'refusal' to do such a thing. If the OP's relationship with this man had been different, my answer would have been different, taken instead from a perspective of personal experience.

Celeste43 -> RE: Master Frenzy? (long) (11/15/2006 7:57:52 AM)
Not only would I have refused him, I would have read him the riot act for coercing this woman into doing something that it is obvious she is uninterested in. And I would have spoken with her about making herself understood once and forever on the subject. See, this is one of those things that you can't ever take back. If it causes emotional harm it will ruin the relationship. So it should never be done carelessly and with disregard to the sub's feelings. Not to mention that if she isn't bi and finds the idea of it offensive, she won't be a pleasant sex partner. Do you really want to be in the middle of it with her crying and hiding in the corner while he beats and orders her to have an orgasm at your touch? A scene like that can't be gotten over and should never occur. The fact that he doesn't care about her well being is a huge red flag. I hope she finds someone else who cares about his sub's wellbeing since this male (won't call him master as he doesn't deserve it) does not.

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