Elorin
Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline
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This year, for the first time, I turned 29. There you have it, I fully intend to stick with this age for a while. I don't know for certain what I thought I would have and where I thought I would be when I turned 30, but I do know that I'm much more than a year away from it.
I graduated Valedictorian of a reasonably large class of high school seniors in 1995, and threw away all of my scholarships for a man - my fiance - who ended our relationship by raping me and throwing me over a glass coffeetable.
I have been married, and sadly enough divorced. I have a beautiful daughter who lives with her father because the "qualified" evaluator decided that being involved in BDSM and modeling automatically meant I was dangerous to my daughter.
Over the past year I have had a friend die just as he was becoming close to me, I have lost 1 very good friend, 1 friend I was extremely generous to only to have her turn her back without repaying any of the debts she knowingly incurred, and 1 lover/friend/potential submissive. My cat disappeared, and I was later told by the neighbor's wife that her husband killed him. My dog died, and unfortunately enough my daughter found him (the week before she returned to her dad's for the summer). I moved, and 2 months later moved again because my roommate "changed his mind" about wanting to live with me.
I am for the first time in my life living alone (in San Antonio, TX), and learning a lot about myself.
I bring to the table a love of fairies, cats of all kinds, reading, and hedonism. My ex-husband introduced me to BDSM and I have spent time exploring the role of slave, submissive, bottom, Top, Domme, mentor, sadistic friend, and switch. I am quite firmly a switch, with a boyfriend/partner in crime who fills my need for dominance, but am actively seeking a girlfriend/lover to fill some of my other needs, and a service submissive (male or female) to fill others. (No reason the girlfriend can't also be the service submissive if it works out that way.)
I absolutely revel in lighting people on fire, giving temporary brands, listening to squeals of delight and pain (the same goes for moans, whimpers, growls and cursing), the swish of canes and the thwick of hearing them hit flesh, piercing and beading, cutting designs into bodies and watching the patterns well with blood, receiving massages, having my back scrubbed, and having my toenails polished. I could not rate the activities from favorite to least favorite any more than I could rate dressing pretty girls up in sexy clothes, posing for wicked pictures, buying new and sexy heels or boots, having said heels or boots licked by a whimpering groveling boy or girl, watching violet sparks from my wand flicker over pale flesh for my amusement, or buying new sex toys for my collection.
I smoke ocasionally (takes well over a month for me to go through a pack, if I'm the only one smoking) and drink anywhere from a few drinks in a week to a few in a month. I don't indulge in any illegal drugs, though I have a handy pill case filled with my daily dose of prescribed ones that goes most everywhere with me.
I'm a dowdy stay at home most of the time, relaxing in my cluttered, messy apartment, surfing the net, buying things I love but don't need, reading, or sleeping. Sometimes I build wishlists for what to do if I ever win the lottery. My hope for girlfriend or service submissive is someone to keep me company and distract me from the internet and all other "sparkly" distractions, and help me get my clutter and mess organized and cleaned, while accomplishing all manner of other tasks along the way.
I attend one or two BDSM/play parties a month (mostly in Austin, TX), where I take the opportunity to get dressed to the 9s in some of my fetish wear and extensive shoe collection and then let the wicked bitch out of hiding to grin and chuckle malevolently whilst I inflict pain on some sweet thing who offered his/her body for that same purpose. Company for conversation and delightful service, an aide to hand me toys if I'm torturing someone else, and of course a willing victim to produce previosly mentioned noises are all desperately wanted.
I bring along baggage to any relationships. Destroyed friendships (fear, hesitation to trust), a broken marriage (more hesitation to trust), an estranged child (sadness and frustration), and my past year of hell don't help my "official" diagnoses. I am highly distractable (ADD), meticulous in certain habits (borderline obsessive compulsive disorder), and "moody" (bipolar type II, rapid cycling). I've spent two days out of the past year in psychiatric observation wards, both times being released with the instructions to take my medicines and come back if necessary. I see my pdoc as scheduled, try to remember to take my pills (that ADD again), and visit my therapist/counselor once or twice a month.
I am reasonably happy, when I don't think about things I could buy with more money, my departed pets, and my absent daughter, and my life is full - day job, two cats at home, my own apartment to clutter or clean as I see fit or am too lazy to do so, a boyfriend I see a few times a week, friends that keep in touch via the internet that I see once or twice a month, sometimes more, sometimes less. There is room in my life for a friend or two, another lover or two, a sub or two, should I come across them. In the meantime, I will continue living each day, making it through the next, trying to figure out where it is I thought I'd be at thirty, where I am, and where I want to go next.
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Journey(wo)man seeking company for my journey (long) - 
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