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new subs - male & female - 11/7/2006 12:04:53 AM

Falcon53

Posts: 7
Joined: 8/17/2004
Status: offline

Dear subs/slaves,

It has come to my attention that many of you (not all) are accepting offers that are EXTREMELY dangerous.

I have been doing this for well over 30 years & I'm here to tell you that the most important thing any sub/slave can do is preserve themselves.

Just tonight I heard of a male sub that was going to a first time meeting with a Dom he knew nothing about.
He had no safe call. No personal info on the Dom except where he lived.
He was instructed to enter through a back door, close & lock it, put on & tightly lace a hood, then cuff himself & wait for the Dom to come to him.

This is a perfect setup for murder & murder has happened many times in just such a situation before.

I implore you all to do your homework, require a current photo & drivers license. Require references as well - they are not nearly so hard to get as some would have you believe.
Give all this info to a trusted friend & set a time that you must call with a code word that will tell your friend to send the police.

Please think carefully about the situation you will be in - if the tables were turned, how easy would it be for you to hurt or kill someone.

BE SAFE - Return to your community so you can serve others. Your value should only increase through GOOD training, not diminish through mistreatment.

.....................Falcon.....................

Post #: 1

RE: new subs - male & female - 11/7/2006 1:03:23 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

My personal 'meeting criteria' is to tell people the location of our next local munch and they can meet me there. If they don't show, I still get to have a good time with the munch and if they do show, we can see if there is any nose-to-nose chemistry. I don't need safe calls, drivers licenses or references to go to a munch and neither do they. I'm not willing to hand out a whole lot of personal information to a complete stranger just so they'll play with me in any event. If I am going to play with someone, it's going to be at a well attended party with plenty of witnesses around for at least the first several scenes and most serial killers just aren't going to put in the time and effort necessary to get past the best defense a slave/submissive or even a dominant can have.. good old, common sense.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Falcon53)

Post #: 2

RE: new subs - male & female - 11/7/2006 2:28:48 AM

canupleaseme

Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

god thats crazy. It took me two months of talking everyday and msning and phone calls before i would even allow my partner to meet me proerly i wanted to check him out and that first and him me and even then we didnt play together for a while tll we had got to know each other properly, i just wouldnt feel safe any other way and im the domme lol. Its sad to think that people could be so flippant about saftey especially when your goin to cleary play games that i feel require trust .
Be careful boys and girls a quick thrill of meeting a stranger isnt worth meeting someone who will chop your head off if your not careful

_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 3

RE: new subs - male & female - 11/7/2006 2:46:13 AM

farmbound1

Posts: 46
Joined: 7/29/2006
Status: offline

thank you for the excellent advice. i have sometimes been lax in thinking of my personal safety but more and more it alarms me the number of people out there who use the internet to cause others real harm. i want to take the time to get to know someone, and if they are sincere, they will want to get to know me, not play in some hidden and dangerous location with no one knowing what is happening. thanks for posting this!

(in reply to canupleaseme)

Post #: 4

RE: new subs - male & female - 11/7/2006 2:49:43 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

I always meet at a pub or somewhere for coffee thats in a very open area.

(in reply to farmbound1)

Post #: 5

RE: new subs - male & female - 11/7/2006 6:08:41 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Ditto what imtempting said. You can talk on the phone and IM all you want. Until you meet in person you really dont know what that person is like.

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 6

RE: new subs - male & female - 11/7/2006 6:18:01 AM

Aileen68

Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Falcon53

I implore you all to do your homework, require a current photo & drivers license. Require references as well - they are not nearly so hard to get as some would have you believe.
.....................Falcon.....................

The only person I'm showing my license to is the cop that's pulled me over. That to me is very unrealistic and unsafe. What is the sub is psycho...they now have your name and address.
References can be fake also.
How about relying on common sense and gut instinct. Meet in a very public place if you're that nervous.

(in reply to Falcon53)

Post #: 7

RE: new subs - male & female - 11/7/2006 6:21:11 AM

shaylaSC

Posts: 37
Joined: 10/23/2006
Status: offline

Meetings should always be in public. A munch is a good place, also a busy diner in the middle of the afternoon. I am also in agreeance with safe calls and not agreeing to play on that first meet.

