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RE: What label do you use? - 11/4/2006 5:04:16 PM

dsamethyst

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In nearly every relationship i have been in...I have been called their Girl....not their girlfriend...my hubby didnt even refer to me as his wife...i was always his girl!

In the D/s realm i have always been introduced as their girl...and darned near all called me the same thing..."little one" i guess a no brainer when one is 4-9

I however do not explain my relationship to anyone....i would say that they are "my gentleman friend" and the names i have called them vary with the dynamic... be it Mr. (insert personal pet name here...ie mr big stuff LOL), Big Daddy, Boy Wonder, Prince charming i do not think that i have every introduced anyone by the actual first name....and even when i am speaking of them i use my pet name....

I honestly do not think that anyone actually knew who i was involved with because i never used his name....He was strictly Mr. B***d! and anyone that asked me how my life was going they too used the pet name...but that is just me...

little red

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RE: What label do you use? - 11/4/2006 9:45:34 PM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
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quote:

Nikaa: I disagree. If society did not care then people would not constantly ask for labels that define relationships. Married, single, divorced, widowed. We are not married yet "most" people infer that if your not married your not in a commited relationship.

julia: Perhaps it is my social circles, but I know many people that have had decades long relationships without a marriage license... it is not necessarily an announcment of commitment to me, half the people that get married end up divorced, so marriage is not a definer of love and commitment in my mind

Not to mention the attitude Nikaa (wrongly I think) ascribes to "most people" discounts anyone who is in a committed relationship but cannot marry their partner, such as same-sex relationships.

As for a generational gap, julia and katy, my mother is nearing 70, but I give her credit that she has never had an issue with the strength or validity of the relationships of her sons and nieces and nephews, regardless of the "marriage" thing.

And finally, to everyone...whatever term you use PLEASE, PLEASE oh PLEASE don't do "baby mama". Just...don't.

(walking back to his old curmudgeonly cubby) E.

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"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
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Post #: 42

RE: What label do you use? - 11/4/2006 10:08:03 PM

juliaoceania

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Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

Not to mention the attitude Nikaa (wrongly I think) ascribes to "most people" discounts anyone who is in a committed relationship but cannot marry their partner, such as same-sex relationships.

As for a generational gap, julia and katy, my mother is nearing 70, but I give her credit that she has never had an issue with the strength or validity of the relationships of her sons and nieces and nephews, regardless of the "marriage" thing.

And finally, to everyone...whatever term you use PLEASE, PLEASE oh PLEASE don't do "baby mama". Just...don't.

(walking back to his old curmudgeonly cubby) E.

My mother, a widow, never had any desire to remarry again for a few reasons. One was financial, the other was that in her mind marriage was about children. She had her children. She hooked up with someone new about a year after my father passed away, they were together for over 20 years until he too passed away. I refer to the man as my stepfather because he had been around since I was 14 or 15, and we took care of him together until he passed away. His own daughter sent me a sympathy card when he passed. Their relationship was not a legal one ordained by the state, but seeing my mom care for him and her acts of loving kindness to him when he was blind, childlike, wheelchair bound, no one can tell me a marriage license would have made their relationship anymore valid than it was... my mom is getting up there and from the same generation as your mom... perhaps people are getting smaller minded and not broader minded?

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Post #: 43

RE: What label do you use? - 11/5/2006 12:44:03 PM

jesskitty

Posts: 185
Joined: 9/4/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

We are not married yet "most" people infer that if your not married your not in a commited relationship.

Who are these people? I find it hard to believe that people think like that. I certainly don't. Also, the "committment" of your relationship is no one else's businesses, unless you choose to share that information.

i belive it's also others that grew up in an enviornment that promotes this thought that belive in this thought as well. some of my roomates and people i talk to around college(which is 18-20's mainly) have this thought process as well. that if you are not married you are not in a offical, lifetime commitment. just wanted to put that out there to show that it's not just the older folks with this mindset.

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RE: What label do you use? - 11/5/2006 1:04:43 PM

justheather

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jesskitty
some of my roomates and people i talk to around college(which is 18-20's mainly) have this thought process as well. that if you are not married you are not in a offical, lifetime commitment.

I am not surprised that people of that age are prone to drawing this line. One of the beautiful things that (hopefully) happens as a person matures and experiences the world is that they discover that there are ways to inhabit lifetime, committed relationships that have nothing to do with anything or anyone official.

And to the OP....my take on the "girlfriend word" and some tangential thoughts:
My Daddy is my "boyfriend". Sometimes when I talking about him peripherally (perhaps in context of explaining why I bought an all-wheel-drive vehicle or something similar) I will say something like "my significant other lives out in the country"...but usually it is "my boyfriend". Recently, we were at a wedding and someone asked me how long we'd been "dating"... another word that fails pretty miserably, if you think about it, to fully describe a D/s relationship. When I responded, she said "That's a long time, for grownups." I guess I don't think of our relationship as "boyfriend/girlfriend" is a precursor to "something more" in the sense that "something more" has to involve a legal contract. I am inhabiting the depth and breadth and fullness of what is "us" right now. Words often fail to fully capture the full "ness" of a thing.

I try really hard to just be here now. I say I try really hard, because I have to...it isnt my nature. Having lived for thirty-seven years without saying "I do" and having watched many of the people whose "I do's" Ive witnessed decide that "they don't", I prefer to value my relationship for what it is as opposed to placing it next to all the things it isnt and making a value comparison.

My relationship is the wonderful, unique thing that it is. Anyone who knows me and sees that I am happy does not generally push further for a label.

< Message edited by justheather -- 11/5/2006 1:10:01 PM >

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Post #: 45

RE: What label do you use? - 11/6/2006 11:32:39 AM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
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quote:

justheather: I am not surprised that people of that age are prone to drawing this line. One of the beautiful things that (hopefully) happens as a person matures and experiences the world is that they discover that there are ways to inhabit lifetime, committed relationships that have nothing to do with anything or anyone official.

quote:

julia: my mom is getting up there and from the same generation as your mom... perhaps people are getting smaller minded and not broader minded?

It would be depressing to think that people are getting smaller minded. Having recently been awarded the status that includes an invitation to join AARP (I didn't DO anything, I just existed long enough), I'd like to think that, as heather notes, with age comes some wisdom and some tolerance.

More and more often, reading these boards, I'll look at some outlandish, narrowminded or just plain silly statement and then look at the poster's profile and say "OH, he/she is a CHILD (i.e. under 30 -- not that 30 conveys any special wisdom)". Then I remember how infuriated I was in my 20s when someone dismissed my ideas because I was too young and inexperienced. So I try to draw a balance, and keep myself open to ideas from all ages.

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to justheather)

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Post #: 46