Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Should I tell her


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: Should I tell her Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Should I tell her - 11/11/2006 9:21:05 PM   
OHBrokensoul


Posts: 6
Joined: 11/11/2006
Status: offline
FirmKY-I accept my share of the blame for what has happened, however, he always knew who I talked with and what our conversations were about. The difference between what he did and what I did is the simple fact that I was honest with him and he lied. "I"m not talking to anyone but you"...and even though deep down I knew he was, it doesn't make it any better.

MySweetSubmissive-The conversations weren't limited to CM chat. Like I said, I told him I was talking with other people, I asked him to offer me the same respect. I wasn't searching for a partner on CM, just conversation. I assumed that he was also being faithful, which he wasn't. Conversations weren't meant to move from chatting to phone or real life meetings.That was our agreement and I stuck to that.



(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Should I tell her - 11/11/2006 9:32:12 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline 		There are three sides to every story: One side, the other side and then the truth.

Look, you got shafted, fine. That really sucks and I am sincere when I say that. Now, what can be gained by calling this woman? Self-satisfaction in knowing that you helped plant a seed of doubt in her mind? Revenge in the hopes that she kicks him to the curb? Or is it trying to protect her? Either way, your efforts will be in vain because she will believe what she wants to believe and there isn't a thing in the world that will change that. If you feel that he is a danger to her then by all means, tell her... but that would honestly be the only way I would endorse contact with her. If she knew about you then she is really stupid because if she doesn't think that he will do the same to her, she is wrong. If she didn't know about you then she will find out just what a twerp he is. It is a situation that you do not need to heap upon your already troubled emotions.

OK... one other thing... this guy might just be really upset with himself right now and not want to talk to anyone. If you feel that you want to leave yourself open for getting hurt again by giving him another chance, then do not count that out. Maybe... just maybe things might not be as bad as you think.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to OHBrokensoul)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Should I tell her - 11/11/2006 10:11:28 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Pssst, nice to see you back on the forums, Gauge.  Hope things are going okay.

~And now, back to our regularly scheduled program~

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Should I tell her - 11/11/2006 11:08:29 PM   
subjected2006


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/20/2006
Status: offline 		sortof off topic but..where else can this go with the info we have on this Dom?
(no disrespect intended ..and hugs to you kiddo).

I always read Wyrdrich as WIREDRich....
and yes Gauge it is good to see your face back here.


_____________________________

a rose is a rose..

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Should I tell her - 11/11/2006 11:35:15 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Totally off topic (I do hope you feel better about yourself sooner rather than later... it'll take a bit, but you're worth it! ).. but I always read Wyrdrich as WEIRDrich...

_____________________________

You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to subjected2006)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Should I tell her - 11/12/2006 1:16:49 AM   
MissBenson


Posts: 22
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline 		Poor BABy! I have ridden the ( albeit different) heartbreak bus and time is the only thing that will heal your wounds.
Not perhaps what one wants to hear at the moment of heartbreak but...
With regard to the "other woman" what the hell. If you there is the slightest chance; and clearly there is , that she is not in possession of all the facts then tell her.
And since humans are aces at lying to themSELVES she might tell you to piss up a rope which makes you awfully brave to consider it.
Good for you dagnabbit.
Lots of spiritual brownie points for you.
So lots of metaphorical uber-rich Brooklyn lasagna to you...comfort food you know.
Be well, MissBenson

(in reply to SissySean)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Should I tell her - 11/12/2006 3:22:37 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		All is fair in love and war. You phone the other woman you look like a vindictive bitch, if you don't then it makes his life easier. However, if you knew he was chatting to other women on the internet and you were chatting to other men, what did you expect? CM is a sex forum after all and sex is widely discussed and as far as I can tell the main reason for being here and if two people are talking about sex they are going to raise each others temperatures and feel frustrated with what they've got. It might have been you that found someone else but it wasn't, it was him. If you ask me you conspired in your own downfall.

Surfing the internet for interesting friends can be fatal for a r/l relationship. Something similar happened to me but I never chatted to anyone but obviously she did and all she said was that she never lied about her desires. Well no, she never lied she was talking to other men either because she never told me but if I knew, I would known the end of the relationship was coming and I wouldn't have made so many stupid decisions. At least he wasn't hiding the fact he was communicating with other women, you could have extrapolated from that he was disatisfied. You don't look and talk if you are happy with what you've got, certainly not on a sex cum dating forum.

< Message edited by meatcleaver -- 11/12/2006 3:29:55 AM >

(in reply to OHBrokensoul)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Should I tell her - 11/12/2006 3:56:33 AM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Jealousy is such a powerful, but yet useless emotion. What was OK for a year and a half is now broken because he knows someone else? Sounds like a shortage of groundrules (if their needed to be any) and communication up front. I find it hard to believe that you both had been communicating with others and the topic never came up of; how do we proceed if we find someone else we like?

