Sexual Inhibition

Sexual Inhibition (Full Version)

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niatiika -> Sexual Inhibition (11/10/2006 8:57:43 PM)
Tonight i made a painful discovery. While conversing with a new Mistress who has shown interest in training me, i found that i could barely talk about my sexual fantasies and masturbate. i was so embarrassed that i started to cry. In the vanilla world, i was very seldom asked to do this. Now i understand it is very commonplace in the D/s lifestyle to be request to do this on demand. Any advice, books, essays, or tips? The Mistress was totally understanding and was not angered or annoyed. i know that if She decides to take me as Her sub, She will address this matter. i would like to show initiative and begin the search for help in this matter. nia

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Sexual Inhibition (11/10/2006 9:27:34 PM)
Its not uncommon for someone new to be uncomfortable discussing their fantasies. And the inability to masturbate on command is also not that strange. It ssomething that you get used to as you are exposed to it. Perhaps writing out your fantasies might help, at least you can se how they look on paper. The, sharing them would be simpler as well. Written media is an easier jumping off point than verbal. Just an idea DV

juliaoceania -> RE: Sexual Inhibition (11/10/2006 9:38:50 PM)
Edited because I read your post incorrectly. I must be really out of sorts tonight.,.. sorry

ownedgirlie -> RE: Sexual Inhibition (11/10/2006 10:03:12 PM)
This used to be extremely difficult for me, too. Over time and as comfort and trust levels grew with my Master, I felt safer doing so and it was no longer an issue. Just because something seems "commonplace" in D/s does not mean someone brand new to a situation should be expected to be an expert on it. Growth, experience, comfort zones, all come with time. It is good this Mistress you are speaking to was understanding of your situation. Should you begin a journey with her, it is likely she will help you to become more comfortable, particularly since you appear so willing to overcome this apparent hurdle. I agree with DV that it may help to begin writing these fantasies out. Somehow that feels less intimidating than verbalizing them. If you write them out for yourself, then you will have already put them "out there" and they may be less scary to talk about. I did that with my Master - I would write them and send them to him and that was a great starting point until now, well heck there's nothing that I can't and don't tell him, lol. Now his reaction is sometimes, "You want to do what??"

Jobsdone -> RE: Sexual Inhibition (11/10/2006 10:46:53 PM)
Don't fret too much over this. you have shown heart and courage. It's like anything else worth doing: the more you do it..the better you will become at it.

shaylaSC -> RE: Sexual Inhibition (11/11/2006 5:41:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: niatiika Tonight i made a painful discovery. While conversing with a new Mistress who has shown interest in training me, i found that i could barely talk about my sexual fantasies and masturbate. i was so embarrassed that i started to cry. In the vanilla world, i was very seldom asked to do this. Now i understand it is very commonplace in the D/s lifestyle to be request to do this on demand. Any advice, books, essays, or tips? The Mistress was totally understanding and was not angered or annoyed. i know that if She decides to take me as Her sub, She will address this matter. i would like to show initiative and begin the search for help in this matter. nia nia, Like anything else, this will take time. Don't fret over it just take that time needed. I agree that writing down your fantasies is a good beginning. Learning to accept that your fantasies are not a bad thing to have is another tip. Society has taught us to believe anything that is not considered 'sexually normal' is wrong. Now you need to reteach yourself and that takes time. shayla

mnottertail -> RE: Sexual Inhibition (11/11/2006 5:55:37 AM)
This shouldn't be painful at all, this should be the first lesson in the course........ we know where we are now, we realize we want to improve on it and be somewheres else, we have to face our fears, embarrasements, hangups and so on........... I'm OK, you're OK........ Here lays a simple inhibition, a great deal of it having to do that you have never considered it before, didn't have time to consider where you were gonna sit in this situation........... I am rather reluctant to say you need to read a book or website, you already know how you should feel and that you want to be found pleasing, and your Misstress is going at it in a non -threatening way, rather you should talk it over with her....and tell her that while you might fail, you need to be over this, and beg her to command this often.................... Just remember, Mario Andretti was not a race car driver the first time he hopped behind the wheel, and even such as he; was involved in an accident time to time. You are young, Lady --- You WILL get over it.......you have my word. Ron