Common sense should always be used. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

_____________________________

leave the drama out of it huhhhhhhh

(in reply to Falcon53)

Post #: 8

RE: new subs - male & female - 11/7/2006 6:23:13 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

Even after meeting several times in public places (pub, munch, etc) I would suggest that the nature of play affords additional vulnerabilities for both the Top and bottom (I've heard of Tops being set up for robbery for instance, though the focus tends to be exclusively upon the bottom). And while the instances of murder, mayhem and robbery are greatly overblown online, they do indeed exist.

Just a reminder that, as I stated in another thread, you may find it safer (not without risk, but saf-er) to initiate your play relationship at a dungeon where there is a DM in observance. Presumably (yes, I know... a great leap of faith) the DM would make themselves and impediment to murder and mayhem.

On the other hand, there were those who contended that a dungeon and DM provide no additional measure of safety. Make up your own minds as to what makes the most sense for you, individually.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to Falcon53)

Post #: 9

RE: new subs - male & female - 11/7/2006 6:30:57 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

Agree with every thing being said but the comment "many of you (not all)" about being safe by the OP. No one really knows the stats of how many meeting and how safe they are doing it and what constitutes safe or not safe. To me comments like these are fine and good but there is always an element of I am smarter and wiser then most of you element to it. Maybe because of going through message after message of dominants telling me they are safe but everyone else is not as a way to try to get me, my skin is a little thin in this area as I always think I am getting a little bit insulted and being judged guilty of stupidity by a total stranger so they can feel good about themselves.

With that being said of course my own advice is when meeting a person live for the first time is to ignore how many times you have sent messages and talked on the phone and act like you would to meeting a stranger which of course means be very careful.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 10

RE: new subs - male & female - 11/7/2006 6:41:24 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

Actually it's true. I'm the safe one of the bunch. Avoid LordODiscipline like the plague (well, he's an active carrier).

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 11

RE: new subs - male & female - 11/7/2006 6:55:17 AM

ExtremeOwnerIL

Posts: 197
Joined: 10/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68
References can be fake also.

Agreed, but they can be useful, esp. if the person claims to be well known in the scene. Inquiring about someone can be helpful, especially if you have contacts that you do trust.

Regards,
EO

(in reply to Aileen68)

Post #: 12

RE: new subs - male & female - 11/7/2006 6:56:06 AM

CrazyC

Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline

i sort of agree toservez. i know it isn't a personal attack but general statements like this seem to always rub me wrong for the reason that they aren't true. Did we forget Doms can be placed in unsafe situations too? Ok now...lol...i didn't take it personally, but i am going to call you on crap like that.

As far as safety, where are all these munchies you guys talk about? i have never heard of one. Will be living in an area that is very populated, and still haven't heard of anything. So is there a place to find out about these things? ect. And a driver's licence is something i would never give out, so i wouldn't expect someone else to. i do ask for a picture, and a little more information. i gave these all to a close friend or family who will be available, and make sure my cell phone is charged. i call or text just so my friend knows if i am ok or not. i also call when i am home safe, so they are no longer wondering.

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 13

RE: new subs - male & female - 11/7/2006 6:57:57 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

Do a search on your area and BDSM munches.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to CrazyC)

Post #: 14

RE: new subs - male & female - 11/7/2006 7:03:37 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

Awesome post Falcon and i would add one thing :

Pay attention to anytime you get a bad feeling, say you question someones remark as odd, or you feel like you have been snake-oiled ie:
you tell some one you are uncomfy with something and they soothingly smooth talk you by saying "that is how you are supposed to feel sweetheart", or "you are just new pet" or something along the lines of not listening to you because they know better.

Do not forget you are having those feelings for a reason: millions of years of natural selection evolution culminating at that moment as a weird feeling or as common sense...depending on how your body speaks to you.

You have the right to stop and take a breath, this might be 10 seconds or 10 months but you have the right to wait until you feel better before proceeding.

I know those feelings are easy to over ride, or to under value, because the feelings of anticipation, nervousness, and sexual arousal are very similar feelings and are also swirling in your head at the same time, but try to distinguish between the two.

One way to do this is to quiet yourself, close your eyes and check in..

There have been a number of studies, and stories and even a documentary on people who have had traumatic events from, kidnapping, rape, axe bludgeoned, well you get the gist...and when asked later almost all of them said there was a gut feeling they ignored.