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to OHBrokensoul)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Should I tell her - 11/12/2006 4:48:08 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		OBS - sounds awful, though depressingly familiar in life it seems.

I dont know the full story of course, but from what I read, this other woman he met whilst away at a new job, and started out at least as friends with her - she showing him around etc. Its not unusual for a guy away from home to seek out company, and that company can be male or female, with female generally preferred I'd assume for het men.

Could I suggest you re-read the emails and phone messages again, to see who is making the play in them? Again, I have no idea what the content was, but I do know that one can read things into written pieces that arent there, if one reads them with a certain perspective. It could be that she is making the running here, and he is answering in a way that keeps her happy? Without wanting to put any blame on you, your questioning of him and his motives might be pushing him away from you and to her as someone who isnt judging him?

He really needs to explain himself and what this woman is to him. If there is nothing going on, and she is simply a friend, then surely it wouldnt be a problem for him to introduce you to him as his partner? What worries me though is that he is seeing her alone, in another town, far away from you or presumably anyone else who knows him personally. If its purely a social call, then for what reason are you not invited as his special lady?

If this all does sort itself out, then the first thing he needs to do is to get a job closer to home, to avoid any temptation for him and any suspicions for you. If he wont do that, then this situation will repeat itself, even if he does drop this other woman.
E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to SissySean)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Should I tell her - 11/12/2006 5:47:22 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Pssst, nice to see you back on the forums, Gauge.  Hope things are going okay.


quote:

and yes Gauge it is good to see your face back here.


Thank you both. 

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Should I tell her - 11/12/2006 6:44:05 AM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subjected2006

I always read Wyrdrich as WIREDRich....



      There used to be a Wired Rich, but, trust me on this, he wasn't much fun at all.  It's supposed to be Weird Rich but I guess it is as open to interpretation as Michael's "twue" orientation.

(in reply to subjected2006)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Should I tell her - 11/12/2006 9:12:40 AM   
NeedToUseYou


Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline 		Not sure, but it sounds like he was looking, and you were looking, he was just ahead of you on the same path. Not sure what is to be mad about. If you already were pretty certain it was happening already, and yourself were "chatting" with others. Sounds like maybe you both knew what was happening, and it was just happenstance who wandered upon their next potential match. He should have told you, but I can't see being suprised and hurt over the obvious.

As far as contacting the woman, well, I guess that would depend on the content of the e-mails.  If it's obvious she already knows he's attached in them, then there would be no point. If not, well, a E-mail to her telling her the facts in a non-confrontational manner would work. I just don't see the point of doing anything more than transferring the basic information to her in the least confrontational method possible. A phone call is just begging for a argument in my view.



(in reply to OHBrokensoul)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Should I tell her - 11/12/2006 2:51:57 PM   
adaddysgirl


Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline 		Some time ago, a sub here wrote me and asked if i had ever been contacted by dom so-and-so.  In fact, i had, but i did not feel we were compatible so it ended after a few emails.  She then told me they had 'a verbal contract'....and were partners.  i was honest with her....she thanked me....and i'm not sure whatever happened with that.  i don't even know how she knew he had contacted me.
 
In any event, i'm glad she contacted me....because had i been interested, i might never have known about her.  i wonder if this other girl does know about you.  She may also be an unsuspecting victim.
 
i am not saying you should contact her, but i can say that if i were her, i would want that.  i mean, you would be sharing information with another sub about a guy who might end up being deceitful to her as well.  And i presume you would be doing this as a gesture of kindness?
 
DG

(in reply to OHBrokensoul)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Should I tell her - 11/14/2006 2:54:01 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		greetings
my heart goes out to you i  wish never to see another person with a broken heart.  this is hard i know but leave him, do not do what i did many years ago i love this man so i would have kiss the step he walked on i trust him and my trust was throw back into my face and i ache for sometime when he would lie and say he will always love me no dear leave him i know i thought there were no man like him but there are many who are and who are worth wainting for
 
take care
 
mons

(in reply to OHBrokensoul)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Should I tell her - 11/14/2006 4:51:36 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OHBrokensoul

Exactly one week ago today the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with dropped a huge bomb on me. Well, I guess not that huge seeing as I've always "known" something was going on...

For the past 1.5 years, he has been searching, talking with and meeting other women. I can't say that I'm 100% blameless in this as I was a member of this site for a while and I too was talking with people. The difference being I didn't meet anyone and it never went beyond talking through IM or email.

Last Saturday night while he was away from his phone, I checked it. Yeah, bad form, I know. I found text messages to a girl and looked through his call log and found phone calls to her and from her. I confronted him as soon as he came back to the car (where he left his phone with me). He said he felt it, he felt me looking and knew what I found, and that is why he came back.