shaylaSC -> RE: Sexual Inhibition (11/11/2006 6:03:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail This shouldn't be painful at all, this should be the first lesson in the course........ we know where we are now, we realize we want to improve on it and be somewheres else, we have to face our fears, embarrasements, hangups and so on........... I'm OK, you're OK........ Here lays a simple inhibition, a great deal of it having to do that you have never considered it before, didn't have time to consider where you were gonna sit in this situation........... I am rather reluctant to say you need to read a book or website, you already know how you should feel and that you want to be found pleasing, and your Misstress is going at it in a non -threatening way, rather you should talk it over with her....and tell her that while you might fail, you need to be over this, and beg her to command this often.................... Just remember, Mario Andretti was not a race car driver the first time he hopped behind the wheel, and even such as he; was involved in an accident time to time. You are young, Lady --- You WILL get over it.......you have my word. Ron Nicely put !

mnottertail -> RE: Sexual Inhibition (11/11/2006 6:19:01 AM)
Now, in retrospect; if I could spell I would be a wizard...........will you go out with me? LOL, Ron

Morrigel -> RE: Sexual Inhibition (11/11/2006 6:33:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: niatiika i would like to show initiative and begin the search for help in this matter. nia Fast Reply: There's a lovely book by Carol Queen called "Exhibitionism for the Shy", which addresses the causes and cures of inhibition in a variety of ways. Queen is a wonderful sexual educator and she has found a wide variety of people to give testimony and advice. If no one else has recommended this book, I would be happy to do so. I think it is wonderful. --M

MasterNdorei -> RE: Sexual Inhibition (11/11/2006 6:36:59 AM)
You never know.... but there are some who dominate who would see helping you overcome this as a wonderful way to master you. It becomes an opportunity for them. i know the mindset is very different than vanilla, but there are some who look specifically for an issue to address. i am sure your reaction, your honesty, and your desire to overcome this is more pleasing to her than you can imagine at this time... possibly more pleasing than the scene would have been if it were no big deal for you. Just something to think about... Humbly~* Master's dorei

Daddysredhead -> RE: Sexual Inhibition (11/11/2006 9:48:47 AM)
Dear niatiika - You are facing something that many before you have faced and have overcome as well. I am sure that you will not be an exception, and I admire your Mistress for being kind about going forward gently with you. I have been less than shy about things of a sexual nature despite my family's Puritanical approach to sex education. (tell her nothing and maybe she won't ask either!) Even though I've been very "open" prior to my bdsm days, there have been times when my Master has asked me things and I feel very shy to respond. Why that has happened, I don't know, maybe I was taken a little off guard. The first time I informed Him of my fantasies, was at the very beginning of our relationship, prior to bdsm involvement. I wanted so badly to let Him know, but I felt that they were even more intense than those I had in the past, and was terribly nervous that He might think I was over-the-top or too freaky or something. One night, I thought about putting in an e-mail that I may or may not send to Him. I was very descriptive, more than I expected myself to be. I waited, saved it as a draft, thought about not sending it, then thought how will He ever know unless I tell Him? So I pressed "send" and that was it. My heart raced when it got close to our lunch date the next day. When we sat down to eat, I couldn't look at Him, so I asked if He read the e-mail, and He said "yes." I wanted to just die, I think, but I quietly asked Him, "what did You think?" He looked at me and said, "well, you are very candid." I covered my face with my hands and whispered, "I'm so sorry." He got up, came around to my side of the table, took my hands in His, and whispered in my ear, "don't be sorry, I loved it, and it gave me some good ideas." Then He lifted my chin up and kissed my cheek. I felt better, still a little nervous, but much more at ease with being able to provide Him with "full disclosure" when asked for it. Your Mistress sounds like the same kind of person and I'm sure she will help you along the way. All the best to the both of you. [:)]

losttreasure -> RE: Sexual Inhibition (11/11/2006 1:05:04 PM)
Hmmm... let me see if I understand correctly... A Mistress with whom you've newly begun talking to, who has not yet committed to a relationship with you, is asking you to reveal your innermost secret sexual fantasies to her while masterbating? And you are uncomfortable doing this? And you are under the impression that this is both acceptable and common? If so, the problem is not with you, dear... except for the fact that you are mistaken about it being acceptable.