I know that trusting my intuition has saved my life more then once.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 15

RE: new subs - male & female - 11/7/2006 8:46:31 AM

canupleaseme

Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

i agree gut instinct is a big part of it for me and i havent been wrong yet fortunatly i find it also weeds out wankers by takin longer to meet and makin sure your right with someone before u play but thats just me. And i think the danger is equal to both being domme doesnt make u invincible or a perfect judge of character. When i think back to a few years ago and i used to take such risks meeting people for vanilla liasons that frankly sometimes i had only spent an evening talkin too. i feel lucky that i never came across someone awful or unsavoury and im glad i grew up and saw for myself how important saftey is before i learnt a valuable lesson in a wrong way

_____________________________

Proud mistress

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 16

RE: new subs - male & female - 11/7/2006 9:08:15 AM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

quote:

No one really knows the stats of how many meeting and how safe they are doing it and what constitutes safe or not safe.

Yup! And just because the potential is there for something bad to happen doesn't mean it will, though the OP seems to imply that all risky meetings are bad. Some adults can find that risk part of the fun.

Although the topic of safety is good I found the OP to be overly alarmist and the suggested precautions to be worse than useless because they are ineffective and could just give one a false sense of security. For example, only an idiot would have you contact those who would give out bad recommendations, and even good recommendations tell little -- I know folks who thought Ted Bundy was a great guy up until he got arrested the first time, and even then they thought there must be some mistake
.
This thread is useful to get good responses such as Rover's and others suggesting common sense and trusting your gut instead of relying on a potentially faked copy of a driver's licence. Bad stuff can still happen if you're unlucky, though, just as it can in a car even if it has airbags and you use a seatbelt.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 17

RE: new subs - male & female - 11/7/2006 9:23:54 AM

CandleInTheWind

Posts: 347
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline

may i just put in my nickels worth here???

the only thing a "safe call" is going to do is have your family be able to claim your body should something go amis and just as on a vanilla date things can go wrong well on a D/S date things can also go wrong.....As time passes and my experience increases with meeting different people of the world...not strictly D/s i have come up with a new and unique protocol I follow.....since on a few times I have been stood up probably by a maried man that chickened out after he truly thought abou the married asect.....and so what i have begun to do is this...

I invite the person to join me out for an evening with MY friends at a placc that I would likely go to anyhow and well that way I not only have something to do should the person not show uup...but I get additional feedback on the person by my trusted friends...ayone that is unwilling to meet my friends and this is vanilla or D/s I tell them well then Im sorry but well you do not have what Im interested in.....

besides that way if they are a dud i will always have a good time anyhow...thank you my dear whip master for your assitance!!!

_____________________________

It is better to be hated for something that you are
than it is to be loved for something you are not

(in reply to Falcon53)

Post #: 18

RE: new subs - male & female - 11/7/2006 10:38:46 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

When i first started meeting Doms i was clueless as to what to do to be safe. Made a mistake with my Dom and have had quite a few lectures about safety since then from Him. His wish was to make sure i was safe from then on so that when i met someone He would not feel like He had let me down if something bad happened. One of the things He suggested was always meet in public and take a cab. Maybe even having the cabbie come back at a specific time to pick me up. In any event i have been told meetimgs should always be in public with safe guards. I feel fortunate that He cared enough to make sure i had good information for future meets with others. Now of course He just prefers that I don't meet anyone new LOL. He tells me that is the safest way and i tend to agree cause would not want Him to ever worry about me again.

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to CandleInTheWind)

Post #: 19

RE: new subs - male & female - 11/8/2006 10:26:56 PM

Falcon53

Posts: 7
Joined: 8/17/2004
Status: offline

I want to thank many of you for your common sense in seeing just how vulnerable people can be especially when someone wants to take advantage of you.

This thread was intended for those that desire to play in a private setting.
Of course it is far safer to meet at a munch or with friends at some restaurant. When your with friends, you don't need protection. It's all around you.

For those that ridicule my words, I will be saddened to read of any horrors that may befall you, although I hope none do.

Shortly I will post directions to a new international safe call system that will be free to all that wish to use it. (for those of you that have no choice but to see something sinister in this, just don't bother using it). I'm sure your experience will be far better without any outsiders looking out for you.

I do appologize for "some" of my harsh words, but it is very demoralizing to put time in to try to help others & be called a foolish meddler by a few that so far have had very good luck avoiding trouble.

.........................Sincearly, Falcon......................

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

Post #: 20

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