There were two women he had been conversing with. He called one and ended their "relationship" while I was sitting there. The second one, he wouldn't call her. The text message from the girl he wouldn't call said, "I miss you and I can't wait to see you next Saturday" (which would be tonight 11/11) He told me that he sent her an email and sent it to me as well. I wanted to believe him as I do love him, but I don't think he ever ended it with her and I don't think he told her that he was in a relationship.

For the past week we've been talking about the future of our relationship, that he only wants me and that he wants to gain my trust. I canceled my memebership here, I deleted my profile and stopped communication with all men as a gesture of my devotion to him and our relationship. Tonight, 11/11, he is not answering his phone.

I do have an email address for this girl. I do know that she is a memeber on this site. The ONLY reason I want to contact her is so that she knows what she is getting into. I've resigned myself to the fact that we are no longer going to be together. I don't know if he is with her tonight, I can only assume.

I don't know if I should contact her and tell her what a lying d-bag he is. I would hate to see anyone feel the way that I am feeling right now. Maybe he'll change for her, maybe he won't, but shouldn't she know the type of person he is especially since the type of relationship that we were in was all about trust?

I am sorry if this is in the wrong area. I used to read the boards a lot and found questions like this in most areas. I thought maybe this would be the best place to put it.



This is my two cents.
 
1.  Do not contact the "other woman" in any way.  Unless she's extremely stupid, she already knows He was cheating on you.
 
2.  Do not prolong any type contact with Him.  If you need to move, move this month.  Find a month-to-month rental in case you don't like the neighbors, etc.
 
3.  Take extremely good care of yourself.  Pay special attention to things like driving, so you don't get into a wreck.
 
4.  Find some way to get closure.  It may be that you must accept you will never know His true motives at any point in time.  Maybe therapy would help.  Try to stay out another relationship for awhile and avoid alcohol and other forms of self-medication.
 
My prayers are with you.  i know the heartbreak you are suffering.  Most women (and Men) do.  You are not unusual or unworthy.
 
candystripper

(in reply to OHBrokensoul)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Should I tell her - 11/14/2006 6:59:20 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Same thing happened to me years ago. Do not contact her. Just move on. Believe me both of them aren't worth the trouble. You contacting her is just stooping to his level. She may know about you. In that case they deserve each other. Learn from this and move on.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to OHBrokensoul)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Should I tell her - 11/14/2006 7:16:55 AM   
onlythewindknows


Posts: 259
Joined: 10/22/2006
Status: offline 		it takes a minimum of 6 months to get over something like this so don't do anything rash right now.
don't worry about this other girl - she is not your friend and you owe her nothing.
surround yourself with good friends you can trust and allow yourself to go through a mourning period.
i am sorry for your pain - this must hurt a lot.


_____________________________

As Darth once said: "you are beaten. It is useless to resist."

(in reply to SissySean)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Should I tell her - 11/14/2006 11:36:22 PM   
MasterKalif


Posts: 648
Joined: 5/24/2004
Status: offline 		I can't help but give the same advice as most everyone else....do not contact this girl, unless you know he is violent and that he might hit her or be abusive to her...if that is not the case, no need to contact her to "warn" her....what for? she will probably get mad at you, and you will feel worse....the best thing is to go away for the weekend, hang out with old friends, go clubbing, read books, watch movies, avoid this guy altogether....only time heals...then with a level head you can think things through and realize the mishaps along the relationship.

In any case...I don't see why you are surprised or that hurt as you were also contacting people on here, which would have led to a similar situation....maybe you are hurt because you didn't expect he would give you the boot, and you thought you would first if it came to that? Seems you guys did not communicate as to what each expected...(no contact with others except as platonic friends, or open poly like swinger relationship, etc). Anyways I am sorry you are hurting, but time heals.

(in reply to onlythewindknows)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Should I tell her - 11/18/2006 7:11:43 PM   
slavegirl69247


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/7/2004
Status: offline 		meatcleaver....i could not agree with you more

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Should I tell her - 11/18/2006 8:50:03 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I know a lot of people are saying not to contact her, but if you feel you need to do so for your own closure I would. I would also be interested in hearing the full extent of his treachery as to get angry enough to move on completely. You do not know the whole story unless you ask her. You will never know the whole entire story completely, but this would definitely give you another angle on the whole thing.

As far as others thinking you are vindictive or petty because you inform someone of information that they may very well need to make a smart choice, I do not think it is vindictive. I would not care if your ex thinks you vindictive or this woman thinks you are either. Know yourself and your own motivations and then others opinions and aspersions mean very little. Only do that which you feel is correct and morally responsible, other's opinions about that do not matter.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 11/18/2006 8:52:15 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to OHBrokensoul)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: Should I tell her Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.234