mnottertail -> RE: Sexual Inhibition (11/11/2006 1:08:07 PM)
Nope, I don't believe you got that correctly................ Misstress ('cause I don't know her name) is fine with it and very understanding about it, according to what I read.......... The issue lies with the OP and her desire as opposed to her reality. No big gig for anybody, hereabouts. At least, that was my reading......your's may have been more insightful..... Dunno! Ron

KnightofMists -> RE: Sexual Inhibition (11/11/2006 1:16:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: losttreasure Hmmm... let me see if I understand correctly... A Mistress with whom you've newly begun talking to, who has not yet committed to a relationship with you, is asking you to reveal your innermost secret sexual fantasies to her while masterbating? And you are uncomfortable doing this? And you are under the impression that this is both acceptable and common? If so, the problem is not with you, dear... except for the fact that you are mistaken about it being acceptable. Everyone I read was stuck the idea of trying to help her over an apparent sexual inhibition... well just so happens... that sometimes the sexual inhibition is very much what is in order! I am always amazed that so many think that it is acceptable, appropriate and even common place that a person should be sexually uninhibited with another person that they don't or barely know. Yes, sometimes it does occur that complete strangers hit it off and become very physically and mentally intimate with each other without the emotional attachments. Thou this is acceptable it is not common place or even expected behaviors. But, it is acceptable because those involved are comfortable and consenting to the activities. What I find is unacceptable is the expectation that this should occur. Just because you are submissive doesn't equate that you will be sexually uninhibited with me just because I am a Dominant. as I always say... Cheaply Given... Cheaply Valued!

Bearlee -> RE: Sexual Inhibition (11/11/2006 1:42:43 PM)
KoM: [image]http://www.collarme.com/htmlarea/smileys/0183.gif[/image]

losttreasure -> RE: Sexual Inhibition (11/11/2006 1:50:24 PM)
FAST REPLY: Well, Ron... what do you think? ...While conversing with a new Mistress who has shown interest in training me... The Mistress... if She decides to take me as Her sub... Sounds pretty clear to me.

KnightofMists -> RE: Sexual Inhibition (11/11/2006 1:54:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: losttreasure FAST REPLY: Well, Ron... what do you think? ...While conversing with a new Mistress who has shown interest in training me... The Mistress... if She decides to take me as Her sub... Sounds pretty clear to me. I thought so as well

Padriag -> RE: Sexual Inhibition (11/11/2006 1:55:43 PM)
Here's my advice. First, pay careful attention to what KoM said. What he said is both true and sensible. quote: ORIGINAL: niatiika The Mistress was totally understanding and was not angered or annoyed. i know that if She decides to take me as Her sub, She will address this matter. Second bit is about the above statement in particular. Should this person become your mistress, she'll deal with your inhibitions in whatever way suits her. Since neither know her nor what she might choose, I wouldn't dream of presuming to tell you what you should do. The person you should be asking is her, not some anonymous forum of mixed opinions. Besides which, I also wouldn't deprive her of the pleasure of breaking down those inhibitions one by one. That is something some of us relish, others do not and again, not knowing her or her proclivities... In short, its admirable you want to please. It would be wise to find out from her how you can best be pleasing to her. That's something only she can answer.

Morrigel -> RE: Sexual Inhibition (11/11/2006 2:29:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists Everyone I read was stuck the idea of trying to help her over an apparent sexual inhibition... well just so happens... that sometimes the sexual inhibition is very much what is in order! shrug Everyone is responding to the OP's obvious personal distress and her desire to feel/be something other than inhibited. This issue is not about us deciding what she should feel, and when, and with whom; she had already decided what she wanted to feel, and when, and with whom. This was the point at which she found a deeply distressing obstacle in her path, which she has asked for help in removing. She obviously knows exactly what she wants and is highly motivated, or she wouldn't be looking for books and advice on the subject. Not really sure how it is helpful for people to try and reinforce the problem, or inflict some kind of sexual shame on her because she wants to be able to give up inhibition and achieve something better and greater--personal choice. --M

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